I am the MM that entered the barren wasteland of infidelity that drained me....

[S2B]

Have you always had the knight in shining armor syndrome?

 

Would you suddenly become happy if your wife really needed you for an emergency?

[freengreen]

whoa..how do al these As have so similar stories..

 

Anyway, I know the pain. Its confusing. Its hard. The questions hang around with the guilt on the otherside. You wont beleive, but the best way is to let it go.. slowly but consistently. Let. it. go. You will tealise what favor you did to yourself once you are thru it.

 

Goodluck

[wmacbride]

my goodness, but men will fall for lines just as easily as women do.

 

A single mother saw you coming from a mile away, and judging y her words, she is an expert manipulator. She tells you what you want to hear, and you fall for it, hook, line and sinker.

 

That being said, you got involved with her of your own free will, and you have yourself to blame here. It's not your wife's fault, or her family's, about your job situation. It's their fault you feel bad about yourself.

 

Your ow being your "twin flame" is nonsense. There are billions of people int he world, and she is not a special snowflake. She's a respite from the life you are not satisfied with. When you are with her, you get to escape reality, but it's not different than if you got drunk. It changes nothing, an makes it worse.

[wmacbride]

Thanks all for the replies. The funny thing is the OW said something similar - like "Someone sent you from above to help me during the darkest time in my life. I can't be ascertain if my feeling towards you is true love but I simply enjoy the moment."

 

She pointed out all of my positives and that is what gave me a great feeling of recognition and admiration, something that has been lacking at home. And then some other days things will completely go the opposite spectrum and she will say "Our personality and habit is complete unsuitable for each other".

 

Again, she's manipulative,and you fell for it. Anyone can pay compliments, and words are cheap, Incredibly and heartbreakingly cheap. She's using the push/pull tactic to keep you off guard,and it worked. Stay with her, and that will be the rest of your life.

 

She barley knows you, yet she is making these sweeping statements. Does that even make sense on any level?

 

About your wife. She doesn't need a guy who stays with her because he's too scared to leave. Either fully commit to her or end it. Don't be wishy washy.

[wmacbride]

my goodness, but men will fall for lines just as easily as women do.

 

A single mother saw you coming from a mile away, and judging y her words, she is an expert manipulator. She tells you what you want to hear, and you fall for it, hook, line and sinker.

 

That being said, you got involved with her of your own free will, and you have yourself to blame here. It's not your wife's fault, or her family's, about your job situation. It's their fault you feel bad about yourself.

 

Your ow being your "twin flame" is nonsense. There are billions of people int he world, and she is not a special snowflake. She's a respite from the life you are not satisfied with. When you are with her, you get to escape reality, but it's not different than if you got drunk. It changes nothing, an makes it worse.

 

That should read " it's NOT their fault". Sorry for the mistake.

[cocorico]

 

My wife basically told me if you take the leap of faith and leave the family, you will just become a pawn to help her achieve her own goal and eventually be discarded like trash. I fully understand the risk of leaving my existing family and not all new relationship will work out but I’ve always wondered if we have such a strong connection maybe we are destined to be together one or another? Or maybe all these are caused by my unclear mind?

 

Of course your wife will say that! Did you expect her to root for you and your GF's R above her own R with you?

 

It's possible you and your GF were kindred souls; it's equally possible you were caught up in the excitement of infatuation. It's hard to tell with any R how long it will last at the outset, which is why so few people land up marrying (and staying married, for their entire lives, faithfully and happily) the first person they dated. Extra-marital relationships are not magical, they are just like any other R. Some work out and lead to "happy ever after", and many others don't - same as other Rs.

 

You're looking back now and considering your GF "manipulative", just as you consider your wife materialistic. This suggests that either you're unrealistic about women in general, or you're just prone to choosing the wrong ones. Either way, I'd suggest you walk away from both of them as it seems neither has much to offer you.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Have you always had the knight in shining armor syndrome?

 

Would you suddenly become happy if your wife really needed you for an emergency?

 

She's pregnant with their second child. She needs him... he's just got his head to far up his own backside....who plans a baby and cheats on their pregnant wife?

[AnneP]

You said English isn't your first language. Are you and your wife of Asian heritage? I only ask because if my growing up in that culture I realize the pressure put on by the family to earn more money. Even if you were earning 200k a year, there would still be pressure to earn more. I'm curious about this because even if you and your wife reconcile, those issues will still be there. Also, she needs to tell her parents to keep their mouths shut. I realize that she might not want to do that because of cultural reasons, however they are completely out of line in degrading/emasculating you on a regular basis.

[Overtaxed]

God will never send you someone else's spouse. Ever.

 

How much I wish my wife had known this. Her AP did the same garbage, God wants this for us, he's blessing this relationship, blah, blah. My wife, being a religious person from birth, bit into it hook, line and sinker. But, what you said is exactly right, God will NEVER send another person's spouse to you. And he will NEVER send you a person into your life when your married in his eyes that's "better" than your spouse. It just won't happen.

[aileD]

How much I wish my wife had known this. Her AP did the same garbage, God wants this for us, he's blessing this relationship, blah, blah. My wife, being a religious person from birth, bit into it hook, line and sinker. But, what you said is exactly right, God will NEVER send another person's spouse to you. And he will NEVER send you a person into your life when your married in his eyes that's "better" than your spouse. It just won't happen.

 

No He won't. And if you're religious, you can take a guess who puts that temptation in your life. " Satan never comes dressed in a cape and pointy horns, he comes as all you've ever wished for"

[wmacbride]

How much I wish my wife had known this. Her AP did the same garbage, God wants this for us, he's blessing this relationship, blah, blah. My wife, being a religious person from birth, bit into it hook, line and sinker. But, what you said is exactly right, God will NEVER send another person's spouse to you. And he will NEVER send you a person into your life when your married in his eyes that's "better" than your spouse. It just won't happen.

 

I'm not religious, but isn't one of the Christian beliefs that human face temptation, in all sorts of forms, but they can exercise free will? No one has to give is because " she chased me so much" or " he pursued me until I couldn't take it anymore and i gave in".

 

I will never understand those who view their god as a loving creator, but then will claim he/she/it set the stage for an affair, thus asking them to break one of the bible's fundamental commandments.

[Ronni_W]

God will never send you someone else's spouse. Ever.

This is only accurate because, as was said, God's Law of Free Will reigns supreme on Earth.

Therefore, we each must take 100% responsibility for our own beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions and inaction -- to try to, in effect, 'blame God' because one made the decision and choice to break one's own, freely-given vows and promises is...well, ludicrous, no?

Ditto for trying to blame some outer force for putting temptation in our path, in the first place.

[aileD]

Its all just another excuse to justify in their own heads that it's okay to have the affair. It doesn't make sense because it's not real life.

[Noideanow]

Often it does happen that "god" send another to someone in a Dead marriage to help that person get out and find happiness:cool: If we stick to your wordings..not that i believe in it working like that but could be..Remeber If your wife/husband is miserable enough in your marriage to want somebody else you are too but maybe in denial about it:cool: Or maybe im actually wrong it does happen that One is in love and "happy" and the partner is not but Them Again shouldnt He or she Be able to feel their partner not feeling the same way? And therefore Be just as frustrated as their partner

Edited February 7, 2017 by Noideanow

[wmacbride]

Often it does happen that "god" send another to someone in a Dead marriage to help that person get out and find happiness:cool: If we stick to your wordings..not that i believe in it working like that but could be..Remeber If your wife/husband is miserable enough in your marriage to want somebody else you are too but maybe in denial about it:cool: Or maybe im actually wrong it does happen that One is in love and "happy" and the partner is not but Them Again shouldnt He or she Be able to feel their partner not feeling the same way? And therefore Be just as frustrated as their partner

 

I'm agnostic and even I know that "thou shalt not commit adultery" is quite iron clad. It doesn't mean " thou shalt not commit adultery, unless thous is feeling unsatisfied, thou isn't getting what they want in bed, thou thinks the new guy at work has a cute rear end, thou wants to screw around while still having their wife or husband at home.

[Ronni_W]

I'm agnostic and even I know that "thou shalt not commit adultery"

You're probably right -- it should have been given to Moses as one of the Ten Eleven Commandments. .

 

People are often getting confused by the laws of man "which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death" - and the Laws of God

as taught by Jesus the Christ.

[wmacbride]

You're probably right -- it should have been given to Moses as one of the Ten Eleven Commandments. .

 

People are often getting confused by the laws of man "which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death" - and the Laws of God

as taught by Jesus the Christ.

 

ah come on, take pity on this poor agnostic and use simple english:laugh::laugh:

 

In all seriousness, I get that no one is perfect and every human being will make piss poor choices at some point in his or her life. I just don't understand blaming it on the god they worship.

[wanderingsoullost]

Thanks all again for the replies and thoughts...its definitely a wasteland and boy what did I get myself into..

[S2B]

OW said she has very few "true" friends that she trusts completely and I am one of the few rare ones. In addition, highly successful people have very few real friends around them (based on her words). Her behavior is really a mix of teenager, angry, very gentle and meltdown, almost like the seasons. Some of the other weird stuff she said includes "Don't you feel I am just taking advantage of you emotionally and physically to help fill my void?"

 

 

 

I think this is the key, as a matter of fact, before the appearance of OW, things were relatively okay and not completely broken beyond hope. It is just this lady invoked some of the feelings that I've never experienced before, not even when I was first dating my wife. I hope such feelings can be re-discovered in my marriage.

 

You never had those feelings because dating your wife wasn't the same as an illicit affair.

 

Explain to me how YOUR wife must feel. I'm curious to k OW from the cheaters perspective.

[benpom]

 

• Did she really love me or is it just affair love or limerence?

 

That's the million dollar question. Do you even know how to define love? Or does it really matter?

 

• Or did I run into a manipulative person with narcissist personality disorder?

 

Everyone hesitates when faced with a bad choice and a worse choice. Most likely, she is just a normal human being with mixed feelings.

