aliveagain Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 all great advice...she offered to leave so i asked her straight out if you want to work on the marriage stay if not get the **** out...im regaining some of my power now thanks to you guys and i feel better already...Im actually going to eat something now because im hungry...what i difference a day makes...thanks peops you are a special lot to help complete strangers like this Godspeed my brothers and sisters Sorry for your pain, we have all been where you are and understand what you are going through. Please make sure that you are clear on what staying and working on the marriage means. Have your conditions for reconciliation written out, no contact with POS, transparency, full testing for all STD's(you have to request a herpes test specifically as they don't always test for that), the humiliation of testing acts as a future deterrent. Talk to a lawyer so you fully understand your rights. Decide if saving your marriage is what you really want. If she can't or won't agree with your conditions it's best you know now rather then wasting years of your time waiting on her to decide, she makes bad decisions. Once you've drawn your line in the sand don't move it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 shes packing her stuff now and going to her mothers who is wintering in FLA...his wife already started harassing both my wife and my home phone....damn the toothpaste is out of the tube...shes threatening to tell the whole town and putting a sign on her lawn stating the situation. hope i did the right thing...i told her if she wants to work on the marriage stay if not get the **** out...she said she needs some time alone. I refuse to tell my sons what led to this...I cant see any good coming out of that other than making them hate her and ruining any chance of reconciliation...i did next him with a simple Happpy Birthday...lol 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Most herpes tests require a sample from a fresh sore. Wait until you have a sore or get a blood test for antibodies. Antibody tests . Blood tests can find antibodies that are made by the immune system to fight a herpes infection. Antibody tests are sometimes done but are not as accurate as a viral culture at finding the cause of a specific sore or ulcer. Antibody tests cannot always tell the difference between a current active herpes infection and a herpes infection that occurred in the past. Because antibodies take time to develop after the first infection, you may not have a positive antibody test if you have just recently been infected. Some blood tests can tell the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 shes packing her stuff now and going to her mothers who is wintering in FLA...his wife already started harassing both my wife and my home phone....damn the toothpaste is out of the tube...shes threatening to tell the whole town and putting a sign on her lawn stating the situation. hope i did the right thing...i told her if she wants to work on the marriage stay if not get the **** out...she said she needs some time alone. I refuse to tell my sons what led to this...I cant see any good coming out of that other than making them hate her and ruining any chance of reconciliation...i did next him with a simple Happpy Birthday...lol 1 Kids sometimes blame themselves in these situations. Tell them in a sanitized version. Hiding the truth from them and having them find out through the grapevine (which they eventually will) is not good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 You didn't tell your sons? Are you serious. The OM's wife is blowing up your phone and threatening to put signs up telling of this situation. You live in a small town. What is wrong with this picture? Your sons will find out soon enough and will be royally pissed off at you for withholding the truth from them and will forever believe that you constantly withholding important information from them. You are making a huge mistake. How can you not see this? What is the old saying: There is no one as blind as someone who refuses to see. What are you going to say when they confront you after they find out? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Most herpes tests require a sample from a fresh sore. Wait until you have a sore or get a blood test for antibodies. Antibody tests . Blood tests can find antibodies that are made by the immune system to fight a herpes infection. Antibody tests are sometimes done but are not as accurate as a viral culture at finding the cause of a specific sore or ulcer. Antibody tests cannot always tell the difference between a current active herpes infection and a herpes infection that occurred in the past. Because antibodies take time to develop after the first infection, you may not have a positive antibody test if you have just recently been infected. Some blood tests can tell the difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. Yes, however there is a wide variety of other STDs he could have. How does the wife know her WS doesn't have something else? I certainly wouldn't take someone else's word for it. He can always test again later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Exposure will not push your wife away because she's already gone. It maybe the one thing to wake her up. You're still living in fear of what she'll do. You found out you can't control that. Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 yah its just been a rough day but I feel ok suprisingly. I almost feel like its me and my wife against them now and Im defending my family...just a little afraid of this woman now..but **** it. My wife is the one crying now...maybe she will get her head out of her ass...this has really brought things to a head for sure. and now shes out of the house were she can think of the consequences of her actions...I need to get my corvette off the driveway in case this crazy wife shows up and takes a hammer to it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 Blues hopefully you dont live far away from NJ incase i need a place to stay...lol 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Yes, however there is a wide variety of other STDs he could have. How does the wife know her WS doesn't have something else? I certainly wouldn't take someone else's word for it. He can always test again later. Exactly right. STD tests are standard even if there is no record of having anything. