MisUnderstood1 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 My ex just emailed me. I am shocked. We haven't seen each other nor spoken in 4 years. He says he wants us to have peace with each other, that he doesn't want me to be upset with him or hate him, that he wants to talk to me on the phone to discuss something very important and urgent, and I should kindly reply soon. What could be so important and urgent? Why's he contacting me after all these years? I don't hate nor resent him. I was just incredibly hurt when he told me he had cheated. I had already broken up with him (he was always busy all of a sudden, other changes I noticed, etc) when he told me he had cheated for pretty much the entire time we were together... he met her a few months after we met (and was still with her up until that day that he told me he had cheated with he). He said he was telling me because he wanted us to get back together and was going to break up with her to come back to me. I took him seriously and thought he would but this guy would call me every two weeks with excuses. 3 months later he still hadn't broken up with her and I was even more hurt. I told him never to call me again. He asked if he could email me (we sometimes kept in touch via) and I said no. Then I open my mail tonight, 4 years later, to find his mail. I knew that if he ever did contact me, it would be via email (even though I had told him not to) because my # has changed since. But y'all, the thing is, I thought about emailing him myself last week out of desperation because I have been thinking about him lately and wanted to tell him I missed him, but thought that he might still be with her or even married by now. Despite the cheating, he was good to me. I decided against emailing him and just started wishing he would email me (I'm not kidding) and this is why this is so weird because he actually did tonight, after 4 years. Maybe he just needs my help with something. What could be so urgent and important? I know he's a Christian and maybe his Pastor told him he needs to make peace with me before he marries her or whoever else he's seeing now. I don't know. What could he want? At the end of the mail, he said he wants to talk on the phone or see me in person to "discuss" the important and urgent matter. I'd rather we meet in person than talk on the phone, or what do y'all think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MisUnderstood1 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 And I don't know how to reply to this email or what to say. Again, I'm still shocked. I had to check my inbox again to make sure I wasn't dreaming because I never thought I would hear from him again. I don't want to appear so eager on the mail or anything. I don't know what he wants and don't want to get ahead of myself but that's what I want to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 And I don't know how to reply to this email or what to say. Again, I'm still shocked. I had to check my inbox again to make sure I wasn't dreaming because I never thought I would hear from him again. I don't want to appear so eager on the mail or anything. I don't know what he wants and don't want to get ahead of myself but that's what I want to find out. Im curious... would you ever take him back? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Your best response is "no response". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MisUnderstood1 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Im curious... would you ever take him back? Yes, I would. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I know this is eating at you, but if it is that important he will try again or use a more direct way to contact you. It could be something important to him but only cause hurt for you. After 4 years I highly doubt it is something that could affect you. Sit on this and don't reply right now. Sounds like he might be trying relieve his guilt and he may have broken up with that woman. He cheated on you in an unforgivable way. Some people make a mistake and cheat on a one nightstand, but his was ongoing. You could never trust him again. You also said you are desperate right now which is another very good reason not to contact him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yes, I would. The guy cheated on you the entire relationship, but he was good to you? Nope. He disrespected you and took you for granted. And you're ready to jump back onboard. You need to reevaluate the situation. You were cheated on, lied to, and then when he came clean he rode off into the sunset with the other woman. Take care and don't make the same mistake twice of chasing a cheater. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I thought about emailing him myself last week out of desperation because I have been thinking about him lately and wanted to tell him I missed him, but thought that he might still be with her or even married by now. Despite the cheating, he was good to me. I am baffled...do you suffer from severely low self worth? Why are you desperate? That desperation is floating out in the universe, pulling him toward you. That is not a good thing. The fact that he cheated on you the entire time you were together completely cancels out him "being good to you". *scratches head* I'm quite certain you aren't going to take the advice of ignoring this email, so I would say a brief response that says I don't hate you, all is forgiven, have a nice life! will suffice. Unless you are interested in being cheated on again, that is. But as long as he is "good to you" it doesn't matter I guess? You say straight out that you would take him back. I am truly perplexed here. What's really going on with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Four years could change a person these people are always going to have their opinion most of their opinions are going to be negative because they think they can predict the future If the guy was a good person I made some mistakes maybe he got help you never know Be cautious but if I were you I would probably reply and see what's going on Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Why don't you write back? If you're 4 years out and you can still see yourself with this guy, then you haven't dealt with this properly. One of two things needs to occur: 1) You should take your shot 2) He should shoot you down before you begin Who knows what he wants? Maybe he has a security clearance investigation coming up and he doesn't want you to scotch it. Maybe he's been thinking about you. Maybe he's getting married and wants to tell you about it. Maybe he's selling Herbalife. Whatever it is that he wants, hearing it directly ought to give you a little peace of mind. Maybe knowing he's not interested will kill your interest in him. It's worth a shot. Write him back and say "Sure. What do you want? Call me tonight after 6PM - 909- 555-1212." Then wait for the call. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Why don't you write back? If you're 4 years out and you can still see yourself with this guy, then you haven't dealt with this properly. One of two things needs to occur: 1) You should take your shot 2) He should shoot you down before you begin Who knows what he wants? Maybe he has a security clearance investigation coming up and he doesn't want you to scotch it. Maybe he's been thinking about you. Maybe he's getting married and wants to tell you about it. Maybe he's selling Herbalife. Whatever it is that he wants, hearing it directly ought to give you a little peace of mind. Maybe knowing he's not interested will kill your interest in him. It's worth a shot. Write him back and say "Sure. What do you want? Call me tonight after 6PM - 909- 555-1212." Then wait for the call. Was just thinking this. There could indeed be something important he needs to tell you or ask of you. It might not be about getting back together. I would ask him what it's regarding, and then decide if you want to speak to him on the phone or not. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Why don't you write back? If you're 4 years out and you can still see yourself with this guy, then you haven't dealt with this properly. One of two things needs to occur: 1) You should take your shot 2) He should shoot you down before you begin Who knows what he wants? Maybe he has a security clearance investigation coming up and he doesn't want you to scotch it. Maybe he's been thinking about you. Maybe he's getting married and wants to tell you about it. Maybe he's selling Herbalife. Whatever it is that he wants, hearing it directly ought to give you a little peace of mind. Maybe knowing he's not interested will kill your interest in him. It's worth a shot. Write him back and say "Sure. What do you want? Call me tonight after 6PM - 909- 555-1212." Then wait for the call. Good advice. I second this. Link to post Share on other sites
AngryGromit Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 (edited) Yes, I would. So he treats you like a door mat your entire relationship, he snaps his fingers after 4 years and you come running back to him? Have some self respect. I would demand what is the nature of the conversation before talking to him on the phone, I certainly wouldn't meet him anywhere. After four years you may think he's going to beg you to take him back, but it could be about anything. He could be a junkie looking for his next fix, lend me some money. He could be in dire financial trouble and your his last resort. Any number of things both good and bad. If were me, I'd buy a burner phone and call him with that, this way if it turned out he's bad news, you could toss the phone and not have to worry about him keep calling you up. It's worth a shot. Write him back and say "Sure. What do you want? Call me tonight after 6PM - 909- 555-1212." I disagree, Burner phone is the way to go, he has to earn some trust before you give out your real number to him. Edited January 31, 2017 by AngryGromit Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Was just thinking this. There could indeed be something important he needs to tell you or ask of you. It might not be about getting back together. I would ask him what it's regarding, and then decide if you want to speak to him on the phone or not. Sounds like something he found on a how to get your ex back website.. "omg i have something urgent to tell you?" This is almost gurantee you will respond. Seeing that the shelf life of a relationship is about 3 years. My bet he broke up with his girl a coupke months ago Now he has his sights on you.. Just a guest Link to post Share on other sites
BAcK Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I wouldn't even bother opening the mail. 4 years is a lot of time. He is just looking for an excuse to contact you. I remember when I broke up with my first gf, I contacted her after 2 years with a lame excuse. I just wanted to check what was going on in her life. I know it's plain selfishness but we are tempted to do such things. Do not fall for such tricks. There are dozens of websites selling such crappy ideas. Now it's upto you to decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MisUnderstood1 Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 (edited) Thanks everybody. I know you guys told me not to reply but I couldn't help it, sorry, partly because I wanted to see if he would give me an idea of whatever it is that's so "important and urgent" that he wants to talk to me about. I replied his email Monday at noon, telling him something along the lines off... "I was very hurt by everything that happened but I already forgave you. I'm not upset with you neither do I hate you. What is so important and urgent that you want to talk to me about?". He replied last night saying thanks for responding to my email, thanks for forgiving me, that what he wants to discuss is of a personal nature and asking for my # again so he can call me this saturday to talk. I'm annoyed now b/c I intentionally mentioned my being hurt to see if he would somehow acknowledge that but he didn't and I'm even more annoyed that he thinks he can suddenly waltz into my life after all these years, request my # and somehow thinks I'll give it to him. I saw the burner phone idea that someone mentioned. I've heard of Textnow app that gives you a free temporary phone #, tho I've never used it and thought about using it initially on him b/c I'm not comfortable giving him my real #. Back then the last few months of our phone conversations consisted of him calling me every two weeks to give me excuses on why he hadn't left her as he said he would (they had made plans and he couldn't just bail out, a holiday was coming up, he had met her mom and didn't want them to be sad, he had borrowed money from her and couldn't just leave