sophiestic Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Hey everyone! I wanted to ask you if it is possible that my krav maga instructor, who is married and also has a baby, may be flirting with me innocently or with ulterior motive? He smiles at me during the lesson or teases me.. We also chat on fb at night and he implies various sexual stuff (e.g. I have a problem with my back and he told me that he has "magic hands" to stretch me... or that I should start having sex and my back will get better) We laugh a lot and joke all the time! What do you think is going on with him?? I asked him while we were chatting at night "Where is your wife? Isn't she wondering who you're talking to?" and he told me "She doesn't have a reason to wonder, right?" .....and I was confused. I think I like him! He has their wedding photo on his fb and they seem like a happy couple.. Probably he flirts in order to boost his self-esteem? Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Ask him to do a video chat with both him and his wife. His reaction will tell you if everything is above board. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Cmon. You know. He's testing the waters. It's way too inappropriate to act like that in a marriage. Why are you allowing this? Cuz it's fun and he makes you feel good? It's not worth it. I'm sure if two things-- - if his wife found out she certainly would have reason to be upset -you're not the only student he's played this game with. Don't be weak. Don't be the one that takes the bait. no single woman has any reason to talk to a married man at night on social media. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Hey everyone! I wanted to ask you if it is possible that my krav maga instructor, who is married and also has a baby, may be flirting with me innocently or with ulterior motive? He smiles at me during the lesson or teases me.. We also chat on fb at night and he implies various sexual stuff (e.g. I have a problem with my back and he told me that he has "magic hands" to stretch me... or that I should start having sex and my back will get better) We laugh a lot and joke all the time! What do you think is going on with him?? I asked him while we were chatting at night "Where is your wife? Isn't she wondering who you're talking to?" and he told me "She doesn't have a reason to wonder, right?" .....and I was confused. I think I like him! He has their wedding photo on his fb and they seem like a happy couple.. Probably he flirts in order to boost his self-esteem? Why do you find it flattering that a married man with a young child is hitting on you? Forget his reasons, focus on yours and why you're needing the attention and liking a guy who you know is married and won't be yours. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Its not innocent. He is bored and has picked you as his play thing. When you ask, he tells you that she doesn't have anything to worry about because to him, she doesn't. He is not even considering leaving her. He is flirting as an ego boost, "look how many women I can get". And you are flirting back as an ego boost, "even married men want me". If you, not him, you do not put a stop to this now, in 6 months you'll be back crying that he loves you but wont leave his evil wife and what should you do about it. This train has no good stops, only painful ones. Right now it is not that big a deal, stop now before it becomes one. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Read "not just friends" by Dr Shirley Glass. Do a search using the title or her name. This book often is a life changer for people. It will help you set up friendly health boundaries for life, Be a friend to his marriage. Discuss it with him. 99% certain he will blow past it and start up with someone else. The point is, it will not be you, 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 UGH! I had a Taekwondo instructor who did this very same thing with a student (married also). It was glaringly apparent to all, even to the kids (sadly). This was so opposite of the tenets of TKD - you know, honor, integrity to name a couple. It was disgusting to watch the crap show and many students never felt the same way towards the him. Why in the world are you even questioning what this means? First of all, it is evident and secondly, it is a pathway to pain. Get out of this situation now 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jump Through Loops Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 He's playing with you. He has you exactly where he wants you to be; Confused. He answered your question with a question to deflect his married status back to you in search of finding out how you feel about him being married. He's done this before, many times. He's a player and you're falling for it, hook, line, and sinker. You simply can't get him out of your head. If you think you're confused now, just wait until he has you further engulfed into his little game. You're currently only at level one... Easy pickings with very little leg work involved. You have two choices. Walk away now, or walk yourself into trouble. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sophiestic Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your opinions & helpful tips! Do you think that it is possible that he might not like his marriage anymore? I mean, what lead him to this behaviour? Some people get married to the wrong person, but how will I know if this is the case? I don't want to be the cause for a divorce. If he was single, then I would agree to take it further. Link to post Share on other sites
independentwoman Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your opinions & helpful tips! Do you think that it is possible that he might not like his marriage anymore? I mean, what lead him to this behaviour? Some people get married to the wrong person, but how will I know if this is the case? I don't want to be the cause for a divorce. If he was single, then I would agree to take it further. Things he will eventually tell you: "my wife doesn't understand me" "my wife and I live like roommates and no longer have sex" "my wife thinks of me as a paycheck" "my wife is too busy to give me time" "I haven't loved my wife in a long time" "I'm not like other men that cheat" "I've never cheated before" You will know if he married the wrong person when he comes to you with divorce papers in hand and is single. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your opinions & helpful tips! Do you think that it is possible that he might not like his marriage anymore? I mean, what lead him to this behaviour? Some people get married to the wrong person, but how will I know if this is the case? I don't want to be the cause for a divorce. If he was single, then I would agree to take it further. IT DOES NOT MATTER. Don't even wonder! It's none of your business. He IS NOT single. So it doesn't matter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jump Through Loops Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 I don't want to be the cause for a divorce. Oh boy. There won't be a divorce. He'll just trot back to his wife and leave you in the lurch with all those sexy knickers you got for him, and you'll end up wondering where it all went wrong. (but he loved me!!!!!) Wake up! Please. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your opinions & helpful tips! Do you think that it is possible that he might not like his marriage anymore? I mean, what lead him to this behaviour? Some people get married to the wrong person, but how will I know if this is the case? I don't want to be the cause for a divorce. If he was single, then I would agree to take it further. It's possible he's not getting the attention like he did at the beginning before they had kids. This guy is using you for an ego feed and if you think he's going to up and divorce his wife to be with you, you're sadly mistaken. IF anything, you'll let yourself fall in love with him and he'll manipulate you and give you hope that there will be a 'someday' for the two of you. It'll be an affair and you'll get hurt badly. This man is scum. Trust me, I highly doubt you're the first or even now the only one he flirts with. Don't mistake an ego stroke for him as him falling in love with you. May I ask how old you are? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Does this "instructor" own the business? No way he's gonna leave the wife and give up half of that Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your opinions & helpful tips! Do you think that it is possible that he might not like his marriage anymore? I mean, what lead him to this behaviour? Some people get married to the wrong person, but how will I know if this is the case? I don't want to be the cause for a divorce. If he was single, then I would agree to take it further. Please, PLEASE listen to the advise here AND apply it to ALL of these situations with married men in your life. I don't know how old you are but you sound in your early-mid 20's. This is a life lesson. We ALL go through this or have a friend who does. You get to save yourself a lot of pain & heartache by learning from OTHERS mistakes here. You are falling into the trap & asking the first questions & making the first assumptions that WILL lead you onto the wrong path in life. "Does he like me?" - Of course he does! Men like women!! He was fishing & you took the bait. Why on earth are you messaging a married man when you could be enjoying your friends & family or studying? You are ALREADY wasting your precious time on something destructive. Don't be that woman!! "To be chasing women he MUST be unhappy in his marriage! He MUST be with the wrong woman or he wouldn't do this. It's not HIS fault that he's an ADULTERER it's the wife's!". NO! NO! NO! This way of thinking is incredibly naive & will get you into trouble in life! Womanizers chase women! I've known some & read about many. If he was with YOU he would do the same thing & the young women he flirts with would think the same. That's why women marry cheats & other women have affairs with them. Or....let's say you're correct. He's unhappy - This means he's passive & weak! Who wants a man who chases other women rather than facing his problems & resolving them? Stay away from men like this! YOU are worth more than this. A man should better your life. Your man should be there for YOU & only YOU. He should be honest & strong. Your best friend & partner. NEVER get involved with a married man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sophiestic Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 I am 26 and he is 35 :/ He doesn't own the business, he just works there. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I am 26 and he is 35 :/ He doesn't own the business, he just works there. How would your friends and especially your parents feel about this? If they knew what you were considering doing, having an affair with an older MM with children? You're old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. Make the right choice and stay away from him. Find a single guy who can take you out and not hide you behind closed doors. Nobody here is going to encourage you to jump into an affair and help this guy cheat on his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Ok. Enough about him...let's talk about you. What's wrong inside of you that you would even consider this? Where are your values/morals? Why does this attention make you feel good even when it's coming from a dishonest person? What are you missing inside thst you're searching for on the outside? Why are you attracted to a cheater? Why don't you love yourself enough to know you deserve better than someone else's husband? I'm not being mean, honestly thing about these things. It's not him. He's not special. There's something inside you that's broken thst is attracted to this type of unhealthy relationship. Why? Answer that and your feelings for him will probably change from infatuation to disgust. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Disregard the whole affair morality thing for a moment. Forget about him being married or not, forget about whether his marriage is happy. His behavior towards you is still inappropriate. He's your teacher, and your teacher in a physical discipline that gives him the authority to touch and critique your body. He's also a lot older than you. Even if he were single, him chatting you up on facebook and talking about sex with you would suggest that he is trying to take advantage. Now, maybe you secretly yearn for authority figures to be romantically interested in you, to be commanding with you. It's okay to have those interests, this is a common kink. However, it can also be a dangerous one, because it makes you an easy target for someone who wants to use you. If this guy weren't married and he weren't your teacher, maybe he would be worth dating. But that's not the situation you have. All the warning signs here point to danger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 What's wrong inside of you that you would even consider this? Where are your values/morals? Why does this attention make you feel good even when it's coming from a dishonest person? What are you missing inside thst you're searching for on the outside? Why are you attracted to a cheater? Why don't you love yourself enough to know you deserve better than someone else's husband? I second this. As an xOW, these are questions I wish I had stopped to ask myself before teetering over onto the slippery slope of an affair. Take it from someone who's been there: once you go over the edge, there are no take backs. And when the affair has burnt itself out in a fiery crash, you'll still have to answer these questions. You'll just be trying to do it as a broken human being who doubts your own self-worth because of the awful thing you did to someone else's wife and family. And if you think this is an exaggeration, it isn't -- just read some of the many stories on the forum. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carolann Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Why would you even give this any thought? Are you that lonely, desperate, horny, What? Makes no difference if his marriage is happy or not. This guy sounds like a scumbag and there are decent men out there. If you just want sex there's always Tinder. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your opinions & helpful tips! Do you think that it is possible that he might not like his marriage anymore? I mean, what lead him to this behaviour? Some people get married to the wrong person, but how will I know if this is the case? I don't want to be the cause for a divorce. If he was single, then I would agree to take it further. EVERY man looking for a bait paints this. This is a picture from page 34 in textbook called 'Affair'. I am sure he has told those dialogues and forwarded those songs to a few more before you. He aint leaving... he is the driver of the bus. Dont be the one under it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sampson Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 (edited) I wanted to ask you if it is possible that my krav maga instructor, who is married and also has a baby, may be flirting with me innocently or with ulterior motive? He is definitely looking for an affair. And an affair can be both emotional/physical or both. He smiles at me during the lesson or teases me.. We also chat on fb at night and he implies various sexual stuff Typical showing you attention to make you interested in him, and of course your only going to see or hear what he wants you to see and hear. This is called a "bubble relationship". You will only see the good while ignoring the fact that a married father is cheating on his family. "He is such a good guy" NOPE! We laugh a lot and joke all the time! See my above response about only seeing the best and what he wants you to see. "She doesn't have a reason to wonder, right?" .....and I was confused Of course, everyone is happy, the world is spinning and she is none the wiser of what he is doing in the shadows. Nobody knows type thing. It never stays hidden and both affair partners begin isolating themselves from reality. "Affair Fog" I think I like him! You like the idea of him and are only seeing his "acting skills and best". He is not showing you 100% of himself. And you are ignoring the obvious signs that he doesn't care about other peoples feelings only his. You are enjoying the attention he is giving you. This is what you like. Why is this having such an effect on you from a married man? He can say anything and do anything in this bubble relationship and not really have emotion or intent behind it other than to get what he wants. He will find those buttons and push. He has their wedding photo on his fb and they seem like a happy couple. Because he is manipulating you, his wife, and in a sense himself. Justification, minimization, compartmentalization, etc.. Probably he flirts in order to boost his self-esteem? Exactly, he is broken inside and is not being that partner and father to his family. He is filling his brokenness with your attention. A temporary injection of medicine for the cancer within himself. Do you think that it is possible that he might not like his marriage anymore? I mean, what lead him to this behaviour? It's none of your business! He is still married = he likes his marriage. Because he is exhibiting wayward behavior and has serious issues within himself. Some people get married to the wrong person, but how will I know if this is the case? I don't want to be the cause for a divorce. If he was single, then I would agree to take it further. No one gets married to the wrong person. It is a choice. Relationships are not A marries only A, B marries only B, it is about work, communication, caring, and so much. But those that are exhibiting wayward behaviors have compartmentalized and are stealing effort, and energy, of the marriage and giving it to an affair partner for selfish reasons. You won't know, because you don't see what is really going on and he won't really tell you. Look at his actions to his family and you. Any relationship you have with him will only cause issues in his marriage and family he has already shown he can cross boundaries. Or ask his wife and really tell her what is going on for permission to be his "friend" doubt that is possible right!? Good, now leave this married man alone and find a single guy and don't waste your life on unavailable men. It will only cause damage and destruction. I am 26 and he is 35 :/ He doesn't own the business, he just works there. Wouldn't be surprised if he is hitting on other students. Your not a special snowflake he is using this as a hunting ground for attention from other women. Edited February 6, 2017 by Sampson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Of course people get married to the wrong person sometimes, but if they realise that person is really wrong for them, they owe it to both parties to end the marriage. On the other hand thinking that your partner isn't perfect does not mean you married the wrong person, no one is perfect. And grousing about your partner on an off day does not mean you have any intention of leaving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sophiestic Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 Thanks everyone! I should definitely put a stop to this fling and continue my life and my krav maga lessons as if he never existed. I mean it's disgusting and awkward! This only leads to pain (even if I choose to have fun with him in bed... then there will be emotional destruction for me). After all, I believe that I permitted this to happen because it has never happened to me before. The good thing is that I got over my ex (it was a long distance relationship) and this flirt boosted my self-esteem. Now, I should just move on! I don't know why there is chemistry with all the unavailable men.... my ex is in New York to complete his residency (he'll be back in Greece in 3 years or stay there forever!) and now my krav maga instructor is married... And all the other men who hit on me .... I just don't like them AT ALL! What is going on with relationships? :/ Link to post Share on other sites
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