Your last relationship: How long did it last? Scale of 1-10 how badly did it end?

[ZayKayWill]

Bump for some new posters?

[bummer]

I'll play the game. The one that smashed my heart over a year ago was a solid 8/10 on my pain scale. No kids or marriage, was only 1.5 years, so I shouldn't complain. Never had one above a 4 before though.

 

More interesting would be to try and assess how some BUs were for the other half. I know I probably caused some 7+ devastation in my past. Karma comes right back around!

[IDB_2017]

6.5 year relationship.

 

Relationship = 3/10 (everything was great except her lower sex drive, but that was manageable because I spoke to her about it and am a mature adult)

 

Break-up = 8/10.

 

Her emotionally cheating during a patch of long distance; I found out; she wouldn't have told me and was acting the same around me whilst it was going on; I broke up with her; found out she had lost romantic feelings for me (spark/physical attraction) and had physically cheated on her previous boyfriend when similar feelings arose and he was away; learnt that I had ignored many red flags about her low self-esteem and inability to address worries and concerns in her life; it is tough but better now (1 month no contact).

[Fever of love]

22 years.

 

Break up was and is a 10/10 kids.

 

She moved out in a whirlwind on June the 17th. I waited for her to settle down wherever she was, and guessed some explanation would be forthcoming.

 

But you guessed it, no explanation ever came, she just got more angry.

 

This forum pointed out to me that this is a common defense mechanism amonst cheating dumpers, in order to protect their fragile egos from the guilt caused by their heartbreaking actions.

 

Doesnt make it any easier, the whole 'heartbreak' phenomenon is really one of the weirdest and most powerful things life can throw at you. I really thought I was losing my mind until I found this forum.

 

Still havent given up. I would forgive her anything, fool that I am.

 

Dont tell her that though.

[NateNathanV]

Age 16 - 18: break up like a 4/10, had a year out and then started dating again at 19..

A total 12 years together...

 

Ask me a couple months after we broke up and id of told you it was a 6/10. The relationship was dead at the end, she tried to save it but I just couldn't! I ended it! And I was relieved it was over!! from my point of view it would have been lower than a 6 if it wasnt for that i felt really guilty, the guilt was the worst thing by far!

 

Ask me now, 10 months later... I'm hurting at a solid 9/10!! To lose the person thats always been there, to see her move on, to i think lose my way a bit as a result and to maybe only now appreciate the security, and comfort, and stability, that that relationship provided me, and what life is like without those things.

[Els]

Current relationships don't count I guess, it has to be one that has broken up?

 

My last breakup was with a guy that I was with for 1.5 years. The actual breakup was mutual and actually pretty amicable. But the months leading up to the decision to break up were pretty bad.

[Lphan301]

Dated 1.5years

Breakup was 10 but more like a 20

 

I was going thru hormone imbalance (perimenopuse) but didn't know what I was dealing with because of no health insurance. It took a toll on my relationship. Left my business to get a reg job to get health insurance to save my relationship. He told me he lost the spark for me right before I went to see the doctor. I Had a bad reaction to the anti depressant that was prescribed temporary and emitted myself in the ER. Then they Found out I have an underlying severe heart conditions. Life is short but my heart diagnosed just confirmed my life is shorter. Might need open heart surgery to repair valve and I'm only 37. He once was not at my side cause he didn't take off work, after 3 days in oveservation unit they discharged me. Came home and he was cold and distant. No hug or anything and dump me and tell me to pack and move out. Accused me I was by polar after I explained peri menepause can make a person moody and emotional. I have to leave the same day I just got discharged from hospital. I literally didn't feel like living anymore and wanted to end my life. Thank god I didn't.

[ZayKayWill]

Current relationships don't count I guess' date=' it has to be one that has broken up?[/b']

 

My last breakup was with a guy that I was with for 1.5 years. The actual breakup was mutual and actually pretty amicable. But the months leading up to the decision to break up were pretty bad.

 

I mean, the whole idea and focus is on the break up so... <_<

[Popsicle]

Interesting thread. It's interesting to hear how people handle these things.

 

My last relationship - 9 months, breakup 6/10. I definitely felt something but it wasn't as bad as it could have been because I knew it was coming. We had a lot of problems and I never set my hopes and dreams on us being together forever. That is what really hurts - when you can see a future together and have to give up all your dreams.

 

My marriage -15 years, breakup 10/10. It was so hard and hurt so much. It felt like getting my right arm chopped off and I didn't know how I would survive, but I did survive and I'm alright, and I think getting through that pain actually helped me grow a tougher skin and was why I wasn't as hurt about my last relationship ending. I knew I'd be fine. I don't know if that's good or bad.

