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Joined a dating site, started chatting with nice guy, and started crying...Why?

HadMeOverABarrel

By HadMeOverABarrel,
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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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Hello. xMM has been popping in and out of my head this weekend and I'm doing my best to push the thoughts away. I was sitting in front of my computer and thought I should check out some dating websites. I joined the highest rated one (seemed easiest). Almost immediately a nice guy in my area started chatting online with me. Then, for some weird reason I don't understand, I started crying as I imagined meeting this new guy in person...Why? Something to do with endings with xMM. Anyone experience this? What did you learn? I want to process why I'm having this reaction--maybe will help me further heal. Thanks in advance!

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deadsoul

deadsoul

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Hello. xMM has been popping in and out of my head this weekend and I'm doing my best to push the thoughts away. I was sitting in front of my computer and thought I should check out some dating websites. I joined the highest rated one (seemed easiest). Almost immediately a nice guy in my area started chatting online with me. Then, for some weird reason I don't understand, I started crying as I imagined meeting this new guy in person...Why? Something to do with endings with xMM. Anyone experience this? What did you learn? I want to process why I'm having this reaction--maybe will help me further heal. Thanks in advance!

 

Because you are starting the next stage of your life without MM. It's change. And change is hard. I think it's totally normal. Feel it, then move on and go on that date. It may or may not work out, but at least you are getting out there and trying.

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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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Because you are starting the next stage of your life without MM. It's change. And change is hard. I think it's totally normal. Feel it, then move on and go on that date. It may or may not work out, but at least you are getting out there and trying.

 

BTW, online chat guy ignored my question about his work, and when I asked again, he stopped chatting. Wierdo--reminds me of when xMM ignored my questions. Hate that! :rolleyes: OH well...but lots of guys favoriting my profile so maybe a date with an available man in my near future.

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Poppy47

Poppy47

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BTW, online chat guy ignored my question about his work, and when I asked again, he stopped chatting. Wierdo--reminds me of when xMM ignored my questions. Hate that! :rolleyes: OH well...but lots of guys favoriting my profile so maybe a date with an available man in my near future.

 

Believe me there are lots of weirdos and MM on dating websites. Unless you feel they are totally transparent about things you want to know, delete.

 

Poppy.

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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Probably means you're not ready to date yet and it hasn't been that long since you and exMM ended the A.

 

Bond with your women friends, have fun and pamper yourself. Forget men until you're over exMM and he isn't in your head so much.

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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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Believe me there are lots of weirdos and MM on dating websites. Unless you feel they are totally transparent about things you want to know, delete.

 

Poppy.

 

Amen to that!

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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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Probably means you're not ready to date yet and it hasn't been that long since you and exMM ended the A.

 

Bond with your women friends, have fun and pamper yourself. Forget men until you're over exMM and he isn't in your head so much.

 

I'm experimenting to see if this helps me get over xMM. It's been 4 months, plus 6 days since I've heard from him and it's time he gets no more real estate in my head. While I was "with" xMM, I met another guy online whom I was attracted to and communicated with for several weeks. I remember thinking this guy was a definite threat to xMM because I was really starting to like him (until he asked me for a huge loan--hadn't even met him in person--bye bye!).

 

So far about 8 guys have reached out to chat, which is a good reminder to me that while I still have feelings for xMM (might always have a soft spot for him), there really are plenty of other fish in the sea. I think dating is a numbers game. Have to kiss lots of frogs before finding a prince so I might as well get started. I'm not getting any younger.

 

Thanks for posting!

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eye of the storm

eye of the storm

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In the beginning I would come home from my meeting an online date and call my MM to chat with him about it. I wasn't ready to let go of him. I hated the dates.

 

Then I went NC and had miserable dates. Because I still wasn't ready to let go. Nobody could measure up.

 

Then I realized something. I had been living in a holding pattern for to long. I was the only one holding myself back. I was the one clinging to my past. I let go.

 

Letting go of the past is scary, it's hard. The past is comfortable. Even if it is bad, it is what we know.

 

I was so glad when I went out on a date the other day and my MM wasn't (figuratively) sitting at the table with us.

 

It takes time and focus. But after a few dates, you will get there. Only do what feels comfortable to you. I just do coffee at first so I am not locked into a long meal. So far only one has made it to lunch. But that is ok. I'm not in a hurry.

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eye of the storm

eye of the storm

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Patrice, if the MM wants to continue the A then yes, they chase harder when they think you are moving away.

 

It is easier to keep an AP than find and groom a new one. They already know our weaknesses.

 

Every time I think about my MM I remind myself that he chose someone else. It's hard to be turned on by that. It's better than a cold shower.

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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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harder? That's been my experience. I am single, he is stuck and unhappy. Why don't they just let us go?

 

Do you think that they sense it? If we are in NC, how would they otherwise know (unless run in same circles or work in same office)?

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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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In the beginning I would come home from my meeting an online date and call my MM to chat with him about it. I wasn't ready to let go of him. I hated the dates.

 

Then I went NC and had miserable dates. Because I still wasn't ready to let go. Nobody could measure up.

 

Then I realized something. I had been living in a holding pattern for to long. I was the only one holding myself back. I was the one clinging to my past. I let go.

 

Letting go of the past is scary, it's hard. The past is comfortable. Even if it is bad, it is what we know.

 

I was so glad when I went out on a date the other day and my MM wasn't (figuratively) sitting at the table with us.

 

It takes time and focus. But after a few dates, you will get there. Only do what feels comfortable to you. I just do coffee at first so I am not locked into a long meal. So far only one has made it to lunch. But that is ok. I'm not in a hurry.

 

Thank you. I hope and pray that xMM does not haunt my prospective romantic partners. Been an interesting 24 hours hearing from these guys. I am more detached than usual with the guys propositioning me, but that can't be all bad, right? One thing that keeps going through my head is:

xMM was such a jackass. He had it so good and if he had been just a little more kind he'd still have me eating scraps (good thing for me that he wasn't).

 

I am determined not to let him screw up my chances with a good guy who wants what I do and is ready and available for that. I am determined to not waste anymore energy on xMM who couldn't be bothered to do more than the very bare minimum...I'm not quite there yet emotionally, but gosh darn it I am determined!

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eye of the storm

eye of the storm

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If you are determined, then you will get there.

 

MM will haunt you until YOU put him in the same box he had you in.

 

Every single time you think of him remind yourself that they picked someone else. Would you go to a bar and go home with a guy that said the one I normally sleep with isn't available but you will do in the mean time?

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HadMeOverABarrel

HadMeOverABarrel

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If you are determined, then you will get there.

 

MM will haunt you until YOU put him in the same box he had you in.

 

Every single time you think of him remind yourself that they picked someone else. Would you go to a bar and go home with a guy that said the one I normally sleep with isn't available but you will do in the mean time?

 

Pray tell, what do you suppose that ugly little box looked like? I see darkness when I try to look into it.

 

DIE, MEMORIES, DIE!!! :laugh:

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