I want a divorce after 25 years but am scared to take that step...

[Wookin Pa Nub]

This is not an either or situation.

 

Don't tell her anything like that.

Soften the blow by telling her you cheated on her and have her never trust another man ever again...?????!!!

 

No need to tell her you never loved her either.

Are you determined to hurt her and be cruel to her?

 

She is going to ask questions, A LOT of questions. Do I be honest with the truth - I never really loved her, our marriage has been one big lie, I've always had feelings for my college gf, I called my college gf out of the blue, I am leaving her for my college gf?

 

 

or do I simply say I'm not happy and I want a divorce. Goodbye

[mikeylo]

From all the divorced people I know, one thing is common. You can never be well prepared.

 

You have to just jump in with both your feet and do it ( yeah, keep financial logistics in care but they too will go beyond your expectations and most divorces get messy.Messy adds to more attorney fees.)

 

If you have emotionally checked out, it will be easier but not outright easy !

[BluesPower]

Just tell her that you want a divorce. You don't need to tell her anything else.

 

She will be heart broken and you just have to live with that. But better to do it now, that wait any longer.

 

I figured out after 26 years that my wife never loved me, that is a hurt you really never get over. So if she has not figured it yet, please don't tell her.

 

It is a really horrible thing to use someone for that long and not love them. If you are any kind of a man, just be kind to her and let her go.

[Wisper]

I know how you feel unfortunately. I have been with my husband 20 years. Unhappy 10...and basically just here for the kids the last 2 years. It sounds bad when I state it like that..but it's not that I haven't tried.I seriously gave my marriage everything I had, I just didn't ever get what I needed back. Now I'm in the same situation as you...ready to leave but scared as hell. Honestly, at this point I know that nothing will change in my Marriage so if I stay, this is the best it will ever be. And it is not enough. I will be choosing to stay and be unfulfilled and overall unhappy.

One thing that has helped me is that I have started planning for a divorce the past 12 months....and it's taken alot longer to get things organized then I thought. No one knows...only me. So I started working more hours, worked on a budget, watching house prices to see what I can afford. Got caught up on some small debts, collected info on our retirement savings. The problem is...once I started planning. I knew this is the road for me...I'm waiting until June when the kids are finished school.

I could have said those words to my husband yesterday. ..but I didn't. ..

I don't know how to find the courage...but I feel I've started on the right path. Hope you find what you are.looking for BB. Take care girl

[stillafool]

There is no easy way out. You have to go to him and tell him your feelings haven't changed since the last time you discussed divorce and now you want one. You have to tell your parents and kids the truth; that you are no longer in love. Don't blame it on your husband. Put your big girl panties on and tell everyone the truth. You will go on to have a happier life.

[Roommate]

I am close to pulling the trigger. I posted above that I am similar to OP, never passionately loved my wife. I recently reconnected with ex gf I have thought about passionately for the last 20 years.

 

 

So do I tell her I never loved her or tell her I am leaving for another woman? Part me wants to soften the blow by saying I am leaving for another woman. Ill be the scoundrel then. But how do you tell a woman you never loved her for the past 20 years?

 

You are not alone sir.

 

I am in EXACTLY the same situation - well the love burned off and washed away with no trace. I will just say "I love you as a person now, but my feelings are gone and I have meditated and prayed on this. I respect you and admire you as a Woman and Mother of our children but I need to have my freedom now and can no longer stay married to you." or something along those lines.

 

Divorce Discussion is a "STATMENT of INTENT" not a debate. Be gentle but clear and strong in your decision or it will languish for years and years.

[Eastcoastguy]

I'm struck by how similar your story sounds to mine. I've been married for 24 years and sometimes wonder if I have loved my wife. My issues get triggered when I meet someone that I click with and then I realize that I never really felt that way with my wife. Does that happen to you? Usually for me it's someone attractive who also has a lot in common with me. I can't speak on what you should do. But I think that this is pretty typical for this life stage. It's hard for people who stay together for so long but don't really connect.

[Fdb]

I do not think an affair is the reason that marriage ended. Affair is the marriage is dying and you are trying to prove that you are still lovable. Looking forward to a life alone after so many years marriage is scary. But stay in pain for the company is not health either. I tell myself a day at a time. Things will get better with time. Maybe lightening will strike him and make him a different person:rolleyes: