aliveagain Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 All I can say is there is only one reason a married woman that's having an affair wears a thong to work, because she expects it to be seen. Taking selfies with him in the background is intentional and her way of saying "look at what I am getting." Get rid of anyone that knew about her affair that didn't call her out or contact you, they are not friends of the marriage. If she has agreed to take a polygraph go and get the best in your area and book it now. You might want to contact the police services in your area and ask them who they recommend. Too bad for your wife if your marriage to her rests on the outcome of a polygraph, she put you both in this position. Decide if her job or your marriage is more important and act accordingly, his wife needs to know the truth. I would bet money that some sex has happened, sorry. Most people I know that brag to others about their affair do so after the dirty deed has already been done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 I wouldn't stake your marriage on a polygraph. They are unreliable and can be thrown off kilter by strange things. There's a proven science to reading body language, more specifically eye movement when someone is lying while answering questions. However, if the person has an abnormalities in their occipital lobe or any optical hiccups, they can throw the proven science out of whack. I have an eye that wanders, when I look at someone straight on, it will slide off to the side. You should both get started in counseling. Individual and marriage. Counselors will do a much better job than strangers on the Internet. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face. I spent most of my 30s and part of my 40s working my butt off to pay for the mistakes of my 20s. Having your wife unemployed or taking a pay cut is NOT going to make your marriage or the life of your child BETTER if you choose to divorce. And since it is in your best interest and the interest of your child, don't be quick to out Doug to his wife. Don't do anything that could damage your future/your wife's future and your child's future. She has the option of working in a different location and away from him. It may mean more travel, but that is a healthy consequence rather than eliminating her salary and benefits. Again - counseling is where you need to start. Tater, Read the literature. Most of it will tell you you do not go to therapy with a spouse in an active affair. You go to therapy AFTER you believe you have the truth. Reconciliation does not start with a WW who is breaking NC or still seeing and interacting with OM. The above post is the recipe for total rugsweeping. Just read this forum and see what happens to BH who walk on egg shells so as not to disturb WW emotionally. In other words, just suck it up and holpe she does not continue being unfaithful. I'd love to see the percentages of experts in law enforcement who would tell you eye watching is more reliable than current polygraph technology. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Tater, Read the literature. Most of it will tell you you do not go to therapy with a spouse in an active affair. You go to therapy AFTER you believe you have the truth. Reconciliation does not start with a WW who is breaking NC or still seeing and interacting with OM. The above post is the recipe for total rugsweeping. Just read this forum and see what happens to BH who walk on egg shells so as not to disturb WW emotionally. In other words, just suck it up and holpe she does not continue being unfaithful. I'd love to see the percentages of experts in law enforcement who would tell you eye watching is more reliable than current polygraph technology. I never told him to walk on eggshells. I was giving an example on how the science can be fooled. It is ridiculous to think that we as Internet strangers can give better advice than a hands on counselor. IC can help him determine what his limits are and what his options are. Link to post Share on other sites
Vinny1951 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Wow. One thing to consider is that a person's past behavior is a very good indicator of their future behavior. It is obvious, to be at least, that she has and will continue to cheat. She is not concerned at all about the act of cheating itself, just concerned about you finding out. Wives will have all sorts of excuses for cheating just like men. They will try to blame you or say they were drunk or they never had sex, etc.. Once they know you are not going to divorce them, they feel that the worse they can face is an argument or a talk. I knew a married woman who cheated on her husband for over 10 years. She was a pro at cheating. He husband forgave her 3 times and she told me that she knows he is not going to divorce her so if she gets caught the worse that will happen is an argument. Once she got caught in the act and still her husband forgave her and she said that she called the boyfriend the next day to meet her in a motel so she would not get caught again. I have run into a few wives who cheat and the expression of once a cheater, always a cheater is true more often than false. Your wife will continue to cheat on you because nothing bad happens when she does. It is as simple as that and I bet she is very sorry when caught. Your other problem is that she has proved that she cannot be trusted so you have to live the rest of your marriage being suspicious of her. Just look at the effort you put into learning what she is doing. It is consuming your life and will continue to do so because not only did she prove she can cheat but also proved that she will do it again. Whether she does or does not cheat anymore is not going to help you. You will forever be suspicious of her due to her past record. Personally I have zero tolerance for cheats, having been cheated on twice in my life. I know the excuses and promises never to do it again. I dumped both women and guess what? They went on to cheat on their husbands. That could have been me. You either take a firm stand or keep tracking her activities and having more talks with her. Your choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I have guns, and have been trained to use them myself, so I'm not defensiveless in the situation either. Being proteced w/ a house, and having the right to shoot b/c he's on our property would put the law behind me to do whatever I need to do. . uh, two things: 1) would you REALLY want to go to prison for the rest of our life just because your wife has a POS OM show up? its not worth it man. and 2) you do realize that if your wife took out a restraining order on you, the cops would come and confiscate all of those guns (probably never to be seen again). It would be her word against your word. A lot of guys around here take their guns and have a trusted friend hold them as the divorce proceeds...just in case! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Tater, How are you doing... We have not had an update lately, we would like to know if you are OK. Link to post Share on other sites
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