"I'm looking for a skinny woman"

[Chris2016]

"I'm looking for a skinny woman"

 

If you're looking for love, would it be faux pas to start out with that statement?

Edited February 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[alphamale]

at her age she should be looking for a man with a pulse

Edited February 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Taramere]

"I'm looking for a skinny woman"

 

If you're looking for love, would it be faux pas to start out with that statement?

 

 

Skinny is very popular in pro-ana circles (I had a friend who eventually died from anorexia, and I learned a fair bit about this stuff from her). If you use a word like "skinny" it's likely to act as a magnet to pro-ana women who will perceive you as somebody who is likely to approve their behaviour as a valid lifestyle choice rather than as part of a serious illness. Your role in a relationship like that, from her perspective, would be to hold her hand supportively and tell her she looks more beautiful with every pound she loses, as she starves herself to death.

 

If that sounds like a scenario you'd prefer to avoid, using less pro ana language might be an idea. I'd suggest "slim and healthy". Skinny has unhealthy connotations and is likely to attract a mentally unhealthy woman.

[d0nnivain]

Based on the answers & the fact that the mods edited the post, I'm assuming there is more to this Q then I can presently read.

 

 

Some people have a type. I know I do. If you lined up pictures of every man I have ever dated they could be related because most of them are about the same height with dark hair & light eyes.

 

 

So whoever wrote they want a skinny person probably prefers slender companions rather than curvy or muscular.

[losangelena]

Why don't you try it and see what happens.

[normal person]

I don't see the benefit of saying that.

 

First of all, it makes you look superficial. Yes, everyone is superficial to an extent, but the polite thing to do is usually to keep it to yourself and not be outspoken about it. Smart people are superficial privately, and more inclusive publicly. It makes you look like a douche. There's no advantage to broadcasting what features you don't like unless people with those features are hindering your search otherwise. And I'm guessing they're not.

 

I like thin women too, you know what I do? I only engage with the thin women and not with the others. That's it. I don't give some warning ahead of time, that's sure to turn a lot of people off, thin and otherwise. I manually filter. Talking to someone you're not attracted to for 90 seconds, or deleting some messages on OLD isn't going to take so much time out of your day that it prevents you from meeting the people you actually want. But saying you don't want to do it is a pretty big turn off.

 

Another thing, most people probably don't have the leverage to boldly make claims about what things they want/deserve. If you're a 10, incredibly attractive, charming, wealthy, every girl's dream, and you're constantly being bombarded with female attention, sure, then you've got the leverage to say "don't even bother if you're not thin." But I'm guessing since you had to come onto a message board to ask if a particularly off-putting thing is appropriate, and said that you're "looking for" love rather than being bombarded with options, you don't have that leverage. So if you're Channing Tatum, you might be able to get away with saying something like that (you'd still look like a dick, but it'd be understandable). If you're just "Dave From Accounting" who's 20 pounds overweight, balding, and fantasy football obsessive, you're probably not in any position to make a statement like that because most women don't want you anyways.

 

In conclusion, it probably won't help you any and will likely only make you look worse.

[Shining One]

OP, correct me if I'm wrong on this. The OP was questioning whether or not it's a faux pas to start out your search for love by saying "I'm looking for X physical attribute". The removed link pointed to an elderly woman starting off by saying "I'm looking for a tall man".

 

To answer your question OP, there is a socially acceptable double-standard when it comes to men's height and women's figure. A woman can state her height requirements openly and it will not decrease her potential dating pool by any significant amount. A man can state his figure requirements and even those women who meet his requirements will take offense, thus decreasing his dating pool significantly. It's another one of those "life isn't fair" situations.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I don't see the benefit of saying that.

 

First of all, it makes you look superficial. Yes, everyone is superficial to an extent, but the polite thing to do is usually to keep it to yourself and not be outspoken about it. Smart people are superficial privately, and more inclusive publicly. It makes you look like a douche. There's no advantage to broadcasting what features you don't like unless people with those features are hindering your search otherwise. And I'm guessing they're not.

 

I like thin women too, you know what I do? I only engage with the thin women and not with the others. That's it. I don't give some warning ahead of time, that's sure to turn a lot of people off, thin and otherwise. I manually filter. Talking to someone you're not attracted to for 90 seconds, or deleting some messages on OLD isn't going to take so much time out of your day that it prevents you from meeting the people you actually want. But saying you don't want to do it is a pretty big turn off.

