Joining the 'wife cheated' group

[Taterhouse]

Hey everyone. I confronted my wife of almost 10 years about six weeks ago with enough evidence to make her crack. I caught her through fb chats with her twin sister. They had been talking about it because she was and is still having an affair herself. I had a couple minor red flags along the way that got me suspicious. We still had a 1.5yr child and she went from dressing like "I'm just lucky to be alive" to wearing thongs when dressing for work.

 

It got worse when she took them off when she got home and I wouldn't even have known if i wasn't being nosy. The second was minor, but still something that triggered inside my head. I sometimes have dreams at night that she cheated on me. I usually would tell her in the morning. She used to always say "oh honey, I would never do that to you. " The last few months, that had been turning into laughing and just turning it into a joke. Something like "oh yea, what was he like?".

 

It was minor, but another red flag. I figured if she was cheating on me, she would find it hard to reassure me that she was doing nothing wrong. The third is a fb chat I found between her and her sister. I went snooping on her FB page after the thong thing and something just not sitting right. Couldn't even tell you now why I was paranoid. My desktop computer had her fb password auto-saved, so it was easy to get into. I found a pic she sent to her sister of her in her office standing up doing a selfie with her office computer, and further in the back, her coworker Doug. She's also his boss.

 

She said to her sister "So hard to concentrate. Lol, how you feelin?" She also has a group chat going with him and another coworker because they're in a dept of 3 in the work building and she said they're cool people and just friends. I've known about the group chat for some time and that it went very friendly personal, off-hours talk and such. At first she liked to tell me about the texts that they were sending and I felt like i was in the loop. Because of this, and feeling like i could trust her, I let it continue and was fine with it.

 

Occasionally she told me about one of the two wanting everyone to hang out, which I thought would be fun. They're both married and we don't have any couple friends. Over time she stopped telling me about what was going on and I didn't think twice about it. So I knew there was a very good chance I had a serious problem when I saw that picture. I however dismissed it away the first time I saw it because there was no other evidence to be found and I figured he may have just been coincidentally in the picture....For all i know she was just tired that day.

 

A couple weeks pass and I noticed that I kept dwelling on it. It just didn't sit right with me. When that realization finally occurred to me that I had to keep digging, I was out of town for the week. I had no way of snooping the fb page from the hotel. I knew I couldn't confront her w/o more evidence, though I desperately wanted to. I ended up letting my feelings get the better of me and she could tell something was wrong and I eventually started talking to her over text while still out of the town.

 

Because I wasn't saying much at first, she occused me of cheating on her, or doing something wrong. I told her, no, I had a couple red flags in my head that made me think she was the one w/ the problem. I told her about thong incident and a couple other things, but left my FB chat card out of it. I desperately wanted to, and I'm so grateful I didn't. She said she didn't have any problems, we were good, I was her and would always be her one and only, her solemate.

 

the thong thing was just her trying to feel sexy and I took it all the wrong way. She loves me, yada yada yada. I eventually just said I was being paranoid and it's all good. I'm sometimes paranoid because we had a seperation once already initially right after marriage. Also why I sometimes have the cheating dreams.

 

// TODO getting home and checking FB

When I got home, I played it cool. I knew exactly what I was going to do as soon as she went to bed. I logged back onto her fb page and started going through her chats with her sister. This time I found more. I believe it's because it was recent events that had not transpired yet. This time I found a new converation.

 

Sister

Omg u did why

Wife

It was kind of unexpected

He kissed me when we first got to work and I kind of pulled away

I didn't even mean to I just felt weird

Sister

Oh goodness

How is he responding

Wife

He is perfectly fine

Sister

Oh man

Wife

Yeah

I just cant.

We are interviewing like 10 people today for theft hahah

Sister

Are u sad

Wife

I'm just tired lol

I am but not that much

Sister

Lol

Yeah aww

But dang that's so crazy

I mean at least for now u can kinda just gather urself

Wife

Yeah I'm just tired of worry about it

I'm happy

Sister

Yeah

I get it

But I'm sure there will be more to come but hopefully he will give u a breather

 

At this point a few things were very obvious to me. One, she was having an affair with her coworker Doug. Two, she was concealing it and deleting fb messages and who knows what else. No one starts out a conversation "omg u did why". I had all the evidence I needed to confront her. But I still wasn't showing my hand until I thought I got it all. I used some tactful investigation skills. I was home that day and texted her and asked if she could come home early and have a 100% honest conversation with me.

