If you wait too long, he'll move on?

[LookAtThisPOst]

Me and a single female friend of mine got into this discussion of starting off as friends when dating and moving towards the physical/affection part.

 

Apparently, she waits a while before even letting a guy kiss her good night or whatever and really starts the dating process together as if they were just two friends hanging out.

 

We got into good night kisses and she told me how one of her dates kissed her on the hand and I kind of joked, "Men still do that? lol" She said she liked it, then I asked her, "How do you feel about a kiss on the cheek"

 

And she told me still she's not entirely comfortable with even that in the beginning because it's still getting too close to her face.

 

She said guys tend to not call her back after so many dates and I told her it's probably because THEY think you FZ'ed them. She didn't quite get that, and I mentioned how she can be when giving/receiving any kind of affection.

 

I noticed her body language is quite off putting, as if she doesn't like being touched. She isn't flirtatious at all, even with the men she DOES like. I told her that the men she dates probably assume you are NOT interested if you're not giving them any kind of affection. (Doesn't have to be sex either.)

 

She asked, "Yeah, but, if I wasn't interested in them anymore...would I not keep agreeing to go out with them?"

 

Basically, NON-interest...to her, does not mean lack of affection, but not spending time together. Which typically puts her in them minority.

 

So...agree or disagree...if a woman isn't giving man affection at the end of a date, does it mean she's not interested in him as a future romantic partner OR, like what she believes, does NON-interest indicate she'll never even want to see him again?

 

To men = Lack of affection/touch means no interest

To her = Wanting to see him again, regardless of affection, means she's still interested.

 

Apparently, men stop calling her for future dates for this reason. They just decide, "Well, we've been on 3 dates, and she didn't kiss me...she's not interested."

 

Her, "How come he doesn't call me anymore? I still want to see him"

[elaine567]

When a set of behaviours do not produce the desired effect for you, then you need to seriously consider changing them.

 

She is ploughing her own furrow by introducing distance for more dates than most men will tolerate.

So either she waits for that "special" man that will tolerate it, or she changes her behaviour a little.

Allowing a kiss on the cheek, peck on the lips after a date to show interest in a man she IS interested in, is hardly a big deal and I guess it may reap some benefit for her.

No-one is going to go on date after date with a "platonic friend" and if they do they only wanted a friend in the first place and have no interest in anything more.

[MJJean]

After a date or two, I'd consider the lack of physical touching to be either a lack of interest in me or a lack of interest in sex. Continuing to date at that point is just wasting time.

[5x5]

I would figure she's simply not interested and not bother dating her after the first or second date.

 

Likewise considering her actions if she was wanting more dates, I would reject her because I would think she was a time waster.

 

While ever she continues to date like that, I can't imagine anyone who isn't foolish or desperate wasting much time with her.

[amaysngrace]

Sexual chemistry is important and if she's not getting to the point by the second or third date where she wants to jump his bones she's just wasting her time.

[Art_Critic]

f

So...agree or disagree...if a woman isn't giving man affection at the end of a date, does it mean she's not interested in him as a future romantic partner OR, like what she believes, does NON-interest indicate she'll never even want to see him again?

 

From my experience in dating when I was single is that EVERY single relationship I have ever had, BF-GF, marriage or whatever began with the First Date Kiss/Necking..every single one.

 

Any date that ended with a hug, no kiss never went to the second or third date on either end..it could've been me that didn't feel the connection or them.

 

I know there are people with a different experience but I just posted about mine.

[LookAtThisPOst]

f

 

From my experience in dating when I was single is that EVERY single relationship I have ever had, BF-GF, marriage or whatever began with the First Date Kiss/Necking..every single one.

 

Any date that ended with a hug, no kiss never went to the second or third date on either end..it could've been me that didn't feel the connection or them.

 

I know there are people with a different experience but I just posted about mine.

 

Wow, first date kissing? I guess that make sense. Usually on the first date I kiss on the cheek, or if I get a vibe from her where she looks like she WANTS to be kissed (they have this dreamy expression on their face), I go for it on the lips. :-)

 

There had been situations on a first date where I feel she may have been still reserves about it...by picking up on the body language.

[WaitingForBardot]

f

 

From my experience in dating when I was single is that EVERY single relationship I have ever had, BF-GF, marriage or whatever began with the First Date Kiss/Necking..every single one.

 

Any date that ended with a hug, no kiss never went to the second or third date on either end..it could've been me that didn't feel the connection or them.

 

I know there are people with a different experience but I just posted about mine.

As I've already posted, this has been my experience as well, more often than not winding up in bed. In the cases where it didn't, where it didn't even end up with kissing, it has been very clear to me, that is to say the girls/women have made it very clear to me, that they liked me that way, it was just to soon for them to get physical. That's fine with me too.

 

Now is it possible I misread some of them and they were just more of the friends first type, of course, but I never regarded it as shooting myself in the foot (from the title of your other thread) because there were plenty of women that had the same modus operandi as me. Matched expectations.

[5x5]

For me if it has only been a peck on the cheek at the end of first date, I have always presumed they weren't interested.

 

That said in my experience sex on the first or second date was the norm, with sex on the third to fourth date being less often. To the point that if it hadn't happened by the fourth date I didn't bother with a fifth one.

[salparadise]

I haven't always tried for a kiss on the first date. Depends on the woman and the vibe. Sometimes it's good to keep'em waiting and not knowing what you're thinking. But no kiss on the second date probably means one of us ain't interested. If was on a second date and she turned her cheek, I'd be done.

 

I've gone as long as five dates before sex only once that I can remember. That was mostly my choice due to practical matters –– needing to get home earlyish if my daughter was at my place. I recall that she commented that she had asked me three times if I wanted to stay over. But, this one was an exception. The norm is sex by the third date, often the first or second.

 

The woman that LATP is taking to probably wouldn't get a second date because I'm not going to go around chasing people who aren't reciprocating interest. That woman must have a hard time interacting with men, and maybe people in general. She sounds emotionally closed off to me.

Edited February 4, 2017 by salparadise