tafkad Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Wife & I separated over 2 years ago. It was my choice and it wasn't mutual. She has dragged out & delayed the divorce process in every way she could - when it should be a pretty clean break - no kids, no property, no joint bank accounts. She wanted to stay married. She thought divorce was wrong, she'd often say "I stood up & made a vow in front of all those people". At the divorce mediation session yesterday, she said it again, and I thought to myself - Those people? They wouldn't want you to stay in a failed marriage. You don't owe them that. My friends don't think we should be married, my Mom can't wait for us to be divorced. Your friends, your family... And then my insight- What little family she had was there. Her born-again christian brother, estranged, who judges her (liberal, feminist) harshly. And her mother was there, also a toxic relationship, full of hurt, and constant insane accusations. (the wedding was the only time I ever saw any in her family) My sense, knowing her, is she feels their judgement, feels ashamed in front of what little family she has, to be the one getting divorced. She feels like a failure. That is "those people" she has in mind when she has said "I made a vow in front of those people" - not our hippie friends around us in the hay field. I don't know what to do with this new intuition. I am not the one to help her past it. I wish she had a more accepting family. I bet if somehow she felt support and approval from them, rather than paralyzing shame, she could let this marriage go. (new poster to this forum. thanks for your support & thoughts) Link to post Share on other sites
TheWoman Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 That is insightful. I guess her 'family' and upbringing made a big contribution to why your marriage did not work too. I am sure you will get there with the divorce, although it is harder when you are dragging the other person along. Maybe use your insight to be kind to her throughout the process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 My ex-wife was told she "couldn't be an angel" by her family if we got divorced. So, she switched over to a religion that didn't frown upon divorce quite so much, lol... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 My ex-wife was told she "couldn't be an angel" by her family if we got divorced. So, she switched over to a religion that didn't frown upon divorce quite so much, lol... That's the best post of the year so far , lol ! Link to post Share on other sites
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