I confessed

[Simoo]

I think you should sit with your husband and ask him straight, what would it take him to forgive you or at least want to reconcile ? and if so can he truly forgive you, because it would hurt you a lot trust me if years from now he throws it in your face or say something abt it in front of the kids, I think you should have a talk with him later on, I know it's still fresh for him right now, good luck tho.

[Marc878]

I think you should sit with your husband and ask him straight, what would it take him to forgive you or at least want to reconcile ? and if so can he truly forgive you, because it would hurt you a lot trust me if years from now he throws it in your face or say something abt it in front of the kids, I think you should have a talk with him later on, I know it's still fresh for him right now, good luck tho.

 

It's early and no doubt he's still raw. Pushing him for an answer right now is probably the worst thing you could do after a LTA.

 

It's on his timeline in this issue at this time.

 

As far as long term. Infidelity is something you don't just get over you learn to live with it. It'll dissipate with time but will remain in some form.

[Marc878]

If we decide not to reconcile, I hope to make the whole D process as amicable as possible. I think that's important for the kids. I don't want to know if he's dating other women. No. I will not move on to someone else. I want to find happiness within before I let someone else into my crazy again.

 

We or he? It sounds like you are not sure you want to stay in the marriage as well. You know the heavy lifting will be on you, right?

[deadsoul]

I think you should sit with your husband and ask him straight, what would it take him to forgive you or at least want to reconcile ? and if so can he truly forgive you, because it would hurt you a lot trust me if years from now he throws it in your face or say something abt it in front of the kids, I think you should have a talk with him later on, I know it's still fresh for him right now, good luck tho.

 

Not yet. He needs time. And I'm giving him what he needs. He has said many things in front of the kids, unfortunately. But we are all working through it.

[deadsoul]

We or he? It sounds like you are not sure you want to stay in the marriage as well. You know the heavy lifting will be on you, right?

 

I say we. Because WE have to ultimately decide together to continue. Yes, I realize the heavy lifting is on me and ultimately HE may decide that doesn't work for him, but I say WE because I believe it is a decision we have to make together. So it's not about me not wanting to stay in the marriage. I don't want him to feel he has all the decision making in this (though, he pretty much does). Does that make sense? This might explain it better: if we ultimately decide to D, I don't want to go to the kids and say HE decided not to R. I want it to be WE decided not to. Does that make sense?

[understand50]

deadsoul,

 

I hope that both you and your husband are finding out some ways of being together again and working at being a married couple. Even if the decision goes against reconciliation, you will have to be co-parents. As a child of divorce, I can tell you that nothing made my life harder then my mom and dad not getting along. This did continue on after I got married and had kids, and the argument continued about who would attend what major life event. I finally put my foot down, and reminded them both that at one time they like each other enough to have sex and have me and my sibling, and dam it, they could be civil for 10 minutes during christenings, and graduations for their grand kids, I did not want their K$AP to be part of my children's life. It all ended here. I think you get the meaning. Do your best to not be that type of parent.

 

Conversely, by working to reconnect, you just may show why he should give you the gift of a second chance. I know that you are probably trying to do this, and feeling your way on what you husband will allow, and what the situation will stand, but I thought I would give you what my wife and I did. Not saying what we did may work for you, but just as one example. If you have read their posts, Mrs & Mr Adams, give a good idea. Merrmeade, also give a good idea, as a BS, on how she put together her life. There are others, that can give their take. In many ways this will remain a "Work in progress" for the rest of your marriage, and hopefully your life, but I have come to realize that, even if we had not had these issues, we should have been doing this in any case. Marriages are built everyday, and not just there to endure.

 

So, after her finical infidelity, I took some time to decide if I wanted to remain married. I got to the point I was filling out the divorce papers, and looking for a lawyer. In the end I decided I wanted to go on with her. I then asked her, if she wanted too, as her actions were not of a loving spouse. I asked that she really think about it and take a week or so, and also give me reasons why she wanted to stay married. I told her my reasons, and not all of them were "I just love you", Some were, "Because of you I am going to be poor, so dam it, we are going to be poor together", to "I did not want to break up with all our kids and grand kids". Yes, there was a Large, "I, after all this, am still in love with you" You may not be able to to all this, but the idea is sound. So you both want to reconcile and try hard to work things out.

 

As, because there was NO money, and I was unemployed at the time, we did DIY MC. What this is, is communication, and DATE night. Date night first. MY wife pointed out, that when we did have the means we never did things. There were many reasons for this, but the main reason is that we did not make being with each other a priority. So each Friday, we go and do things. From walking in the park, going to dinner (if we had the funds) to picnics, to making out at the beach. Point is, even when we had nothing we made time for each other. There are some rules. What ever was going in our life and between us, we made a effort to forget it, while be were on a date and have fun with each other. This has been a success for us.

 

For communication, we have a now monthly "talk". Started out weekly. In this talk anything can be disused, nothing is off the table. We both seek out honestly, and try and disuses in a calm way what went on, what is going on, and how to improve. The main rule, is anything brought up at our talk stays there and can only be brought up again at the next talk. Theoretically, she could inform me that she now has a string of lovers, or I to her about my harem on the side, and we would not "pick" at each other during the time before our next talk. I am being silly, but the main idea to to slow down communication, allow a safe space to admit things, and let each think of the follow on questions. We used this to go into why she spent our retirement, 2nd Mortgage and ran up all the credit cards. When new information came to light about her ONS, I confronted her in one of our talks, and let her respond, and then over time me to ask follow on questions.

 

I think, or it worked for us, that both may help. The date night helps to reconnect, and the "talk" date helps to allow both to communicate, but not let that dominate the relationship. Let's face it, you still need to be a Mom, he a Dad with all the responsibilities, issues and problems in being such. Throw in being married, and hopefully lovers, besides working on reconciliation, you both have a very full plate. I also, want to write a post to you, of how we overcame, as you always keying in on the affair, is not good for you. You did this, but are trying to redeem yourself. You must keep in mind that this does not freeze your life. Things must go on, and you need to face everything, from buying groceries, working out your budget, getting the kids and your husband to doctor appointments, ETC, ETC, ETC, and finally being a married couple. Nothing is on hold, so don't you be, or better, you can't be.

 

I think you are getting remorse, but that will be ongoing. Keep up the good work, and remember that no matter what happens in the end, life will get better, as you will know what is your path going forward. Regrets will be there, but you still have life to lead, and with time things can be better.

 

I wish you luck.....

[QuietDan]

It hurt me a lot that he said that. And I "used my words" and told him while he was right, it hurt a lot to hear that. So there was a lot of conversation around that. Anything he's asked, I've told him. If I don't have an answer, I tell him that too. Or I ask if I can think about it before I respond. Or sometimes I respond and tell him I've thought more about it and add or amend what I've said. But no lies.

What hurt a lot?

[QuietDan]

Don't know if your husband is going to be the type to go for this... it might be a good idea to see a sex therapist as part of the recovery process for your marriage.

What ever sexual problems you and your husband had as individuals and as a couple are only going significantly multiply now. Since, sex seems to have been a major component in this affair, there probable are a lot more issues than can be easily resolved by typical Marriage Counselling.

 

In some ways, even though you are going through all of the motions to do the right thing, doing the tough work... you still seem to be giving off a vibe that this is option "B". I still get the sense that your heart really isn't in it at times. I suppose it is to be expected though.

Do you still have any real "Love" or "Desire" for you husband left in you?

Or, did you truly give all away to the other man?

You seem to be going through the motions to save your "Marriage". Whatever it takes.

If the other man didn't "ghost you".

You say you would still be giving him the best you have to offer. I suppose that means you would be having the best, greatest, hottest, sexiest, nastiest, dirtiest "Sex" of your life.

I suppose over the extent of the affair and still is the case, your husband is experiencing????

Cold left overs?

Fresh left overs, pull out of the refrigerator or freezer, microwave till warm, hope he doesn't notice or care about the cold or frozen chunks.

Going through the motions???

Still find your self longing for the hot sex you were having with the other man?

Or, did you just shut down all your desire for anyone or anything?

What's left for your husband now?

Back to pity and mercy sex?

I suspect you probable still feel contaminated and not good enough for your husband.

Does that mean when and if your husband finds his desire for you again, will you still be rejecting him because you think he deserves better?

 

Betrayed Spouses are so lucky.

First they get rejected because they aren't good enough.

Then they get rejected because they are too good.

