My ex wants a family down the line

[Iamlostin]

My ex and I have been off "talking" and for a while. But in terms of actually following through with a relationship again, this is the second actual time within those six months.

 

We just starting talking last month, not dating or anything and then the day before I finally saw him two days ago he had randomly asked me if we were in a good place down the road if I'd ever have a family with him. Since we were in a legitimate relationship back when it started tow years ago, I know he has wanted a family and to eventually marry someone. He would mention it every now and then and I knew the way he was raised it was something he truly had an interest for. However, when things went bad he definitely shed away from that idea.

I never boasted, begged, rushed, of any kind about getting married. I always said I would to as well as long as things were in the right time and place.

 

BEFORE he had asked me about a family he had finally admitted that he had ruined something good, and it took a lot of digging to realize that he had done it. He had kept saying that nothing was ever my fault. He has said in times like these that he loves me but he has never gone to this deep extent. He went on to say that his attitude, and temper has been something that has ruined almost everything for him, and that he doesn't know if he could ever forgive himself for it. Furthermore, he continued on saying that he needed to finish past projects he has started (his race car for example thats almost done actually), and start his own business and be good to me, and show me the person he really is. He said it was time to start being scared, and worried about the future and just go for it. He continued on saying he wasn't going to go anywhere anymore, he was basically here to stay, and that I needed to finish school and get a job so him and I can both move forward together.

 

I am so lost. Yes, I know sometimes someone will say anything to get what they want, but he has never opened up to this extent with me. He had asked me what I was doing the next day and the next day we saw each other. I think I automatically get nervous because after so many times you don't expect to see them again after seeing them the one time. I was honest with him and was open and said how I felt as it was a very healthy conversation. We had a healthy conversation as well a couple of days before as well. I feel him and I are both afraid of crawling back into our comfortable places such as me texting or asking abut our relationship constantly and him going back in his shell and all the sudden cutting back from seeing me. He knows what frustrates me as I do him. I think sometimes we both want each other but don't know how to actually just "let it be". But, then I think again what if he's using me, and then I wonder and remember it is an absolute, known fact he hasn't seen anyone, talked to anyone, and NEVER brings around any chick to his home that he know he isn't serious or thinking of being serious about. I think only I and his past girlfriends were the only females he'd everrrrr bring around his home with his family.

 

In order to understand why this "family, marriage" stuff is significant to me is to know the kind of personality he holds...which is I'd say very "alpha male", he has to be strong, physically capable, and show no kinds of weakness. But deep down I have seen his sensitive side and I am sure that he is one of those people who will push good people away which is not right at all, however he notices this now. However, he has his reservations as well.

 

I don't want to wait around to hear from him, but already he had mentioned bringing him with me somewhere and said he probably wasn't going and went. He said if he was going to attend this thing it would just be him for this week. Like, it annoys me little **** like that. He gives me small bits of time like it's me having to prove myself but he knows I'm a good person as well and I wonder if were nothing trying to keep score here. I am not dumb and realize the possibilities here, I have grown but still have a heart to be open minded, but my patience level for **** like this doesn't last long anymore, therefore that was my issue.

 

 

 

For those who have had past boyfriends or guys like this in their life who show a wanting a family, showing no interest in any other women but still end up wanting you but show a sense of fear...does it actually ever work out, or is it a bunch of bs? I like to think that men have feelings too, and this whole "well if he cares, he'll show you crap" sometimes takes time. Not everyone that pushes you away truly means to or purposely does it. But then there is another thing called manipulation and using emotions to confuse their partner as well. So I'm a little confused which one it is.

 

It's been a while since I have posted due to being a bit afraid myself to receive nasty comments. I don't mind constructive criticism, I actually invite it, however I won't tolerate any kind of response that suggests any kind of "dumbness" in my thinking. I'm just one of millions out there trying to figure it out, and if I'm wrong, I'm wrong but theres a way to put it. Thank you for all the advice or feedback in advance

[Marc878]

His words are great but his actions will tell you what you need to know. You're smart to question because this is your life too.

 

Take it slow and see what happens. You can't make him do anything or fix his shortcomings. Work on you and do things for yourself.

 

He may or may not change but you need to figure out what you want.

 

Never settle

[VeveCakes]

Read the book "Attached". All your answers are there.