ElizabethIII Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 My friend has caught her husband cheating. He doesn't yet know she knows. She is contemplating whether to tell the other woman's husband. I am staying out as nothing to do with me. Do you generally tell the other innocent party or just leave well alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 My friend has caught her husband cheating. He doesn't yet know she knows. She is contemplating whether to tell the other woman's husband. I am staying out as nothing to do with me. Do you generally tell the other innocent party or just leave well alone? Yes you tell the other person their wife is betraying them. Hell yes. If the situation was reversed would you want to know or would you prefer to be blissfully ignorant? And people who knew and didn't speak up laughing and making jokes about what a doofus you were? Would you like that? That's exactly what I experienced because I didn't know. I'd have given anything to have known beforehand...anything. My life today would be totally different. She needs to tell the guy and she does not need to inform her husband she is doing it. Because any advance warning will give the cheaters a heads up to get their stories straight and for all your friend knows the husband will be warned by his wife that some crazy woman is going to be contacting him with some wild accusations. Then she won't be believed and they will just take the affair underground. Affairs are like cockroaches. The only way to get them to scatter is to expose them to light. Withholding such information from another innocent person is being complicit in the affair. This guy deserves to know exactly who he is married to so he can make decisions about the direction of his own life with accurate information instead of living it based on a lie. Had I had advance knowledge of what was going on behind my back I probably would have done something much less drastic than what I did when I walked in on my fiance and my friend in my bed. I would have been able to call off the wedding and leave my fiance instead of walking in on her and my best effing friend banging away in my bed in my house. And friends of mine knew what was going on and never told me. I waited 4 years to confront one of them too. Just when he thought I'd never find out. Sadly for him, he was wrong. He was taking liquid meals out of a straw for an extended period of time. I'd have been upset, but I would have done things a lot differently had I actually known beforehand. It would have given me time to actually think and not act out. This guy deserves the same courtesy so he can make decisions about his own life and future 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Having never been the innocent party, I cannot say from experience. But if my wife were banging someone else, then yes, I would like to know. If she did it a long time in the past, then yes, part of me would want to know. Part of me would not. Here is the thing... If your friend decides to tell, then it is important that she give explicit evidence that shows complete proof. Also, since the innocent party is a guy, she had better give enough evidence to show that his wife is also at fault. This guy may come after your husband and blame him for everything once this man's wife confesses what she wants to confess and throws in a liberal amount of crocodile tears. Men are moved by those. If I were her husband, then yes, I would want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElizabethIII Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 She has a load of screenshots of texts confirming their meetings. It has the wifes phone number on it. Cant mistake it. She said why cause another person pain and not my problem so she may not tell. But I think Id want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 She can tell him and let him know she will send proof if he wants it Definitely. Not only should he know but it will also help out a definite end to the affair Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 She has a load of screenshots of texts confirming their meetings. It has the wifes phone number on it. Cant mistake it. She said why cause another person pain and not my problem so she may not tell. But I think Id want to know. All you can do is tell her what you think. You can't force somebody to do the right thing. She can always send him a message anonymously or a registered letter only he can receive and sign for with screen shots if she she is worried of repercussions. Doing it through social media runs the risk of it being intercepted especially if the other person knows somebody's password info, and especially if they suspect they are about to be exposed. Sometimes you get a parking lot confession from somebody if they think are about to be exposed, sometimes not. Many times it depends on if this is an exit affair, or the person just wanted to have a piece of ass on the side and never intended on leaving their husband or wife. The dynamics are a bit different but it usually ends up the same. A lot of people hurt for nothing. The point is, without consequences the chances that the behavior will rear it's ugly head again are exponentially in favor of it doing just that. Not have 2 sets of eyes on the affair participants means the chances of it being taken underground also rise. People in these situations tend to go into damage control and are more than happy to throw somebody under the bus if they are about to have their secret exposed. Again, the best way to make a roach scatter is to expose the roach to the light of day.... But again, you cannot force your friend to let the woman's husband know. She just should make sure she can live with the fallout if he ever finds out she had the info and never told him. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 The best way for a BS to kill and affair is to expose it. The other BS deserves to know the truth. So yes she must tell the other BS. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Since this involves her directly, yes she should expose them both at the same time. From what I have witnessed over the years, the spouse being cheated on, does tell the other about the affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 I think good can come from exposing the affair but also feel that if she is going to try and save the marriage then her marriage needs to be her priority and not injecting herself into someone else's marriage.. It would suck if she got so wound up in all the drama created by telling the other spouse that he own marriage was lost in all the whirlwind. If it were me I would tell the other spouse but only if I wasn't going to save the marriage or if I felt I could keep the drama of their marriage out of mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElizabethIII Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 There is no connection with the couples. The husband is cheating with an old flame from over 15 years ago. They dont live in the same town, they dont know each other. If my friend tells the other womans husband it is not as though they have to deal with any fall out from them. They will never see each other. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Does she know what she is going to do yet? Is she going to try and save her marriage or is she done all together and will be filing for divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ElizabethIII Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Says she is done but she hasnt told him she knows yet. It is a big thing to do I guess. She is waiting for the right time. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I think good can come from exposing the affair but also feel that if she is going to try and save the marriage then her marriage needs to be her priority and not injecting herself into someone else's marriage.. It would suck if she got so wound up in all the drama created by telling the other spouse that he own marriage was lost in all the whirlwind. If it were me I would tell the other spouse but only if I wasn't going to save the marriage or if I felt I could keep the drama of their marriage out of mine. The AP's actions created the drama not the BS exposing the affair. It is totally unjust to let the abuse of the other BS by withholding the truth from them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I am all about sunshine, but be prepared for AP's spouse to tell you they know and don't care. It is the world we live in. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 My friend has caught her husband cheating. He doesn't yet know she knows. She is contemplating whether to tell the other woman's husband. I am staying out as nothing to do with me. Do you generally tell the other innocent party or just leave well alone? YES... you must cut all supply to the cheating husband. Not telling the other woman's husband may allow the affair to continue. Make sure if you want to teach a lesson you create maximum damage 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 OP's got the proof so I suspect she is talking to a lawyer first to get her ducks in a row. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts