social anxiety help thread

[MarcoInaros]

So if you need the help and want to share about your life, there are tons of support forums which can help.

 

I've been doing that for the past five years actually...I have a whole folder of social anxiety and shyness links. But I haven't made any online friends.

[JS17]

I've been doing that for the past five years actually...I have a whole folder of social anxiety and shyness links. But I haven't made any online friends.

 

You have all these people here that are trying to help you and you just keep rejecting it. I believe that you really want friends but you seem very closed to help. Even online in these few short posts you seem so stand-offish that it's not surprising that people aren't responding to you. You have to open yourself up to help and to people if you want friends. We are here to help you but you won't let us. I can imagine that you do this on all of the SA sites and in real life as well.

[kara]

I've been doing that for the past five years actually...I have a whole folder of social anxiety and shyness links. But I haven't made any online friends.

 

Trying to change is one of the most difficult things in life... and if you really want this, be prepared for some slip backs, "one step-forward and two back" kind of stuff... The point is to be determined and NOT GIVE UP! You've tried it all, no result- you have to try again, may be even the same thing may have a different effect on you if you try it at a different time... I know exactly how you feel- the pain of rejection is such a b*tch, be it girls or colleagues or whatever... Sometimes, the only thing that keeps me connected to life is writing things in a diary... And yes, it sucks, cause depression takes all your energy away... But, can giving up trying be an alternative? Where would that take us? I think you've said it so well: to a "life with no memories"...

Thank you for posting.

[kara]

Hello there,

it's been quite a while since I've visited LS, here's just an update- I joined an acting class: it is SO very hard! Someone said, they can only spek normally if they are angry with someone- that's what I noticed with myself: I can only act "the angry person", otherwise I am stiff and just don't know what to say! So inhibited! I've come to think inhibitions are another form of anger! I wonder if people can see that and are afraid of me??? It's kind of true as well: I have mountains of loss and anger inside: not sure how to get it all out, would take several lifetimes!

I still haven't been to see a doctor-various reasons- I am trying to deal with SA on my own and ...with you all.

Thanks a lot for the conversation literature advice, it's great!

 

Love to all

[MarcoInaros]

Thanks Kara. I couldn't take it anymore and have made an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. Hopefully he'll drug me up the the point where I can be a functioning human being like everyone else around me. It came to the point where people at work were asking me if there was something wrong with me.

 

Also I just joined a health club and am getting my ass in shape. I am so scrawny...need to put some meat on those bones.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks Kara. I couldn't take it anymore and have made an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. Hopefully he'll drug me up the the point where I can be a functioning human being like everyone else around me. It came to the point where people at work were asking me if there was something wrong with me.

 

Also I just joined a health club and am getting my ass in shape. I am so scrawny...need to put some meat on those bones.

 

Good to hear that something made you DO, and react to fix it. It's gonna be a rough ride, but you can work through this. Being physical in the gym will definately help! Keep posting Jeff, k. We're here for you anytime you need it!

 

When people, meaning co-workers and/or friends offer to help you or talk to you about what's going on - TALK about it. Trust me on this one, the mistakes I made when I realized wtf was wrong with me was I shut down and shut everybody OUT. I just wish now that I'd trusted others enough to let them in, would have made it easier on me.

 

Make sure to do some talk therapy too, not only meds. One may not work well without the other.

 

I'm real proud of you for taking this step again!

 

Kara, I hope the acting class helps you.

 

Let the anger just come on out. And I hope you can find a good therapist to help you cope with your SA. Keep posting!

[JS17]

Kara...that's great that you found something to help you! Good luck with everything, you sound like you have it all under control.

 

Thanks Kara. I couldn't take it anymore and have made an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. Hopefully he'll drug me up the the point where I can be a functioning human being like everyone else around me. It came to the point where people at work were asking me if there was something wrong with me.

 

Also I just joined a health club and am getting my ass in shape. I am so scrawny...need to put some meat on those bones.

 

Jeff...I'm sooo glad that you're getting help. I think that most people have to hit rock bottom before they get help so you're probably pretty normal. You sounded so depressed, I think we were all worried here as were your friends. Anti-depressants were not meant for a lifetime of use. They are there so that you can function and see things properly while you go through therapy and try to solve your problem. Going to the gym will really help you too, not just because you'll feel better about getting in shape, but also because you'll be releasing endorphins which is a very powerful chemical in your body. Like WWIU said, keep posting here for support and to let us know how you're doing.

[Slapshot2286]

I haven't read all the posts here, but I will say my own story of success. When I was a kid, I used to get picked on and beat up ALL the time by my brother, his friends, and everyone else at school, for the longest time. I went through the same things, where I felt like nobody liked me, and whenever I'd try to meet someone, they turned me down. No girls ever liked me...everyone knows how the story goes. Well, I got the chance to move to a new city. I told myself that this would be the time I would change. I went to a new city, where nobody knew me, and where I knew nobody. I made a vow to go the gym every day. I changed my whole outlook on life. I started seeing results in the gym, and it made me feel more confident. My confidence in the gym hit me in the real world. When people would turn me down, I stopped blaming myself for it. I realized that some people aren't going to like you. Its not every person, just some of them. So what? They're not worth talking to if that's the case.

 

 

I have a theory that I've been trying to write something on for a while. I've really found with myself and a few people I've helped that physical activity is directly linked to social well-being. I know its been said before, but this is different. I think that the mini-life in the gym gives a person the confidence and assurance they need to make larger steps in the real world. If you're working out the RIGHT way, you WILL see results. Those results will motivate you to pursue larger goals. Eventually your attitude will affect your day-to-day activities, and you will bring the attitude into your everyday life.

[PYT]

There are a lot of good and bad therapists out there, but you have to keep trying. Try Cognitive behavioral therapy because it often works where other therapies fail and join some on-line anxiety forums like others here have suggested. There's something out there that will work for you, you just have not found it yet

[PYT]

What part of the Obitz book was most helpful to you? I lent my copy to a friend of mine who was struggling and she returned it after not even reading all of it. However, I found it to be an awesome book and very helpful. So I am curious, what part did you find to be best?

 

Tell your friend to read it again and why don't you offer to help her do the TEA forms to give her a jump start. It's hard to do them at first but if you can help her get over her fear of doing them she'll probably take to doing them and thank you later. Once she has some success with them she will probably be more likely to try the other exercises too.

[theduke]

I will be seeing her on Sunday. I will be riding in her car. I may just "accidentally" leave the Obitz book in her car.

[PYT]

I hope that car ride went well, but I think if you offer to help her get started on doing the Tea forms with her that would be the best help you could give her.

[mememememe]

I was so shy/insecure when I was little I used to pretend I was deaf. I had a tough childhood and felt like a misift my whole adolesence.

 

I started "appearing" like i fit in later in life, though i will never, ever feel i truly do......and THAT IS OK. because now, I accept who I am. ME. i don't have a host of CLOSE friends, but i'll tell you i have a host of confidence.

 

i taugth myself that no one is above me and it's not my fault for how i grew up; if you saw me on the street today you would think i have eeeeevverything....and i struggle exactly like you do, only now i know no one is superior because they had it easier in the social anxiety dept.

 

it's weird, i can walk in a room one day and light it up now, and the next, feel soooooooo insecure. there will always be a tad of that there.

 

people should NEVER, ever ever ever make you feel weird b/c you are nervous socially. when they do that, they are so, so scared of how THEY feel. when i am in a new setting, i actually look for the most shy person and i sit with them through the whole funciton/party/whatever. becuase i know how they feel. if more people understood your position, they'd do the same.

 

everyone is lacking something, don't let your social anxiety trick you into your own head. all people are the same, it just comes out in different ways, okay? you can never judge a book by it's cover. the best looking and most confident on the outside may just mask how they feel on the inside. give everyone a chance to be nice and maybe first think about helping THEM...that is how i get through stuff, i figure there is always someone more scared than me...and i go find them and end up with a new friend even if just for that time/evening.

 

screw people who will make you feel less; it takes more strength to be REAL than it does to HIDE. and now, i am proud to say, i am REAL and honest with my faults and people aDMIRE me for it -- people who made fun of me and put me down in highschool...and i 'm the same person, the only difference is that now I LIKE ME...and it doesn't matter if they do. but now they usually do!

 

good luck to all, i sincerely feel your pain (daily).