 

Another thing, most people probably don't have the leverage to boldly make claims about what things they want/deserve. If you're a 10, incredibly attractive, charming, wealthy, every girl's dream, and you're constantly being bombarded with female attention, sure, then you've got the leverage to say "don't even bother if you're not thin." But I'm guessing since you had to come onto a message board to ask if a particularly off-putting thing is appropriate, and said that you're "looking for" love rather than being bombarded with options, you don't have that leverage. So if you're Channing Tatum, you might be able to get away with saying something like that (you'd still look like a dick, but it'd be understandable). If you're just "Dave From Accounting" who's 20 pounds overweight, balding, and fantasy football obsessive, you're probably not in any position to make a statement like that because most women don't want you anyways.

 

In conclusion, it probably won't help you any and will likely only make you look worse.

 

True, you could put it in a simple sentence like that.

 

But then I sometimes see someone type in their profile....

 

"Although I'm not superficial, physical attraction is important to me, let's face it, I'm sure you have to be physically attracted, too? *blah blah blah*

 

It continues on into a long spiel logic that qualifies their shallowness, they are trying to sound intelligent about the "reality of physical attraction" IN their very profile.

 

"Let's face it guys, physical attraction IS important, so when I see your pictures, and you're an uggo, you've saved me the time of even meeting you for a half-hour for drinks!"

[basil67]

 

To answer your question OP, there is a socially acceptable double-standard when it comes to men's height and women's figure. A woman can state her height requirements openly and it will not decrease her potential dating pool by any significant amount. A man can state his figure requirements and even those women who meet his requirements will take offense, thus decreasing his dating pool significantly. It's another one of those "life isn't fair" situations.

 

Men could team together and also take group offense at women who request a certain height. Change happens when people want it enough.

 

That said, as a woman who's only ever dated men in my own height range (5'7) I think height expectations are incredibly shallow.

[Gr8fuln2020]

To me, he word 'skinny' connotes something that is not healthy nor flattering. I am quite aware that some women will characterize themselves as (slim/thin) such to differentiate themselves from the more muscular, toned 'athletic' types, but still convey a weight that is less than average.

 

I prefer athletic. I would use the word slim (or thin) instead of skinny. The use of slim seems to convey a 'less unhealthy' characterization.

[Popsicle]

Sure try it. As a skinny woman myself it would be a relief to hear.

[Chris2016]

Mod edited the OP, which had a link to a Humans of New York post, thats starts off with "I'm looking for a tall man". It's not faux pas cause no one said anything bout it on their Facebook version of the post.

 

I thought it was interesting because if a man starts off with "I'm looking for a skiiny woman", it'd probably be seen as faux pas, and the post would get complaints.

Edited February 6, 2017 by Chris2016

[Chris2016]

OP, correct me if I'm wrong on this. The OP was questioning whether or not it's a faux pas to start out your search for love by saying "I'm looking for X physical attribute". The removed link pointed to an elderly woman starting off by saying "I'm looking for a tall man".

 

To answer your question OP, there is a socially acceptable double-standard when it comes to men's height and women's figure. A woman can state her height requirements openly and it will not decrease her potential dating pool by any significant amount. A man can state his figure requirements and even those women who meet his requirements will take offense, thus decreasing his dating pool significantly. It's another one of those "life isn't fair" situations.

 

Yes, I was just making a post on what I thought was an interesting socially acceptable double standard.

 

It reminded me a bit on another LS thread, where someone says you'd be surprise who is vying for sex and love, its not always the handsome guys. I'm thinking to myself wait a second, huh? So unattractive aren't looking for love too?

[Chris2016]

Sure try it. As a skinny woman myself it would be a relief to hear.

 

The editors at Humans of New York would probably get complaints for letting such a post go through.

[amaysngrace]

If skinny is such a bad word then why do they call a cut of jeans skinny jeans? What about super skinny jeans?

 

Do they say super to make it all better?

[stillafool]

If skinny is such a bad word then why do they call a cut of jeans skinny jeans? What about super skinny jeans?

 

Do they say super to make it all better?

 

I know and if it is such a bad word why are some women flattered when they are told how skinny they have become?

[amaysngrace]

I know and if it is such a bad word why are some women flattered when they are told how skinny they have become?

 

What about skinny cow snacks? I don't know what's so bad about them...I've tried a couple kinds and I think they're delicious.

[elaine567]

Slim

 

slender, lean, thin, willowy, sylphlike, svelte, lissome, trim, slight, slightly built "she was tall and slim"

 

 

Skinny

 

thin, scrawny, scraggy, bony, angular, rawboned, hollow-cheeked, gaunt, as thin as a rake, skin-and-bones, sticklike, emaciated, waiflike, skeletal, pinched, undernourished, underfed;

See the difference?

