8.5 months pregnant by MM, no contact, crazy feelings.

[Wildflower201]

I don’t log in much but I saw your story and had to tell you about my best friend.

 

She was dating this guy for about 6 months. He was very clingy and needy and not at all her usual type but she liked him enough. About 6 months into the relationship she gets prego and has an abortion. This was her decision but it devastated her and made her suffer mentally for months after. Anyway, during this time they are having problems. He’s obsessive over her, shows up places, calls her friends. We are talking about a 30 year old man here. Anyway, she decides to finally end it. A few weeks later she finds out she’s prego again. She was on BC but took it as a sign that this was meant to be. She told him she was keeping the baby and he could be part of the babies life if he chose. This time he begged her to have an abortion, said he wasn’t ready, blah blah. She told him she was keeping the baby and why he did was up to him. He then decides a week later he wants to try and work it out and loves her. Reluctantly she agrees because she’s prego. A few weeks go by and he’s on and off with why he wants. He want some to be with her, doesn’t. Finally she says enough. It’s over. He still won’t go away. Shows up at her job, calls non stop. She changed her number he gets the new one. The whole time telling her how much he loves her and can’t live without her. When she was around 4 months prego we found out from a mutual friend that he was also having a child with someone else. It was a girl that my best friend had suspected he may have cheated on her with before the second pregnancy. Yep!! She was 3 weeks further along then my best friend. This POS has two girls pregnant. He was going back and forth between both of them. My best friend was so angry that she went to the other girl and told her that they were both pregnant with his child and he had been sleeping with them both for months. He denied it of course and took the other girls side but that’s becauwe he knew she would stay with him. My best friend didn’t see him again after that until they had to meet in court. After the paternity test came back that her son was his, and a year long court battle, he has to give her quite a good amount a month. He wants nothing to do with his son and had never seen him. He married the other girl and has two children with her. My best friend met a wonderful guy when her son was 6 months old. He has raised my best friends child as his own and they now have a son together.

 

The point of my story Is you have to strong and move on from this guy. He’s treating you awful but he’s also treating your child like that too. There is nothing special about a man who treats his child this way. He’s selfish and immature.

Move on so you can find someone who will love you and your child the way you both deserve.

 

Thank you for sharing that, I can't say it's comforting to know I'm not the only one, because it isn't....but it's encouraging to know that other women can build a life after that kind of hurt.

 

That confusion, that they guy she was dating showed, that back and forth is what has been the center of everything that has unfolded in my life. Your best friend's decision not to let it continue in hers was so wise. MM is 31, and I thought that time would help him become more stable. It has not.

 

The only thing I can do is walk away because it won't change and I know that. That's why I come here to talk to sort through my feelings. I don't want to look to him for answers and closure that I know he can't provide.

Edited August 11, 2018 by Wildflower201

[Vivir]

I just want to offer hugs to you, Wildflower. Your story makes me feel sadness and anger, and I can only imagine the pain you must be in right now.

 

I can understand you may not want to seek child support from this man simply because of how he (and his family) might react. I could not advise you on what to do, considering that I have never been in such a situation. I like to think that I wouldn't force a man to parent his child or provide support financially... but times are hard... also, some women become VERY angry under the circumstances you find yourself.

 

I unilaterally decided that I would be having a baby if I became pregnant. I assumed that I would basically be on my own, because I am unmarried, and especially when I was an OW. (Among other reasons, it was part of why I found it imperative to end the affair.) Of course that would mean that the father would have to fight me for visitation or whatever if he wanted anything at all to do with the child if he wasn't providing any support...

 

In any case, I have been informed that some states require info on paternity if the mother seeks help from either of those states... the state requires a paternity test and will go after support from the father whether or not she wants to pursue child support from him... If I were you and I were seeking support from him, I would hire an attorney. I would have very little to do with this guy, inasmuch as is practical.

[sandylee1]

I wouldn't bother with child support, because I'd want him as far out of my life as possible.

 

It also means when moving on to another relationship, you don't have to deal with him and neither would a new partner.

 

In reality he is nothing more than a sperm donor. I'd want a better role model for my son than a man who denied him like Judas.

 

He doesn't deserve your son.

 

Find the strength to move on because you love yourself. If you allow people in life to walk over you...they will.

 

Get tough. Get strong. Find confidence and develop self esteem and self worth.

[Normm]

I wouldn't bother with child support

 

 

 

It also means when moving on to another relationship, you don't have to deal with him and neither would a new partner.