[Apathetic]

Im a little late responding as I just noticed the thread but I have social anxiety as well,pretty severe case of it but it has calmed down a bit.Ive been on different medications for it and for depression,Paxil,Effexor,Zoloft and now Wellbutrin..has helped some,I use to never be able to make phone calls to ppl who I didnt know and even some ppl I did know,now its a bit better.I use to never be able to go into a store by myself,always needed ppl w/ me and still am like that even now.I still cant look at ppl eye to eye and get really nervous and jittery when speaking to them,if it was any at all possible I would NEVER talk to anyone ever again lol..I only speak when I have to..pretty much sucks having this condition but it has gotten a lil better,just a little

[jhiatti4i]

I feel your pain. Social anxiety is real and many people think because they can't visually see it, that it is not real or made up.

 

It has to do with receptors brain. For some reason the brain over reacts in situations that to most people dont consider fearfull situations. It is a fear response. Sweaty hands, increased heart rate, dry mouth, blurry vision, it all is the body responce try to protect itself.

 

From what I understand it is a lack of sertraline blocking these receptors.

 

I had social anxiety for most of my life. I got treatment though and I no longer have any anxiety it is crazy. I have been depression and anxiety free for a year due to Zoloft. I recommend it if you are realy do have SAD only a doctor can tell you though. Anxiety is a bit*h I know.

[circusfood]

i've struggled with Social Anxiety my whole life.

I've had more of a handle over it in the past couple

of years, but i feel like i'm unravelling lately and I need

to find meditation or hypnotism or something to help

me.

 

it's true, we can't help how we were raised, i mean

my mom would jump out of her skin when i was

growing up, if someone rang the doorbell or knocked

on the door. She made me feel afraid to disappoint her

as well, or afraid to do anything that would make me stand out.

I had A LOT of fear as a kid. I was afraid

to try anything or explore anything or take risks and it's

sent me into a depression at times in my adult life because

i look back and wish i had tried a bunch of things or

done what "i" wanted.

 

i have no doubt that i am a depressive, even though people

wouldn't believe me, because i'm always joking and being

silly to mask the anxiety and uncomfortable-ness i feel

on a daily basis. I'm truly at ease, when i'm by myself. That's

the only time i ever feel 100% Comfortable...

 

I'm working hard to change because, i don't want to continue

to sort of Run Away from things anymore. I'm not a quiet

little mouse who cowers in danger, i can be a man...but My nerves

shoot thru the roof and i start shaking like CRAZY if i'm in

a confrontation with someone...And i hate that...I just want

to be able to say what I feel, freely, without worrying about

what people will think or saying the wrong thing...I want to stop

having so much doubt in my mind about myself. I want more

confidence...I Hate Being Scared. I want to feel comfortable

in a room with a bunch of people and not be looking around

all the time, worrying about if someone is watching me or

looking at me or JUDGING ME.

[JS17]

Social anxiety is real and many people think because they can't visually see it, that it is not real or made up.

That is true. People who don't have it don't understand it.

 

I'm the same as you circusfood and had similar experiences growing up. I haven't really found anything to help me but simple meditation (breathing exercises) helps me sometimes when I get worked up.

[circusfood]

true true...people that don't suffer from this sorta

thing, don't understand what it's like to deal with it, nor do they

understand WHY it's so hard to overcome it. if it was so easy, we'd all be cured of it.

 

I've tried a lot, i've tried reading books, listening to meditation

tapes, tried forcing myself into uncomforatble situations to just

deal with the fears and nothing gets rid of it or makes me

feel at least, like i have a handle on it. And i'm constantly

aware of it, it's right in front of me all the time, so it's

hard to ignore.

 

I don't want to give up on the meditation, because i really

believe you can "un-learn" these fears... it's all mental, it has to be.

I have friends whose parents are Loud and outgoing so they are loud

and outgoing...My dad has a very passive personality, ignores

confrontations, jokes ALL THE TIME.

My Mom was a mouse, scared to answer the door, not outgoing,

a great mom, but just mousey. So i see where i get the lack of

Confidence.

[GuenChan]

I used to have horrible anxiety a few years ago too. I could barely go out, talk to people, or even look at people.

 

Funny thing that ended up changing me was my job, I'm a young woman who's in charge of a fairly large group of men (young and old), and it's funny how that'll crack you right out of your shell.

 

Now I can totally be myself and not care, talk to anyone and look them straight in the eyes.