[ZayKayWill]

Need more interesting stories. Lol

[d0nnivain]

My last relationship (before I met DH) lasted about 2 years -- give or take some weeks.

 

 

I'd say it ended on a 9. He lied to me. I found out. I never decided if I was more mad that he lied or that the lie he told was so easy to check & that he must have thought I was pretty stupid if he thought I wasn't going to verify what he was telling me. He was separated when I met him. He filed for divorce shortly thereafter. His case got a adjourned a few times while they worked more stuff out. After a particular court date he told me the divorce was finally entered. I nagged him for a while about filling out paperwork to get the marriage annulled. Then I said give me a copy of the Judgment so I could start filing out the annulment paperwork. He & I had talked about marriage but I refused to even let him formally ask until his first marriage was annulled. He kept promising to give the Order to me but never did. After a few months I called the Court to request a copy. At that point I was told he wasn't divorced. The case had been adjourned again because there were still issues to be ironed out. I was furious. I would have been just fine, no big deal that it had been postponed. I know things happen. I dumped him that night. He died 2 years later but he still wasn't divorced!

[No_Go]

So terrible and morbid... He stayed married until death brought them apart...

 

My last relationship (before I met DH) lasted about 2 years -- give or take some weeks.

 

 

I'd say it ended on a 9. He lied to me. I found out. I never decided if I was more mad that he lied or that the lie he told was so easy to check & that he must have thought I was pretty stupid if he thought I wasn't going to verify what he was telling me. He was separated when I met him. He filed for divorce shortly thereafter. His case got a adjourned a few times while they worked more stuff out. After a particular court date he told me the divorce was finally entered. I nagged him for a while about filling out paperwork to get the marriage annulled. Then I said give me a copy of the Judgment so I could start filing out the annulment paperwork. He & I had talked about marriage but I refused to even let him formally ask until his first marriage was annulled. He kept promising to give the Order to me but never did. After a few months I called the Court to request a copy. At that point I was told he wasn't divorced. The case had been adjourned again because there were still issues to be ironed out. I was furious. I would have been just fine, no big deal that it had been postponed. I know things happen. I dumped him that night. He died 2 years later but he still wasn't divorced!

[No_Go]

1st non-breakup breakup (I was 'platonically dating' and orbiting him for few years): 9/10. I have been crying under the shower for hours after he found a girlfriend... Still up to date it is near-toxic when we talk ...

 

1st breakup: maybe 4-5/10? It was desperate to detach from him, he was kind of dangerous (physically abusive in the past), not taking 'no' as an answer... One night we went to see a movie, he kissed me goodnight, and left for good (as I was asking him for months). Never heard from him again. I strangely missed him after he disappeared... I'd sometimes go to our places to reminisce. I think I knew from the start that this is meant to happen but he was a very strong presence.

 

2nd breakup: 1-2/10. He was a conman, I was sooooo relieved when I escaped our shared apartment. I thought I won't make it alive. I felt life coming back to my body when he stopped calling me 1-2 months after.

 

2nd non-breakup breakup (STR): 4-5/10 this was the only guy I kissed and didn't progress to relationship. I had high hopes that were shattered quickly. He left audio memories (songs) that I listen up to date when I'm sad.

 

3rd breakup: 8-9/10. It was a relationship of near 2 years, living together, lots of marriage talk... Break up was so bad because it turned my life if a completely different direction. He wasn't the man for me but I've made my plans around him. It took time to process that and he didn't want to get away. When he finally did - I cried and cried but it was tears of relief big time.

 

3rd non-breakup breakup (guy that I met few times but got very infatuated with): 6-7/10. It strangely hurt me a lot, maybe because things died before blossoming.

 

Breakups are weird experiences... Like small deaths. I discovered they have changed me a lot, more than the preceding relationships.

[d0nnivain]

So terrible and morbid... He stayed married until death brought them apart...

 

 

 

It wasn't meant to be morbid. It was meant to show that even after I dumped him, he couldn't get his act together to move on with his life. His EX was actually his widow when he died even though they had been apart for 6 years & boy did she milk that at the funeral.

[ZayKayWill]

Keep it going people. Need more awesome stuff to read.

[Woodburner]

Wow, I f didn't know better, I would have guessed I wrote this. Sounds exactly likw what I went thru, eerie..........

[RobMele]

Good thread. Last was 7 month with 2/10 pain. Really didn't see future with her cause she was 9 years older and had a kid. So break up was easy

 

But prior dated another for 3 month, she was great I still want her now breakup was 7/10 because I dumped her and regretted it ever since.. one bad night of talking 2nd playing games ended a great thing.

[hgriffin17]

5 months.

