freebird31 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 What are some tips to help you bounce back after being rejected a few times ? Just any advice in general would help. How do you build your self-esteem back up? And how do you maintain your self-esteem if you still have to see the person who rejected you (at work, for ex.)? Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgeWP93 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 When you say rejected you mean you asked them out on a date and they said no? Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 When you say rejected you mean you asked them out on a date and they said no? Well, I kinda wanted to make this a general topic. But in my case, the guy I went on a date with didn't further pursue me. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgeWP93 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Just let it go that's probably not very good advice but don't dwell on it, I've been out on plenty of dates with people where I've had a good time on the date but I just didn't want to see them again because they weren't my type. Youve not been rejected as such, it just wasn't right, I admit it's frustrating if you think it could go somewhere but just have the 'oh well' attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 Just let it go that's probably not very good advice but don't dwell on it, I've been out on plenty of dates with people where I've had a good time on the date but I just didn't want to see them again because they weren't my type. Youve not been rejected as such, it just wasn't right, I admit it's frustrating if you think it could go somewhere but just have the 'oh well' attitude. So has that ever happened to you? Where you had a good time with someone but the other person didn't want to pursue anything further with you ? And is that what made you feel better...just letting it go and being like "oh well." I am trying to have that kind of attitude. It's tough. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Don't act like there is only one guy in the world for you!!! There are so many that want to be with you for who you are. Have some back-bone, have some confidence and have some self-esteem. Just can't let one guy turn your life up-side down like this. Move on and think about what you want and then go for that thought. Focus be determined and set off on that objective! Rejection for one but for another injection of love and more that's what you seek! Now get out there find the right guy who wants you for you and not what others try to do you in. Nobody wants that and neither do you. Don't settle or tolerate any men who don't want to be with you. You take charge and you say well you could have had something than you never going to have now! Bye 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 Don't act like there is only one guy in the world for you!!! There are so many that want to be with you for who you are. Have some back-bone, have some confidence and have some self-esteem. Just can't let one guy turn your life up-side down like this. Move on and think about what you want and then go for that thought. Focus be determined and set off on that objective! Rejection for one but for another injection of love and more that's what you seek! Now get out there find the right guy who wants you for you and not what others try to do you in. Nobody wants that and neither do you. Don't settle or tolerate any men who don't want to be with you. You take charge and you say well you could have had something than you never going to have now! Bye Thanks ! My soul has been begging to hear something like this. That is true. I want to date someone who likes me for me. The guy I went on a date with I had thought he was this sweet, nerdy, peculiar, introverted and socially awkward guy ...I thought he was really 'different' than the usual type i fall for. But boy I was so wrong. He turned out to be a flirt and was pretty smooth with the ladies. I think I liked the idea of him more than who he turned out to be. Thought he was different like I had made him out to be in my mind.im pretty sure he made me out to be someone different too. I don't really think he liked me for me. I think he liked the idea of who I was. I guess it just wasn't right. Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Thanks ! My soul has been begging to hear something like this. That is true. I want to date someone who likes me for me. The guy I went on a date with I had thought he was this sweet, nerdy, peculiar, introverted and socially awkward guy ...I thought he was really 'different' than the usual type i fall for. But boy I was so wrong. He turned out to be a flirt and was pretty smooth with the ladies. I think I liked the idea of him more than who he turned out to be. Thought he was different like I had made him out to be in my mind.im pretty sure he made me out to be someone different too. I don't really think he liked me for me. I think he liked the idea of who I was. I guess it just wasn't right. Your welcome! Sometimes we all need that push in the right direction. Well now you know from experience with this guy not to run into one of these type of men again. I believe now understand what you have to seek out and be looking for. I wish you the best, but remember let them chase you and yes you can chase them as well. For them to chase after you it better because then you know it's in their heart to be with you for you! Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgeWP93 Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 So has that ever happened to you? Where you had a good time with someone but the other person didn't want to pursue anything further with you ? And is that what made you feel better...just letting it go and being like "oh well." I am trying to have that kind of attitude. It's tough. I don't think it has but I've definitely been chatting to people, thinking we have something going, discussing a date, trying to make plans and then boom no reply, it's confusing, it makes you question yourself. But coolhead is right, it's 100% not you, you're like me you just want someone it works with, no stress, just natural connection. You're fine it's just the people you're meeting aren't quite the right ones. Also maybe don't date people at work, I know it's easy but it does make it awkward at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 Your welcome! Sometimes we all need that push in the right direction. Well now you know from experience with this guy not to run into one of these type of men again. I believe now understand what you have to seek out and be looking for. I wish you the best, but remember let them chase you and yes you can chase them as well. For them to chase after you it better because then you know it's in their heart to be with you for you! How old are you if you don't mind me asking? You just seem very experienced so I assume you are older. Yes thanks! I learned that the hard way not to chase them. I had even assumed this guy was too shy to make the next move so I made the next move. I made so many false assumptions about this guy I thought he was shy innocent and inexperienced. Next time I'll know better not to make any assumptions at all. Everything will be left up in the air and anything is a possibility about who the person is...until I get to know them with time. I guess dating teaches you to be more cautious and smarter the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 I don't think it has but I've definitely been chatting to people, thinking we have something going, discussing a date, trying to make plans and then boom no reply, it's confusing, it makes you question yourself. But coolhead is right, it's 100% not you, you're like me you just want someone it works with, no stress, just natural connection. You're fine it's just the people you're meeting aren't quite the right ones. Also maybe don't date people at work, I know it's easy but it does make it awkward at work. Yeah I know right. It does make it awkward. There's actually another guy at work who is trying to pursue me. Who works in the same department as the guy I went on the date with. But i think it's best if I don't get involved with that. It already sucks having to see the guy as it is. I can't imagine having to go through that with two people at work now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Move on to the next person. After only one date it's not a rebound because there wasn't a relationship. Think positive. Fake it 'till you make it. Don't let the other person (the one who didn't want a 2nd date) see that it effected you. Have an attitude that it was the other person's loss. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Humungus Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Have an attitude that it was the other person's loss. Which it was... You see a lot of singles at the gym, perhaps there is some truth in the hormone release through exercise that clears your mind, cheers you up and of course give you something else to think about... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Remember that it doesn't always have to do with some deficit in you that you were rejected. A few things to consider: People are peculiar and sometimes shallow in what they are attracted to. For example, I'm not crazy about blondes. To me, they look weak unless they are extremely edgy looking. So I'm not all about blondes. I don't like guys with much body hair. It would be a dealbreaker. Other women love blonds and love hairy guys! I hate beards and don't find anyone attractive who has one. Other women may like a beard, find it sexy. So people can and are rigid about what they find attractive, and that's not your fault! Most of my female friends when we were young all had a guy or guys we had crushes on and were at times blind to other options. The one you asked out may be crushing on someone even if they have never even gone out and be holding out to see if it's ever going to happen (probably not). You may simply not be her personality type, too. Maybe she likes very outgoing guys or she likes real serious guys and so she doesn't waste time with others because she knows from experience it doesn't work as a couple. Maybe she likes guys who totally dress up, or maybe she doesn't like guys who dress up and only likes street dress and so you're not the subculture she likes. Maybe she only likes musicians or artists or jocks. The point is, just because you are not her type doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It just means she was never the right woman for you and she knew it. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 You just have to view it as their loss and move on. I'm a reasonably good looking guy who takes care of himself and I am educated and have an established career. I have been told that I have a great sense of humor and am easy to talk to. As such, I figure a woman that has rejected me is losing out. I used to get frustrated with the women that have a physical "type" they are looking for. But, I wouldn't want to be with someone that shallow or full of themselves anyway. Many women who are rejected because of a specific physical attribute would be devastated and the guy that rejected them would be "pigs". Link to post Share on other sites
WaitingForBardot Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 I just try to put the shoe on the other foot. I would never go out with a person that didn't click for me and, as much as I may not be happy about it, they shouldn't either. It's inevitable to think about the past, just try not to dwell on it. It's not easy. I had an ex who wound up working in the same lab with me for over a year. And then, as (my lack of) luck would have it, we both relocated and wound up working at the same company for two more years, in the same frickin' group! We remained on good terms though and actually still socialized within the same circles, but it was tough. And although she was the dumper, I'm sure it wasn't easy for her either. Remember, time wounds all heels! Or something like that. At least that's what I tell myself when I see they're still together after 30 years! ..lol.. Link to post Share on other sites
leogirl876 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Everyone has been rejected before, even the super good looking people. Not everybody clicks or has chemistry. If you view yourself as a catch, then you'll see it as their loss. Write out a list of things that make you a catch (pretty, smart, honest, loyal, great in bed, etc.) and if there's things on that list that you're not sure you are or that you'd like to be, work on that and improve yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Well I ended up writing out a list of all the good things about myself, and the things i would like to improve. And I was just reminded of really wonderful things about myself, that I forget to acknowledge sometimes. Yeah, theres things I would like to improve. But when I compared the list of the things that need serious work, and things that are already good, I noticed that the length of the attributes I believe I have out-shined and out-numbered the things I need to work on. I am no where near perfect. But sometimes I really forget to take a minute to compliment myself. That is such a weird thing to do, as I never really do it....but I never compliment myself. I don't know why I took this rejection so personally. I think I just began to obsess over getting his validation, and not even because I really like him. Because the truth is, I went on a date with this guy and I think I may have became a bit obsessed over the idea of who he was. I dont even think it is completely rational to make a judgment about who he is, even now. We dont even know each other all that well. He doesn't know me, only has an idea of who I am. I dont know who he really is either. All that I can say is, that it really is his loss. I want to be able to date someone who truly appreciates all of the wonderful attributes I have, as much as I appreciate them in myself. I think I just was a little shocked and was a blow to me ego, when I realized that he just didnt care to get to know me. And I have to remind myself that, I made an exception to date this guy. I have alrealdy told myself to stop dating immature young guys. But I took a chance with this 20 year old guy (I am 24). And I only did so, because I got the impression that he was mature for his age. But some of the things he did showed me he is not all that mature at all yet. So why even bother? This isnt what I originially wanted in the first place. I am just kidding myself, and was kidding myself this whole time seeking validation from a guy that, if i am honest with myself, I am not even all that into myself. I somehow got caught in this game and this chase, and I think I just wanted more than anything for him to want me back. Not being able to have him, just made me want him more. I guess I have a lot of maturing to do myself. I am going to be 25 soon. I am not in high school anymore this is ridiculous you know? I am so frustrating sometimes. I am not a 20 year old kid like he is, no offense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird31 Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 The one thing that really struck me about this guy, that I guess kept me interested. And this is quite a peculiar trait to like in someone. But I REALLY liked that he was introverted like I am. I have dated more extroverted people, and I find that it is exhausting. I value someone who can be compatible with me. So when I figured out he is introverted I really thought I hit the jack pot with this one. But forget it. Ill find some other introverted guy who I can click with. Link to post Share on other sites
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