 

She agreed, but over and over again asked if I had done something wrong and it would be ok if I had. I finally told her that if she did not come home and be 100% transparent with me, I would not be at the house till she did. She finally agreed.

She got home pretty quick and after snooping Verizon data usage, saw she called her sister, so I knew she finally understood the severity of it. When she got home, I had coffee and water waiting.

 

I told her I'd like to sit at the table. She agreed, and I repeated again that I need her to be 100% transparent with me or I would be checking into a hotel until she did. She finally broke down and said that she had been "talking to Doug, but nothing sexual or physical." So we talked about that for a while and I let her tell me that group chat led to single chat, and single chat turned into a emotional relationship. She didn't want to tell me anything further. She looked me straight to my face, in my eyes, and promised me that that was it.

 

This crushed me to my core. I didn't know she was capable of stone-cold lying to me. We went back and forth for a bit about how I told her I didn't believe that was it. She kept trying to get me to play my hand so she only had to admit what she had to. She finally told me about her helping him sign up for SnapChat. And from SnapChat texts, start joking about sending dick pics. She told me she had sent pictures of herself in underwear to him and him vice versa.

 

Again, that's it. Still knew there was at least kissing, so I got up and started heading for the door. Right as I was about to leave she said if she tells me, we're done. I'll never forgive her. She finally broke down and told me she had kissed him a few times too. She swore that was it. That was everything I knew, so I stopped there. The way she said it, I felt pretty confident that was the whole story.

 

I have been staying in the house, some nights seperate rooms, since the incident. I have been committed to at least trying to make it work. I've had MANY talks with her about the incident and I do feel I have the full story. She even signed a paper swearing to god on her families life detailing everything. She sent him pictures of herself (underwear only) 5 times, and him sending body parts back. And both sexting and jerking off to each other while sexting.

 

They had been on a few 'work dates' togethor where they had held hands and kissed. And then there was a huge emotional relationship where they both talked trash about their spouses and fantasized about being togethor. She told me that she felt sick everytime she did it and told him she wanted to stop, but he always drew her back in. She found it hard to stop. It lasted for about 1.5 months. She said she never sent him naked body parts and they never did any more physically togethor than normal kissing.

 

Sometimes I think this isn't as bad as I sometimes work it up to be. They didn't have sex, he never even saw her naked body parts. Other times, I think she might as well have had sex to him because of what she did in bed w/ him (even if it wasn't the same bed). I'm still very confused on how serious I should treat it is. Obviously it's a HUGE problem, and a sign of a HUGE problem in our relationship. But should I leave her over it??

 

She has literally agreed to everything I've asked of her since I found out. Many a nights we stay up talking and her usually crying and sobbing for hours. I don't know what to do when this happens, b/c I've barely cried over the incident. She has told me she has ruined our relationship, knows this is all her fault, and she probably doesn't even deserve me anymore. So she is showing great remorse. So what do I do w/ a wife that cheated on me, but shows true remorse and will do anything I ask to repair the relationship?

 

This is what leads into the complicated parts. Most people would say to cease ALL contact w/ the person immediately, which would mean quitting her job. Unfortunately it's not just a job, it's her career. Our household depends on her paycheck. She works for Amazon in a pretty good position and might even have another promotion oppurtunity in the next month.

 

She also has $80k of stocks vesting this year that we will get. If she quits, we get nothing. So there's a huge financial concern here. Other concerns are if the guy tries to start anything up again, or if he tries to expose anything at work, she would be immediately fired and not have a good reference to use.

 

The first couple weeks, she went to a different shift as him. She's back on the same shift now, but has moved out of the office and into a seperate cube by herself. She only talks to him when absoultely necessary. She has let me view her phone and work computer whenever I want.

 

He was acting like a dick the first couple weeks she immediately cut herself off from him, but I think things are at least proffesional enough at this time. He knows she went home early that day becuase of 'major family ****' at home, so he most likely put two and two togethor that I found out somehow. So the question I keep asking myself is, do I tell his wife? I found his wife's resume on my wife's computer, so I have her phone number, email, and home address.

 

Telling her would definitely be stirring the hornet's nest. He's pretty much accepting it right now, and isn't TOO much of a threat in my eyes. However he messed around with my wife and that really makes me to seek out some vengence. He should have to face some consequences from this just like my wife is. If he doesn't, he'll probably just do this again. I also think his wife has the right to know. I would want to know. My wife doesn't want me to do it, b/c they have 3 kids.

