Marc878 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 So just a quick update - It happened again even after all our talking she "didn't purposefully forget to tell me her lunch plans" but I happened to come home early and noticed she wasn't home. On a side note, she's volunteered to help move me into the guest bedroom. Interesting reaction from her I should say - not sure what to make of that at all other than she's encouraging the distance/separation. Move her azz into the guest room!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Onnanoko Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 No, it's not wrong to expect that you will know what your spouse I'd doing everyday. You are not wrong in expecting transparency. I can't help but think that she wouldn't be so defensive and withholding her plans, if there was nothing to hide... The passive aggressive approach to communication is not going to work for you. It will only build more resentment and further the power struggle occurring in your relationship. You have big communication, trust, and intimacy problems in your marriage... It will be interesting to see if your wife decides she wants to work on this with you... This. ^^^ I recently discovered that the man I trusted with my heart has been very secretive with his online travels as of late. Before, he did not exhibit deceptive behavior whenever I would walk past him while he was on his laptop. Lately however, he has verbalized (in a round about way) and has exhibited that he is bothered and irritated by me walking past him or being in his vicinity to where I can see his laptop screen. He has gone as far as to position himself physically in such a way that I would be unable to see what he was/is doing online. This was my second red flag. The first red flag I observed was when he started taking his cell phone and laptop into the bathroom and would spend 40 to 60 minutes in there and then walk out of there as though everything was normal. He also does not try to talk to me about what he is doing. He is very secretive about what he does on his cell phone and on his laptop since I have moved in with him. This makes me very sad because I have nothing to hide and do not care what he sees me doing on my laptop. I have learned that whenever a spouse or significant other becomes secretive about what they are doing on their laptop or cell phone, it is because they are hiding something they do not want you to see. This is a very bad sign. At least for me it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Hi Onnanoko, so what are you doing about your SO's behaviour? You said you moved in with him. How long ago was that? If not too long ago then why not move out again? If he has these issues now there is no future for you with him. Sorry for your situation but that is how I see it. I would also suggest that you start doing the famous 180 with him. That should wake him up out of his fog pretty soon. Also, if you are sharing his bed stop doing that. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Onnanoko Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Hi Onnanoko, so what are you doing about your SO's behaviour? You said you moved in with him. How long ago was that? If not too long ago then why not move out again? If he has these issues now there is no future for you with him. Sorry for your situation but that is how I see it. I would also suggest that you start doing the famous 180 with him. That should wake him up out of his fog pretty soon. Also, if you are sharing his bed stop doing that. Warm wishes. I am doing nothing about his behaviour because he is too far gone for it to be worth my time and effort. We have been living together for almost a year. In that time his secretiveness has been growing in frequency. I agree with you that I do not see a future sharing my life and my heart with someone who is deceptive and purposefully hides things from me. I do not deserve that since I am completely transparent with him. However after much thought and consideration I have decided to move out and move on with my life. There may be other women who do not mind living with a man that is very secretive and unaffectionate, but I am not one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I am doing nothing about his behaviour because he is too far gone for it to be worth my time and effort. We have been living together for almost a year. In that time his secretiveness has been growing in frequency. I agree with you that I do not see a future sharing my life and my heart with someone who is deceptive and purposefully hides things from me. I do not deserve that since I am completely transparent with him. However after much thought and consideration I have decided to move out and move on with my life. There may be other women who do not mind living with a man that is very secretive and unaffectionate, but I am not one of them. Good for you for deciding to move out. It's sad that your relationship will end this way but I agree with your reasoning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Onnanoko Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Good for you for deciding to move out. It's sad that your relationship will end this way but I agree with your reasoning. Thank you for your post Betty. Yes. It is very sad. My love for him was growing and I was looking forward to a happy future together. But not anymore. People are who they are and they will not change. Ever. I know that there is someone out there for me who will be as transparent with me as I will be with him. Who will never intentionally hide things from me. There also has to be a man out there that knows how to kiss, that has charisma, and that knows how to make love to a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 Thank you for your post Betty. Yes. It is very sad. My love for him was growing and I was looking forward to a happy future together. But not anymore. People are who they are and they will not change. Ever. I know that there is someone out there for me who will be as transparent with me as I will be with him. Who will never intentionally hide things from me. There also has to be a man out there that knows how to kiss, that has charisma, and that knows how to make love to a woman. People can change if they wish. However, it seems like your boyfriend was making unacceptable changes. Wow...he was a bad kisser and awful lover too? Good riddance! Link to post Share on other sites
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