We stopped before it's too late

[CaliforniaGirl]

Ugh, OP, you can't see how this guy has been playing you like a fiddle? He loves the drama and he loves your adoration. It boosts his ego. He doesn't want a child from you, LOL, one on. And his "I shouldn't do this" pulling-back schpeil is straight out of PUA.

 

Meanwhile he doesn't have any responsibility for having a real relationship with you because you're married.

[Life lessons]

I do now see that there really is no mention of her husband!? I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because I know it is possible to love and want to spend eternity with the h although an A is happening. Op, is there a reason you can't leave if there's no love there? If it's for financial reasons, there are lots of support networks that would help you until you are in your feet! How old is your child? And why would you want another child...this one with the A partner, if you're willing to give your child and current life up? It seems there's a lot we all do not know and maybe it would make sense if we did but for now, we can only go by what's being said...and that's not too much about your home life.

[S2B]

You've said several times that you're looking within instead of outwardly...

 

What do you see/find when you look within?

[Mr. Lucky]

I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because I know it is possible to love and want to spend eternity with the h although an A is happening.

 

This is the kind of selfish nonsense many WS's are able to convince themselves is true. Love isn't conceptual, it's actionable. If your actions include betraying your spouse by sleeping with another person, that's not love.

 

If you question whether this is true, just ask your spouse...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Overtaxed]

This is the kind of selfish nonsense many WS's are able to convince themselves is true. Love isn't conceptual, it's actionable. If your actions include betraying your spouse by sleeping with another person, that's not love.

 

If you question whether this is true, just ask your spouse...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Just jumping in to say "Exactly". Love is an ACTION. H*rny is a feeling. Bored is a feeling. Unsatisfied is a feeling. But not love. Love is an action word; you love someone, and there might be a feeling that you associate with it, but it's an action to DO something (or, in this case, NOT do something) that really defines love. Not a feeling.

 

Lust is a feeling. That's what most of the waywards, IMHO are feeling and confusing with the action that is love.

[Confused48]

Stopped before it was too late!? Really?! You had/have a full blown PA and think you stopped before its too late bc the OM dumped you? Please.

 

You are self centered and selfish. Only staying with your poor BH for his money. I saw the title of your thread and thought I'd read about someone who saw the light in time to stop a tragedy. Instead I'm reading about an unrepentant cheater. Ugh.

[Eternal30]

So he dumped me on Jan. 30, and reached out on Feb. 07, I cut him off completely on that day. I feel stupid, used during this period of time. I also feel loss which is the most painful feeling.

 

I know it is not love, and I know everything he has said was false. He never meant anything he said. There was NEVER a future between us in his mind. He was manipulative.

 

Last night he texted me from an unknown number, he said "I want to see you."For a moment, I had those old feelings back: the feelings of wanting to be close to him. But I knew I couldn't do it anymore.

 

However I asked "Why?" He said "Because I want to make love to you."

 

Then I told him that I no longer had that mind anymore, that I'm done with him.

He said "Okay"

 

And I blocked this number as well.

 

--

Well I'm just venting.

I don't understand why thing got so ugly. I know it's my fault since the beginning. I allowed him to treat me this way.

 

I feel hurt. I need strength.

 

I'm going to individual counseling soon.

[Confused48]

You are in a very bad situation. I do feel sorry for you and for your pain. Even though someone very much like you hurt me this way, I still feel sorry for your pain and the pain of the person that hurt me.

 

You did this out of stupidity and selfishness. Get smart. Stop being selfish. Figure out what went wrong inside you to go down this dark path.

 

One very basic first step you can take to become a better person is to confess to your H. You may be afraid of the consequences but, if you have a soul, you will know it is the right thing to do.

 

So do the right thing now. Turn over a new leaf. Start on the path to the new and better you.

[stillafool]

So he dumped me on Jan. 30, and reached out on Feb. 07, I cut him off completely on that day. I feel stupid, used during this period of time. I also feel loss which is the most painful feeling.

 

I know it is not love, and I know everything he has said was false. He never meant anything he said. There was NEVER a future between us in his mind. He was manipulative.

