LookAtThisPOst Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I was wondering outside of cheating or other atrocities that trigger divorce. I had noticed that a rather common event that brings forth the divorce is once a kid turns 18 and goes off to college and become empty nesters. Saw this woman on POF that I know personally, caught me off guard because the last time I knew her she was married and had a kid she was sending off to college. Married 20 years and for someone that's age 43, marked herself as "retired"...which is kind of unusual for a woman that was a housewife to her kid (only child) during the last portion of her life. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 How many threads do you see on this very site where people are willing to stick it out in unhealthy and or miserable marriages until the children leave the home? Many. I don't know that the empty nest is the CAUSE of divorce, rather the children at home delayed the divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I had noticed that a rather common event that brings forth the divorce is once a kid turns 18 and goes off to college and become empty nesters. That's usually not the trigger, though -- just the timing of execution of a decision made at some point in the past. (Lots of people find it within themselves to wait even decades, hoping that then the children will not be quite as affected.) A big reason for divorce is, I think, that one spouse just becomes lazy and complacent and stops being the person that the spouse fell in love with, in the first place. In fact, probably if they would have shown this 'couldn't-care-less' attitude within the first three or six months, their divorcing spouse likely wouldn't have wasted the time to even date them, after that; nevermind actually get married to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 This is the most hurtful thing you can do to someone. If you don't love them and plan on leaving them, don't stick around for decades while they build up dreams and security and a future around you, then dump them in their 40's where they have to start their life all over again---alone, no husband and no children. This is why people kill themselves Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 OP, I've read about your commonly-shared reason but have yet to see it personally, and I've seen a lot of divorces in my social circle over the decades. Most have occurred during or after sudden and substantial life changes irrespective of any children like physical or mental issues, family problems not related to the marriage, job or career upsets or changes, death, infidelity etc. If I had to pick the top three, in no particular order, it would be infidelity, mental/physical issues and family problems. In my close circle, nearly everyone has been divorced at least once and most divorced decades ago and remarried, the majority in their 20's/early 30's and long before their kids went off to college or left home. The last divorce, at 20 years, occurred apparently due to substance abuse and infidelity, and that one was probably the closest to the child being 'off to college' but that wasn't the reason. What I'm often am nonplussed by is folks in their late 60's to 80's getting divorced after decades of being married. I get that stuff happens but there are ways to retain the legal partnership in the waning years and yet still enjoy life and not waste their life's work on a lawsuit. Anyway, no empty nest type deals yet and I'm now into friend's children becoming empty nesters for a decade or so in some cases. Nada. YMMV! Link to post Share on other sites
healingsoul Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 I know of many people who say they want a divorce but they don’t want to get one because of their children, even when they have a good reason like unfaithfulness. So many people have grown up in home with divorced parents and they never wanted to do this to their own children. But if a couple does not make it a priority to put the marriage above the children knowing they are going to be spending life together--not just 20 or so years--often the love dies or problems the arise are not dealt with. My husband and I have been married 32 years and we have three children. Through these years we have had to deal with many problems but when we come to an critical time of discontent we go to a marriage counselor, even if it is for a few sessions. We also make time to “date” and make sure we support each other. Marriage is not easy and it is the hardest during the years you raise children. When a couple does not consistently work on their relationship, the connectedness will wane. Link to post Share on other sites
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