 

Honestly, sheltering myself was the worst damage I could do to myself. Making myself go out there and face people, hard to get along people at that, made the biggest difference. You just got to chance it and force yourself to live the good and bad with people.

[whichwayisup]

It's great to hear you're doing so well!! I know how hard it is, I've been suffering with an anxiety disorder for afew years now. Been doing CBT and coming along well. IT is a huge relief NOT to react and worry all the time.

 

Sheltering oneself is the wrong thing to do, even if it feels like the right thing to do. By doing that it teaches yourself it's OK to NOT participate in something, or see someone, go somewhere, then it just adds fuel to the fire, anxiety taking over and controlling your life!

 

Good luck!

 

CF, have you considered therapy? CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy?) It can help you so much, you'll learn how to control it, deal with the issues that are giving you anxiety and be able to get your life back the way it should be. It's alot of hard work, but well worth it! Talk to your DR about CBT, maybe they can refer you to someone in that profession.

 

Take care and keep posting!

[PYT]

Cbt is what has helped me get my life back and no longer a prisoner to my anxiety. I am still doing my tea form exercises almost everyday and the new ways of thinking are getting more natural all the time. I can't remember if it was Obitz or Burns who said it best when they said cbt will help you go from being a worrier to a warrior.

[whichwayisup]

True, PYT, I'll add in too...What you get out of CBT is what you put into it. (And it's alot of hard work, but well worth it!)

[Lil Honey]

hi,

this thread is for those LS visitors with social anxiety who are sick of "get a life", "be more secure" etc. pompous advice. i am not pouring my heart onto a screen and a keyboard because i want to show off how great i am and how much i know and how great my life is- i have a problem and it's leaving me with noone to talk to.

basically, i am suffering from something which is probably called social anxiety- i can't communicate with people and whenever i try it end up being very painful since i say stupid things and end up being disliked. like when i am alone in a room with a colleage whom i don't really know, i try to make a conversation but the other person seems to be waiting for someone else to step in the room so they can stop talking to me. i suspect it's because i get very tense. i haven't give up trying but i am so tired, of trying and not succeeding to get myself liked. do you know what i mean? am i boring you? if so, don't bother to post. but if you are going through this or have been... know what it is to be an outcast... i would love to hear from you...

 

Kara: There are four pages here and I just found this thread. I want to respond before I read any more posts. I have a related thread in the General Relationship section titled "2 C Empathy . . ." Although I haven't read any of your responses (so I don't know if the topic deteriorated or not), I'm glad to see that you received so many responses on a serious topic.

 

I personally don't have a social phobia or anxiety. Only occasionally do I feel tense in social situations, but I have a friend who has problems socially, which is what go me interested in the topic.

 

Good luck and thank you for starting this thread. I hope others take a look at mine (and especially the link) and realize that some folks can't just "snap out of it" or "think happy thoughts."

[PYT]

True, PYT, I'll add in too...What you get out of CBT is what you put into it. (And it's alot of hard work, but well worth it!)

 

That is spot on! I couldn't agree more:D

[Guest]

That's not at all surprising. The Kiersey temperament test indicates that the Healer type (which, by its very name, suggests a therapeutic sort of person) tends to be introverted. These are often very creative people who, perhaps more than any other personality type, strive to produce the very music, art, literature, architecture and landscapes that make the world a better place than it might otherwise be.

 

Something, perhaps, for less outgoing souls to remember whenever they feel inadequate or belittled by others. Also useful to realise that being introverted is a temperament rather than necessarily being a psychological disorder. Perhaps it only becomes a disorder because so many people feel weighed down by the ever increasing pressure to be tough, driven party animals.

 

There are indeed distorted Psych researchers specializing in the diagnosis of 'personality disorders', and 'schizoid' is one of their faves. In fact latest is these jealous insensitive lab-rat researchers seem to feel that creativity itself, esp. genius, is in some way psychotic!! For those who feel introverted, who find in themselves a landscape of creative inspiration, and who feel comforted not threatened by the beautiful waterfall of creative inspirational flow, be grateful, for you are special! It is in your very heart that the sacred fires burn.

 

It will be these special people who will lead us back from the brink of mass insecurity brought on by materialistic marketers stepping on our hard-wired fears and desires, and the sickness wrought by big pharma and their brave neo-world.

 

~Natureboy...