Katelyn2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I have a wonderful husband, he loves me, spends all spare time with me, amazing father ect. Has done a couple of small things to upset me - nothing that bad, the last one being looking at live cam girls, but not paying or interacting. He always apologises & says he won't do it again. I noticed scratch marks on his back twice after he came home from work. Once maybe over 2 years ago & last time last year when I was heavily pregnant. Didn't mention or investigate but it stuck in my head (has requested me to scratch his back while having sex). Last week my friend mentioned she worked right near him & across the road from a brothel.. I googled & there are 3 near his work & 1 is only 2 streets away. I mentioned casually in convo to him & he suddenly got extremely nervous. He starting rambling car directions to get there but also stumbling on words several times. (Also I hadn't asked for directions) then wanted to know what she did. I said office work. Asked again what the company did. Finally said he knew the brothel was there because he had worked on a job next door & gave the company name. & laughed saying it just happened to be next to a brothel.I know that he would never admit to anything because he would be too scared to lose me and his son. He has slept with a prostitute once before meeting me, & his close single friends always sleep with them.. Am I jumping to conclusions or do u think I have something to worry about here? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 What was his explanations for the scratches on his back? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yes it sounds like it... Can't be totally sure. But it sounds like he may be going to prostitutes. If you guys are having sex, please say that condoms are you choice for BC. That is actually worse than having an affair. If he is going to prostitutes that puts your health at risk way more than just an affair. You are going to have to find out what is up before you confront. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 yeah my bf came home with a scratch on his back his "dog" gave him too. Turns out it was a prostitute giving him that while she was pegging him... I would say your instincts are definitely on to something... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Based on his reaction, he more than likely is. You may not be able to get him to tell you he has but since your health is at risk for an std, tell him you want him tested before you will have sex with him again and from here on out, use a condom. Sorry but even though I was a mistress, I only slept with two men in my entire life... going to a brothel takes a whole different type of man with absolutely no respect for women. Gross! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katelyn2017 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) I didn't say anything either time about the scratches. The first time I wasn't really suss & the 2nd time I was heavily pregnant and had so much going on I just made a note of it. I've looked at his phone so many times there is never anything on there. It was only when I found out about a the brothel 2 streets from his work that I freaked out. If he drives there & pays cash. How am I going to ever find out the truth. Edited January 30, 2017 by Katelyn2017 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) Prostitutes are not like OW. Their's no real connection. Therefore, you will not find a strand of Text messages or odd phone calls. If he is calling the place, he probably has it under a different name in his contacts. Or is using a google number. Your best bet is PI. Edited January 30, 2017 by BuddyX Grammar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Sorry but even though I was a mistress, I only slept with two men in my entire life... going to a brothel takes a whole different type of man with absolutely no respect for women. Gross! Since the brothels are showing up on Google, have to guess the OP is in Nevada. At least the girls there are checked for STD's and practice safe sex, probably "cleaner" than the population at large. Katelyn2017, not inexpensive to frequent a brothel, does he have that kind of discretionary cash? Assuming you have online access to accounts, I'd start there... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Hi Katelyn, sorry for your situation. How long have you been married and how many children do you have? Also do you two have regular sex or has that dropped off? Did you ever deny him sex or have you always accommodated him willingly? What drew you two together in the beginning and did you know about his friends visiting prostitutes in advance or only after you married him. Sorry to say but the adage ' Birds of a feather flock together' may hold true of your husband. If his friends do it then he may be doing it too. Is it possible for him to change his company to some other one far away from such temptation? I think the only way you have to get to the bottom of this is to to have a face to face talk with him and not hesitate to ask all the questions which are plaguing you. You do not want him to put your health at risk and he is married to you so it his responsibility not to put you at such risk. Also you have every right to ask him awkward questions just because he is your husband and should be an open book for you. If you hesitate to ask this will fester and become a big problem later on. Hope some of this helps. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I think you have a good idea what is going on... you are not wrong to believe that he is going to the brothel. The question is, what are you going to do about it? It's an expensive habit, he's lying to you and disrespecting your marriage, and he is putting your health at risk. This would never be acceptable to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I think you already know the answer to your own question sweetie. Now the question is, what are you going to do about it? