yeschef Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 (edited) Hi, I want to start off by saying I am sorry. I am here writing this because I have cheated on my amazing wife, for the second time. I am trying to understand how I can hurt someone I love over and over again. Reading some of the stories on here is helping me understand but not fully and it makes me sick to my stomach that I have done this to us. I made the decision to be in my marriage 100% around the 1st of the year. Since then my indiscretions have come out. I Find myself not being able to control my impulses and not respecting my wife and our marriage. It doesn't make anything ok when I'm sorry after I have cheated. She is now at the fork in the road. Leave him or stay.... She said somethings that really hit me this morning. I am hoping that I get the chance to change her perspective of me. If not I feel like I will be lost forever. How do I rebuild from here. How do I show her that the last 9 years weren't a waste for her, because right now I completely see and understand where she is coming from. Edited February 5, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Welcome to LS. Are you currently separated or still living together? Are you no longer in any contact with a past affair partner? How did your indiscretions 'come out'? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Is this intended as a pithy half-time apology to her? Something you can point to later and say 'see?' ? I ask because if you truly mean to reconcile with your wife then you're in for a significant amount of real work. And saying you are willing now under emergency circumstances is easy. Following through is hard. Are you motivated enough to hold her while she cries every night for the next five years? To forego friends and personal space and private time to demonstrate transparency for potentially the rest of your life? And I'm not looking for an immediate yes. These are just two questions you need to seriously consider. There are more but your level of commitment to reconciliation is what determines how much we can help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yeschef Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Yes thank you for saying what needs to be said. This is not anything other than feelings that are coming from my heart, wanting to figure out how to see and stop these things from happening and showing my wife that I love her. To answer your questions, yes I'm ready for the repercussions of my actions. For the long days and nights of her just looking at me and crying, being mad at me, being sad that I messed things up, for the disappointment in her eyes. I feel horrible and only want to show her that she is my whole world like she has shown me. Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Yes thank you for saying what needs to be said. This is not anything other than feelings that are coming from my heart, wanting to figure out how to see and stop these things from happening and showing my wife that I love her. To answer your questions, yes I'm ready for the repercussions of my actions. For the long days and nights of her just looking at me and crying, being mad at me, being sad that I messed things up, for the disappointment in her eyes. I feel horrible and only want to show her that she is my whole world like she has shown me. I think in order for us to really be able to help you, we need a little more of your story. How many affair partners have you had? How long were the affairs? Were they emotional, physical, in person, online? What happened around the 1st of the year to change your mind about being in your marriage 100%? How did everything "come out"? How is your wife handling it now? We can probably provide more specific advice if you share some more about your story. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Hi, I want to start off by saying I am sorry. I am here writing this because I have cheated on my amazing wife, for the second time. I am trying to understand how I can hurt someone I love over and over again. Reading some of the stories on here is helping me understand but not fully and it makes me sick to my stomach that I have done this to us. I made the decision to be in my marriage 100% around the 1st of the year. Since then my indiscretions have come out. I Find myself not being able to control my impulses and not respecting my wife and our marriage. It doesn't make anything ok when I'm sorry after I have cheated. She is now at the fork in the road. Leave him or stay.... She said somethings that really hit me this morning. I am hoping that I get the chance to change her perspective of me. If not I feel like I will be lost forever. How do I rebuild from here. How do I show her that the last 9 years weren't a waste for her, because right now I completely see and understand where she is coming from. You cheat on your wife because you don't respect her. You can't love someone you don't respect. Have enough respect for your wife to tell her you want a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I am here writing this because I have cheated on my amazing wife, for the second time. Yeschef, if the shoe was on the other foot, would you believe "I love you" from someone who'd cheated on you twice :confused: ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Find a good IC, you are now a serial cheater. You need to fix that before you destroy your future relationships like you've done this one. Read up, this is what you've put her through. Give her an amicable way out she deserves better. It was good time for you but devastating for her. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/365269-things-every-wayward-spouse-needs-know 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Hi, I want to start off by saying I am sorry. I am here writing this because I have cheated on my amazing wife, for the second time. I am trying to understand how I can hurt someone I love over and over again. Reading some of the stories on here is helping me understand but not fully and it makes me sick to my stomach that I have done this to us. I made the decision to be in my marriage 100% around the 1st of the year. Since then my indiscretions have come out. I Find myself not being able to control my impulses and not respecting my wife and our marriage. It doesn't make anything ok when I'm sorry after I have cheated. She is now at the fork in the road. Leave him or stay.... She said somethings that really hit me this morning. I am hoping that I get the chance to change her perspective of me. If not I feel like I will be lost forever. How do I rebuild from here. How do I show her that the last 9 years weren't a waste for her, because right now I completely see and understand where she is coming from. Its very possible your a codependent and passive and once you got married your self-esteem started to drop and now you seek out external validation or you are afraid to tell your wife your sexual fantasies. I would see a good therapist and read "no more mr. nice guy" Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Good guy ? Mmm last time I checked , good guys have respect for others and most importantly for their 'amazing wife'. Your fun time was at the cost of your ' amazing wife' , who was probably going around , running her everyday errands , putting her complete trust in you AND giving you another chance. Your conscience choice of having an affair , the second time around , isn't what a good guy does. Google good guys. Link to post Share on other sites
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