 

The hidden problem isn't that your husband is struggling with not being adequate to satisfy you.... that is more than obvious now. If he didn't have sexual insecurity and problems before, he does now. Usually those things take years to resolve, if ever. He will probable struggle with sexual insecurity issues and never really ever feel truly adequate when he is with you.

If, he hadn't noticed, wasn't thinking about, didn't pay attention to or care about that .... how sexually compatible and how physically compatible you two are before, he will be from now on out.

I suspect, you probable had some sexual insecurity and confidence issues when you started the affair.

You probable have developed some new sexual insecurity issues. If not, there is a good chance that you will.

After all, if he has the belief that he is "too small for you" by definition are probable "too loose for him".

I noticed in some of your comments, that...during your affair... you seem to be making comparison.... again...theoretically a person should never do that...but... it happens.... since you... found yourself giving in to the temptation to make comparisons.... not too sure how that can ever really be undone.

 

I imagine the last thing your husband will want to do is to imitate anything that the other man has done with you...

 

Ideally the best thing would be to discover new things that will be uniquely erotic experiences that only you and your husband will share.

However, it sounds like the challenge will be that there wasn't much that you and Mr. Stud didn't explore.

It's probable going to be at least a few years before the other man won't be a "ghost" that is routinely haunting your sex life for both you and your husband.

 

There is nothing you can say that will reassure your husband that he is sexually adequate or good enough for you.

I doubt that he will truly believe that you will have any real sexual desire for him.

He will always be haunted with the feelings that deep down, you don't have any sexual desire for him that is anything more than pity.

 

Again, sexually therapy with a trained professional sex therapist may be needed for you two to really ever have much of a chance to develop a long lasting sex life that is enjoyable and mutually rewarding and satisfying for both of you.

Or, you two can sweep it under the rug, hope the problem goes away...possible start to develop all sorts of sexual dysfunctional issues.

[Marc878]

I say we. Because WE have to ultimately decide together to continue. Yes, I realize the heavy lifting is on me and ultimately HE may decide that doesn't work for him, but I say WE because I believe it is a decision we have to make together. So it's not about me not wanting to stay in the marriage. I don't want him to feel he has all the decision making in this (though, he pretty much does). Does that make sense? This might explain it better: if we ultimately decide to D, I don't want to go to the kids and say HE decided not to R. I want it to be WE decided not to. Does that make sense?

 

It takes two to R only one for D. That's the reality of it.

[aliveagain]

I say we. Because WE have to ultimately decide together to continue. Yes, I realize the heavy lifting is on me and ultimately HE may decide that doesn't work for him, but I say WE because I believe it is a decision we have to make together. So it's not about me not wanting to stay in the marriage. I don't want him to feel he has all the decision making in this (though, he pretty much does). Does that make sense? This might explain it better: if we ultimately decide to D, I don't want to go to the kids and say HE decided not to R. I want it to be WE decided not to. Does that make sense?

 

Sorry deadsoul but your actions sent him a very strong message regarding your decisions about the marriage. This is his confusion, your actions say he's not enough, you didn't choose him or the "we" because you replaced him with another man. The other man and you became the "we" and he never even suspected that he was now the third wheel. You were so good at your deception that he now doesn't know what to believe, he doesn't know what you look like when you are telling him the truth?

 

Your still thinking about your old marriage and he's thinking about the new one. He is angry because your affair killed the one you had that included him and the children, in his mind you never gave it the chance it needed to survive when it was really important. You both need to be in the same marriage and right now he is not sure he wants a new marriage. Your actions today will be a big part of his decision.

[deadsoul]

deadsoul,

 

I hope that both you and your husband are finding out some ways of being together again and working at being a married couple. Even if the decision goes against reconciliation, you will have to be co-parents. As a child of divorce, I can tell you that nothing made my life harder then my mom and dad not getting along. This did continue on after I got married and had kids, and the argument continued about who would attend what major life event. I finally put my foot down, and reminded them both that at one time they like each other enough to have sex and have me and my sibling, and dam it, they could be civil for 10 minutes during christenings, and graduations for their grand kids, I did not want their K$AP to be part of my children's life. It all ended here. I think you get the meaning. Do your best to not be that type of parent.

