Hello and a messy break up on the cards.

[jumpingjenkins]

Hey I suppose I am writing this as I'm feeling terrible about the way a 4 year relationship seems to have just ended.

 

My gf left to visit family in her own country far away and ended up being gone for 2 months for family reasons which was fine. Things had been a little dicey before she left and while she was away I started getting used to being on my own and independent.

 

I thought about ending things on phone as at least if she wanted to she could stay on with her family. I suppose I never manned up to the job and just put her off a bit and she came back. I felt as if it was worth giving it another shot.

 

After just a few days back she asked if I didn't want her to be here with me and I thought I best be honest with my feelings. She's obviously now upset and told me I've ruined her life, I should have told her while she was back home.

 

That is the abridged version but the main points are in there!

 

I suppose I'm just wondering if everyone thinks I've done a terrible thing as it feels like it to me at the moment.

Edited February 1, 2017 by jumpingjenkins
typo

[Sweetfish]

Hey I suppose I am writing this as I'm feeling terrible about the way a 4 year relationship seems to have just ended.

 

My gf left to visit family in her own country far away and ended up being gone for 2 months for family reasons which was fine. Things had been a little dicey before she left and while she was away I started getting used to being on my own and independent.

 

I thought about ending things on phone as at least if she wanted to she could stay on with her family. I suppose I never manned up to the job and just put her off a bit and she came back. I felt as if it was worth giving it another shot.

 

After just a few days back she asked if I didn't want her to be here with me and I thought I best be honest with my feelings. She's obviously now upset and told me I've ruined her life, I should have told her while she was back home.

 

That is the abridged version but the main points are in there!

 

I suppose I'm just wondering if everyone thinks I've done a terrible thing as it feels like it to me at the moment.

 

In a couple of weeks the regret is going to kick in.

[PegNosePete]

She is lashing out and blaming you because she is hurt.

 

You did the right thing. You didn't ruin anyone's life. Ruining her life would have been lying, cheating, going behind her back, pretending to still love her, driving a wedge between her and her family, etc. You didn't do any of those things. Worst case you caused her to waste the price of a return flight but then she would presumably have had to come back at some point to pick up her stuff anyway.

 

Stick to your guns. Don't take her back just because she's in pain, be firm but gentle and honest. Remember she's only lashing out because she is hurt.

[jumpingjenkins]

Thanks for the replies. Her flight back was the return leg. She's already booked a flight back so I'll help with the cost. Least I can do.

Apart from me she seems to have no reason to be here which puts a lot of pressure on me. I thought after 20 years here she would have a few more reasons to be here. I honestly believe she is better off now with her family. They're a really nice bunch.

[Rouik]

You cant beat yourself up, break ups are almost always messy and both people*wont be happy about it. You could have told her over the phone, and it may have been worse hearing that way instead of in person. Its hard to know looking back, we cant live in the what if's but the best thing was telling her instead of drawing it out for months. Good luck and best wishes.