Letting go is terrible, trying to decide is even worse

[Guinevere04]

My marriage was a disaster. We went to counseling for 9 months and it just helped me realize how bad it was and I decided I wanted out. We never spoke to each other, avoided each other, he drank like a fish. I handled everything, he was a piece of crap. I figured financially it was easier to just live as roomates. The love was gone and had been gone. I wanted out but just didn't know what to do. I hated all men, period. Then one day, I met a guy through my sister. I never believed in love a first sight before and I surely wasnt looking for anything since I hated all men. He was delicious. I was 30 and he was 24. We were all going to a party thing in the city, that I had won tickets to. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. By the end of the night, we hooked up. I have never done anything like that in my life, God knows since I was married especially but something about him, whew. We didn't see each other for about 2 weeks and in those two weeks my husband and I about killed each other, it had gotten really verbally and physically abusive. I saw, I will call him John, at my sister's again. And I was speechless we just kept looking at each other. I really didn't want to pursue it but I did because I couldn't help myself. I didn't want just anyone, I wanted him. Anyway, after about a month more of my terribly marriage and slowly starting to talk to "John" I decided I wanted out for sure. I moved out and then started seeing him. Before I moved out my husband begged to go with my son and me to a concert that was an hour away because he didn't want us driving alone. I allowed him because I knew (since we hadn't split yet) that it was the absolute last thing we would ever do together so I let him go and we argued the entire time. John found out through my sister and was a little upset because I had told him I was leaving. Anyway, that was back in Sept. Then in January, I was trying to be nice to my ( i like to call him ex) husband and had started talking to him on the phone because I wanted separation papers signed (which by they way it in now july and he still has not signed separation papers. Anyway John felt like I was being nice because I still loved my ex and broke up with me. I was devastated because I had never felt about anyone like I did about him (included my husband). Thank goodness he came to his senses and we worked things out. One other time, my sister's friend started seeing my husband and I was angry for my sister because I knew they wouldn't be friends anymore. John got made at me because he thought I was angry my ex was seeing someone. I didn't care because he had already seen about 3 girls since we split and none of them bothered me. I just hated my sister was going to lose a friend. (this friend had lied about seeing him and she caught them). So he broke up with me again. We got back together again. So he borrowed my digital camera to take pictures for work and went to print the pictures and saw pictures on there from the concert back in Sept of my son, none of me or the ex mind you, just my son and it reminded him that I "had lied" so many times to him about my ex and he can't trust me. He think that I am so concerned about my ex that we should get back together. I can't keep putting up with this. I will have to deal with my ex for the rest of my life because we have a child together and if can't accept that he needs to move on. All of the crap that my ex has put me through, he really should know that I don't want him back and it hurts so bad that he doesn't trust me. Maybe he has some guilt knowing that he played a part in my having the nerve to leave. I didn't leave my husband for "John" but it sure made me realize how little love there was left in my marriage. What should I do about him? I adore him and he has helped me through the hardest time in my life but some times he adds pressure because he won't let me call the jerk when I need to about my son and he thinks I want him back. It's terrible. He is text messaging me now I think to try to work things out. I can't keep being dumped when he gets insecure.

[Merin]

Honestly...

 

John got involved with a MW.. regardless if you like to call your husband your EXH he is STILL your Husband.

So Johns insecurity there is of his own making.. he knew you're married when he got involved and has stayed in the relationship with you although no legal action has been taken to dissolove the marriage.

 

While you don't want to lose John again this is of your own making.. you are still committed to someone else legally.. you were still in a marraige when you met John and when you hooked up with John.. so IMO you also really have zero rights as to how John should or shouldn't feel or he he should or shouldn't behave.

 

This is why IMO unless or until you are divorced you shouldn't get involved in another relationship with someone else.. it isn't fair to anyone.

[Guinevere04]

Lesson learned the hard way.....

 

He says that I overstep my boundaries when I talk to my husband but I don't feel like I do. I don't him constantly analyzing my actions and convesations regarding my son.