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Ex of many years finally responded


DudeMan27

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Anyone who's read my posts knows its been a WHILE since I've been separated from my ex (Years)

 

 

It had been nearly 2 years since our last contact and last summer she was one of the first ones that wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. I've muted her and everything on there short of unfriending. Her profile picture was unclear who's in it but it was two ppl (1 obviously her) riding horses on vacation. My stomach dropped and as we've talked many times over the time of the breakup but that was the first time I saw that she may (probably) be dating someone.

 

 

Long and short of it, I was really sad all summer and Fall and finally sought treatment for the depression and anxiety that basically tore our relationship up and I've regretted it every day.

 

 

Last August I see her profile on a dating up. I did nothing, but it popped up again a month later, so I said, that's it, "she reached out many times over the breakup, I never have, what could it hurt. It took me until thanksgiving weekend to send a "if you want to catch up" type facebook message.....No response.

 

 

That made me feel even worse. I know all about the crumbs exs leave and reaching out just puts you back to square one as I've been thru it many times, but I still couldn't help myself. Still no response a month later.

 

 

I'm sitting at work today and all the sudden the FB messenger bubble with her profile pic in it pops up. I still haven't looked at it but my heart started racing. So now I sit here completely nervous, no idea when I'm going to bring myself to read it, and just catastrophizing worse than I ever have before. This may finally be the "well you want to catch up? I'm getting married" message.

 

 

I knew it was inevitable. I actually felt lucky over the years as she still after all this time wasn't married, and I figured guys would be just throwing themselves at her since the day we broke up. I almost felt lucky as I've never had to face this when so many friends watched ex's get married.

 

 

I have no idea when I'm going to look at it. Do it tonight/tmw, so I have a whole weekend to get my mind right? Ignore it til Monday so it doesn't ruin my weekend? I just don't know but I'm a ball of nerves and I shouldn't be over someone I haven't even spoken to in several years.

 

 

To make my catastraphizing worse, nearly minutes after she messaged me I get a text from a long time friend I haven't heard from forever, she tells me she just go engaged to her boyfriend of 6 months. So I'm like, holy crap, that's a sign. Don't open that message from your ex.

 

 

I don't know. This is all very odd and I should be old enough (34) to handle this but battling anxiety disorders and depression, its nearly impossible at this moment.

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