 

 

Disagree. The man has a legal obligation to support his child regardless of his level of involvement. A new partner will be stuck footing the bill to pay for all or part of the child's needs- and that's unfair and unnecessary.

[somanymistakes]

The child deserves the money and he deserves to be made to take at least some responsibility for his own actions.

 

Forgoing child support does NOT mean that the biological parent can't suddenly show up one day and demand access.

[Noproblem]

I think you need to leave to another state and start over with your son.

 

Forget about this father, and this drama, this humiliation and this pain.

 

Start fresh somewhere else.

 

I am sure, the government can support single mothers.

 

You need to choose your happiness now and the well being of your son, this is not gonna happen when this man know where you live and how he can reach you.

 

You really don't need him.

You are still young and life is ahead of you, time will make you forget and distance will make you feel better.

 

You are a mother now! You should consider that if you are miserable, you will only turn your innocent child life to misery and pain and shame!

 

you are still young and you will find love and peace again.

 

But you really need to move from this state.

 

and nobody needs to know who is the father of your child. The father of this child messed you up, he does not deserve second chances or even the chance to see you ever again.

 

50 states, choose one and move there.

Edited August 11, 2018 by Noproblem

[stillafool]

I agree. You definitely need to distance yourself from him and his family. You should also change churches in the meantime to meet new friends and get away from his family.

[sandylee1]

I agree with posters above. I'd move away from him. Doesn't sound like he signed the birth cert.

 

Having made a poor choice of a father for my child...I'd rather get away and start afresh without anything from him. He's so not worthy.

[Vivir]

In an earlier thread, Wildflower explained that her own family helps her quite a lot. If they are in the same locality, she would also be moving away from them if she moved away.

I could be wrong, though...

 

I, too, have had the serious urge to pack up and move for reasons related to my affair and for another very bad decision that I made. Ultimately, I decided that running away from my problems would not solve them. Like sandylee1 advised in another post, I had to get strong.

 

Even if you feel that you are dying on the inside, Wildflower, you must get strong. You'll have to fake it until you make it. You must protect yourself and your son in every way (mentally, emotionally, physically, etc.) from this day forward. This man is not your friend, and you will not ever be able to project how you would handle things onto him or his family. You've already learned this lesson in the worst way possible.

 

What are some ways in which you can protect yourself and your son?

Think about it and write some things down. Bounce your ideas off of us and your family (you know, those people who really show that they love you even when you're at your worst).

 

You'll have to get strong, even if it's an act at first.

[Wildflower201]

I just want to offer hugs to you, Wildflower. Your story makes me feel sadness and anger, and I can only imagine the pain you must be in right now.

 

I can understand you may not want to seek child support from this man simply because of how he (and his family) might react. I could not advise you on what to do, considering that I have never been in such a situation. I like to think that I wouldn't force a man to parent his child or provide support financially... but times are hard... also, some women become VERY angry under the circumstances you find yourself.

 

I unilaterally decided that I would be having a baby if I became pregnant. I assumed that I would basically be on my own, because I am unmarried, and especially when I was an OW. (Among other reasons, it was part of why I found it imperative to end the affair.) Of course that would mean that the father would have to fight me for visitation or whatever if he wanted anything at all to do with the child if he wasn't providing any support...

 

In any case, I have been informed that some states require info on paternity if the mother seeks help from either of those states... the state requires a paternity test and will go after support from the father whether or not she wants to pursue child support from him... If I were you and I were seeking support from him, I would hire an attorney. I would have very little to do with this guy, inasmuch as is practical.

 

Vivir, thank you. Hugs are needed. The state that I live in does pursue fathers for support if you apply for assistance. I haven't done so, and that is one of the reasons. I am very fortunate to have a job that I can do from home and a village to help me.

 

When I found out that I was pregnant, I decided the same. I made up my mind when I decided to keep the baby that I would be doing this on my own. Of course, I underestimated how difficult it would be, but it is not difficult enough that I want anything from him.

 

I wouldn't bother with child support, because I'd want him as far out of my life as possible.

 

It also means when moving on to another relationship, you don't have to deal with him and neither would a new partner.

 

In reality he is nothing more than a sperm donor. I'd want a better role model for my son than a man who denied him like Judas.

 

He doesn't deserve your son.

 

Find the strength to move on because you love yourself. If you allow people in life to walk over you...they will.

 

Get tough. Get strong. Find confidence and develop self esteem and self worth.

