Author John1982 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Can you give us an idea of how you look intimidating? Can you post a pic of a lookalike so that we know what we are dealing with? Well i am quite heavily tattooed and most of my body is covered but don't see as that should be a problem as most people have tattoo's in this day and age, although some people have told me that i look like a thug and if they did not know me and saw me walking down the street they would cross the road. I have also been told that my accent can be quite intimidating and the way i talk can sound quite aggressive. But all of this is beyond my control so i don not know what else i can do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anuba Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Well i am quite heavily tattooed and most of my body is covered but don't see as that should be a problem as most people have tattoo's in this day and age, although some people have told me that i look like a thug and if they did not know me and saw me walking down the street they would cross the road. I have also been told that my accent can be quite intimidating and the way i talk can sound quite aggressive. But all of this is beyond my control so i don not know what else i can do Sounds kinda cool to me... Maybe you need to find some less skittish chicks! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Well i am quite heavily tattooed and most of my body is covered but don't see as that should be a problem as most people have tattoo's in this day and age, although some people have told me that i look like a thug and if they did not know me and saw me walking down the street they would cross the road. I have also been told that my accent can be quite intimidating and the way i talk can sound quite aggressive. But all of this is beyond my control so i don not know what else i can do Well I suppose getting rid of all the tattoos is not feasible but modifying your accent and the aggressive way you talk to people is definitely doable. YOU also need to assess your body language and style of clothing too as looking like a thug is not going to win you fair lady. Why did you decide to get so heavily tattooed? Did you never consider that it may put off some women and reduce your options? Are the tattoos also scary and aggressive in nature? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anuba Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Well I suppose getting rid of all the tattoos is not feasible but modifying your accent and the aggressive way you talk to people is definitely doable. YOU also need to assess your body language and style of clothing too as looking like a thug is not going to win you fair lady. Why did you decide to get so heavily tattooed? Did you never consider that it may put off some women and reduce your options? Are the tattoos also scary and aggressive in nature? Um, people should be allowed to be themselves and still find people who care for them for who they are, right? If someone is scared of a tattoo these days, they must live awfully sheltered lives. ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Well i am quite heavily tattooed and most of my body is covered but don't see as that should be a problem as most people have tattoo's in this day and age, Absolutely not true. A quick Google search and you'd see the highest estimation is that only about 1/3 of people have them, and that's only a particular age group. They're still yet to shake the unprofessional, boorish connotation people have with them. although some people have told me that i look like a thug and if they did not know me and saw me walking down the street they would cross the road. I have also been told that my accent can be quite intimidating and the way i talk can sound quite aggressive. But all of this is beyond my control so i don not know what else i can do Not being covered in tattoos was within your control but you chose to get them anyways. In a sense you've made your bed, now you've got to lie in it. As for your voice, if you're that concerned, why not visit a dialect or voice coach? They'll probably be able to help you speak in a way that's more endearing. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Right now, there are tatted up, intimidating real world thugs that are sitting in prisons,yet have all kinds of women pining for them, visiting them, writing letters to the parole boards, etc Its not that...and that's coming from someone that probably looks pretty intimidating to the average guy, and has several tats... TFY 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 This thing that I keep seeing here on other relationship message boards is this. The Men for the most part think they are doing something wrong. They think that all they have to do is go up to a woman and ask her out. Then the woman is delighted and she will fall at his feet, if he keeps wine-ing and dining her. I almost think that Men should do the opposite. Dress well /Be well groomed, and have fun with your family and friends and take up a hobby or two and don't try to go out of your way to date. Create your own fun vibe and people will gravitate towards you. That if you really want no headache. When I look at my male friends. The women that eventualy they hooked up with. They basically came towards the men. I think its time to experiment. Just look after yourself first and fore most. I guess if you want to go after any woman you fancy. Be my guest, but I think its a waste of time. Just go out there in mixed company and if they like you. The women will find a way to let you know. We men have to stop putting women that are not into us on a pedal-stoop. Its making it so that a lot of us are going way our of our way to secure love. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I'm wondering where you are meeting women, or if you are just randomly meeting them and find out after a few talks that you have nothing in common with them? They say opposites attract, and in my case that may be true. I'm a tiny and very loud woman, I have no tattoos, and dress professional. I tend to gravitate towards men that are taller, with tattoos and beards, and have a little bit of a "soft center". (think biker type) Most men that I run into like this are soft spoken. I am a member of a local bike chapter that rides their motorcycles around town collecting money for a childrens home here. We only do this in the summer, but I have met many awesome men through this club. Most of them appear intimidating at first, but once you get to know them are really big ole softies. Branch out into activities that interest you, never know who you may meet! And if you find women anything like me, nothing scares them, so you should be golden 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Um, people should be allowed to be themselves and still find people who care for them for who they are, right? If someone is scared of a tattoo these days, they must live awfully sheltered lives. ? I agree that people need to find like-minded people to love and care for them, but if people who don't know John are put off by his thuggish looks and aggressive way of speaking, then he needs to change if he wants to attract women in general. He may be the loveliest guy on the planet but if no girl wants to get close to him, then it is immaterial. There are tattoos and tattoos, being heavily covered from the neck down is I guess not really desirable to most women, even if they do like tattoos. Lilyana is correct he needs to join groups where once they get to know what a nice bloke he is, then he will be accepted as John, not the guy who looks like and talks like a thug and people feel they need to cross the road to get away from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Right now, there are tatted up, intimidating real world thugs that are sitting in prisons,yet have all kinds of women pining for them, visiting them, writing letters to the parole boards, etc Yes but I would guess the incidence of mental illness is pretty high in those women too, I don't think it is one of those John wants to attract. Link to post Share on other sites
anuba Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I agree that people need to find like-minded people to love and care for them, but if people who don't know John are put off by his thuggish looks and aggressive way of speaking, then he needs to change if he wants to attract women in general. He may be the loveliest guy on the planet but if no girl wants to get close to him, then it is immaterial. There are tattoos and tattoos, being heavily covered from the neck down is I guess not really desirable to most women, even if they do like tattoos. Lilyana is correct he needs to join groups where once they get to know what a nice bloke he is, then he will be accepted as John, not the guy who looks like and talks like a thug and people feel they need to cross the road to get away from him. I see your point. I'm just the other kind, in that I'm not intimidated by tats or appearances, so I have a tough time understanding people bothered by such things. You made it a bit easier for me to understand, thank you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Yes but I would guess the incidence of mental illness is pretty high in those women too, I don't think it is one of those John wants to attract. Eh....I dunno.... IME, if you exclude guys that look like gangbangers, the guys who look intimidating can attract as many, if not far more, women than the milquetoast types..I think most women view them as ideal protectors, whether they subconsciously are aware of that aspect or not... Its usually regular men who avoid contact with intimidating men... With women, you either have what attracts them, or you don't...That's why I never buy into the "short guys have it so bad" theory that guys bang on about...Its not their height....They just don't have "it"... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Eh....I dunno.... IME, if you exclude guys that look like gangbangers, the guys who look intimidating can attract as many, if not far more, women than the milquetoast types..I think most women view them as ideal protectors, whether they subconsciously are aware of that aspect or not... Its usually regular men who avoid contact with intimidating men... With women, you either have what attracts them, or you don't...That's why I never buy into the "short guys have it so bad" theory that guys bang on about...Its not their height....They just don't have "it"... TFY To clarify. I an not saying the tattoos are attracting women with mental illness, but many of those guys in prison are also psychopaths and in for some very serious crimes. NO sane woman would want to get mixed up with that. Link to post Share on other sites
HandsomeAndLonely Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I am at the end of my rope i really am and i feel pathetic coming on here doing this but i don't know what else to do. I am a 34 year old male and i cannot for the life of me get a girlfriend or seem to get any interest from women whatsoever no matter how hard i try. It makes me feel so low that it has left me feeling suicidal, i feel as if there's something wrong with me and that i am a freak and i think that i would rather be dead than go on like this being lonely and sad for the rest of my life because to be completely honest it crushes me inside it really does. I have been told by lots of women that i am good looking etc so i don't understand why whenever i start talking to a woman etc they just see me as some kind of mutant freak that has escaped from a sideshow. I consider myself a kind and caring person and have been told by lots of people that i am quite a character who has a good personality and makes people laugh. ....................................... ^^ Hey John, I can empathize with you, as I'm in the same boat you're riding in. Life has passed me by, and although I've been in short stints of platonic relationships, I have never had a real/genuine girlfriend whom I could walk hand-in-hand with down the street. I was told by certain previous classmates that I am handsome, etc. However, that never turned into girlfriend relationships. None. I currently live away from home, and quite happy, in way, because I can utilize my free-time for dating. I have been doing online dating for the past four months. I also am surprised of the number of message response I have been getting from women in my area, considering that I came from a city and state where there are people from my racial background, compared to my current city/state. However, these girls I've met either didn't appeal to me, or the girl slowly ghosted out on me and ceased texting me. I have also been introduced and paired up with girls, only to have met them once for coffee dates, and never to see them again. I keep praying to the Lord everyday for a genuine girlfriend so that I can soon become married and have a family. I hope so soon. Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 What kind of women are you attracted to, who aren't reciprocating interest? Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly84 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 OP - it all starts with you. love yourself and others will love you. from reading your post i think you may need some more confidence and faith in yourself, then good things will come your way. hope that helps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 (edited) Some women are attracted to guys who look tough. These guys are usually good at chatting to women and charming them while projecting confidence and fun. Women may wonder if you have a criminal background. I am not saying that to judge, but a lot of the tough-guy, dodgy characters do get tattoos to mark themselves out as being tough-guys. If you are not that kind of person - and it doesn't sound like you are - you need to be able to project your artistic, sensitive side. I think you need to aim to meet a woman who is really interested in music, maybe a musician herself. She would understand what drives you and would be on the same page. Women love musicians. I am a musician and I am drawn to others with the same interests, those who get passionate about having learned a new song or piece of music, who have music in their soul. If I saw a heavily tattood guy who played music, I would listen to the style of music. If he played sensitivity, I would recognise that and see the artist within. If he played heavy metal, I would recognise talent but might feel it was not my style (though some heavy metal is incredibly sophisticated - Opeth for example). Music is one important way you can communicate your inner self to women. I think basically what I am saying is that if your appearance and manner come across as a bit aggressive and intimidating, you need to be showing your sensitive, artistic side to women. Play a beautiful delicate tune as an interlude from your usual style. Wear a beautiful, artistic bracelet or pendant. Wear clothes that show you want to be seen as an artist not a thug. When you speak to women, speak gently and with a caring tone, smile and be respectful and gentlemanly. Women will very quickly pick up on your other side and respond to that. You would not be hiding your nature or anything, just enhancing the side that women will be really attracted to. I have a friend who is a bear of a guy. I love him to bits but I couldn't date him. Why? Because he smokes and drinks far too heavily - we are talking many pints in one evening. He is a lovely guy, would make a great father, but he is shooting himself in the foot with his drinking and smoking. He gave me a hug recently and literally lifted me off the floor. While it was just a sign of his strength, it was a bit scary because I felt out of control (and he could have hurt my back). I still love him, just can't date him. Take a look at your habits - if you smoke or drink heavily, please reduce the drinking and become a non-smoker. You don't know how many of the men on dating sites who are struggling to get dates are smokers. Just by smoking you reduce your options. This is not to judge anyone who wants to smoke - it is their life and up to them - but in the dating numbers game it is definitely a disadvantage. Edited February 13, 2017 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1982 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 What kind of women are you attracted to, who aren't reciprocating interest? Well to tell you the truth i don't have a type as such, if i find a woman attractive then she's attractive. I love women in all shapes/sizes etc. Pretty much every woman i try and speak to, as soon as i start talking to them they look at me like i am some sort of freak. I don't know what i am doing wrong. I know men(and i don't mean to sound horrible or big headed saying this) who are worse looking than me who don't even have jobs etc and have nothing going for them but yet still find it easy when it comes to getting women. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Haha that's funny, Uncle Rico lol. But without sounding big headed i really don't think looks are my problem as i get told by lots of women that i am very attractive, but i just can not seem to seal the deal. So maybe it must be because of the fact that i look quite intimidating(according to other people) which i cannot help as this is just the way i look Lots of women are telling you you're very attractive? Have you asked any of the women who say this out on a date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1982 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Lots of women are telling you you're very attractive? Have you asked any of the women who say this out on a date? I would but to be honest i am to scared of rejection, and that wholes process just makes me feel like i am a piece of S**t and not worthy of anyone's love whatsoever Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1982 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 This thing that I keep seeing here on other relationship message boards is this. The Men for the most part think they are doing something wrong. They think that all they have to do is go up to a woman and ask her out. Then the woman is delighted and she will fall at his