deathbed Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Mornings are the worst. I can’t find any reason to get up in the morning. I just want to die. It’s been over a month since Dday. There are times where I get little spurts of doing better, but they don’t even compare to unending bottomless pit of pain that I feel most of the time. I know they say it gets better with time, but as soon as I make some progress, I somehow the next day get pulled even further down in the depths of despair. I want to die. I’m not suicidal, but I literally feel inside, I have no reason to live. It’s been over a month since H just left all of sudden when I was away and packed up all his stuff and left with another women. We were together for 16 years and he was my best friend and my everything. I am beyond completely eviserated. The thing is I know I did this to myself. I know I was utterly and completely emotionally co-dependent on him. I put all my happiness in him and now it is gone. I know what I did wrong, and I know I would do better next time. But that doesn’t help me now. The pain is so much. I had to leave our condo, because I couldn’t bear to be there alone. It was too much. So I went to my parents house in another state just to get away. I thought I would have gotten a safe haven here to nurse my broken wounds, but my parents are just so controlling. I am miserable here, yet can’t go back to where I live because it is too hard to bear being there. So I feel like I have no safe refuge to be in. BTW, I do have a therapist that I am in contact with. I am not seriously considering suicide. I just don’t want to live. I am just looking for some emotional support. And want to find out if the mornings are killer for anybody else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I am just looking for some emotional support. And want to find out if the mornings are killer for anybody else. Yeah, mornings are typically the hard part of the day for people suffering from depression, and a hard break up throws pretty much anyone into a (usually mild) depression. Try to keep a rhythm to your days. Are you working? Help your parents run the household if not, or find a part time job. I am sorry you're going through this. Link to post Share on other sites
BeStronger Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I just wanted to send some hugs this morning to you. I hope you will feel better in time. Try to take your mind of things but going out with more friends, I've tried to make plans with friends I have lost touch with during the course of my relationship. I signed up for a new gym membership and read alot more. For now, i still have to make conscious efforts to avoid places that have memories. I hope you feel better soon dear. Sending positive thoughts your way this morning. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 You need therapy or at least a divorce support group. Can you sell your old house so you have cash to buy somewhere new to live? Link to post Share on other sites
Positiveone Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Mornings are the worst. I can’t find any reason to get up in the morning. I just want to die. It’s been over a month since Dday. There are times where I get little spurts of doing better, but they don’t even compare to unending bottomless pit of pain that I feel most of the time. I know they say it gets better with time, but as soon as I make some progress, I somehow the next day get pulled even further down in the depths of despair. I want to die. I’m not suicidal, but I literally feel inside, I have no reason to live. It’s been over a month since H just left all of sudden when I was away and packed up all his stuff and left with another women. We were together for 16 years and he was my best friend and my everything. I am beyond completely eviserated. The thing is I know I did this to myself. I know I was utterly and completely emotionally co-dependent on him. I put all my happiness in him and now it is gone. I know what I did wrong, and I know I would do better next time. But that doesn’t help me now. The pain is so much. I had to leave our condo, because I couldn’t bear to be there alone. It was too much. So I went to my parents house in another state just to get away. I thought I would have gotten a safe haven here to nurse my broken wounds, but my parents are just so controlling. I am miserable here, yet can’t go back to where I live because it is too hard to bear being there. So I feel like I have no safe refuge to be in. BTW, I do have a therapist that I am in contact with. I am not seriously considering suicide. I just don’t want to live. I am just looking for some emotional support. And want to find out if the mornings are killer for anybody else. Mornings are terrible, nights are absolutely terrible for me as well. We are here for you, vent if you need to. We are all in the same boat, its a wild ****ing roller coaster. Continue to see your therapist (I am too) it will help tremendously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LitTunnel Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 We're all in it together hun. And YES, mornings are absolutely WORST. I was just like you thinking I didn't want to live anymore but now I'm feeling better. You WILL get there, I PROMISE you. Just one thing hun, don't push the pain away. Feeeeeel your pain every step of the way. If you want to cry first thing in the morning then do it!!! If you want to cry 10 minutes after that first cry, DO IT!!! If you want to cry eating your breakfast, DO IT!!! If you want to punch and scream and punch and scream and punch and scream, DO IT!!! Don't think for a single second that you're broken for having to go through these intense states, it's perfectly, PERFECTLY normal. NOTHING is wrong with you. NOTHING!!! Just feeeeel your emotions. Like the waves, don't fight against the current but swim with it. You'll heal a lot faster this way. And don't worry if your cries end up being days, weeks or even months. Just keep with your emotions and feel them. Good luck hun and we are here for you so come back whenever you want and talk to us. We love and support you ALL. THE. WAY. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Nightstick008 Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 (edited) I'm sorry your dealing with this. I'm dead too. Edited March 5, 2017 by Nightstick008 sounds suicidal Link to post Share on other sites
Author deathbed Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 Thank you all for your replies. Things did seem to get better in a sense the pain wasn’t so intense. But more of a dull emptiness. The thing I can’t shake is every morning I wake up from a dream about him. Every single morning! I thought I was doing better. For about 2 weeks I didn’t have that feeling about wanting to die and didn’t think about him constantly. I started to do yoga and tried to focus most of my attention on that. I have a friend here that I’ve been going out with once in a while. But now all of a sudden about almost 3 months out all of a sudden I can only think about him and it seems worse than before. I feel like I am obsessed. I was finally starting to not think about him, so this is what makes is so worse. I so desperately want to contact him, but won’t. It seems like such a struggle everyday to try to do the things I need to be happy and move on. It seemed like it was getting better, but now has reverted. Link to post Share on other sites
Ittakestwo Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I feel you..sorry sorry this happened. Ive been nc for approx 6 months and am finally getting clear headed. Of course I still miss him - always will. I tell myself over/over that it happened for a reason and it needed to end. Sometimes I do a bit of bashing lol., (to myself-never others) Maybe that will help you. Im taking a year off for me time before dating. Good Luck Sweetie Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Although my H and I stayed together eventually, I know exactly how you feel and I did for a long time. I signed up for this group called DivorceCare when I thought I was getting divorced. The time came to go and we are together so I talked to the woman who runs it and she said to come anyway because a lot of the emotions are the same .... I go each week and we tackle a different topic each week- depression-anger-sadness etc. it's christian based but you can ignore the God stuff if you don't subscribe to faith. I enjoy going, I like the people I met and it's kind of like group therapy. Get into something like this, it might help you cope. I wish you the best. Prayers https://www.divorcecare.org/ Link to post Share on other sites
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