 

Sandylee, that is almost exactly how I feel about it at this point. He doesn't deserve him. It's hard to say I want him out as far is possible despite me feeling like that may be true. I am still working to embrace the man that he truly is. The man that I saw that day, that denied us is who he is and that man deserves no part of my or my son's lives. The self esteem and self worth is a different thing. I just feel like an open wound. I just want to stay inside and hide from the world and rebuild.

 

Disagree. The man has a legal obligation to support his child regardless of his level of involvement. A new partner will be stuck footing the bill to pay for all or part of the child's needs- and that's unfair and unnecessary.

 

Normm, he does have a legal obligation to provide, and I know it would be unfair and unnecessary for a new partner to help care for my son. I have no interest in dating or anything involving men any time soon, and I want to be able to care for him myself. I don't want any reason for MM to have any connection to us. I could definitely use the help, and I guess it would be to each his own, but I don't feel the money would be worth the hell that he and his family have and could bring into our lives.

 

The child deserves the money and he deserves to be made to take at least some responsibility for his own actions.

 

Forgoing child support does NOT mean that the biological parent can't suddenly show up one day and demand access.

 

That is true somanymistakes. I hope that he doesn't show up one day and demand access. I am hoping that forgoing child support would help decrease the likelihood of that happening. If he did demand access, of course I would pursue child support.

 

I think you need to leave to another state and start over with your son.

 

Forget about this father, and this drama, this humiliation and this pain.

 

Start fresh somewhere else.

 

I am sure, the government can support single mothers.

 

You need to choose your happiness now and the well being of your son, this is not gonna happen when this man know where you live and how he can reach you.

 

You really don't need him.

You are still young and life is ahead of you, time will make you forget and distance will make you feel better.

 

You are a mother now! You should consider that if you are miserable, you will only turn your innocent child life to misery and pain and shame!

 

you are still young and you will find love and peace again.

 

But you really need to move from this state.

 

and nobody needs to know who is the father of your child. The father of this child messed you up, he does not deserve second chances or even the chance to see you ever again.

 

50 states, choose one and move there.

 

 

 

I agree. You definitely need to distance yourself from him and his family. You should also change churches in the meantime to meet new friends and get away from his family.

 

I agree with posters above. I'd move away from him. Doesn't sound like he signed the birth cert.

 

Having made a poor choice of a father for my child...I'd rather get away and start afresh without anything from him. He's so not worthy.

 

That is along the lines of what I have been thinking. I would like to just get away and start over. I have been considering changing our names. I don't believe he will bring anything but pain and disappointment.

 

In an earlier thread, Wildflower explained that her own family helps her quite a lot. If they are in the same locality, she would also be moving away from them if she moved away.

I could be wrong, though...

 

I, too, have had the serious urge to pack up and move for reasons related to my affair and for another very bad decision that I made. Ultimately, I decided that running away from my problems would not solve them. Like sandylee1 advised in another post, I had to get strong.

 

Even if you feel that you are dying on the inside, Wildflower, you must get strong. You'll have to fake it until you make it. You must protect yourself and your son in every way (mentally, emotionally, physically, etc.) from this day forward. This man is not your friend, and you will not ever be able to project how you would handle things onto him or his family. You've already learned this lesson in the worst way possible.

 

What are some ways in which you can protect yourself and your son?

Think about it and write some things down. Bounce your ideas off of us and your family (you know, those people who really show that they love you even when you're at your worst).

 

You'll have to get strong, even if it's an act at first.

 

Vivir that is very true. My family is my support and moving would mean losing that. I am trying to work on becoming more independent so that me moving would not be such an obstacle to me caring for my child.

 

I have had such trouble for that very reason. I am coming from my perspective, and I have projected on him and his family for years. I cannot understand it or come to grips with the way everything has gone.

 

The first thing I have been considering is changing our names. He did not sign our son's birth certificate so he has no legal rights at this time. I feel a strong urge to do it now before anything else happens. We have been no contact and I changed my cell number. I'm trying to work more hours so that I can find a place for us to go. Somewhere that he wouldn't be able to find us when he changes his mind again.

 

The only thing that has given me energy is protecting us. It has been an excellent motivator.

 

You guys, thank you. For all the sides of the situation. Thank you for not judging me or condemning me. Thank you for helping me talk it through. I appreciate it so much.

[MidnightBlue1980]

 

That is true somanymistakes. I hope that he doesn't show up one day and demand access. I am hoping that forgoing child support would help decrease the likelihood of that happening. If he did demand access, of course I would pursue child support.