 

 

• Is she my twin flame or soul mate?

 

Soul mates are often created with good communication skills, mutual respect and mutual understandings.

When you go out to buy a house, you will find that some houses suit you better than others. But even if you find a good house, you can still let it deteriorate if you don't maintain it. If you get a not-so-good house, you can still fix it and make it your perfect home. If you are constantly looking for a better house, you will never find one. The perfect ones are not found, but created through your efforts (smart efforts, not just blind efforts). Same goes for soul mates.

 

By the way, I made this up. This is not from a relationship book, but I do believe in what I just made up.

[JamesM]

God will never send you someone else's spouse. Ever.

 

This is so true. It has to be one of my favorite yet simplest quotes on LS. And to add on, God will never send anyone to you while you are married.

 

But we know who will send you temptations.

 

my goodness, but men will fall for lines just as easily as women do.

 

A single mother saw you coming from a mile away, and judging y her words, she is an expert manipulator. She tells you what you want to hear, and you fall for it, hook, line and sinker.

 

That being said, you got involved with her of your own free will, and you have yourself to blame here. It's not your wife's fault, or her family's, about your job situation. It's their fault you feel bad about yourself.

 

Your ow being your "twin flame" is nonsense. There are billions of people int he world, and she is not a special snowflake. She's a respite from the life you are not satisfied with. When you are with her, you get to escape reality, but it's not different than if you got drunk. It changes nothing, an makes it worse.

 

This is one of the few times when I read the story and thought the same thing. This woman had you in her cross hairs and was aiming to get you from the beginning. This was not a friendship that happened to cross the line. She knew what she was doing.

 

Yes, you are responsible for your choices, but to say that ALL of the blame falls on you would be wrong. It is like being caught in a boat in the ocean without water. All around you is water that looks so delicious and satisfying. It looks so perfect, but it will kill you.

 

Your marriage was lacking at this time. I get that. Toddlers and babies and pregnancies all add into the feeling for men that they are not needed or appreciated. Women tend to become focused on children, and if we men stood back and objectively thought about it, then we would be thrilled. But we don't. We begin to feel self-pity, and the next thing you know an attractive young lady makes us feel incredible.

 

"My soul mate!" Nope. She is simply someone who is paying attention to you.

 

I am a firm believer in the idea that there is no single soul mate for anyone. Oh, I know. We believe the one we love is THE one, but the reality is that if she or he hadn't come along, then someone else would have. So to say this affair is with your soul mate and your marriage was a mistake ignores how you felt about your wife when you met.

 

You are wise to stick with your wife and rebuild the marriage. You are lucky that your wife will try. If it doesn't work out, then at least you tried.

 

As for the OW, she was attractive to you because you simply have not had the attention you desire. She gave it to you. Reality is that if you divorce, she probably will not be the one you will choose for your next partner. You don't know her. You only know her in your fantasy world...and in hers. Your wife is right in one sense. The OW is using you. Whether she loves you or not doesn't matter. She is willing to chase a married man and then when he goes back to his wife, she leaves you with this "I will never forget you" so that when things get rough (as they will), you will think about her and imagine what it would have been like. This tells me that she is like the saltwater, beautiful but unfulfilling.

 

If you are not careful, then you will be back in the OW's arms.

 

Your children want you to stay married to their mother. For their sakes alone, try you absolute hardest to make their wishes come true.

[Ronni_W]

...its definitely a wasteland and boy what did I get myself into..

wanderingsoullost,

Have you, by any chance, become caught up in some false and misguided, romanticized idea and image of yourself as a human Being 'wandering in a wasteland', all lost and confused and powerless, like some little boy or infant who is helpless to get yourself out of what you have gotten yourself into?

 

If that is what you are choosing for yourself for the rest of your life, then it is, of course, perfectly fine and within your free-will right and authority. Otherwise,

the time has passed, and you now need to pull up your big-boy pants.

[aileD]

Often it does happen that "god" send another to someone in a Dead marriage to help that person get out and find happiness:cool: If we stick to your wordings..not that i believe in it working like that but could be..Remeber If your wife/husband is miserable enough in your marriage to want somebody else you are too but maybe in denial about it:cool: Or maybe im actually wrong it does happen that One is in love and "happy" and the partner is not but Them Again shouldnt He or she Be able to feel their partner not feeling the same way? And therefore Be just as frustrated as their partner

 

 

Marriage is a scared covenant. God will not send someone to break that covenant just because you're unhappy. God wants you to fix your marriage and love your spouse and honor your covenant. God doesn't care about your happiness, he cares that you follow his word. Adultery is such a sin it's mentioned twice in thr 10 commandments- thou shall not commit adultery and thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife.

 

Everything you said has to do with selfish desires. That's all fine, people are allowed to leave if they aren't happy but if you're religious, it's not what god wants you to do.

[JamesM]

Marriage is a scared covenant.

 

I know typo....but for some of us, it really is scary!

 

But yes, I agree with you.

[aileD]

I know typo....but for some of us, it really is scary!

 

But yes, I agree with you.

 

Oops !!!! Haaaa