 

She has ultimately agreed to let me do whatever I need to do, but doesn't want to know about it. The guy is also a bit of a safety risk. He is previous military with a couple tours. Was in a mental hospital once already for PTSD. So there's a potentional he would snap a little. He knows where we live. He could snap at work, or he could show up at our house.

 

I have guns, and have been trained to use them myself, so I'm not defensiveless in the situation either. Being proteced w/ a house, and having the right to shoot b/c he's on our property would put the law behind me to do whatever I need to do.

 

This is very long, I know. I really needed to type it out and get it out. Ultimately what I'm trying to figure out is the work situation right now. Do i tell his wife, or do I let him get off the hook w/ no retribution? I feel completely emasculated currently. He has shown no respect for myself or my family for doing what he did. He obviously feels I am little threat to him. This is twice now my wife has shown interest in military men.

 

She brings up a lot of stories about the military, so I know she's intrigued by it. She tells me she loves me for NOT being the guy that runs off to beat the crap out of someone b/c of emotions, etc. That I use my brains and make smart plays (That's how i got her to confess). But I honestly feel it's the exact opposite. That's the exact type of man she's attracted to, the bad boy military type. Or at least that's the guy she wants to fantasize about. Maybe not the guy she wants to marry.

 

By not doing anything, I feel like a weak POS. By doing something, I feel like i'm potentionally putting my family at risk, no matter what steps I take to protect them. Would love to hear other people's thoughts on this.

 

I feel good to get this down, but I also feel sick to my stomach.

Edited January 29, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs, please use them

[whichwayisup]

You tell her if she wants to stay married to you, and continue to live in the house with you and your young child, she has to quit her job and also expose the affair to his wife. (if you want, you can get contact info and talk to this guy's wife, she deserves to know that her husband is cheating on her). It's bad enough she's cheated, let alone with her boss!

 

If she refuses to quit and go no contact, then you ask her to pack her things and get out. Be firm and be emotionless if you possible.

 

Her accusing you is crap, she's the one up to no good and she's trying to blame you, make you the bad guy.

 

Talk to a lawyer too, just in case...

 

Sorry that you're going through this. Shame on your wife for doing this to you.

[WilyWill]

Your wife is completely untrustworthy. She is a proven liar, a repeat liar. You need to realize that the affair might have gone much further than what she's told you. There are a million stories in here about cheaters who swore on the lives of their children and a stack of bibles about "only kissing" or "only sexting". I've never read a thread in here where that solemn oath was actually true. The cheating spouse in ALL the cases I've read, actually had sex, and had no problem swearing on the lives of their children or on a bible. I'm sorry.

 

You should inform Doug's wife immediately. First, she has the right to know the kind of person she's really married to. Second, if the affair is still ongoing, his wife will help to kill it. Not only that, there will be an implicit threat that you will inform his employer, which will also get him to lay off. YOU should be the one to inform his spouse, and do not give your wife a heads-up. Otherwise, the liars will spin it into a tale about you, the mentally-ill husband who makes unfounded accusations of infidelity because of his obsessive jealousy.

 

The thing you do NOT want to do at this moment is to inform her employer. Doug would get fired, which is a good thing. However, your wife might get fired as well. Whether you stay married or ultimately divorce, her loss of income will affect your lifestyle.

 

You should also consider informing her family and ratting out her sister.

 

Your wife should be made to understand that you have not forgiven her, and that you are not necessarily committed to doing the hard work of reconciliation.

 

Demand that she be tested for STDs, and have a STD test for yourself. Order a DNA testing kit for your children, and make your wife aware that you are performing a test to determine whether you are their father or not. You probably already know that you are, but this is an effective way for her to see just how much damage infidelity can do. It may sound cruel, but it will help her understand the depravity of her actions.

Edited January 29, 2017 by WilyWill

[Jersey born raised]

Hi tater,

 

What where the comments you wanted to add?

 

Why was his wife's resume on her computer?

 

You feel frozen and are frozen. You need to plan and take action regardless of the path you need to do something.

 

Read "Not Just Frends" by Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends".

[BluesPower]

Overall you did a great job.

 

You need to schedule a polygraph ASAP. Don't tell her and the questions need to be about your whole marriage.

 

Did she sleep around when you separated. Did they have sex. bla bla bla.

 

Frankly, I am betting that you will get a parking lot confession about the physical part of the affair.

 

If you do, still do the poly and make sure she is telling the truth.

 

If 80,000 is worth your marriage, then let her stay at that job, otherwise she needs to quit yesterday.