 

 

If you do not put him on the birth certificate, does that make it harder for him to demand access?

[Wildflower201]

If you do not put him on the birth certificate, does that make it harder for him to demand access?

 

It does make it a little more difficult, but a few court dates would make it possible.

[bathtub-row]

I agree, and I often try to keep in mind the things that he will think or say when he is older. I just don't want to be seen as trying to get to MM. I am not. So many men are angered and become bitter in dealing with child support.

 

OMG. That last sentence stopped me in my tracks. This man has lied to you at every turn, has betrayed you and your son, has used you in every way possible, and yet you're still concerned about him becoming bitter about paying child support.

 

The universe is tough when it comes to paying for consequences and I hope you'll start looking at things realistically so that you can raise a well-adjusted son instead of a grown little boy who doesn't take responsibility for his actions. I know that may seem an odd thing for me to say but I see the signs and I think you're on the road to that disaster.

 

I strongly recommend the book by Jordan Peterson, 12 Rules for Life. Read Rule 5 - "Don't let your children do anything that makes you dislike them", and Rule 11 - "Do not bother children when they are skateboarding". The book is an eye-opener. Rules 2 & 3 would be helpful, too: "Treat yourself like you're someone responsible for helping", and "Make friends with people who want the best for you".

 

Get the child support, shed the guilt, and stop mommying this MM who isn't worth one more second of your time.

[noelle303]

OMG. That last sentence stopped me in my tracks. This man has lied to you at every turn, has betrayed you and your son, has used you in every way possible, and yet you're still concerned about him becoming bitter about paying child support.

 

The universe is tough when it comes to paying for consequences and I hope you'll start looking at things realistically so that you can raise a well-adjusted son instead of a grown little boy who doesn't take responsibility for his actions. I know that may seem an odd thing for me to say but I see the signs and I think you're on the road to that disaster.

 

I strongly recommend the book by Jordan Peterson, 12 Rules for Life. Read Rule 5 - "Don't let your children do anything that makes you dislike them", and Rule 11 - "Do not bother children when they are skateboarding". The book is an eye-opener. Rules 2 & 3 would be helpful, too: "Treat yourself like you're someone responsible for helping", and "Make friends with people who want the best for you".

 

Get the child support, shed the guilt, and stop mommying this MM who isn't worth one more second of your time.

 

As a person who's been through this, it's not about feeling guilty or mommying the MM. It's about being scared that going after child support will make the MM angry enough to make our lives miserable or go for visitation out of pure spite instead of genuine interest in being a part of the child's life.

 

I also decided not to go for child support when I was pregnant with MM's child. I knew that it is for my child, but decided that no money in the world would be worth the drama and turmoil that he could cause in our lives.

 

He had almost no contact with my daughter for the first 5 years and then decided that he actually truly wants to be a part of her life. We formed a custody agreement, he sees her every other weekend and he paid all his back child support.

[Wildflower201]

OMG. That last sentence stopped me in my tracks. This man has lied to you at every turn, has betrayed you and your son, has used you in every way possible, and yet you're still concerned about him becoming bitter about paying child support.

 

The universe is tough when it comes to paying for consequences and I hope you'll start looking at things realistically so that you can raise a well-adjusted son instead of a grown little boy who doesn't take responsibility for his actions. I know that may seem an odd thing for me to say but I see the signs and I think you're on the road to that disaster.

 

I strongly recommend the book by Jordan Peterson, 12 Rules for Life. Read Rule 5 - "Don't let your children do anything that makes you dislike them", and Rule 11 - "Do not bother children when they are skateboarding". The book is an eye-opener. Rules 2 & 3 would be helpful, too: "Treat yourself like you're someone responsible for helping", and "Make friends with people who want the best for you".

 

Get the child support, shed the guilt, and stop mommying this MM who isn't worth one more second of your time.

 

As a person who's been through this, it's not about feeling guilty or mommying the MM. It's about being scared that going after child support will make the MM angry enough to make our lives miserable or go for visitation out of pure spite instead of genuine interest in being a part of the child's life.

 

I also decided not to go for child support when I was pregnant with MM's child. I knew that it is for my child, but decided that no money in the world would be worth the drama and turmoil that he could cause in our lives.

 

He had almost no contact with my daughter for the first 5 years and then decided that he actually truly wants to be a part of her life. We formed a custody agreement, he sees her every other weekend and he paid all his back child support.