 

Last night he texted me from an unknown number, he said "I want to see you."For a moment, I had those old feelings back: the feelings of wanting to be close to him. But I knew I couldn't do it anymore.

 

However I asked "Why?" He said "Because I want to make love to you."

 

Then I told him that I no longer had that mind anymore, that I'm done with him.

He said "Okay"

 

And I blocked this number as well.

 

--

Well I'm just venting.

I don't understand why thing got so ugly. I know it's my fault since the beginning. I allowed him to treat me this way.

 

I feel hurt. I need strength.

 

I'm going to individual counseling soon.

 

Do you have a job? If so move out and file for divorce and stop using your husband. You are in love with another man, have committed adultery and are still pinning for another man. Is your child your husbands? If so work out custody. No person deserves what you are doing to your husband. You were not manipulated but knew exactly what you wanted and did it.

[GoldenR]

And still not one mention of your husband.

[stillafool]

 

 

--

Well I'm just venting.

I don't understand why thing got so ugly. I know it's my fault since the beginning. I allowed him to treat me this way.

 

.

 

No, you allowed yourself to treat your husband this way. Where is your sympathy for him?

[harrybrown]

Have you talked to your H?

 

Are you still living with him?

 

Do you have any feeling for him at all?

 

So just tell him that you are addicted to the OM and want your H out of your life.

 

Tell him all about the OM and you will be a free agent, like you want.

[Mr. Lucky]

Well I'm just venting. I don't understand why thing got so ugly.

 

Did you expect to run off into the sunset together? Not one thing you've posted about him indicates he wanted anything more than the temporary FWB relationship you provided. And of course, now he's back for more of the same...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Cephalopod]

So he dumped me on Jan. 30, and reached out on Feb. 07, I cut him off completely on that day. I feel stupid, used during this period of time. I also feel loss which is the most painful feeling.

 

I know it is not love, and I know everything he has said was false. He never meant anything he said. There was NEVER a future between us in his mind. He was manipulative.

 

Last night he texted me from an unknown number, he said "I want to see you."For a moment, I had those old feelings back: the feelings of wanting to be close to him. But I knew I couldn't do it anymore.

 

However I asked "Why?" He said "Because I want to make love to you."

 

Then I told him that I no longer had that mind anymore, that I'm done with him.

He said "Okay"

 

And I blocked this number as well.

 

--

Well I'm just venting.

I don't understand why thing got so ugly. I know it's my fault since the beginning. I allowed him to treat me this way.

 

I feel hurt. I need strength.

 

I'm going to individual counseling soon.

 

It is called limerance. It has all the vestiges and feelings of love, but it is not love. What your husband has for you is real love. Until you align yourself with that truth you can never be whole again.

[Eternal30]

Did you expect to run off into the sunset together? Not one thing you've posted about him indicates he wanted anything more than the temporary FWB relationship you provided. And of course, now he's back for more of the same...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Yes it's pretty much true.

He's SAID tons of things but has DONE NOTHING.

One time I went to his house when he canceled one meeting up, he told me he was called to work but I found him at home. He didn't invite me in, and I left crying in my car. Then he called me, wanted to make it up. He went to me. And that was the night we had sex. I was so stupid that I only thought about his making up, not anything else. I thought he cared about me.

 

And there have been a lot of times I initiated dates, but always ended up him cancling at the last minute. His job does require a lot of extra hours and has to be there any time when he is called. To be honest his job is one of the reasons why I admire him, I used to think he's my hero because he made me happy.

 

I was not, I was just blinded.

[GoldenR]

Yes it's pretty much true.

He's SAID tons of things but has DONE NOTHING.

One time I went to his house when he canceled one meeting up, he told me he was called to work but I found him at home. He didn't invite me in, and I left crying in my car. Then he called me, wanted to make it up. He went to me. And that was the night we had sex. I was so stupid that I only thought about his making up, not anything else. I thought he cared about me.

 

And there have been a lot of times I initiated dates, but always ended up him cancling at the last minute. His job does require a lot of extra hours and has to be there any time when he is called. To be honest his job is one of the reasons why I admire him, I used to think he's my hero because he made me happy.

 

I was not, I was just blinded.

 

 

Still no mention of husband.....jeez I feel sorry for him. He's the absolute furthest thing from your mind, isn't he?

[Whoknew30]

Well since you already explained that you want to leave & don't love your H, i won't bring him up.

 

My advice, if you don't love your H & really want out...take the energy you're putting into OM & put it in to getting yourself financially stable so you can move on & find someone you really love. Good luck

[Betrayed&Stayed]

Just because she had an A doesn't mean she doesn't truly love her husband. I know she is saying she loves the OM but she may also love her husband!?

With love like that, who needs enemies?

[Try]

One time I went to his house when he canceled one meeting up, he told me he was called to work but I found him at home. He didn't invite me in, and I left crying in my car. Then he called me, wanted to make it up. He went to me. And that was the night we had sex.

So you chased the other man, and were upset that he was lying when he told you that he was working, when in fact he just wanted to relax instead of having to put in the energy needed to lay the con on you about how special you were to him. And when you go off crying in your car, he supposedly makes it up to you by having you sexually betray your husband and marriage with him for the very first time. At that point you were so desperate for him, he knew that he could finally get from you the sex that he was after all along.

 

Your husband of course has to live with you even when he is tired and would rather relax, and not have to deal with your high maintenance issues. Not to mention that your husband would be thrilled to get sex from you every time that he wants to make it up to you for treating you poorly. But instead, your husband pays the bills, and the other man gets the thrills.

[whichwayisup]

I know it is not love, and I know everything he has said was false. He never meant anything he said. There was NEVER a future between us in his mind. He was manipulative.

 

But it seems you never had any real plans on leaving your husband, divorcing him to be with this single OM. Take a minute and really think ... He is single, you're married. Yet you feel screwed over, mislead, lied to, used, manipulated.

 

I say this respectfully, you're upset with the behavior shown to you but you're doing the same thing to your husband. Do you see where I'm going with this?

 

Good you blocked him. Focus on letting go and get some counseling so you can figure out if your life/marriage.

[merrmeade]

Still no mention of husband.....jeez I feel sorry for him. He's the absolute furthest thing from your mind, isn't he?

She's too caught up in the tragic romance story they have created. Reality (husbands) is not interesting. Or as Cephalopod said:

It is called limerance. It has all the vestiges and feelings of love, but it is not love. What your husband has for you is real love. Until you align yourself with that truth you can never be whole again.

[ShatteredLady]

Until she shares her truth of her marriage & husband the ONLY thing we know is what we perceive of the word "shady"....that's really not enough to project anything from.

 

It appears that the fog is clearing & the reality of the OM is being shared. How on earth anyone believes that 'I want to fill you with my babies' is enough to erase his utterly "shady" behavior for so long makes my head spin!!

 

Even other members/member here thought that the word "baby" was enough to make this man sincere despite the glaring contradictions between words & actions. Are some women (I think it was only a female poster) really this easily manipulated? PLEASE! "Baby", "love"....they're just words!!! Nothing is sacred for SOME when they desire to get laid!

 

PLEASE LEARN FROM THIS!

[Dark-Farmer]

I think she is fooling herself. Her title is "we stopped before it's too late" when in fact she did not. She went behind her husbands back and slept with this guy which in my books is ALL the way.

 

Sorry to say Eternal but you did not stop. You seem to care more about how you feel than you're husband. You have described you and the OM in great detail and only that your marriage is "shady"

 

And sorry again but I think that is just your perception to help justify your actions in your head. I would not be surprised to find out your husband is a totally good guy.

 

I feel neither you or your marriage can truly move on without confessing to your husband. And you will be limbo till it happens.

[QuietDan]

So far as i can tell from all of her posting. Her husband doesn't really exist in her reality any more. At best, he would be back up option "B". Not too sure if he is a real looser type, or a ultra Beta male that she absolutely loaths. It real obvious she has no love or respect for her husband. He seems to register below a piece of furniture in all of her love drama for the other man.