 

You have to tell his wife with out a doubt. And when she quits you need to contact the Big boss at the company and tell him/her what is going on and why your wife had to quit.

 

Just be aware that you DO NOT have the full story yet even though you think you do. When you do, that is the time to decide about divorcing or not.

 

All the emotions that you are seeing for her are just standard cheater behavior. I bet she is trying to screw you brains out as well. That is also standard.

 

As you read more on love shack and if you decide to reconcile there are a ton more things that you have to do.

 

BTW, the sisters husband has to be told. It will mess up your in-laws relationship but your BIL will appreciate it. Wouldn't you want someone to do that for you?

 

Keep posting...

[GoldenR]

I'll ask you two questions -

 

1) How many adults just kiss and hold hands?

 

2). Would she have stopped if you didn't catch her?

 

Unfortunately, the pain has just begun. I don't wish this stuff on anyone, and I'm very sorry that you're here.

[QuietDan]

As you noted, she has been editing her fb messages with her sister, ( incase you ever stumbled across them), so she has been manipulating the truth for just such an emergency for some time now.

I suspect she has other means to communicate with him that you do not know about.

Although the emotions and tears are real, as you noticed, she has the ability to absolutely stone cold lie directly about this too you in direct questions. The only truth she seems to be willing to admit is the truth you can prove with hard evidence.

Trickle truth at best here... Suspect there is still a lot more to discover here.

It really appears that you are playing into the game she set has set up as a battle ground she thought she could win the game of manipulation with.

This sort of looks like a firewall battle ground to the real truth.

[BuddyX]

Just a quote from another LS member

 

"Remember that your value to her is the security and stability you provide. That’s why she wants you back. You didn’t suddenly become hot to her and she didn’t suddenly discover how much she loves you."

[Taterhouse]

Hey everyone. Thanks for responding. Feels good not to be alone in this. I can't talk to my family in fear we work it out and they hold it against her. A few things to clear up. They both work at Amazon in the same dept. She is his boss. If work found out, they would both be fired. She would have no reference, no job, and we'd lose 80k of stocks. She told him it was over and she couldn't do it anymore 2 weeks before I confronted her. She had deleted her snapchat account at that time. However she remained close friends with him.

 

GoldenR

1. Yup, don't know of anyone like that. Apparently she thinks he wanted more and probably would have left his wife for her. He liked to talk about how she would be a better wife than his and how their marriage would be perfect. He is 2nd time married. First wife cheated on him. He first talked about his wife's problems, got my wife talking about our problems, then made himself the perfect man that was doing everything I wasnt. Sounds like classic wife hunting to me.

 

She said she pulled back when she realized he was trying to be serious.

 

They're all very busy at work. She's got the perfect setup though. Can be home late from work whenever she needs to be. Phone is password protected because she has company email. She had it on her hip 24/7 during that time. I do think it's possible that's all it had time to be. Could it have gotten more? Absolutely and I believe it would have.

 

2.) She left all the doors wide open to start it up again. So yes I believe it would have and yes I believe they eventually would have had sex if they haven't already. She was so delusional she was still talking about everyone hanging out. I asked her if her friends wanted to go camping with us over xmas and she actually asked them. Guess who we got an immediate yes from? Yup, doug. He said he might have to bring the kids, but the wife wouldn't go. More delusional starting a family life with my wife if u ask me.

 

Where would I schedule a polygraph? If this offends her deeply, f it, who cares ? From past experience, isn't there a good chance she has told me everything? She has literally written down every detail about each occurrence, color of underwear and exactly what they did at that time. I have broken her down numerous times and I still get the same story.

 

She did F the first guy when she left me. This is all after we separated though. We were planning for a divorce but I held back and we finally decided to try and make it work. Still hurts obviously.

 

If i tell the wife, there's a lot of risks. She flips out and comes to their work. Result, instant fired. He flips out and goes off on her. Result, instant fired. He flips out and shows up at our doorstep with an ar15 ( he has one). Result, channel 5 news. He doesn't flip out but makes her life hell at work. I might get a different story than my wife is spinning if i do tell though.

 

Yes, bluntly, she has been all over my penis. Twice a day sometimes. That area of the dept has been really good since. She also notes I get angry and goes into a bad state on the days I don't have sex.

 

She say's she will never forget, and will always live with and a day doesn't go by she hasn't cried about it, but I don't see it. In the periods where I'm good and im working hard to be happy and have a good marriage she seems as perfect as ever. No eating issues, no sleeping issues. She seems like it would be very easy, and wants to, just sweep this under the covers.