 

That is precisely it. I am not worried about mommying him, I am worried about him resenting me and our son. I don't want him harmed or to be in a situation with someone who doesn't really care for him. With the things that MM has done, pursuing visitation out of spite would not be surprising.

[bathtub-row]

That is precisely it. I am not worried about mommying him, I am worried about him resenting me and our son. I don't want him harmed or to be in a situation with someone who doesn't really care for him. With the things that MM has done, pursuing visitation out of spite would not be surprising.

 

It was said that you didn’t want him to become bitter because of having to pay child support. Sounds a lot like mommying to me. Regardless, you’re operating from a position of fear and that’s never a great place to make decisions.

 

No matter what you do or don’t do, he can, at any point in time, decide to demand visitation. And because his parents are probably going to pressure him about it, he is very likely to do just that. Whether he decides to do it out of spite or not, your son would at least have some interaction with his father, right? And, ultimately, that’s the best thing for your son unless his father is abusive - in which case you can have him arrested, or hire someone to take him into a back alley and beat the crap out of him. Lol.

 

Btw, this relative who physically hurt you - did you report him for assault? This isn’t even mildly funny stuff. No one should get away with hurting you like that.

[Normm]

That is precisely it. I am not worried about mommying him, I am worried about him resenting me and our son. I don't want him harmed or to be in a situation with someone who doesn't really care for him. With the things that MM has done, pursuing visitation out of spite would not be surprising.

 

 

You're worried about him resenting you by requiring him to support his child financially? Seriously stop worrying about it and get your child the support that he or she is legally entitled to, stop fearing and protecting the loser guy who goes around having affairs and making babies who he resents having to support. If he wants to visit the child, then great, the child deserves a relationship with his father even if the father is visiting out of "spite" which I can't wrap my head around.

[stillafool]

 

He had almost no contact with my daughter for the first 5 years and then decided that he actually truly wants to be a part of her life. We formed a custody agreement, he sees her every other weekend and he paid all his back child support.

 

This happens more often than not. People grow and regret decisions they made earlier in life and try to rectify it. A child is a precious life and can't easily be forgotten. So don't count on this man staying out of his son's life forever plus your son has a right to know his bio Father.

[noelle303]

You're worried about him resenting you by requiring him to support his child financially? Seriously stop worrying about it and get your child the support that he or she is legally entitled to, stop fearing and protecting the loser guy who goes around having affairs and making babies who he resents having to support. If he wants to visit the child, then great, the child deserves a relationship with his father even if the father is visiting out of "spite" which I can't wrap my head around.

 

She is worried that demanding child support will bring on more problems than actual benefit. Yes, it may be a decision made out of fear, but I completely understand it.

 

Seriously, my own father is a lawyer and when I was in the same situation, he was one of the people who told me to cut ties and forget the money.

 

Yes, a child has the right to get to know its father, but that father needs to want it and want it for the right reasons.

[Normm]

Yes, a child has the right to get to know its father, but that father needs to want it and want it for the right reasons.

 

 

I can't imagine the guy would see his child on a regular basis simply out of spite because he thinks it's unfair he has to financially support it.

[bathtub-row]

I can't imagine the guy would see his child on a regular basis simply out of spite because he thinks it's unfair he has to financially support it.

 

It’s certainly a long-shot. My thoughts are that the guy’s parents are going to start putting pressure on him so that they can see their grandson. It’s obvious they were deeply affected by the news of his existence. Sit back and watch.

[noelle303]

I can't imagine the guy would see his child on a regular basis simply out of spite because he thinks it's unfair he has to financially support it.

 

Well, the more custody he has, the less child support he has to pay, so yeah, I can imagine that being a motive.

[pepperbird]

The only thing that matters in a situation like this is what is best for the little boy or girl. The adults made their choices and have to live with the fallout. The child had no say in the matter, but will still have to live with the consequences.

 

 

 

op, if you don't mind a word of advice, it's this. As someone who never knew her biological parents, I will always wonder about them. I love my mom and dad ( I was adopted) but part of me wants to know my biological background. It was like this from when I first found out I was adopted ( was a child when my mom and dad told me).

 

 

 

I know the situation is different, but the fundamental are the same. Give your son or daughter and their father an opportunity to meet one another if they wish to do so. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but at least you will have tried. That can go a long way as your child gets older in giving them a sense that they have a mom who is willing to do what it takes to be there of them, even if it's really hard.

[Vivir]

Btw, this relative who physically hurt you - did you report him for assault? This isn’t even mildly funny stuff. No one should get away with hurting you like that.

 

I second, third, and fourth this^ opinion.