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 shes packing her stuff now and going to her mothers who is wintering in FLA...his wife already started harassing both my wife and my home phone....damn the toothpaste is out of the tube...shes threatening to tell the whole town and putting a sign on her lawn stating the situation. hope i did the right thing...i told her if she wants to work on the marriage stay if not get the **** out...she said she needs some time alone. I refuse to tell my sons what led to this...I cant see any good coming out of that other than making them hate her and ruining any chance of reconciliation...i did next him with a simple Happpy Birthday...lol 1 Friend, when she cheated on you she also cheated on your children. This is her mess to fix, do not lie for her to protect her relationship with your sons. She always knew being discovered was a possibility when she decided she wanted the affair. It wasn't enough to stop her, let her be the one to tell your boys. This is a consequence of being a sh*ty wife. You did the right thing in telling the other betrayed spouse, had you not you would have been their accessory in deceiving his wife of the truth. She needs to know who she is really married to so she can make the best decisions for herself and her children. I personally can't think of a more deserving birthday gift then his wife taking him to the cleaners. You are doing better then most this early in discovery, continue to stay strong. Don't wait for someone that makes bad decisions to choose what's best for your marriage, tell her what you have decided and she can follow if she proves herself worthy of you by doing the hard work required. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 My friend your wife's consequences are a good thing. You are still afraid. Take the time and learn to be alone. It has advantages. Do things with your kids, For god sake do not call her. Don't answer her calls either. Only reply to texts or emails if they are about kids or business only. Anything else = no response. You're prior actions were I'm here waiting no matter what you do to me. Cut the weak, codependent crap out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 got it pal Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Yeah, you have to tell your sons... They need to know the truth. They need to know what brought this on. Trust me on this, been there. They are old enough. Why do you care about reconciliation. She has done nothing but lie to you and screw a drug addict with herpes. Do you still think they did not sleep together, come on??? You did everything right thing, in every way. Since she left you need to file Friday if you can get an appointment that quick. She is going to be on the phone with him as soon as she is out the door. Please file and start your new life. You are doing great, don't waver now, stay strong... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Jersey, what part? Morris county here growing up. You need to learn to share hard and painful info with those you are close to. If you don't your sons will not learn to do so. My parents were very guarded with some serious health issues later in life. They did not want to burden their children. In some ways it angried me because I am an adult and raised to help those I love (but never excuse). Now that myself and siblings are breaking the six decade barrier we are getting better at sharing but have a ways to go. In any event your son's do need some truthful information. They have watched their dad go though a complete melt down, their mom withdraw and change in subtle ways. Going forward they need to learn to protect themselves from this happening to them. So share the journey, especially how you have become a better man and what being a better man means. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 got it pal Absence often makes the heart grow fonder. The 180 is designed for you to detach from her but often when they see you moving on it has an attractive effect. You'd be wise to follow it. Strength and aloofness at this time is best 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 jackson but my Bro is in Bayonne Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 ready to be aloof now thanks to my peops here...shes out of the house 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 thanks alive again....thats how i feel alive again and i charge of my own destiny...thanks Brother 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 thanks Blues..you got my engine firing again last night and I followed through...feeling alot better right now Brother thanks 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Great Adventure, is it still there? I've been out of state for close to 2 decades. But even growing up (I'm 61) the changes where amazing. Hell, there was a goat farm that is now a major business campus. The WilleBrook(sp?) mall (by Wayne was a horse stable/swim club that used the river to swim in. Accept what is, build what you want. I suspect your wife is a WAW and this was an exit affair. Discuss with your IC. It seems you fixed your problem but keep working on it and progressing. Please keep posting. This boards strength comes from individuals who have walked the walk and kept posting every step of the way and then sharing their wisdom with others. You sound like you might become like a posters husband who was a BS and his ex was pregnant before the divorce was final. Why improve yourself by the new wife of a BS* As a side note I always find it very interesting when a person is hammering their ex mate so hard for cheating and refuses to accept any responsibility for anything that might have been wrong in the marriage. My husband's exwife cheated on him and left him for the OM. She was pregnant by OM before the divorce was final. When I met him he admitted he knew he'd done things in the marriage which left it vulnerable to an affair.* He didn't condone her affair but he accepted responsibility for his part in the demise of their marriage. That was something I had to respect. He worked on himself, in therapy, while they were separated and divorcing. When she wouldn't go to MC, he went alone, and I have reaped the benefit from that counseling. * ___________________________________________________________ BS be this person. * Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 I don't recall if you said why her first marriage to Posom only lasted six months? That si very unusual. I'm still shocked that she would have an affair with that kind of ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 He lied through his teeth...He comes from a POS family. He was a mistake made when his mother was cheating on her husband and got pregnant with him from another man who was his father. They divorced and married and she gave birth to little Herp..Him and my WS. were HS sweathearts but she told her father on her wedding day according to her sister that she didnt love him. if he comes here tonight im ready with my mossburg defender.. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Start carrying a VAR(voice activated recorder) you wouldn't be the first betrayed spouse on here to have false charges brought against him. The cost around $50 at BestBuy or RadioShack. It will soon hit her as to what she is loosing, be prepared, reconciliation is up to you and not her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNbroken1964 Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 thanks Liveagain..im just sitting on the bed reading...I will do that...hope i did the right thing...my sons coming home from college saturday for my birthday. I only told my other son that mommy needed time to think so she will be staying at her moms for a while. Just Sad to think that my life was great not perfect but great just a year or so ago and now its a **** show. If there are any conversations with the kids I think its important that we are both present Thanks Pal for your continued support. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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