Dad passed away last week. Next steps?

[msportsfan25]

Thank you for the kind words. I wanted to make sure I reiterated what she asked of me during BU to make sure she didn't try to twist it into something that I asked or whatever. In the end she asked for space and I gave it to her and wanted to remind her of that.

 

While it stung for a few minutes when she reiterated wanting to be friends, I feel so much better now getting that over with.

 

 

Also, Ronni, I found a screenshot of the earlier text exchange we had (the one with the pic she sent me). I actually replied to her "is there something you are trying to say? I am not sure why you are sending me this pic right now?"

 

And she responded saying she was going through her phone and old photos.

 

So in a sense I did let her know that this outreach was odd and didn't make sense.

Edited February 5, 2017 by msportsfan25

[Ronni_W]

Also, Ronni, I found a screenshot of the earlier text exchange we had (the one with the pic she sent me). I actually replied to her "is there something you are trying to say? I am not sure why you are sending me this pic right now?"

 

And she responded saying she was going through her phone and old photos.

 

While it stung for a few minutes when she reiterated wanting to be friends, I feel so much better now getting that over with.

Yes, indeed. You finally know where you stand because you finally really found the courage to be firm and direct about what you wanted to know. This skill, now that you've mastered it, will stand you in good stead in all kinds of other situations in the future. .

 

As for when she sent that pic, do you now see how it would have been in your own best interest to say something like, "That doesn't really answer my question / tell me anything," instead of just accepting what she gave you, which was basically a non-answer in relation to what you wanted to know?

 

At the same time, your gut sense/instinct already knew that it was just a 'bread crumb' meant to just keep you dangling off of her string -- and you ignored what you knew, and, thus, have been driving yourself silly.

So...you don't need to be doing that to yourself any more. Don't ignore what you know for sure or what your gut sense tells you.

 

You've made a LOT of progress on this front, today.

Now go take care of the more important matters.

[SevenCity]

I sort of took that approach this morning when she followed up with a couple of more texts. I said I wasn't sure if/when the right time is just yet. What would help is if you told me what your intentions were for this meet up.

 

She said she thinks I'm a really great, amazing guy and would like to remain friends.

 

I responded saying "I appreciate you coming to the wake and offering support but I have been clear on the whole let's be friends thing. It's not because I am upset at you or how things ended between us, but because it doesn't work when there wasn't a strong friendship before the dating happened. I know from past experience. You asked me to give you space and when someone tells me that I have to take them at their word on that. Again, I do appreciate you trying to help me during this tough time and I do care about you even though you might think differently. If down the road you want to try again and the time is right feel free to reach out. I wish you nothing but the best."

 

She ended it saying "Ok that makes sense. I understand. Thank you for the nice note."

 

I think I handled it as well as I could. And more importantly I got her intentions.

 

To be honest, if she had said the opposite I still don't think I would be interested in rekindling things (at least right now). That is why I mentioned at the end sometime down the road might be better (not that I am expecting that to happen). She left me at a really low point of my life and throughout it all she hasn't really proven she can be someone I could rely on as a friend or even a possible gf.

 

I need to now focus on more important things that I should have been dealing with all along. appreciate the feedback.

 

I'm glad you got your answer but I feel you forced it out of her. She may have thought about getting back together but you forced her into a corner. Most women won't have the balls to say she made a mistake and wants you back. They would rather kick it around and let things happen organically prompted by a change in you.

 

However, you have listed many issues that really preclude her from being a potential gf. In that case, I think you are better closing this door forever.

 

But pat yourself on the back for handling it the way you did. Especially under these circumstances. Bravo.

[BC1980]

Now you know for sure, so you can move on with no second guessing. I know it's hard to second guess.