 

Conversely, by working to reconnect, you just may show why he should give you the gift of a second chance. I know that you are probably trying to do this, and feeling your way on what you husband will allow, and what the situation will stand, but I thought I would give you what my wife and I did. Not saying what we did may work for you, but just as one example. If you have read their posts, Mrs & Mr Adams, give a good idea. Merrmeade, also give a good idea, as a BS, on how she put together her life. There are others, that can give their take. In many ways this will remain a "Work in progress" for the rest of your marriage, and hopefully your life, but I have come to realize that, even if we had not had these issues, we should have been doing this in any case. Marriages are built everyday, and not just there to endure.

 

So, after her finical infidelity, I took some time to decide if I wanted to remain married. I got to the point I was filling out the divorce papers, and looking for a lawyer. In the end I decided I wanted to go on with her. I then asked her, if she wanted too, as her actions were not of a loving spouse. I asked that she really think about it and take a week or so, and also give me reasons why she wanted to stay married. I told her my reasons, and not all of them were "I just love you", Some were, "Because of you I am going to be poor, so dam it, we are going to be poor together", to "I did not want to break up with all our kids and grand kids". Yes, there was a Large, "I, after all this, am still in love with you" You may not be able to to all this, but the idea is sound. So you both want to reconcile and try hard to work things out.

 

As, because there was NO money, and I was unemployed at the time, we did DIY MC. What this is, is communication, and DATE night. Date night first. MY wife pointed out, that when we did have the means we never did things. There were many reasons for this, but the main reason is that we did not make being with each other a priority. So each Friday, we go and do things. From walking in the park, going to dinner (if we had the funds) to picnics, to making out at the beach. Point is, even when we had nothing we made time for each other. There are some rules. What ever was going in our life and between us, we made a effort to forget it, while be were on a date and have fun with each other. This has been a success for us.

 

For communication, we have a now monthly "talk". Started out weekly. In this talk anything can be disused, nothing is off the table. We both seek out honestly, and try and disuses in a calm way what went on, what is going on, and how to improve. The main rule, is anything brought up at our talk stays there and can only be brought up again at the next talk. Theoretically, she could inform me that she now has a string of lovers, or I to her about my harem on the side, and we would not "pick" at each other during the time before our next talk. I am being silly, but the main idea to to slow down communication, allow a safe space to admit things, and let each think of the follow on questions. We used this to go into why she spent our retirement, 2nd Mortgage and ran up all the credit cards. When new information came to light about her ONS, I confronted her in one of our talks, and let her respond, and then over time me to ask follow on questions.

 

I think, or it worked for us, that both may help. The date night helps to reconnect, and the "talk" date helps to allow both to communicate, but not let that dominate the relationship. Let's face it, you still need to be a Mom, he a Dad with all the responsibilities, issues and problems in being such. Throw in being married, and hopefully lovers, besides working on reconciliation, you both have a very full plate. I also, want to write a post to you, of how we overcame, as you always keying in on the affair, is not good for you. You did this, but are trying to redeem yourself. You must keep in mind that this does not freeze your life. Things must go on, and you need to face everything, from buying groceries, working out your budget, getting the kids and your husband to doctor appointments, ETC, ETC, ETC, and finally being a married couple. Nothing is on hold, so don't you be, or better, you can't be.

 

 

 

 

I think you are getting remorse, but that will be ongoing. Keep up the good work, and remember that no matter what happens in the end, life will get better, as you will know what is your path going forward. Regrets will be there, but you still have life to lead, and with time things can be better.

 

I wish you luck.....

 

These are very good suggestions, thank you. Thank you for sharing these ideas and yes, life is going on, but in a different way.

[deadsoul]

Don't know if your husband is going to be the type to go for this... it might be a good idea to see a sex therapist as part of the recovery process for your marriage.

What ever sexual problems you and your husband had as individuals and as a couple are only going significantly multiply now. Since, sex seems to have been a major component in this affair, there probable are a lot more issues than can be easily resolved by typical Marriage Counselling.

 

In some ways, even though you are going through all of the motions to do the right thing, doing the tough work... you still seem to be giving off a vibe that this is option "B". I still get the sense that your heart really isn't in it at times. I suppose it is to be expected though.

Do you still have any real "Love" or "Desire" for you husband left in you? Yes

Or, did you truly give all away to the other man?

You seem to be going through the motions to save your "Marriage". Whatever it takes.