 

I found his wifes resume on her work email because Doug had emailed her and a few other employees a while back asking about trying to find her a new job. I emailed myself the information when I had her work pc and deleted it from theach sent and trash box.

Edited January 29, 2017 by Taterhouse

[flowergirl14]

I also had reoccurring dreams of my h cheating. I too awoke and told h and wad reassured that no never. I don't know to this day if these were repressed memories or my psyche screaming at me. Either way eventually found out h was a cheater big time. Anyhow, cheaters lie. Liars cheat. Dont believe her words but her actions.

[GoldenR]

Wait.....let me get this straight...

 

After being busted, she invited him to go camping? And OM, knowing that you know, wanted to go?

 

Do I have this correct?

[Taterhouse]

Also one more relevant thing. I did find a chat between her and her sister where my wife was telling her she was working 3rd shift that night and would be seeing her (her sister is a a packer at amazon). Sis basically asked if it was an excuse to see doug and mess around in a nondescript way. Wife bluntly said no its not like that, they had a big theft ring they were working on. I can post the chat if anyone wants.

[BluesPower]

Look tater, reread what we all said and start reading about affairs.

 

Based on what you just said, then the answer is absolutely she has and probably is still sleeping with him.

 

Don't believe me, spend some time reading my old posts. I am about 100% right so far. I think I have been wrong once.

 

This is called gas lighting, or blowing smoke.

 

You are in a large city Google polygraph tests.

 

She is lying to you in every way. And they cannot remain friends in any way, he has to quit or she does. Does she make most of the money in your marriage?

 

Every thing she said is complete BS, it is all standard. So you are not going to tell his wife? Or your brother in law, then you are going to get a karma bus in a little while.

 

Schedule the poly and listen to what we are telling you. Most are experienced with infidelity.

 

You have only started to find out what she has been up to. If you are any kind of a man at all you will get a divorce and if she makes more than you, then you get spousal support...

[Bryanp]

This is a huge deal.

 

My question to you is if the roles were reversed would your wife be so forgiving and accepting as you have been? You know that she has been kissing Dough and you admit if you have not caught it then she would be screwing him as well. What is wrong with this picture?

 

By the way I think you should tell your wife's sister's husband that she has been cheating on him as well. I have a hunch that you are one of the nice guys and your wife knows this. She probably also thought even if she eventually got caught you would forgive her anyway and things would go back to normal so she really had nothing to lose. Am I wrong?

 

By the way you also now know that your wife has no problem lying to your face. Are you proud that she is your wife and had no problem cheating and lying to your about it?

 

This shows that she has little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[Taterhouse]

Her sisters husband is as big a screw up as her sister. Wouldn't be surprised if he was messing around on the side himself. She's poor and can't financially leave righthe now. As much as I hate it, I really could care less about her dead beat husband.

 

I'm really not the nice guy. I have said some hurtful things to her over the years. Nothing in the last year and obviously nothing to justify this. She's not exactly guilt free in this either. I would get upset sometimes when I kept up to shape and she stopped trying. She would yell at me out of stress a lot. When she finally admitted to me she kissed him, she said this is the end if i she told me. She said she lied so much because she believes what she has told me already would/should end us.

 

I currently make more money, but she's not far behind. Her income is signifi cant enough to matter.

Edited January 29, 2017 by Taterhouse

[BluesPower]

It is so hard to try and help people that just do not want to listen.

 

She is lying. Schedule a poly.

 

Or just get a divorce unless [] you get off on your wife screwing other men. I guess that is a reason to stay.

 

You need to understand that everything, absolutely everything she has told you is straight out of the cheaters handbook.

 

If you keep this course and keep believing her, later this year you will be posting about how much of a fool you have been.

 

Don't be that guy...

Edited January 30, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language ~6

[GoldenR]

Brother, I get it. You think your situation is different. You love her. You want her to be telling the truth. She seems to be doing so.

 

But she's not...

 

Do you know how many threads here start with the BH saying, "Well, she told me they only kissed. I know her and she's not lying."?

 

Almost every one. And do you know how many of those turned out to be just a kiss?

 

None of them.

 

You want the truth? Polygraph

 

You want to shock her back into reality? File

[sandylee1]

I'm not totally convinced she's definitely slept with him, but I do question why the need for thongs if he wasn't going to see them. Perhaps the request for a polygraph will reveal more.

 

I don't think you should tell her employer because of the loss of income to your household, but she should look for another job seriously, because your mind won't be at ease while she works with him.

