What I'd Like to Write to the OW

[AWomanScorned]

For reasons I'm sure you all understand, I can't send this to the OW right now, but I needed to write this for my own processing, so I'm putting it here instead...

 

Dear OW,

 

This is WS’s soon to be ex-wife. (I wish I already were!) I want to clear the air about some things. I am a mother too, and like you’ve told others that you’d do anything for your kids, so would I (well except for having an affair with a married man, breaking up a family and taking over their home without paying for it).

 

While WS was out drinking and partying and beginning his adulterous relationship with you, I was at home dealing with the normal pains and woes of pregnancy plus the pain of costochondritis from a seventh surgery from my battle with breast cancer and reconstruction. Instead of my husband being home to bond with my growing belly or help me with my day-to-day needs (I was barely able to do much of anything then) or spend time with a wife who loved him, he was out drinking with you and others from work. Did I become irritable during this time? Of course I did. He was throwing away our money on new motorcycles that he knew I’d be against (and that he’d wreck while drinking and driving), booze and everything else we didn’t need because they made him “happy.” He didn’t care for his life, our family, our child or our financial situation, nor others on the road when he’d drink and drive. He would never sit down and do a budget meeting with me and spent our money on himself constantly, which is why I had to protect my assets by opening my own bank account. He acted like he was already a bachelor and I was just a burden. Not to mention the fact that he became distant and cold and didn’t care at all about our vows or family. Despite our difficult marriage and his erratic behavior, I fought hard for him. I tried to get him to go to counseling with me because I knew it would take us both to make our marriage work. I knew that there were things I needed to fix too, but he didn’t give me the time of day. Ultimately, when he told me that he indeed was seeing another woman, that’s when I made him leave when our infant wasn’t even three weeks old. That wasn’t my first time to be cheated on by him and it’s certainly not the first time he’s done it to any of his past relationships either I've since found out (ask his family if he won’t tell you the truth). The sorry excuse for a husband was sexting other women while I was bald and going through chemo, even trying to seduce one of my close friends from college, who of course shared everything he sent her with me. He is a serial cheater and I doubt he will stop because you two are an item. (Good luck!)

 

The fact that you both have lived in a house with my name still attached to the mortgage completely free for more than six months proves to me that you both don’t have your priorities right. Neighbors have told me that your kids beg for food and complain about how hungry they are. At the very basic level of any budget should be the home, utilities and food. He has had to get his father to help him with getting the lights turned back on because he would rather spend that money drinking and smoking, getting things for the Harley, tattoos and toys for your kids. I’ve barely seen any support from him, so it’s not me who’s taking his money. He took out nearly $7,000 of his retirement in the early part of last year and has nothing to show for it. He spent thousands of dollars of his own mother’s limited income and didn’t care how it affected her, nor paid her back (again, ask his family about this). He even received over $20K from her estate when she died, and didn’t use that money to pay off debts, but blew every bit of it. Had his father not been assigned the executor of her will, who knows how bad of shape his late mother’s estate would be in right now.

 

You’ve tried to reach out to the mother of his other child to prove to her that you’re a good woman and dispel any lies about you. Here’s the thing, OW, anything anyone thinks of you is because of your own actions, your online presence, etc. (Have you Googled yourself lately? You’re a REALLY virtuous woman. ) I have you blocked on Facebook so I don’t see your day-to-day life living in my house with my husband and filling the void I left. And quite frankly, I’m grateful you’ve taken the burden off my hands. You really did me a favor.

 

His other child doesn’t want to meet you because he’s a good kid with a strong moral upbringing that he received from his mother, not WS, obviously. He is ashamed of his father’s behavior and he knows that your presence is a significant portion of that. He has cried because he has thought that he’d be forced to go to his father’s and have to meet you and your kids. It’s not his mother keeping him from WS, but trying to protect and stick up for her son who would otherwise be forced to be in an environment he is extremely uncomfortable in and using the court agreement to validate their argument. I’ve not had a single conversation with his other child since the day his mom came by to get him after mine and WS’s explosive argument about the affair you two were having. (By the way, did he tell you about him shoving me very hard in the hallway and bruising up my ankle that night when I was barely two weeks postpartum and was still having a hard time walking from the labor? I have pictures to support this.) Her opinion of you comes from the fact that you involved yourself with a married man who had a child on the way, causing our home to be broken. I’ve not said a thing about you that would form anyone’s opinion of you because your own reputation precedes you since you put it all out there yourself. And the icing on the cake is neither of you see anything wrong with your actions nor show any kind of remorse, but blame it on everyone else as if you’re the victims.

 

Meanwhile, I am raising my child without assistance and the mother of his other child raised hers for 11 years without much of any support from WS until the courts had to finally get involved (and continue to because he won't abide by the court order). I do everything for my child and my hangup with this divorce is the fact that I don’t want her hurt or killed because of WS’s drinking problems (and violent mood swings), which you encourage. I also don’t want her exposed to your lack of morality. Just because you gave birth to a child or three does not make you a good person or a good mother and I definitely don’t want her learning any bad habits from you.

 

I honestly feel sorry for you. I’ve heard that you plan to use your $6,000 tax refund to catch up on the mortgage. If you bail WS out this time, I can promise you that you’ll always bail him out. You may be happy with him (well except for that time you were in the bathroom bawling for an hour when he yelled at you at a party recently), but I can assure you it’s all surface and won’t last long. I was with him for 8 years. In that time, he had an affair while we were dating, I caught him sexting other women around the same time you showed up at his job and then you ultimately came along. I’m sure there was a lot more I missed in between.

 

He’s not a wholesome person and he doesn’t care who he hurts. He is extremely selfish and doesn’t care about the consequences of his actions. He has a bipolar disorder and PTSD and his mood swings are awful and scary (I have recordings to prove this). I don’t trust him and never will again and you’ll never be on my trust list either. He is not the kind of person to stay committed to one woman no matter how much she does for him or how she looks. But that’s no longer my problem, it’s yours.

 

You’re a thorn in my side, yes, but anything anyone is hearing about you comes from your own actions, not my mouth.

 

You two have damaged me to my core. You’ve caused my daughter to be raised in a broken home. The things you both have done are reprehensible. And the thing that sucks the most for you is the likelihood of it happening to you is extremely high, that is, if you don’t break up with him within two years as your track record apparently shows (or get pregnant again and have another baby daddy).

 

I’d love to hear one reason why you’re a good person and how your actions are anything less than deplorable. Are these the values and morals you expect your children to grow up learning and exhibiting? Would you want your daughter to do this to another woman or, worse, have it happen to her? Would you want your sons to do this to their wives?

 

Best of luck to you. You two deserve each other. Thank you for giving me the impetus to leave him.

 

-AWomanScorned

[aileD]

You're much kinder than I was. I promised her I'd make her life a living hell like she made mine. That I would tell everyone I know and everyone she know how they hurt me and purposefully hurt our children.

 

I told her she was a joke and he wouldn't stay long with her and I would laugh when he left her . And I was right.

 

But I also gave her motherly advice since she was a 20 year old kid telling her she deserved better end was wasting the best years of her life on a fantasy.