If the other man didn't "ghost you".

You say you would still be giving him the best you have to offer. I suppose that means you would be having the best, greatest, hottest, sexiest, nastiest, dirtiest "Sex" of your life.

 

I'm confused by this comment. I'd be giving OM the best I have to offer? I don't think I said that because I don't feel that I gave OM the best I had to offer. Can you show me the comment you're referring to please?

 

I suppose over the extent of the affair and still is the case, your husband is experiencing????

Cold left overs?

Fresh left overs, pull out of the refrigerator or freezer, microwave till warm, hope he doesn't notice or care about the cold or frozen chunks.

Going through the motions???

Still find your self longing for the hot sex you were having with the other man?

Or, did you just shut down all your desire for anyone or anything?

What's left for your husband now?

Back to pity and mercy sex?

I suspect you probable still feel contaminated and not good enough for your husband.

Does that mean when and if your husband finds his desire for you again, will you still be rejecting him because you think he deserves better?

 

Betrayed Spouses are so lucky.

First they get rejected because they aren't good enough.

Then they get rejected because they are too good.

 

The hidden problem isn't that your husband is struggling with not being adequate to satisfy you.... that is more than obvious now. If he didn't have sexual insecurity and problems before, he does now. Usually those things take years to resolve, if ever. He will probable struggle with sexual insecurity issues and never really ever feel truly adequate when he is with you.

If, he hadn't noticed, wasn't thinking about, didn't pay attention to or care about that .... how sexually compatible and how physically compatible you two are before, he will be from now on out.

I suspect, you probable had some sexual insecurity and confidence issues when you started the affair.

You probable have developed some new sexual insecurity issues. If not, there is a good chance that you will.

After all, if he has the belief that he is "too small for you" by definition are probable "too loose for him".

 

I noticed in some of your comments, that...during your affair... you seem to be making comparison.... again...theoretically a person should never do that...but... it happens.... since you... found yourself giving in to the temptation to make comparisons.... not too sure how that can ever really be undone.

 

Which comments are you referring to? I'm not sure where I did this, so can you please show me?

 

I imagine the last thing your husband will want to do is to imitate anything that the other man has done with you...

 

Ideally the best thing would be to discover new things that will be uniquely erotic experiences that only you and your husband will share.

However, it sounds like the challenge will be that there wasn't much that you and Mr. Stud didn't explore.

It's probable going to be at least a few years before the other man won't be a "ghost" that is routinely haunting your sex life for both you and your husband.

 

There is nothing you can say that will reassure your husband that he is sexually adequate or good enough for you.

I doubt that he will truly believe that you will have any real sexual desire for him.

He will always be haunted with the feelings that deep down, you don't have any sexual desire for him that is anything more than pity.

 

Again, sexually therapy with a trained professional sex therapist may be needed for you two to really ever have much of a chance to develop a long lasting sex life that is enjoyable and mutually rewarding and satisfying for both of you.

Or, you two can sweep it under the rug, hope the problem goes away...possible start to develop all sorts of sexual dysfunctional issues.

 

I'm not sure how to respond to this because I'm confused by some of your comments, but as always, you give me stuff to think about so thank you.

[Simoo]

They already know, it dont matter if you tell them it both your decision, they pretty much know it his, so I don't, I understand why you'd want it to be like that, but trust me you'd only make yourself feel better if you tell them that, I get what you mean tho abt the fact that you don't want him to feel like he holds all the card even tho he does and you're right to do so, don't act like you don't care but not too clingy, you know tell him you love him and it would mean the world to you if he forgives you, but if he doesn't you'd be okay with it( and i know it'd devastate you inside) I hope I was of some help to you.

[deadsoul]

Sorry deadsoul but your actions sent him a very strong message regarding your decisions about the marriage. This is his confusion, your actions say he's not enough, you didn't choose him or the "we" because you replaced him with another man. The other man and you became the "we" and he never even suspected that he was now the third wheel. You were so good at your deception that he now doesn't know what to believe, he doesn't know what you look like when you are telling him the truth?

 

Your still thinking about your old marriage and he's thinking about the new one. He is angry because your affair killed the one you had that included him and the children, in his mind you never gave it the chance it needed to survive when it was really important. You both need to be in the same marriage and right now he is not sure he wants a new marriage. Your actions today will be a big part of his decision.

