Getting over MM is easy except for the intense emotional connection and intimacy...

[bewell]

I posted a few months back asking if it's possible to be platonically friends with exMM and the answer was a resounding NO. I didn't listen and allowed myself to hear him out (for the millionth time). And guess what? our contact didn't last long until he faded again. THEN...I went abroad for 7 weeks. I went NC on him and 3 weeks into it a few days after xmas, I get a random message on twitter from him "Hi, how you doing?". I didn't answer in that instant. I should have sat on my hands but I didn't. Messages flowed between us and suddenly we were both in. During this time he kept saying he wants me in his life as a "friend" and I explained the reasons why we cannot. This went on and on until the end of January. I returned home from my trip two weeks ago and then suddenly we were meeting for lunch for the first time in 11 months! We had lunch last week, talked to each other, asked questions, etc etc and then it got ugly through the weekend. Now we are back at NC, he has since deleted and blocked me on twitter but not my mobile phone (not yet). I am actually okay with moving on (and I have since last year) but the part I am struggling with is accepting to move on from the amazing mutual intimate connection we had. He has been back with his W for 11 months now and he told me that she has only recently started to ask for sex after decades of drought. According to him they've only been intimate 2-3x in the last couple of weeks which were all initiated by her. That's the part I'm having trouble moving on from. You know, the intense connection I once had with him is now being gravitated toward his W. I am sure I'm not the only one struggling with this. How do I get through the other side without losing myself?

[FoundMyStrength]

The truth is, they want the best of both worlds. They want us in their life as "friends" to remind them that they are wanted by us. That they are special and desirable, so that when their wives gets fussy and nagging and day-to-day stressors get to them, they can text us or message us, and have an ego boost: "well, bewell still loves me."

 

I declined my xMM's invitation to friendship. Once he told me he was nestling back into life with his wife and feeling happy, I decided I didn't want his consolation prize. I still care about him, but I also care about myself. And no way was I going to be the person he came to for emotional support and ego boosts when his wife and life got boring or insufficient.

[bewell]

The truth is, they want the best of both worlds. They want us in their life as "friends" to remind them that they are wanted by us. That they are special and desirable, so that when their wives gets fussy and nagging and day-to-day stressors get to them, they can text us or message us, and have an ego boost: "well, bewell still loves me."

 

I declined my xMM's invitation to friendship. Once he told me he was nestling back into life with his wife and feeling happy, I decided I didn't want his consolation prize. I still care about him, but I also care about myself. And no way was I going to be the person he came to for emotional support and ego boosts when his wife and life got boring or insufficient.

 

You pretty much said what is on my mind that is difficult for me to articulate due to the raw emotions I am feeling right now. I do not want to be friends. It's a treacherous road to be on especially with an exMM. Although I have to say based on history, he has done this before and always popped up after the dust has settled. But I think he is FINALLY done with me and he will NEVER contact me again from here on out.

 

When I repeatedly asked how the dynamics are at home with his W, he said things are okay and in harmony (whatever that means). I have no way of knowing the truth, really. I do know they used to not get along and fought a lot and that's how he found his way to me. After W discovered the A back in 2013 and subsequently thereafter, then a reconciliation in April of last year, he said that they no longer fight. Maybe they did turn over a new leaf...

[Messy Lady]

The truth is, they want the best of both worlds. They want us in their life as "friends" to remind them that they are wanted by us. That they are special and desirable, so that when their wives gets fussy and nagging and day-to-day stressors get to them, they can text us or message us, and have an ego boost: "well, bewell still loves me."

 

So true! It's a game to them!

 

MM and I work together and whenever we are "off", he regularly asks me if I still love him!