knight192 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Hello guys, here is my story, please I need advises. I am seeing this girl since now 6 months. When we started being together I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious. She accepted but we quickly started hanging out together. However, some problems quickly shown up: She has got a apartment cat that I am allergic to and I leave in a shared house, we have 2 different lifestyle and we have an age difference, I'm 27 she is 34. Because at the very start I said I didn't want anything serious, she behaved really badly with me, like being really moody, criticising me a lot, being really impatient... and I finally broke up with her a week ago. I don't know why but I have never been able to tell if I was attracted to her or not. And I think with the age difference and the different lifestyle I always thought I couldn't have any future with her. However I really like her and I learn to know her better and I know she is a really great person. She is really upset since we broke up and apologise and regrets lot of things regarding her behaviour. She thinks she sabotage our relationship bur I know it's nit just her. It's also me, as I kept thinking it can't work, I always acted like a dickhead with her and she really didn't deserve it. I made myself completely inaccessible to her because I didn't want to get attached and to get hurt as I kept thinking we would have to break up at some point. She truly wants me back and want to do efforts and make it works. She really look after me and it really struck a chord with me. I want to see her happy. I don't know what to do. Shall I just go for it and try to make it work or stick to my decision? Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 I'm a believer in second chances, and i disagree with the whole "ex is an ex for a reason" thing. I know way too many married couples who broke up for a period while they were dating, only to get back together and live happily after that. I say go for it, give it one more try, and she if things work. If it sucks a second time, then you know for sure and you can call it off then. That's my opinion, but i know im probably in the minority around here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 You really need to think about this. Read another thread of yours and seems you were never really too sure about this one as you were also seeing someone else. I'm allergic to cats and I simply stay away from any woman that is a cat lover and needs to have them around because I'm not going to suffer through the early stages trying to make a relationship work in hopes that she will eventually choose me over the cats. I don't think you two are really compatible and sure you can try again, but you should be totally in 100% or don't even bother. You said you want her to be happy, but you both need to be happy together and you weren't. I think it would be waste of time, but you are still young enough to give second chances a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 She's moody, critical and impatient with a cat that you can't be around. None of this has changed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 No don't go back. You won't be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author knight192 Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 Is it that good to make a decision without being sure about? Is it a sign that I feel so bad after having dumped her, or is it because it hurt me to see her sad? How people do to know they won't regret it, I'm full of doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author knight192 Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 Because I still have this other girl around since a couple of months, I am wondering if I am not rushing any decision as I feel like if I had an opportunity to take to get ou of this relationship. But in another hand I am thinking if that other one wasn't around I would probably haven't come to a break up but just a break, so is it bad or not that this other girl might affect my decision ? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 You already know this relationship didn't work for you the first time. She is now offering to be somebody she's not to keep you in a relationship you don't want anyway. Do both of you a favor & don't go back. You're only being cruel by trying to be kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author knight192 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Why do you think she offering somebody she is not? Basically so far I ad to bring her to mine and back to hers as she didn't want to stay overnight to mine because it's a share house. She offered me to stay on Saturday nights now. Also she realised she let things built up when she wasn't happy with something and wants to communicate more. Both of this are great, however what will happen when I will want more than her just staying on Saturday nights? We wouldn't be able to get a flat together because of the cat, so unless I take one myself but it sounds a bit foolish to me to do that Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Because you said she was moody. She is saying she'll make an effort to make it work. For her to have to make an effort she has not be her natural self, the self that doesn't require effort. So in essence she's offering to be something she's not. Are you sure you know your own mind? You say you are lukewarm, not knowing if you are attracted to her and stating you didn't want anything serious. Now you are saying you can't "get a flat" together because of her cat. How do you go from unsure & casual to moving in AFTER you broke things off with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author knight192 Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 But she said she acted that way because from the beginning I told her I didn't want anything serious and she took it bad (as I think she was expecting to get more from me and hope I'd change). Also I have been a hard work with her as i didn't want her to get attached. So her "natural self" would have probably different if I cared more about her. No I am not sure about what I want and what I seek for. I have mentioned getting a flat because I am trying to figure out what would be the options to sort the problem of the cat out - so even if I wanted the relationship to become more serious, the cat will come back as a problem. Which is why I am unsure of giving her a second chance because if we get attached even more the situation might be still complicated and end to a second break up more damaging Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 You have to figure out what you want. You also can't expect her to get rid of her cat because you're allergic to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author knight192 Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 How do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author knight192 Posted February 26, 2017 Author Share Posted February 26, 2017 4 weeks later, i am still not sure about my decision. I feel like I rushed my decision of breaking up with my girlfriend because that second girl was around (and is still), guessing grass would be greener with her. I am now overthinking it, thinking I might regret my ex-girlfriend as I can't ensure I will be happier with that new one. What shall I do? Link to post Share on other sites
mimikong Posted February 26, 2017 Share Posted February 26, 2017 I was in your shoes 5 months ago.. I broke up with my ex for no apparent reason and there was that guy (grass greener the fool I thought). Tried him out. Couldn't work because I realized it was a huge mistake to break up with my ex. So I ended it with the second guy hoping to get my ex back. He wouldn't return. Now he's with a 19 year old rebound girl. I regret my decision every night. Link to post Share on other sites
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