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I didn't say anything either time about the scratches. The first time I wasn't really suss & the 2nd time I was heavily pregnant and had so much going on I just made a note of it. I've looked at his phone so many times there is never anything on there. It was only when I found out about a the brothel 2 streets from his work that I freaked out. If he drives there & pays cash. How am I going to ever find out the truth. I recently learned from a friend of a friend who serial cheats on her husband, that they download an app you can text from, and they just delete it and reinstall it throughout the day depending if their husband is home. Yes this is terrible. Just pointing out you might not always see it where you think it is. Get a VAR and put it in his car, or a GPS, to track his whereabouts for a few weeks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 If you want "evidence", then stop speaking to him about this all together and keep your eyes and ears open and start doing some detective work. He is only gong to deny deny deny if you keep pressing him for answers and if he is paying in cash and there is little paper trail then you are in a very weak position, he will know that and he will keep on lying. You need to go through your accounts with a fine tooth comb. You need to consider extra bank accounts, saving accounts that may be being raided, remortgaging... you need to monitor his cash withdrawals and try to account for every cent. Depending on your circumstances, his prostitute/brothel habit may be a drop in the ocean or it may literally be taking the food from your baby's mouth. You may find you are not nearly as solvent as you think you are. If you can do so hire a PI, but you may need to wait a while until he feels safe again and so resumes his habit. Paying for sex is a huge hurdle to leap and many men will just not go there. You knew he visited prostitutes, that should have been a huge red flag. An OW, needs procured and cultivated, she needs time spent and not every MM can persuade a woman to have sex with him regularly either. Prostitutes on the other hand can be quick and easy, he can drop in for a quickie or a HJ on his way home from work for instance, they are everywhere and only a few dollars away too... I guess if you decide to stay, this will be a huge ongoing problem for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katelyn2017 Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'm starting to feel like I've got the whole thing wrong now. Thinking back to the scratch marks. They were halfway up his back but only one and on one side. If they are only on one side could that indicate he is innocent? I could tell they were definitely from nails, & it was a long scratch but you would think there would be another identical scratch on the other side of his back? Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Don't fixate on the scratch marks. Put a VAR under his car seat and you'll have an answer within a couple days. Are you afraid of finding out the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Hi Buddy, if he is visiting prostitutes, how would a VAR help? On the other hand he may have an OW in which case it would definitely help. A GPS is a good idea. What about examining his underwear after he comes home and has a shower? If he has recently visited someone it may have some semen stains on it. May be worth looking at. The best of course is a PI. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'm starting to feel like I've got the whole thing wrong now. Thinking back to the scratch marks. They were halfway up his back but only one and on one side. If they are only on one side could that indicate he is innocent? I could tell they were definitely from nails, & it was a long scratch but you would think there would be another identical scratch on the other side of his back? Now you are trying to make excuses for him, because you are afraid your initial observation and gut feeling was right. Dont do that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Hi Buddy, if he is visiting prostitutes, how would a VAR help? On the other hand he may have an OW in which case it would definitely help. A GPS is a good idea. What about examining his underwear after he comes home and has a shower? If he has recently visited someone it may have some semen stains on it. May be worth looking at. The best of course is a PI. PI makes the amount of sense. But guys don't keep this kind of stuff to themselves. A phone call from the car (to a buddy) would reveal his transgressions. Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'm going to give you some advice that is a bit different than what you've been given, and it might terrible, but it is an option. First off, my guess is that, if he is seeing prostitutes, he's ashamed of it, or at least ashamed to admit it to you. I doubt he's seeing them for any sort of emotional need ( beyond possibly a need for a self esteem boost), he's likely seeing them more for sexual release- an obvious statement, I know. Right now, I would take the tack that he is seeing prostitutes. Even if he's not, there really is no way to prove that, and the question may always play in your mind. You could have him followed, place a VAR in his car, do whatever, but even if you find nothing, that little voice in the back of your head might very well still be suspicious. I would take some time and do some thinking about what you want to do, and assume he is seeing prostitutes. Are you willing to stay? If not, prepare to leave. If you are willing to stay and work through things with him, then you need to sit him down and have a very serious conversation with him. Explain your suspicions, and ask him why he has decided to do so. Is there something he's lacking at home, or does he just enjoy the extra sex? Whatever his answer, at least you will know where you stand. Be firm in your resolution that you will leave if he is seeing prostitutes ( if that it what you feel is the right thing for you) because he probably isn't going to stop. Just speaking for myself, I couldn't stay with a man who saw prostitutes because it's disrespectful to me and our family, it could be taking advantage of a woman who is in a vulnerable place, and the risk of disease. Link to post Share on other sites
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