 

Good points... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know the choice to R is ultimately his, but I don't want our family to believe that us staying together is all on his shoulders because I don't want the kids to be angry with him if we decide to D. Does that make sense? The kids know what I've done, they know we are working on R and if we ultimately don't R, I don't want the "blame" to be on him. I don't know if I'm making sense here. The bottom line is, I know that I've made the bad choices that will ultimately cause the D if that's where we go, but I want us to be unified with whatever decision is made. Ugh. I feel like I'm not making sense. I don't want the D... and I'm working hard not to go that direction. But I don't know if BH can get past this. And honestly? When I put myself in his shoes, I understand if he can't. And part of owning this is accepting that this may be one of my harshest consequences of my stupidity.

 

I know I'm not going about R perfectly. I'm still making mistakes (just not the big stupid ones). But I'm trying to put something back together while simultaneously trying to put myself back together too. Not looking for sympathy or pity here. This is hard work and I'm taking it on.

[deadsoul]

They already know, it dont matter if you tell them it both your decision, they pretty much know it his, so I don't, I understand why you'd want it to be like that, but trust me you'd only make yourself feel better if you tell them that, I get what you mean tho abt the fact that you don't want him to feel like he holds all the card even tho he does and you're right to do so, don't act like you don't care but not too clingy, you know tell him you love him and it would mean the world to you if he forgives you, but if he doesn't you'd be okay with it( and i know it'd devastate you inside) I hope I was of some help to you.

 

Yes, this. I don't want anger directed toward him from the kids if things don't work out. I want him and and the kids to maintain the great relationship they have and I don't want my stupidity to ruin that.

[Dub]

If you divorce your children wouldn't be mad at their father in the slightest, they'd understand why he would choose to divorce you.

[deadsoul]

If you divorce your children wouldn't be mad at their father in the slightest, they'd understand why he would choose to divorce you.

 

Probably. But whatever our outcome, we know we need to present ourselves as a united front in parenting and remind them that no matter what, we still love them and we are still their parents.

[BTDT2012]

The bottom line is, I know that I've made the bad choices that will ultimately cause the D if that's where we go, but I want us to be unified with whatever decision is made. Ugh. I feel like I'm not making sense. I don't want the D... and I'm working hard not to go that direction. But I don't know if BH can get past this. And honestly? When I put myself in his shoes, I understand if he can't. And part of owning this is accepting that this may be one of my harshest consequences of my stupidity.

 

I understand completely. My WH and I are working on R. He accepts that I may ultimately decide that D is the best choice for me. And he can decide that my healing is taking too long for him and decide on D. I believe that we have done enough work at this point to divorce amicably.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Good points... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know the choice to R is ultimately his, but I don't want our family to believe that us staying together is all on his shoulders because I don't want the kids to be angry with him if we decide to D. Does that make sense? The kids know what I've done, they know we are working on R and if we ultimately don't R, I don't want the "blame" to be on him. I don't know if I'm making sense here. The bottom line is, I know that I've made the bad choices that will ultimately cause the D if that's where we go, but I want us to be unified with whatever decision is made. Ugh. I feel like I'm not making sense. I don't want the D... and I'm working hard not to go that direction. But I don't know if BH can get past this. And honestly? When I put myself in his shoes, I understand if he can't. And part of owning this is accepting that this may be one of my harshest consequences of my stupidity.

 

I know I'm not going about R perfectly. I'm still making mistakes (just not the big stupid ones). But I'm trying to put something back together while simultaneously trying to put myself back together too. Not looking for sympathy or pity here. This is hard work and I'm taking it on.

 

There is no perfect Reconciliation and EVERYBODY makes mistakes. We muddle through the best we can.....and you will be just like everybody else.

[Simoo]

What kind of questions did your BH asked ? were they sexual ? If they were ? did you give him details ? cuz that might have him have movies in his head of u and the other guy and that may mess out with his desire to reconcile.

[understand50]

What kind of questions did your BH asked ? were they sexual ? If they were ? did you give him details ? cuz that might have him have movies in his head of u and the other guy and that may mess out with his desire to reconcile.

