drypuddle Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) I'm not really sure what to do... ExMM has been in my lab working a lot recently and twice this week I've had things happen to my main instrument that wouldn't occur naturally on their own. It doesn't do anything to damage the instrument but does enough to cause me frustration and grief because I have to figure out why my instrument isn't operating correctly. I can only guess that he's messing with it. He doesn't know enough about the instrument to do anything to cause real damage. I've told a colleague, who is also a good friend and knows the situation about exMM, and he does agree that it seems like exMM may be playing with me. The colleague suggested that I may need to talk to HR but I really don't want to have to explain to them "exMM is doing this because I told his wife we were having an affair." I'm really not keen on confronting him either, so at this point it seems like all I can do is hope he gets tired of messing with me and moves on with his life. So what do I do? Also, the things have happened would only take a a few seconds to do, so it can be done easily without being noticed. I'm the only person who works in there regularly, but I'm not in there babysitting my work 8 hours a day. So he would have ample opportunity to mess with things if he wants. Completely flummoxed over here. Edited February 2, 2017 by drypuddle Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Can you set up a camera? Link to post Share on other sites
Author drypuddle Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 I could and am considering setting up a trail cam or something motion activated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Keyhole camera, just for your own purposes, not anything public. Deal with the results as you see fit. In general, not just affair situations, this stuff is always a risk with mixing personal and professional and especially romantic and professional. If you're junior or less politically connected, expect any pushback to result in you being shown the door, absent any CBA or personal contract in place. Even with those, the company has more money and lawyers and can make your life miserable for a good long time, regardless of outcome. In the realm of workplace war, I don't envy you. It would be much more productive if both of you moved on and professionalism reigned. However, right now all this is suspicion. Get the proof then work the politics, IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author drypuddle Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 Thanks for the advice! I definitely won't make a move without having hard evidence. Having pictures of him messing with my instrument should be sufficient for disciplinary action without having the affair come to light considering the capital invested in having this instrument is pretty substantial. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 when do you think he's doing this? Can you just subtlety leave your phone (recording of course) when you go to the bathroom or lunch? Link to post Share on other sites
Author drypuddle Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 He can be doing it any time he is in there alone. The things that were done can be done very quickly. He works later than me and so I suspect the first incident was done after I had left for the day. The other incident was done in the middle of the day. I was finished with my immediate task and left the lab for a little bit. When I came back in, I could smell his cologne and so knew he was just in there and then saw the second incident. It wasn't nearly as big of an issue as the first incident, but it was annoying nonetheless. I don't know if he's doing these things to try to get me to confront him or what. Yesterday I had to go into his lab to talk to a coworker, and I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was staring at me. Then he purposefully walked by and said hi, in a friendly manner whereas he's been very curt before. Then he comes back in the lab and he's staring at me again. I turn to look at him and he's smiling at me??? It was really weird. Our passing greetings in the hallway previous to yesterday have been very curt, and any eye contact made between us has been accidental and brief. Also, he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. Part of me is tempted to text the wife again and tell her to rein him in. I texted her before so I don't know why he thinks I wouldn't again. Link to post Share on other sites
Superluminal Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Do nothing! I repeat...do nothing! He's trying to engage you and any response you give, either negative or positive, will be considered a win for him. Don't fall for his tricks. Learn to show indifference when sharing the same space as him. As for his potential "sabotage" of your instrument, I would suggest you document all your observations and corrective actions in your instrument log. This is a borderline ethics issue and you may need to go into CYA mode. If you have further evidence of tampering, then I would present your data to your Supervisor and let them deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author drypuddle Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Do nothing! I repeat...do nothing! He's trying to engage you and any response you give, either negative or positive, will be considered a win for him. Don't fall for his tricks. Learn to show indifference when sharing the same space as him. As for his potential "sabotage" of your instrument, I would suggest you document all your observations and corrective actions in your instrument log. This is a borderline ethics issue and you may need to go into CYA mode. If you have further evidence of tampering, then I would present your data to your Supervisor and let them deal with it. Doing nothing is the path I'm following. I just don't understand it is all, but I'm not so bothered by not understanding his motives that I'll ask him to clarify. Haha! Im going to do my best to let it be and hope it doesn't escalate. I have talked to my boss about the weird things that have happened. I didn't imply that I thought there was someone sabotaging it but it's at least on his radar that I'm having weird issues. Hopefully my refusal to acknowledge exMM beyond a curt greeting will discourage his tamperings and weird stares though I'm guessing this is not how his game is played. Link to post Share on other sites
Superluminal Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Good work drypuddle. I wish I had your resolve. Does the absence of a wedding ring make you think something has changed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author drypuddle Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Good work drypuddle. I wish I had your resolve. Does the absence of a wedding ring make you think something has changed? No, I think it's another play he's making in this little game he has going. Not wearing that ring is just an attempt to draw me in again. Link to post Share on other sites
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