My best friend stole the girl of my dreams[UPDATE: Having a difficult time moving on]

[WomenWubber]

morrowrd

 

thanks for the feedback. you're right, I shouldn't have shamed her like that. I just was upset at the fact that when we were purely online friends we both agreed that having sex before marriage was a stupid idea because it could lead to problems. All that went out the window when she first laid eyes on him. It's just I was blown away at the fact that she told me what her ideal man was, someone who's nerdy, thin but not muscular, shy, humble etc, and she's getting with the complete opposite: popular, natural bodybuilder/athlete, not shy to the least.. but the only thing I think he does have is maybe humbleness, he's never boastful about his physique..

 

Also, I'm too poor to afford a gym membership, and the only gym I could go to for free is my university gym but they both go there. Its just I'm wondering when being a nice guy would ever pay off.

 

Being nice is about yielding to the wills of others, so it's a hit miss because you depend of the niceness of others for it to pay off. If you want to get what you want, you have to impose your will. So if people like it great for you, if they don't ***k 'em.

 

The other thing. Being nice is okay if you really want to be that way from the bottom of your heart. But being that way in the hope it will get you anywhere will only lead your way to further disappointment and regret.

[E3ZY219]

Wow, amazing friend you have there. A best friend never puts a girl before their best friend. Girls come and go, but your best friend is your brother, your partner in crime, your reflection. You should keep your dignity and forget about both of them. Know that your best friend is selfish and only thought of his own feelings, and ignored yours. One day, he may come crawling back if things don't work out between them because he will then understand his mistake, and try to get you back. At that point, it is your decision to see if he is worth it or not.

 

Best of luck!

[theheartbrokenweaboo]

Thanks guys for the replies. I haven't been on here for a few days because of my depression worsening. Both my ex-best friend and dream girl decided to block me on Facebook. The girl messaged me stating she knows how difficult this must be for me, that she always suspected that I liked her since the beginning, that she always felt that this crush I had on her was super cute, but she had hoped that when we met in person that I would have met someone else, but realized I never did. She also told me that even if she didn't meet her fiance (my best friend), she never saw me in that way period, but always thought I was a nice guy. She was very offended at the fact that I tried shame her for being with him, and saw that as a perverse method of trying to get her and was turned off with the idea of remaining friends (she was scared that I might have started spreading rumors about him later down the road in hopes to have them split).

 

She also told me one of the reasons why I never "stood out" was the fact that we had too much in common, and thus saw me as just a really good friend to click with, and that with my ex best friend, there were certain similarities (never noticed them) and that she likes learning about the American Culture while sharing her culture with him, so that this relationship is never boring as she felt a relationship with me would have been and to tell me that I shouldn't be upset at him for stealing her, that he never stole her to begin with, but that she was the one who pursued him and hopes I would forgive and forget.

 

She says she hopes the best, and that she had him also block me so I couldn't see pictures of them in hopes that I could heal and move on. I'm just really hurt. She was part of my life for about 5 years and now she's completely gone. I just don't know what to do at this point in time.

[Space Ritual]

Again they did you a favor. Forget about both of them.

[normal person]

Its just I'm wondering when being a nice guy would ever pay off.

 

It'd be nice to think of the world as karmic, wherein you do good things and get good things back. Sadly, in the world of love and relationships, it doesn't really work this way as humans are biologically programmed to prioritize survival and reproduction first and foremost, and "nice" men who lack the aggressive, predatory qualities really don't do much to turn women on.

 

My advice is to not view your good deeds like currency, wherein if you do something for someone or are generally respectful, they "owe" you something in return. That's not how it works. You can be a "good" person and still attractive, but no woman thinks a passive aggressive doormat of a man is attractive.

 

Best of luck.

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

Yeah it sucks not to be able to have the person we like, but my mom always told me if they are interested in you, they will be w/you. Its not really a competition because yeah you may have been able to win her instead of your friend, but if she wasn't super interested, she find someone else.

[TheTraveler]

"I was your typical nerd that was into anime, video games and what not, and here's a guy who was into a variety of sports and was also a natural bodybuilder. He also was dating quite a bit and sleeping around a lot."

 

Even the nerdiest of nerd girls like to touch my muscles.

 

Moral of the story. Hit the gym OP and drop these two forever

[Poutrew]

What everyone is telling you is right: You are lucky to be rid of these two POS 'friends'. First, your best friend was never you friend. Even if you know the girl isn't into your friend, you don't make a move on her until your friend has closure with her. Then you can ask if it is ok for you to try dating her. That way there are never any hard feelings... bros before hoes, and all that. The fact that he made his move the way he did shows you he is a betrayer at heart. Not someone you want to ever have watch your back...

 

The girl is even worse. She is a liar. You fell in love with her based on the information she fed you over 5 years. You fell in love with a fiction, a chimera. The real girl was not what she portrayed herself to be. For example, her telling you how she doesn't like overly muscled men, that they 'scare' her... then jumps right into muscle boys bed for a night of fornication. Basically, she misled you over a half-decade so she would have someplace to crash when she got to the states. You were her mark, not her friend.

 

These are both badly flawed people, and you really need to feel good that they are now out of your life. The liar fell in love with the betrayer... good riddance to stinky rubbish. If you haven't yet, unfriend them on facebook. Even if they have blocked you, they will notice when your friend listing disappears. Now, young man, go live your life, and have some fun before you ever get this serious about a girl again...

[theheartbrokenweaboo]

So on a previous thread I wrote about losing my dream girl to an old best friend of mine. Throughout the course of time, I got some pretty good responses and advice, but I still think about this girl quite a bit. The post seemed to be a bit confusing because a few of the loveshack readers were under the impression that this guy stole her from me, but that wasn't the case. She either intentionally or unintentionally had me believe that I was her type, but was infatuated with him and pursued something with him, he just finally went with it. Also to add, we've never dated but had cuddled.

 

Well they're due to get married sometime between December of this year to Spring next year. I found that out from a mutual friend of ours and it's just been tearing me apart. I had known this girl for 5 years and it's been a living hell moving on.

 

Despite being blocked by them to help me move on, and unable to see what they do, she's constantly on my mind, and it's tough not reading some of the old pen pal messages (she's originally from Japan) and Facebook messages. I do see them time to time at my college campus and other places, but I get totally ignored by her and an occasional smile and nod by the other man (my old friend). When she completely ignores me, it feel devastating inside.

 

I had tried to go onto dating sites to move on, but nobody seems to like me, and I just don't seem to interested in anyone. I did met a girl who likes the same things as me: anime, manga, among other nerdy things; but I just don't find her all too attractive. Maybe I'm judging this one girl to unfairly since the girl I lost was a model, or maybe I'm just not ready yet..

 

What are some of your guys' advice on what I should do at this point in time?

[WomenWubber]

You need to get your mind busy with other things. For instance as a college student you should be studying your ass off. You can also have some fun (as much as you can afford) and make new friends.

 

Also concerning dating sites, I'm sorry to say I don't see you having much success there if you're a nerd who likes anime. Don't spend too much time on it.

[d0nnivain]

What are some of your guys' advice on what I should do at this point in time?

 

 

Keeping yourself busy is key. Join something. Work out. Throw yourself into your studies. Get a new hobby.

 

 

Surround yourself with supportive friends & family.

 

 

On a more concrete level make a written list of all the rotten things about each of them individually & together. Read it if you feel nostalgic toward them.