her without paying, etc, etc) and him telling me to be more patient because he was going to leave her and after 3 months of me waiting for him and realizing he was just stringing me along I was very upset and our last phone conversation wasn't pleasant because it resulted in a few exchange of words back and forth. I already felt hurt that he cheated thru the course of our r/ship with her and this was like adding salt to injury. My self-esteem hasn't been the same since b/c I felt unwanted and like I wasn't good enough. He was the one who called and said he wanted me back and I said okay despite the cheating only for him to be playing me again. Anyway, at this point I don't even want to talk to him anymore at all, burner phone or otherwise. Besides, he refuses to give me an idea of whatever it is that's so "important and urgent" yet I'm supposed to give in and give him my #. I remember thinking 4 years ago that he was so selfish, that he only cares about himself and it seems he hasn't changed. I've deleted the mails this morning and won't be replying him again. Good riddance. Edited February 1, 2017 by MisUnderstood1 Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Besides, he refuses to give me an idea of whatever it is that's so "important and urgent" yet I'm supposed to give in and give him my #. I remember thinking 4 years ago that he was so selfish, that he only cares about himself and it seems he hasn't changed. I've deleted the mails this morning and won't be replying him again. Good riddance. This is what I was thinking too. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I don't think you should go any further with this. Good riddance as you said. In your first post, it sounded like he wanted to make sure you don't hate him because he feels guilty. That would be my best guess. Its sounds pretty selfish to me. If he really wanted to offer a sincere apology, he could have done so and then left you alone. But he's never done that from what I can tell. It seems like he just wants an easy fix to get you on his side. The nicest thing he could do would be to leave you alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 As much as I support getting back together under the right circumstances You did the right move Do not reply Screw him Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 He said it was of a personal nature. Did you do STI screening when you broke up with him? I'm wondering if there's any chance he might of just found out he has something that he may have passed on to you. If you do change your mind about talking to him, I suggest you ask for his number then make your number private and call him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 He said it was of a personal nature. Did you do STI screening when you broke up with him? I'm wondering if there's any chance he might of just found out he has something that he may have passed on to you. If you do change your mind about talking to him, I suggest you ask for his number then make your number private and call him. That's what I was thinking at this point too. Like maybe he is terminally ill or contracted something nasty that he has to contact his former lovers to let them know about to get tested. Might be worth using one of those apps to talk and find out, since you already replied. Then you can toss this relationship in the garbage bin and not the recycle bin for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 He cheated on you? NEXT! No forgiveness. Block him. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 That's what I was thinking at this point too. Like maybe he is terminally ill or contracted something nasty that he has to contact his former lovers to let them know about to get tested. Might be worth using one of those apps to talk and find out, since you already replied. Then you can toss this relationship in the garbage bin and not the recycle bin for good. That's exactly what I was thinking. OP, it sounds like you do need to talk to him. Whatever it is, he doesn't want to talk about it over email. It might be important. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 He said it was of a personal nature. Did you do STI screening when you broke up with him? I'm wondering if there's any chance he might of just found out he has something that he may have passed on to you. If you do change your mind about talking to him, I suggest you ask for his number then make your number private and call him. I also suggest doing this if you do reply and then also let him know that you will call him at a certain time on Saturday and that will be the only time you try and you can add if you want, that as long as the important information has nothing to do with relationship talk that you will listen to him. If you don't want to add the last part, then you make sure to take the lead on the conversation and make sure to keep it clear from that kind of talk and have him get to the point. Don't let him get into "catching up" and sweet talking you at all. You have to avoid all other talk and have him get right to the point. If you do not feel strong enough to do this, then tell him the best you can do is through email. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) Well that escalated quickly. So you actually missed him and wanted him to contact you. He does, through email, and asks to have contact with you via phone (a much better form of communication). And because the words come out as offensive to you via the shoddy form of communication that is typed words in email, you get mad and intend to ghost him. I thought about emailing him myself last week out of desperation because I have been thinking about him lately and wanted to tell him I missed him...and just started wishing he would email me (I'm not kidding) and this is why this is so weird because he actually did tonight, after 4 years. I'd rather we meet in person than talk on the phone... >>> I'm annoyed now b/c I intentionally mentioned my being hurt to see if he would somehow acknowledge that but he didn't and I'm even more annoyed that he thinks he can suddenly waltz into my life after all these years, request my # and somehow thinks I'll give it to him... I've deleted the mails this morning and won't be replying him again. Good riddance. Edited February 2, 2017 by bluefeather Link to post Share on other sites
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