 

I can't imagine the guy would see his child on a regular basis simply out of spite because he thinks it's unfair he has to financially support it.

 

I know someone who is doing this right now, and these children were born within a marriage - and they are teenagers. Their lives have been turned upside down because their father is unhappy about a possible increase in child support for them (due to him getting a significant raise). But most of his family (including his mother) acts out of spite. It was one of those red flags their children's mother was aware of before she even married him. Still, I can't help but feel sorry for her - but I feel especially sorry for their innocent children who are caught in the middle.

[Wildflower201]

You're worried about him resenting you by requiring him to support his child financially? Seriously stop worrying about it and get your child the support that he or she is legally entitled to, stop fearing and protecting the loser guy who goes around having affairs and making babies who he resents having to support. If he wants to visit the child, then great, the child deserves a relationship with his father even if the father is visiting out of "spite" which I can't wrap my head around.

 

I am very familiar with people (not just men) who resent having to parent their children. MM was abused and unwanted as a child, I was abused and resented as a child, and several other people I have known in my lifetime experienced the same. It may be hard to understand if you have not seen it firsthand and MM has always shown that he wasn't interested in our son. It seeped through no matter what he pretended to be. He has gotten physical with me and with his wife. I'm protecting us, not MM.

 

This happens more often than not. People grow and regret decisions they made earlier in life and try to rectify it. A child is a precious life and can't easily be forgotten. So don't count on this man staying out of his son's life forever plus your son has a right to know his bio Father.

 

He does have that right, but I'm not going to push our son on him when he has no interest.

 

She is worried that demanding child support will bring on more problems than actual benefit. Yes, it may be a decision made out of fear, but I completely understand it.

 

Seriously, my own father is a lawyer and when I was in the same situation, he was one of the people who told me to cut ties and forget the money.

 

Yes, a child has the right to get to know its father, but that father needs to want it and want it for the right reasons.

 

Exactly.

 

I can't imagine the guy would see his child on a regular basis simply out of spite because he thinks it's unfair he has to financially support it.

 

There are some who stay in a marriage because they want to preserve their finances, there are people who have killed their significant other over money. It is likely that he would pick up our son just to drop him off to his mother's (my son's grandmother) house in order to pacify them.

 

It’s certainly a long-shot. My thoughts are that the guy’s parents are going to start putting pressure on him so that they can see their grandson. It’s obvious they were deeply affected by the news of his existence. Sit back and watch.

 

My son's grandfather is the one who has the genuine interest in him being a part of their family. My son's grandmother sees him as the result of "the curse of the illegitimate child".

 

Well, the more custody he has, the less child support he has to pay, so yeah, I can imagine that being a motive.

 

It is a motive.

 

The only thing that matters in a situation like this is what is best for the little boy or girl. The adults made their choices and have to live with the fallout. The child had no say in the matter, but will still have to live with the consequences.

 

 

 

op, if you don't mind a word of advice, it's this. As someone who never knew her biological parents, I will always wonder about them. I love my mom and dad ( I was adopted) but part of me wants to know my biological background. It was like this from when I first found out I was adopted ( was a child when my mom and dad told me).

 

 

 

I know the situation is different, but the fundamental are the same. Give your son or daughter and their father an opportunity to meet one another if they wish to do so. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but at least you will have tried. That can go a long way as your child gets older in giving them a sense that they have a mom who is willing to do what it takes to be there of them, even if it's really hard.

 

They've met. I tried for an entire year. I was patient, I dealt with all of the craziness, I was encouraging, I didn't show my disappointment when everything fell through 98% of the time. I'm no longer pushing it. I am not pressuring him anymore. I have completely stepped away and he has said nothing.

 

I second, third, and fourth this^ opinion.

 

 

 

I know someone who is doing this right now, and these children were born within a marriage - and they are teenagers. Their lives have been turned upside down because their father is unhappy about a possible increase in child support for them (due to him getting a significant raise). But most of his family (including his mother) acts out of spite. It was one of those red flags their children's mother was aware of before she even married him. Still, I can't help but feel sorry for her - but I feel especially sorry for their innocent children who are caught in the middle.

 

It was much more than a red flag for me. I knew on some level the toxicity of his family. I know very well now. There are people who really are that spiteful and cruel, and while respecting his right to see our son, I am definitely not going to miss the opportunity to ensure his safekeeping.

 

For reasons that I don't want to get into here, I can't press charges. At the hospital I was asked incredulously several times...but I can't.