 

10/10

 

When we broke up, we hugged, we cried, & said I love you to each other one last time. The saddest part of all was seeing myself slowly letting go of her hand. In my eyes, it was a visual representation of us letting go of one another.

 

Once she drove off, I fell to the floor and cried till I had nothing left in me.

 

A little piece of me died that night. A piece of me that only she can resurrect.

Edited September 22, 2017 by hgriffin17

[ZayKayWill]

Keep it coming!

[CeciliaCylara]

I give mine a 9/10. He never cheated or verbally abused me, but he did give me insensitive responses when his depression hit. It just REALLY hurts because what we had was real, but he just couldn't get past his old coping mechanisms (avoidance, trust issues, etc.). I was the target of his depression because I was the most trusted person to him and I almost lost myself in depression too. It really is contagious.

 

It turned him into someone I don't recognize anymore. He just wasn't strong enough to change when he was with me and just chose to run away from our close relationship and got into a new one to fill his desperate need to be validated in some way and in order to feel again.

 

When he let me go, it felt like my heart was eviscerated from the inside where he took his place in, leaving a gaping, bleeding hole. Now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces of myself again and grow. I'm coming to terms that not everyone wants to be helped. I still love him dearly... but I have to turn my head away as he goes down a path where he'll eventually fall.

Edited October 3, 2017 by CeciliaCylara

[MJJean]

My last official relationship lasted nearly 8 years, 6 of those married. 4/10 on the pain scale. I din't love him, so I didn't feel that hurt. My pain was based on fear of the unknown and concern for my children.

[MajesticUnicorn]

My last "official" relationship I should say lasted nearly 3 years. The relationship (for me) was amazing. I thought I was going to marry the guy, as did all of my family and friends. The break up was a 10/10 for me.

 

Long story short, we started dating my freshman year of college, he was a junior. Dated throughout college, when he graduated he moved across the country and we continued a LDR. Eventually it became too much and he broke up with me over FaceTime. I was heartbroken and it took me at least a year, if not longer to fully get over him. Of course there were rebounds but nothing really ever compared to the love I felt for him. I know it sounds cliche, but he really was my best friend. When we broke up, the idea of one day getting back together if our lives realigned was thrown out there. We both had the same goal to end up in the same city one day.

 

Anyway, looking back I realize how one-sided the relationship was. I was young and immature, at the time had a low sex-drive because of the antidepressants I was on, and I took and took and took from that relationship. Of course I did my best to show him love in the ways that I knew how, but I can't blame him for breaking up with me and wondering what else is out there because our relationship was essentially sexless. I lost my virginity to him and yeah the antidepressants killed my sex drive and made intercourse painful. We tried to work through it, but it just wasn't possible for me at the time.

 

I am thankful for the breakup because it gave me the chance to really experience college....go through my party stage, going out with girlfriends and flirting with any guy I wanted. I got off my antidepressants and realized I actually have a crazy sex drive so it was good for me to experience that too. At least get it out of my system too...

 

He really was my dream guy though. I can't say an ill word about him. I honestly believe it was the right person, wrong time type of situation.

 

Anyway, odd thing, he just accepted a job in the city where we both wanted to live. I have been interviewing out there quite a bit as well. We recently crossed paths. I am skeptical and hesitant, but it is interesting to me that we're back in communication. Years ago I would have done ANYTHING to get him to talk to me again. Now it's actually happening so it's just a bit surprising. Still figuring out how I will proceed, but definitely with caution. I figure if it's meant to be it'll happen, I'm not pushing anything.

[Devastated77]

Relationship lasted 17 years.

Breakup I'd say an easy 9 out of 10. He blindsided me and has been an absolute prick to me ever since. I was suicidal over it a few times but hoping I'm over that part now. Let the arse figure out what he's lost. I couldn't be bothered wasting any more of my time crying over him.

That said, I still dream about him and wake up missing him. But it's only been 5 weeks since the breakup and 4 days of full NC so gotta give myself a break on that and take it day by day.

[ZayKayWill]

My last official relationship lasted nearly 8 years, 6 of those married. 4/10 on the pain scale. I din't love him, so I didn't feel that hurt. My pain was based on fear of the unknown and concern for my children.

 

Why on Earth would you stay with someone you don't love for 8 years?

[MJJean]

Why on Earth would you stay with someone you don't love for 8 years?

 

Long story, but basically I was young, we were having casual sex, I had a birth control failure due to antibiotics for a lung infection causing the Pill to be less effective, and I married him to "do the right thing" for the baby. I thought I could tough it out until the baby was mostly grown and then I had a condom failure and got pregnant with #2. When the kids were 6 and 1, I just couldn't do it anymore.