Having a horrible, heartwreching breakup...

[ExpatInItaly]

Mikeylo, I know I have posted this before. And again I'm saying that I'm only posting here because I feel ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED.

 

I don't know what she has done to me. Why can't I just think 'she has done all these horrible things to me. End of story' and move on?

Why I do I feel like maybe she is being sincere with her apologies? She isn't right?

 

I feel completely messed up in my head, I can't think straight. I just need confirmation from someone. She will not change right? And her apologies are they sincere? Because she came outside my door and cried for 2 hours and had a panic attack.

 

Has she been emotionally manipulating/ abusing me? I just need someone to explain it to me because I've never been through this before and I can't go through my days living like this anymore

 

No, she will not change.

 

No, her apologies aren't sincere. She doesn't give a crap about you. She cares about her own ego.

 

Yes, she has been emotionally abusing you.

 

Again: stay away from her. Go to a doctor and make sure you have a clean bill of health. Heaven only knows what she's exposed you to.

[coolheadal]

I can feel your pain there not much you can do with such a person. She's obsess with you and won't let you go. But she wants to be with so many men and you can't tolerate that plus the infections she could get or already have if she's not having these guy wear a condom. These are the things most don't think about. You can never change her or she can't change you. She been cheating and you can't deal with it. She can promise you everything but she's lying to herself and you. She can't stop cheating and won't stop it so good to cheat in her eyes. You really don't need that mental disorder in your life you did the right thing she needs to leave you along and if she doesn't then you need to get the law involved. I know you don't want that but at times might be the only way to do it. I know you love this woman and she loves you but she needs her fix and the fix to cheat on you as much as she can. No mater where you take her she'll always be the same way. There are plenty of women out there not like this you need to focus on finding someone who loves and wants to be with you only 100%. You got to pull yourself together I know it's hard but you got to try. Got to stop thinking about her she's only going to hurt you more and more.

[Sweetfish]

Mikeylo, I know I have posted this before. And again I'm saying that I'm only posting here because I feel ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATED.

 

I don't know what she has done to me. Why can't I just think 'she has done all these horrible things to me. End of story' and move on?

Why I do I feel like maybe she is being sincere with her apologies? She isn't right?

 

I feel completely messed up in my head, I can't think straight. I just need confirmation from someone. She will not change right? And her apologies are they sincere? Because she came outside my door and cried for 2 hours and had a panic attack.

 

Has she been emotionally manipulating/ abusing me? I just need someone to explain it to me because I've never been through this before and I can't go through my days living like this anymore

 

Did you not see my post... you need to see that video

[preraph]

People who look for opportunities to cheat think everyone else thinks like them, so they will accuse you of cheating, because for example say there is a window of time you have away from her, she is thinking if that were her, she'd be taking advantage of that opportunity to sneak around, so she assumes you think the same way. People mistakenly mostly assume other people think the same way as they do about certain things.

 

Also, their best defense is a good offense, so this is why this happens so often with cheaters.

 

I'm very sorry you are feeling devastated. I know once you've been betrayed and deceived, it is very hard to trust anyone again. I can only tell you two things to try to encourage you. One is that you date to find out who a person is before you start making a family with them. Most people are deceptive and presenting their best self in the beginning, and then later they can't keep that up and the real them comes out. So basically, you just found out who she is. Now you must accept that who you hoped she was is not who she really was. But it's a blessing you found out before you became committed or she got pregnant, so once you get over your disappointment, you surely will see that this is for the best and forget her and move on.

 

Very few women would do what she did. I wish I could say the same about men. Most women are not focused on cheating and multiple partners. There are crap people out there who have no ethics, and she was one. But there are people out there who would never ever do this to you, and you will find one.

 

Mourn, accept that she wasn't who you hoped and that it's for the best you found out early, take a breath, and move forward. Good luck.

[William]

Folks, I merged two threads on a similar topic into our Breaking Up forum and will remind members that Robert posted a prior directive in the first thread which now covers both so I'd suggest a review of content and following the directive to avoid moderation or suspension. Thanks!

[whatdeww18]

OP, some of the advice on this thread has honestly been spot on and I remember you asking at least 3 times if your most current ex has changed and if you should give her a chance?

 

As everyone else has said, HELL to the NO. For whatever problem you might be having, the hell? How does trying to get back with someone who cheated on you, undervalued you, and didn't even demonstrate love deserve a chance? She has a lot of problems that she needs to address, herself. Some here have mentioned that she has some possible personality disorders, which is wholly possible. No matter the case, this is just simply not something you need to involve yourself with again. It's in no way a healthy relationship, if it can even be called a relationship. Positive change comes in the time frame of months, usually years. She has not changed. Done.

 

As for your first ex, the one you believe you truly love and made a mess of a situation with. I won't rule out the possibility that you truly love her. I also won't rule out the possibility that you don't. You're going to have to answer that yourself, in a number of months from now while you get your head on straight. Break ups, especially those of a long-term commitment, are a true loss of another individual in your life. You need to grieve it properly. You won't be thinking straight now, and to add to that, you now have two relationships to grieve and it's compounding effect is evident in your comments. You're confused as you now have to grieve the end of both relationships because you couldn't "help" yourself from leading your first ex on and never grieved the loss.

 

To add to the point that break ups are hard and you don't think clearly, you have brought up points that are very redundant. Posters here have answered your questions, given you advice, yet you come back with the same exact situation, scenario, state of mind. Your counselor may be doing his/her job, but it doesn't do much if you aren't going to be receptive and apply what you need to learn. Like others have stated, take some time out of your day to seriously collect your feelings and grieve the loss of both individuals. The clouds will lift and you will see you deserve much more than your current ex. When the clouds lift and you take your first ex off of her pedestal, you will be able to answer if you truly love her.

 

Like others have stated, just work on yourself for now. I believe people have predicted it correctly, that if you go back to your first ex, you will leave again. You haven't fully grasped or learned the lessons or fixed the problems on your side. You need to be firm in the break up with your current ex and tell her it is over for good. She'll probably turn nasty, as you say that anyways. Get yourself in a better place. You need to accept the finality of the break up in both relationships and just do you. As for your first ex, I can't rule out the possibility that you simply just took her for granted, felt like you "lost" the spark, went for a chase which ended in a TERRIBLE next relationship, and all along the way never matured from either break up. I also can't rule out the possibility you have a deep rooted insecurity that needs to be addressed before you can have a healthy, long-term, committed relationship.

 

People can offer advice for you on here. We can give you what we think, what we can perceive, which is also mixed with our own personal experiences. This is your journey that you have to come to terms with, accept, and grow from.

 

Truly wishing you a healthy recovery from this entire situation as the pain is evident in the number and length of posts. I mean, all of us are here as we have felt the pain of a break up. Relax, and give yourself the best gift you can, just A LOT of down time for yourself. It's going to be hard, but you will come out a stronger individual and someone who will be ready for a healthy relationship.

Edited February 6, 2017 by whatdeww18