feet, if he keeps wine-ing and dining her. I almost think that Men should do the opposite. Dress well /Be well groomed, and have fun with your family and friends and take up a hobby or two and don't try to go out of your way to date. Create your own fun vibe and people will gravitate towards you. That if you really want no headache. When I look at my male friends. The women that eventualy they hooked up with. They basically came towards the men. I think its time to experiment. Just look after yourself first and fore most. I guess if you want to go after any woman you fancy. Be my guest, but I think its a waste of time. Just go out there in mixed company and if they like you. The women will find a way to let you know. We men have to stop putting women that are not into us on a pedal-stoop. Its making it so that a lot of us are going way our of our way to secure love. Personally i think the main problem is that i do not have money, and that's all women round here seem to be concerned about. You could be the nicest best looking person in the entire world but unless you have a large wallet, a career, nice car and everything else by the age of 21 you might as well be invisible 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1982 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Im not a therapist, but I've visited enough to know how this conversation would go... Tell me about your family of origin? Mum, dad, family life growing up. The answer to such issues are usually within this realm. It is not your fault. It is not you. But maybe some repair work needs to be done. Well basically(and i don't mean to sound like the victim who's feeling sorry for himself) but i come from quite a tough place and had a fairly dysfunctional family(but then again who doesn't ). Although i had the best parents in the entire world, i could have not asked for a better Mother and Father and all they ever done was love me. But by everyone else(siblings/other people) i was constantly bullied, ridiculed, scrutinized, belittled, criticised and basically told that i was stupid and thick and would never get anywhere in my life and whatever i tried to do would be a waste of time as i could never be good at anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1982 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 I'm wondering where you are meeting women, or if you are just randomly meeting them and find out after a few talks that you have nothing in common with them? They say opposites attract, and in my case that may be true. I'm a tiny and very loud woman, I have no tattoos, and dress professional. I tend to gravitate towards men that are taller, with tattoos and beards, and have a little bit of a "soft center". (think biker type) Most men that I run into like this are soft spoken. I am a member of a local bike chapter that rides their motorcycles around town collecting money for a childrens home here. We only do this in the summer, but I have met many awesome men through this club. Most of them appear intimidating at first, but once you get to know them are really big ole softies. Branch out into activities that interest you, never know who you may meet! And if you find women anything like me, nothing scares them, so you should be golden I meet women all the time and try talking to them being nice etc but once again never seem to able to seal the deal. I think maybe i'm just one of those people that's not meant for relationships or to be loved etc Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1982 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 ^^ Hey John, I can empathize with you, as I'm in the same boat you're riding in. Life has passed me by, and although I've been in short stints of platonic relationships, I have never had a real/genuine girlfriend whom I could walk hand-in-hand with down the street. I was told by certain previous classmates that I am handsome, etc. However, that never turned into girlfriend relationships. None. I currently live away from home, and quite happy, in way, because I can utilize my free-time for dating. I have been doing online dating for the past four months. I also am surprised of the number of message response I have been getting from women in my area, considering that I came from a city and state where there are people from my racial background, compared to my current city/state. However, these girls I've met either didn't appeal to me, or the girl slowly ghosted out on me and ceased texting me. I have also been introduced and paired up with girls, only to have met them once for coffee dates, and never to see them again. I keep praying to the Lord everyday for a genuine girlfriend so that I can soon become married and have a family. I hope so soon. We sound like we are in a very similar situation. Especially that we are both outsiders where we both now live. I tried online dating also but to no avail(plenty of freaks), would message tonnes of women only to get no reply from any of them. I hope something works out for you my friend Link to post Share on other sites
Author John1982 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 A few pointers. You need to feel good about yourself because if you don't nobody else will. You cant really equate your self worth by you ability to date and be attractive, its easy to do this but look around does it really matter if you date or not? On a personal note I know how you feel, everyone wants to feel loved and that's really what dating is about. Its not a nice place to be but take your mind off it and focus on something else for a while. Yes your right that i need to feel good about myself first, But i am extremely lonely and i have forgot what it feels like to feel affection and to feel wanted and important to someone. It really is eating me up to the point that i am becoming very bitter. As i mentioned i have no family or anything and no real friends,and when it comes to the point that you are of absolutely no importance to anyone it is crushing it really is, it makes me want to die Link to post Share on other sites
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