Slim = attractively, gracefully, elegantly thin

Skinny = unattractively, unhealthily thin

[mightycpa]

No, why would it be? Maybe you know enough about yourself that you don't want to waste your time with women who aren't skinny. Maybe you have personal standards that compel you to be with skinny women.

 

You want what you want. Go for it. Nothing wrong with that.

[NuevoYorko]

Mod edited the OP, which had a link to a Humans of New York post, thats starts off with "I'm looking for a tall man". It's not faux pas cause no one said anything bout it on their Facebook version of the post.

 

I thought it was interesting because if a man starts off with "I'm looking for a skiiny woman", it'd probably be seen as faux pas, and the post would get complaints.

 

Neither one is a "faux pas." If someone's main priority is skinniness or height, that's fine. If other people view it as superficial, that's fine. I tend to view both as superficial. I mean I have my physical preferences and there are dealbreakers in there, but a single physical characteristic is never going to be my number one requirement. Not everybody is the same in that way. If being skinny is the most important thing, and a skinny woman responds well to that, it's all good.

 

The idea that there's a "double standard" about this? That makes me laugh. There are a healthy number of threads here where a woman is being lambasted for preferring a tall man. Do a search, it's a hot topic around here. Clearly it's not "socially acceptable" for a woman to prioritize height in a man, or else there would not be such a hue and cry over it here.

 

Short answer: some people will be turned off. Some people won't care, and some people will be happy, especially if the best thing about them is that they are skinny or tall.

[normal person]

No, why would it be? Maybe you know enough about yourself that you don't want to waste your time with women who aren't skinny. Maybe you have personal standards that compel you to be with skinny women.

 

You want what you want. Go for it. Nothing wrong with that.

 

I agree with the "you want what you want / go for it." But no one's suggesting he not do that. The issue is with explicitly saying what you want.

 

My suggestion is he can still go for what he wants and just filter women in his own mind without vocalizing his desires rather than saying "Sorry, no fat chicks." Unless this guy is being inundated with female attention, there's no point in saying such a thing, it only makes you look bad and provides no benefit. If you only like thin women, that's totally fine. Why not only talk to thin women then, rather than broadcasting your superficiality? It's not a good look and it's really just inviting people to critique your standards, especially people think think you're no prize yourself. It's just shooting yourself in the foot needlessly.

[JuneJulySeptember]

"I'm looking for a skinny woman"

 

If you're looking for love, would it be faux pas to start out with that statement?

 

On Match.com, you can screen for body type through search and also through the pictures. And most men do.

 

There's no reason to come out and say, "I want a skinny woman."

 

Just like on Match.com you can screen for height without coming out and saying it and most women do. There's no reason to say "I want a tall man."

Edited February 6, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember

[Michelle ma Belle]

I guess it would depend on who is reading it whether or not it's faux pas.

 

I mean, there are no rules or real moderation on OLD that prevents you from posting exactly what you want and what physical type you will exclusively date.

 

The problem is when you get that specific, you can limit yourself a great deal and potentially miss out on some really great people. You also run the risk of leaving "skinny" up for interpretation as already pointed out in a previous post here.

 

Anyone THAT superficial to the point where they feel a need to include it in their dating profile really should save everyone's time and just be as specific as possible. And if that means listing a weight cap or range then so be it. Same with women looking to date 'tall men' or whatever physical deal breakers you might have.

 

If you're going to poke the bear in such a way at least own your superficiality and push that bear off it's fat a**! Just be prepared for some fallout from disapproving prospects with too much time on their hands.

[Vinny1951]

My past relationships were with bigger sexy women. Yet I married what you are looking for. My wife is 4' 1'' and was 79 lbs when we met and got engaged. I do not look for a specific body type. I have know girls in all sizes and shapes that were great and bad. I think you do yourself a disservice by narrowing your pool of potential mates to a particular type. To marry because of looks seldom lasts long. Longs fade, skinny gains weight, etc..

[Gr8fuln2020]

If skinny is such a bad word then why do they call a cut of jeans skinny jeans? What about super skinny jeans?

 

Do they say super to make it all better?

 

I have to say that this use of skinny regarding jeans is endemic of our fashion industry's campaign to make girls (ESPECIALLY) fit a certain mold that does not translate to most body-type nor healthy ones. I truly am convinced that the use of skinny in this regard plays into the alreay unhealthy view girls have about their bodies and further fuels their compulsion to look thinner and thinner. They call them skinny jeans b/c it serves as both a commerical, marketing strategy and pull on young girl's already fragile view of themselves. Believe me, the word skinny is not used b/c it is GOOD.