nice guys finish last

[mike]

All my life I have heard people say it's not looks it's your personality, Well at 47 years old I have truly come to believe that is what people say to true losers.

 

All through my life I have heard people say not to put yourself down but what do you do if you really are a loser.

 

I am a 47 year old male single never married,

 

and my life is a total waste.

 

Even now I have very few friends I tend to do things by myself. I use to think I was a loner because I liked my own company, but I guess thats what you say when your a loser.

 

I just recently broke up with a girl who took me for everything I have she used me like a sponge soaked me up and threw me out.

 

I hate when people say "Don't have a pity party" I'm tired and I want to go home in my mind

[namder]

Love yourself first, and your life will fall into place.

 

In such a short posting you have made three referals to "loser", your life is a total waste, and your ex-girlfriend used you as a sponge...

 

I doubt if you`ve ever really loved yourself for who YOU are.

 

I don`t know you well enough to know if this is how you always are, or if you`ve just reached a very low point in your life.

 

To tell you what I do know:

 

* If you think like a "loser", you will become a loser.

 

* Your ex-girlfriend used you like a sponge because you let her.

 

* If you don`t attempt to look at your good points (and there are always good points to a person), you will spend the remainder of your life a miserable, resentful, fool, full of self pity and loathing.

 

And the only friends you`ll have are the ones you will buy drinks for in the bar.

 

In this short posting, you have said so much, and I am struggling to get the things I want to say out and in the proper format.

 

Have you got hobbies? Are you a member of any clubs? These kind of things are an excellent means to meeting new friends.

 

You must try to look on the bright side, its not as bad as it seems, I imagine you have your legs and your health, you`re not dying from an awful illness such as cancer.

 

You have your life, be thankful for that, because many people at this very minute are praying for a little more time in this world, they are praying for their tumors to go away, they are praying for a breath of air that doesn`t need to be fought for.

 

Do you know how lucky you really are? Do you appreciate what you have? I doubt it. Why not take a trip to the nearest cancer hospital and discover what you really have that others don`t. LIFE. You may not have A life, but you have LIFE. Its a great thing and should not be wasted.

 

Go to your nearest cancer hospital, and there I`m sure you`ll find friendly people, who are dying. Listen to them, and then tell them your problems, and feel the shame. As you realise how trivial your problems are in the bigger picture.

 

There is nothing wrong with you, you are not a loser, there are just a few things you need to sort out in your own head about who you are.

 

You let women walk over you, because you don`t have respect for yourself. How can you expect someone else to respect you if you don`t yourself. How can you expect others to love you, if you don`t yourself. How can you expect to be a winner if you think like a loser.

 

If you care enough about wanting to turn your life around, then I suggest you go and see someone, like a counseller, and start doing things for yourself.

 

For your life to be worth something to some one else, it must first be worth something to you.

 

Get it sorted, its not too late, you have years to go yet and they could be full of happiness if only you`d let them.

 

Think positive thoughts not these negative damming thoughts.

 

How you view the world is YOUR choice.

 

Best of luck, I guess you could consider me a friend, for I`ve spent half an hour responding to your post, and I don`t even know you.

[Tony T]

You have a pathetic attitude. Your thoughts create your reality. You have to change what's inside your head before you change what's outside.

 

Read Namder's every word above. There is no reason for you to be alone unless you don't want people asking you to pay for their coffee.

[Sally]

It's true when they say it's personality and not looks. What you have to realize is that personality plays into the looks. I've met some really gorgeous men, who became ugly because of their personality. And then I've met some really un-attractive men, who I couldn't believe I was falling in love with, and how attracted I'd become to them, because of their personality. A perfect example is the boyfriend I have now. I've been called a very attractive woman, and I've dated some really hot looking guys. ONe of the worst and most depressing relationships I've ever had, was with the most gorgeous guy I've ever dated. He was so possessive and emotionally abusive. I hated who I was with him and finally ended it with him.

 

Now I have a short, chubby, extremely round faced guy that I'm in love with. When I first met him, I knew he had a crush on me. I thought, yeah, maybe you have a chance...in your dreams. He ended up becoming my best friend and 8 months later, we were in love. I've been with him for 1-1/2 yrs. and I've never been this happy. He's sooooooooo cute and adorable. I wouldn't trade him for the world and we're discussing marriage.

 

It's not that a man has to be handsome to get a girl. Everyone has different tastes. That's where the line, "I don't know why I like him/her, there's just something about them."

 

You sound like the type of guy that needs to be friends with someone that you have no interest in, where it slowly grows into something, because you won't be nervous and you'll be able to be yourself. Those seem like the best relationships. You may be going around looking for someone to click with, when it might be right in front of you. You may be the type of guy that gets nervous around women you find attractive or are interested in...that's where your problem may lie...not your physical appearance. Women can always sense when a guy is nervous around them. It can kind of be a turn-off, especially when they try too hard. My little brother is gorgeous and a model, but STILL has no self-esteem. He can't keep a girl to save his life, because he's too available to women and too nervous around the ones he likes - yet he's really and truly gorgeous. All my friends are in love with him...but he's too young for them to date.

 

Why don't you go on-line to www.excite.com or yahoo.com and go to the personals section. You can put in what you're looking for and a whole bunch of profiles will come up. There you can see pictures of people and can look at their profile (age range, religion, etc.). Try to find someone with similar interests that you have. My friend Mike who's 45, just met a girl that way. They've been dating for 3 months now and he's totally crazy about her. He was incredibly bitter and had given up.

 

There's nothing wrong with you, just the women you're chosing. They're obviously not your type and because you've met so many for so long who aren't your type, you're beating yourself up over it. It's like the acting business. So many people quick, because of 100's and 100's of rejections. Ask any actor who's made it. They're actor's who've made it, because they didn't let it get to them. Rejection is like someone saying, you're not worth anything. But they're people who are no different than you. They came in the world the same way, and they'll leave it the same way. I bet any girl you've dated in the past, you'd be no happier with them, than they'd be with you. They just figured it out sooner than you did, so you were the one who was left feeling rejected.

 

Anyway, do something different, go to different places, meet different people, learn to know what you want and avoid the types of people you've already tried. Stop trying so hard to impress women and stop looking so hard. Don't be desparate. Women can smell it a mile away. Like yourself and don't focus on women, that's when you meet them. Take up a sport you may like...anything, just do it for yourself. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

[Too easy]

You give an inch, everyone takes a mile. I find that fairness doesn't exist in the minds of most people. Some people are naturally givers and others are takers. It blows my mind how some people can sleep at night.

All my life I have heard people say it's not looks it's your personality, Well at 47 years old I have truly come to believe that is what people say to true losers. All through my life I have heard people say not to put yourself down but what do you do if you really are a loser. I am a 47 year old male single never married,

 

and my life is a total waste. Even now I have very few friends I tend to do things by myself. I use to think I was a loner because I liked my own company, but I guess thats what you say when your a loser. I just recently broke up with a girl who took me for everything I have she used me like a sponge soaked me up and threw me out. I hate when people say "Don't have a pity party" I'm tired and I want to go home in my mind

[Older Virgin]

I posted earlier on this site this year and still look in now and again although I felt a little stung by Tony's comments after asking for suggestions about my problems (ie no measureable progress in meeting anyone compounded by starting to run out of years)

 

Both these replies are on the mark although it will be painfull for you to listen.

 

I can sympathize (its hard for me because you seem to have come further than I have in solving my problems so far and I don't know whether to be envious!)

 

Anyway, you sound so bitter and poisonous that I suspect you are not going to find any joy in what remains. Give it up and start living and don't rob yourself of the comfort the future can give if you let it.

 

I really have to say that in MY experience (Sorry, I don't have any other to offer!)that there is a lot of talk, advice and total crap floating around from the well meaning but as you and I know from years of experience there will be some who will eventually miss out. This can be either due to their own efforts or just statistical inevitability that for some the odds stack up against them. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy some of the joy life has to offer.

 

I won't lie. In my experience this might mean that for some it may be alone. But in the end its still worth it.

 

A note to Tony, I don't know if you remember my post. Things are basically resolved in my life now due to (fairly major)prostate difficulties. There is really no point to the hope (or struggle) to find find someone now and I am trying to follow my own advice with what is left to me. At least that is some sort of conclusion!

You have a pathetic attitude. Your thoughts create your reality. You have to change what's inside your head before you change what's outside.

 

Read Namder's every word above. There is no reason for you to be alone unless you don't want people asking you to pay for their coffee.