thecrucible Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'm in my late twenties. Brother is mid twenties and we are both living with parents due to lack of funds. I'm only working part time on low salary job and gaining the experience until I can find something better. My bro finished his Masters at a top university in the summer. I worry that he is in a low mood because let's face it, applying for jobs can be a depressing monotony. I went through it too and I'm not 100% happy with how my life has been for the past two years but I know how he feels. It's horrible when you're stuck in a rut like that. My bro is introverted like me. I started taking on more social activities to give structure to my week (well basically forcing myself) and I got him into a racquet sport (he's way better than me at it hehe ). Other than that few hours a week, he doesn't get out of the house and I do worry because he says he doesn't want to keep in touch with old school friends because he's hoping to move with a job and doesn't see the point. I just wonder if he feels lonely? I know he is desperate to get out of the small town we grew up in. I am too but still stuck. I'm wondering what you guys can advise me - how can I help him feel better without interfering too much or basically just being annoying? I know he values his independence. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 First of all I think it's nice that you are so concerned about your brother. So often siblings have jealousy and hostility towards one another so it's great that you seem to genuinely care about your brother. Now in my opinion, this rut you speak of is exactly what happens when parents allow their adult children to live at home long past the age when they should have left the nest and especially when they allow those same adult children to sit around the house all day and mope and feel sorry for themselves. When you're an adult you leave home and work. Doesn't matter if you have to work a couple of low paying jobs just to make ends meet. Doesn't matter if you have to work jobs that you feel are beneath you or if you don't have even two cents to rub together after you pay the rent. Doesn't matter if you can't afford the rent and have to live with a one, two or three roommates just to survive or if you can only rent a single room in somebody's house. The reason I say this is because people who have to get up everyday and work hard just to survive don't have time to sit around moping and feeling sorry for themselves. It is good for the mind, body and spirit to work and be independent no matter how crappy the job is or how low the pay. People need to be challenged to be motivated. I would suggest that both you and your brother should apply for any and all jobs that are available even if it's McDonald's or Starbucks and then leave home and rent a place together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 I worry that he is in a low mood because let's face it, applying for jobs can be a depressing monotony. I went through it too and I'm not 100% happy with how my life has been for the past two years but I know how he feels. Well...you can let him know that, based on your own experience, you have empathy for his present situation. But. Then you need to ASK him what are his feelings and what is his experience of the same; otherwise, you run the risk and mistake of simply projecting your stuff onto him. Certainly, let him know that you are available if he wants to talk. For everything else, trust that he knows best how he wants to run his life. how can I help him feel better without interfering too much or basically just being annoying? I know he values his independence. In reality, we do not have the power to help other people feel better -- even if we did have the authority. He is 100% in charge and has 100% control over his own mental and emotional states. He will or he won't, sooner or later, come to his own conclusion that he needs or wants to change his situation and the direction in which he is headed; and, he will need to make his own free will decisions and choices about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ieris Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 @thecrucible ~ What did your brother study? I'm not sure what his interested are but you can buy him some books that might inspire him. If he hasn't found a job then maybe he can think about getting other qualifications to add to his CV. Even volunteering work in his field to gain some work experience and make some contacts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thecrucible Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 When you're an adult you leave home and work. Doesn't matter if you have to work a couple of low paying jobs just to make ends meet. Doesn't matter if you have to work jobs that you feel are beneath you or if you don't have even two cents to rub together after you pay the rent. Doesn't matter if you can't afford the rent and have to live with a one, two or three roommates just to survive or if you can only rent a single room in somebody's house. Well I've been working steadily for 3 years, thank you very much. My job just doesn't pay enough to live out and rent somewhere. I've looked into this and I'd need more of an income. Most of my income goes on food for myself, driving lessons, my hobbies/social life etc. I'm also paying back some student loan money although I don't have an overdraft. I would do the roommates thing but I've been looking and haven't seen anything come up that's like that. Most of my friends are paired off and live with partners so they're not available to suggest a flat share to. I've been looking out there for additional jobs to supplement my income but my part time hours are Noon to 5pm when you factor in the commute to get there. Jobs come up but the hours clash with the job I am doing. I've looked into stuff like bar work but places in my town only take people with a personal license. My brother is applying to internships (unpaid ones) and I dread the conversation he'll have with my parents as I know they can't afford accommodation hundreds of miles away for an unpaid opportunity. He's applying to these with companies he is interested in but doesn't want to apply to normal jobs. I started off with a couple of those because I had little work experience and he is in the shoes I was in back then and hasn't worked before. I know that feels as well - you know you are capable but you have to jump through those hoops and it can be frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thecrucible Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 @thecrucible ~ What did your brother study? I'm not sure what his interested are but you can buy him some books that might inspire him. If he hasn't found a job then maybe he can think about getting other qualifications to add to his CV. Even volunteering work in his field to gain some work experience and make some contacts. He studied History like me and got very high marks academically. Then he did a postgraduate degree which was in the subject of country risk analysis - politically, geographically - that kind of thing. I'm not entirely sure to be honest. It can be difficult finding volunteering opportunities with the right places up here due to being in Scotland and not in a city. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thecrucible Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 Well...you can let him know that, based on your own experience, you have empathy for his present situation. But. Then you need to ASK him what are his feelings and what is his experience of the same; otherwise, you run the risk and mistake of simply projecting your stuff onto him. Don't worry. I'm pretty perceptive. He's always been more on a level than me (I can be more emotional). I'm also not a patronising person so I would stop VERY far short on lecturing someone on what to do when I myself am still figuring stuff out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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