Steverice Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 My wife and I been together for ten years and married for two we have two kids together back in October we decided to separate well she did I wasn't for it She said she wasn't happy and that we both deserve happiness. We fought a lot I tried to offer speaking to somebody to help us through this rough patch We agreed to separate and be friends and close for the kids She wants me to be as involved with the kids as I am now I'm still living in the house as I am just finishing my course I find out she's hanging out with another guy who she says it's just a friend and not a sexual relationship But this guy she is hanging out with blocked me on social media fyi never talked to or even wanted to talk to this guy She said she doesn't even know if she can get into another releationship ..... Her attention has left me and seems to have gone to him She met him on a dating site where she is looking for friends I have spent many days and nights in years torn up by this She says we have a great past and it just didn't work out I have a feeling this friend is more than a friend we had a long talk two weeks ago where she broke down and said she does love me but can't be with me. She wants to be best friends I do want that but I'm having trouble letting go of her. She went for coffee with this guy and a few days ago told me she's going to play board games with him and his friends To me it seems like this is more than friends even though she swears that's all it is Am I crazy? Any insight would be helpful I'm lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilyana76 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 She met him on a dating site? They are not just friends.... Besides you are getting a divorce right? Really don't matter if they are just friends or not, shes checked out of the marriage as it is. She's keeping you close to run back to as an option if it doesn't work out with this guy or anyone else.... you need to stop communicating with her about anything other than the child. Don't respond to messeges or phone calls unless its about the child. It's fine to be friendly with her, when its about the kids... but don't cross the line about her or your personal affairs. Set up the boundary and stop responding to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Hi, Steverice. I think you already know the answer; you have all the insight you need about this. Hugs. Even though you already knew this, I know it's still difficult to hear 'out loud', as it were. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Wake up "we're just friends" is the biggest lie told. This is probably why you're separated so she can try out her other man. If you go back and check your phone records you'll probably know a lot more. She's probably been in an affair for awhile Read up and do a hard 180 now http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 She's not your friend either. Friends are loyal, trustworthy and honest. See an attorney and file or live in limbo. You do have a choice unless you like living under her control 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 She's not your friend either. Friends are loyal, trustworthy and honest. Former spouses/partners can also be loyal, trustworthy and honest -- mine most certainly have been and continue to be. In this case, his wife asked for a separation/divorce -- that, in itself, demonstrates honesty. Dishonesty and disloyalty would have been to just sneak behind his back and have as many affairs as she could, for as long as she could. She didn't do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Former spouses/partners can also be loyal, trustworthy and honest -- mine most certainly have been and continue to be. In this case, his wife asked for a separation/divorce -- that, in itself, demonstrates honesty. Dishonesty and disloyalty would have been to just sneak behind his back and have as many affairs as she could, for as long as she could. She didn't do that. Maybe, I'd bet like most the affair was already in place they usually are and "we're just friends" from a dating sight? Naïveté doesn't get you much Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Wake up "we're just friends" is the biggest lie told. This is probably why you're separated so she can try out her other man. If you go back and check your phone records you'll probably know a lot more. She's probably been in an affair for awhile. Commonly the person that asks for a separation has something lined up. What changed that made them want a separation in the first place? Did they wake up one day that was like any other day and suddenly decide to separate? Something changed. The person that wants the separation doesn’t mention sex. The person that doesn’t want the separation assumes that there will be no sex and has none. If the person that initiated is caught the sex was OK because you were separated. Of course I don’t know but my bet is that this guy was the reason for the separation. She wants him to get along with the kids and her family. That’s harder if he broke up the family. She wants a nice easy transition. So you’re a great guy and it just didn’t work out. Then she met this new guy after the separation. She wants to be great friends with you because it will be less stressful and much easier to deal with the kids after the divorce. Also being great friends with you shows the world that she didn’t do anything all that bad. If anyone had the right to be mad at her it’s you and you are apparently fine with it. If you wanted to start a family with your kids and a new woman how would you want things to work? Answer: Exactly what your wife is doing now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 She said she wasn't happy and that we both deserve happiness. We agreed to separate and be friends and close for the kids. She wants me to be as involved with the kids as I am now. She got the family she wanted with the nice stable family guy. Now she wants to date some less stable guys and have fun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 To me it seems like this is more than friends even though she swears that's all it is She's transitioning to a new - or more open - relationship with "dating site" guy and using you to make it go smoothly. Up to you the part you're going to play. However, be aware of the fact you no longer have the same interests or agenda. Were I you, I'd be prioritizing my own goals going forward. You still have kids to take care of, financial obligations to meet and a life to live. An attorney could provide you with guidance and a plan for the future... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Am I crazy? Any insight would be helpful I'm lost. Yes , what you wife should have told you was that : "i was bored in our Relationship, and i wanted to get laid in more exotic ways by alpha men, so i actively tried to meet someone new and exciting by registering on a meetup site. Then we started talking, then meeting, then we had sex. This guy is now my lover, i cheated on you with him. Since i did love you at some point, i will be nice and grant you joint-custody of our kids Thanks for the marriage !" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alamo657 Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Former spouses/partners can also be loyal, trustworthy and honest -- mine most certainly have been and continue to be. In this case, his wife asked for a separation/divorce -- that, in itself, demonstrates honesty. Dishonesty and disloyalty would have been to just sneak behind his back and have as many affairs as she could, for as long as she could. She didn't do that. No she wasn't honest when she cheated, and the niceness during the divorce is for the kids and herself, not the husband. Don't rosepaint disloyalty, please. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts