aliveagain Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 He hasn't given me his wife's phone number. But I guess if I send the emails to HR, I could also risk being sued for blackmailing right? After all those emails are not mine. Btw, I found his home address based on the phone number Send a registered letter to his wife, one she has to sign for with proof of their affair and your contact information, good work. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 He hasn't given me his wife's phone number. But I guess if I send the emails to HR, I could also risk being sued for blackmailing right? After all those emails are not mine. Btw, I found his home address based on the phone number Bingo, a little detective work and you'll have the info to contact her. No warning to anyone just do it No, you just deliver the truth. You don't ask them to do anything. Example: This affair has came to my attention and is causing major issues to our marriage and family. It needs to be addressed immediately. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csad Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Actually thinking about walking right to his door today. Maybe I am acting too emotional now 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 That guy just called my wife, of course I picked up, and guess what, he said that he didn't try to attract her, but that was her intention instead. You know my wife's story! And he didn't dare to give me his wife's contact. Thought they are separated? He's throwing her under the bus like I said. He just wanted some strange and your wife gave it to him. Now he runs for cover. Don't forget. He's a liar too. As a superior he's held to a higher level. Just because you found out doesn't mean they'll stop. You want to try and save your marriage take action or be sorry later. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Actually thinking about walking right to his door today. Maybe I am acting too emotional now Nope, calm down and think rationally. It gets out of hand and you end up in jail that'll be a good thing for them. Plan your exposure well. Then execute. Let them deal with the fallout. Keep your evidence safe. Your wife cannot be trusted as you've found. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 If I were you I'd get out by myself. Go see a relative or close friend. Stop any engagement with your wife until your head clears. She'll be in manipulation mode. Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 He hasn't given me his wife's phone number. But I guess if I send the emails to HR, I could also risk being sued for blackmailing right? After all those emails are not mine. Btw, I found his home address based on the phone number Yes, you can be sued for it as they can claim you are committing libel. Especially if the dude loses his job as he can claim that you damaged his professional reputation. She can do the same. You will look like the angry, jaded husband out for revenge. Let me be more blunt here, my friend: The hell with her, the hell with him. Don't waste your time or life with a cheating wife or an idiot that gets involved with a married woman. They will reap what they sow in the office without your help. You are going to create more problems for yourself if you go after this guy in any way. Do you really want to be dealing with a divorce and any ramifications that could happen if you go after his career? Be the better man and rise above all of it. Tell her to get out today, get a hold of a lawyer on Monday and start covering your a-- financially and establishing a future with your daughter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csad Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Nope, calm down and think rationally. It gets out of hand and you end up in jail that'll be a good thing for them. Plan your exposure well. Then execute. Let them deal with the fallout. Keep your evidence safe. Your wife cannot be trusted as you've found. What's wrong with telling his wife? I want to do it badly Also, my wife won't do the sexual harassment sue, so what's the point of exposing to HR now? I might be sued back for obtaining emails from others? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Watch her phone, they are in full survival mode and trying to get their stories straight. Divorces are very expensive and I guarantee you he knows this, all he wanted was to get into your wife's pants. Your wife is about to find out that she is nothing but another notch in his belt, she needs time in another bedroom by herself so she can feel the full effect of her new reality. Do not be too willing to forgive until you have all the truth. Please talk to a lawyer so you know your rights, protect your daughter and protect your finances. Be strong. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 What's wrong with telling his wife? I want to do it badly Also, my wife won't do the sexual harassment sue, so what's the point of exposing to HR now? I might be sued back for obtaining emails from others? You should tell his wife. Do it the right way where it cannot affect you. If they work together the affair will continue. Contact HR. They gonna sue you for innocently discovering their affair? I think not. The company has a lot to lose here. Quit looking for excuses to do nothing. That will avail you little. Living in fear gives them control over you. Start thinking in terms of what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 If you want to try and reconcile, she needs to quit her job and go no contact. Then, you start the hard work, together. If you want to leave her, walk away. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by talking to him, HR, or the other wife. You would only be doing it out of anger, as a form of retaliation. Rise above, cut your loses, and leave them to deal with the consequences of their behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 So I confronted her again and this time she admitted that they had oral on that Sonoma trip. She's also leaning toward having a divorce because she said she's so in love with that guy, the feeling is even much more than what she got 10 years ago with me (I was her first love). I could not believe what I heard. So she was alone with this guy that she loves more than she ever loved you and they only had oral? Give me a break. If you are sure that you are going to divorce don’t tell anyone, just file. You want your wife to be employed and making money. Otherwise you will pave to pay more. She will want to keep you happy and give you better terms in the divorce. If you are unhappy you might tell her parents and HR. Do not say that directly because that’s blackmail. You can always tell everyone after the divorce is final. If you want to try R then tell everyone now. DNA your kid. Just tell HR that she used her work computer. They might be able to find the emails. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 I would go to see his wife only if there was someone with me (best friend I can trust). It might not feel like right now, but you're in comfortable spot. Given all the information you have, you're in charge. There is no unknown. You know she's cheating and picked OMM over you. I'll repeat it again; she will crawl back to you again. Be cautious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 What's wrong with telling his wife? I want to do it badly Also, my wife won't do the sexual harassment sue, so what's the point of exposing to HR now? I might be sued back for obtaining emails from others? Grow up already! Your going to look like a fool or someone who's angry Telling the company and his wife might work against you and can even get you in trouble with the authorities for blackmail or harassment The wife might want to side with him either way because of the kids or who knows ... if you think she will magically go to your side just like that you might even make things worse for yourself I would say tell her parents in person and show them the evidence then ask them to take their daughter because it's only fair for her to leave until you finalize the divorce if that doesn't work pack all her stuff and move her out of your room and contact an attorney asap 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Grow up already! Your going to look like a fool or someone who's angry Telling the company and his wife might work against you and can even get you in trouble with the authorities for blackmail or harassment The wife might want to side with him either way because of the kids or who knows ... if you think she will magically go to your side just like that you might even make things worse for yourself I would say tell her parents in person and show them the evidence then ask them to take their daughter because it's only fair for her to leave until you finalize the divorce if that doesn't work pack all her stuff and move her out of your room and contact an attorney asap Informing an HR department of a superiors affair with his wife is not blackmail or harrassment. If he has proof it's a statement of fact. The company will not be looking at him but the liability the boss has incurred. Especially if they've used company email, etc which means it's been done at work. If he wants to save his marriage there can be no continued contact between his wife and the other man or the affair continues. Hence, no work on the marriage. Consequences are a good thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Informing an HR department of a superiors affair with his wife is not blackmail or harrassment. If he has proof it's a statement of fact. The company will not be looking at him but the liability the boss has incurred. Especially if they've used company email, etc which means it's been done at work. If he wants to save his marriage there can be no continued contact between his wife and the other man or the affair continues. Hence, no work on the marriage. Consequences are a good thing. if their both on the same page nothing will happen I've seen that happen in big companies before especially if the employees are well connected or reputable I really doubt the company will play mcgyver Either way it makes him look insecure airing out his laundry like that at work 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 You don't have to show the emails to HR to get him in trouble. Tell them she told you they had oral sex and you are considering divorce and during them. You can't lose a liable case as long as you believe you are telling the truth. He is not going to sue you because everything he's done will be public record. Google his name and number. It should be easy to get info on him from the internet including his wife's name. You may not be able to talk to HR on Saturday but you can talk to her parents and find his wife. It just depends on whether or not you want to save this marriage. I would dump her as fast as it looks like the Posom is going to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 if their both on the same page nothing will happen I've seen that happen in big companies before especially if the employees are well connected or reputable I really doubt the company will play mcgyver Either way it makes him look insecure airing out his laundry like that at work I've worked in corporations around HR for over 30 years and the company will always look to protect themselves. Especially if it's done in the work environment. Most have codes of conduct around this. Insecure? IMO it takes strength to stand up and take a stance. If he wants to just file and walk away it's a different matter. Most don't and for this marriage to have a chance it's gotta be zero contact and consequences. Letting yourself get walked on by anyone is cowardly behavior and sets a tone for who you are. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 In what state does quitting a job or getting fired get you more money for alimony or child support? Sources? Link to post Share on other sites
Author csad Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Ok I seriously don't know what to do now. I found his wife's name and phone number and called, but I guess he predicted and turned off the phone. This afternoon I will talk with the parents. They live abroad so late this afternoon is their morning. Otherwise, I plan to come to the company on Monday just to report the affair. Then I'm done with it and get ready for the divorce. We share names in the house title so I guess I can't kick her out. Also, it seems hiring a lawyer for the divorce is too costly so I won't do that. We'll have to figure out ourselves. I can't wait to get all this done! Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Yep, he's in damage control now. That's why it's important to not show your cards or speak to them before exposure. He's probably told her you're crazy, etc. if she works you can reach her there. It's important she's informed. This isn't over yet. You'll be up and down with emotions. Get out of the infidelity. Move your wife out of your bedroom and do a hard 180. It's the best for you at this time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 (edited) Borrow money if you have to, but retain an attorney. Your wife is not your friend anymore. You have her in the corner. She'll start slinging mud. It's better that she speaks to your attorney directly. I bypassed the attorney in my divorce, but I can honestly say I'm the exception to the rule. You're emotional. And that's expected. Part of you wants to divorce, and a slither of you is hoping she'll wake up and come running. Pay attention to action not words. Edited February 4, 2017 by BuddyX Grammarv 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 I am very much in the corporate world and if your wife and O/M both work for a larger company I can tell you that most corporations have zero tolerance when it comes to work place relationships between married people. They always side on the side of the corporation, he as her boss will be fired and she will be severely reprimanded if not released in due time by layoff or some other form of economic obsolescence. Every corporation has an employee handbook and it is most likely referred to in her employment contract. You may want to ask her for her copy to reference. Best to talk to a lawyer. Is your wife aware that he has claimed that she was the aggressor? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Just some info. Company email etc is owned by the company. All emails are captured on servers. It's all there. Their IT specialist can recover everything. Pretty stupid but this happens all the time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author csad Posted February 4, 2017 Author Share Posted February 4, 2017 Nah they created each an Yahoo mail account to send messages Link to post Share on other sites
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