 

As his boss, your wife would likely be in more trouble at work than him.

[WilyWill]

Think about it. She wore the thong underwear to work for him to see, touch, and remove. Not so that the thong could stay hidden under her clothes while she kissed him.

[Mr. Lucky]

I currently make more money, but she's not far behind. Her income is significant enough to matter.

 

This is the third or fourth time you've brought up the financial aspects. If that's your priority, put this behind you and stay married to her. You won't have trust or peace-of-mind but you will have stock options. Wouldn't be my choice but no one should judge you if it's yours...

 

Mr. Lucky

[lolablue17]

She looked me straight to my face, in my eyes, and promised me that that was it.

 

This crushed me to my core. I didn't know she was capable of stone-cold lying to me.

 

Remember your own quote every time you turn to believe any word she says. This proves that there is no linkage between what she says and the truth. Like you said, she is a professional stone cold liar.

 

So, that leads to the inevitable conclusion - The chance she admits the whole truth is very low, close to zero. There is much more chance it was much more + with others along the years.

 

When you were separated, she banged a guy in seconds. She didn't need any long courtship with kisses and holding hands. You turn to believe her only because of the chat with her sis, right? If I have to put money on that, I'd bet she already slept with other guys during your marriage. Married women have no time to spend on long courtship, they go straight to business.

 

The thing is that even if you want to believe her, you will always feel the doubt and it will kill you from inside. So, if you want to give your marriage a chance it must be due to polygraph test.

 

Schedule a polygraph test and tell her exactly the 2-3 questions she will be asked in the poly test, that it's gonna be about your whole marriage period, not only about this guy. Tell her that if she's telling the truth, the test will clear her, and you will 100% believe her. Like BluesPower said, before the test itself, you might get some interesting confessions.

[Marc878]

Typical cheating affair here. Nothing special. You like most have put a lot of effort into making yourself believe she told you the truth. No sex! Just holding hands and kissing in an affair = they had sex and lots of it. Cheaters lie a lot. She's done this before even if you were separated it's still cheating. Separation is always to try out the other man. Serial cheaters never stop. You'll get to deal with this again and again and again.

 

You are in a convenient denial. It sounds like she regrets getting caught which is not remorse. You are living in fear and helping hide their affair. As long as they work together the affair continues. Affairs are addictions and you get the addict around the source you get relapse.

 

I would bet her respect level for you is low. Some tears and sex gets her back in control of you and the situation but it'll fire up again if it ever stopped. You let your fear and weakness define you. Deep down you know. Is this really how you want yo live life?

 

She cheated. Get a poly if you really want the truth or continue to live in the shadows until she dumps you at some point.

 

Sorry man but this is where you're at. Happens way too much.

 

Your life is what you will make of it. Don't wake up a few years from now with major regrets.

[Marc878]

BTW her sister is not a friend to your marriage. She's an enabler. Not a good thing to have around.

[wmacbride]

In this situation, I'd be nervous of him or his wife going to HR and reporting what happened. She might find herself in hot water for harassing a subordinate

[Sparta]

OP Wow it just amazes me... I you're really that gullible. Really you really think they didn't have sex, well you're going be educated soon on how far it really went they've had sex sorry wake up OP. It went all the way sorry to be the one to bring you the bad news which I cannot believe. OP ask yourself this your Best friend came up he wanted your opinion. Him telling you your exact story. What would you say to him if he asked you, Do you think they had sex.? Dude come on of course they did adults don't just kiss. Sometimes I don't even kiss a girl when I have sex with her. She is not remorseful one bit, she regrets getting caught. You're not out of infidelity yet it there still carrying on like nothing happened. Other thing that baffles me, guest your marriage and your life is worth 80 grand OK.

 

OP I get it you're a mess in your head is all over the place. OK do yourself a big favor and start listening to what people are telling you here. I think that's why you came here. Look everybody here that's helping you is either going through it or has been through this nightmare and is donating their own time out of their own lives to help you out. Start taking some of the directions and help minimize the pain that you're going through. If you think you're story is unique and that you're in a different situation OK. Sure to tell us how it all worked out for you love to hear how it worked out for you. OP you need to tell OM wife immediately. It is very irresponsible that you haven't told his wife yet. She doesn't even what her POS husband is, and she could do something about it if she were told. Your wife or the OM has to leave job. that's why if you told his wife maybe she might make him leave the job. Also OMs wife and you can talk now having two more eyes on watching what's going on between them. what's really going on there's a lot of benefits to telling the wife. Good luck keep posting