 

Deadsoul,

 

Only reply this type of questions, if it helps you and your reconciliation. I think we have gone through, what you should tell your husband on this thread, mostly what he wants to to know, and how much. As for us know the "details" only show what you want, and make sure it helps you. One of the risks in posting is that you can become entertainment. A soap opera, and not get what YOU need from Love Shack. Most are here to help, and while writing about all this can be helpful, keep in mind the fine balance. Give only when you "get" back from us.

 

I wish you luck........

[Trtroles]

I am sorry if I sound rude but you talk only about yourself and what YOU WANT.

Go back and re-read ypur posts. It is all about you "me" "I want this and that"

 

Selish behaviour.

 

Did you ask yourself what your Husband want or your kids? Think about their happines for just a second.

 

Did you gave him details of your Affair? Reading your posts it seems to me you gave OM the best sex of your life including all things you refused to your Husband.

 

Did you cancel all contact with Toxic friends? You friends who supported you during affair and are still laughing at you and your Husband. They are not your friends.

 

Did you write him a timeline of your Affair? Places you go,music you listened and stuff like that. Bringing OM to your House while the kids were there is BIG.

 

You gain a lot of simpaty just because you said ONCE in your post that you are sorry. I said ONCE. Go and re-read. ONLY ONCE you said you are sorry for Affair.

[Trtroles]

There is no perfect Reconciliation and EVERYBODY makes mistakes. We muddle through the best we can.....and you will be just like everybody else.

 

Cheating is not a mistake

[drifter777]

I am sorry if I sound rude but you talk only about yourself and what YOU WANT.

Go back and re-read ypur posts. It is all about you "me" "I want this and that"

 

Selish behaviour.

 

Did you ask yourself what your Husband want or your kids? Think about their happines for just a second.

 

Did you gave him details of your Affair? Reading your posts it seems to me you gave OM the best sex of your life including all things you refused to your Husband.

 

Did you cancel all contact with Toxic friends? You friends who supported you during affair and are still laughing at you and your Husband. They are not your friends.

 

Did you write him a timeline of your Affair? Places you go,music you listened and stuff like that. Bringing OM to your House while the kids were there is BIG.

 

You gain a lot of simpaty just because you said ONCE in your post that you are sorry. I said ONCE. Go and re-read. ONLY ONCE you said you are sorry for Affair.

 

You should probably read this thread...

[deadsoul]

I am sorry if I sound rude but you talk only about yourself and what YOU WANT.

Go back and re-read ypur posts. It is all about you "me" "I want this and that"

 

You had me at "I'm sorry if I sound rude..." Is it all about me? Hmm. I'm wondering if you and I are reading the same thread.

 

Selish behaviour.

 

Agree that I was/am selfish. I'm assuming that's what you mean by "Selish" because by your tone, I'm assuming you're typing fast because you seem to be very upset.

 

Did you ask yourself what your Husband want or your kids? Think about their happines for just a second.

 

I think about them every second. I didn't during the affair, admittedly.

 

Did you gave him details of your Affair? Reading your posts it seems to me you gave OM the best sex of your life including all things you refused to your Husband.

 

Please show me where I said OM was the best sex in my life. Did I say that? I HAVE said that I've given him all the details as he asks for them.

 

Did you cancel all contact with Toxic friends? You friends who supported you during affair and are still laughing at you and your Husband. They are not your friends.

 

I have canceled contact with friends who are associated with him, unfortunately. This is one of my big consequences. No one has laughed at me. At least not to my face.

 

 

Did you write him a timeline of your Affair? Places you go,music you listened and stuff like that. Bringing OM to your House while the kids were there is BIG.

 

OM was a family friend so if that's what you mean by bringing him to the house, that's what I did, yes. I've given BH everything he's asked for.

 

You gain a lot of simpaty just because you said ONCE in your post that you are sorry. I said ONCE. Go and re-read. ONLY ONCE you said you are sorry for Affair.

 

Do you mean "sympathy"? There's 35 pages of this thread, so assuming you and I have read the same thread, I've expressed a lot of regret and even some remorse (but I know I'm not truly there yet). But this forum is not the place or people I need to say sorry to, so I'm not sure your point here.

 

I don't feel I have gained sympathy, nor do I want it. That's not why I'm here. Why are you here? Are you angry about something or your own situation? If you feel you need to take it out on me, please go ahead. I can take it. If you feel you can offer me some sound advice to help me as I put my broken pieces back together again, then I welcome that too.