PeanutMom Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 I just need to vent and I don't know where else to go.... I met this guy the end of December. We started dating exclusively and things seemed to be going well for the more part and I started to develop feelings for him. He is 33 and I am 32. I found out yesterday that mid January after we had a fight and I told him I needed a few days to think and process everything that he had been using the time apart to message another girl. He told her he was attracted to her and wanted to kiss her and cuddle her... meanwhile he was telling me to trust him and I was the only person he wanted to be with. He asked me to do something on his phone last night and he had always told me that if I ever needed to look through it I was welcome to because he had nothing to hide. I have some trust issues that we had talked about and were working through together and I had always declined his offer telling him it was a me issue and that I wanted to overcome it. On a whim I pulled up his Facebook messages and saw that one.... I was too shocked to keep looking and see if there was more. I handed him his phone back and told him to please get this things and leave because he would not be coming back to my home. He did. We were talking through text messages and he said he did it because at the time he thought I wouldn't overcome my trust issues and our relationship might not be going anywhere. I feel so stupid. Part of me wishes I hadn't looked because we had talked and the trust thing was so much better. We had even begun to talk about the future and him moving in with me at some point. I ended up talking to his ex fiancé and she told me that he was a pathological liar and told me some things about him I didn't know. I have no way of knowing if they're true. He denies them. I don't even know why I am writing this. I guess I want to know if I did the right thing and that I should stay away. Even though it hurt part of me has feelings for him and wants to believe he is telling me the truth and it was a one time thing ? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 Yes, you are doing the right thing by staying away. 33 year old men who are actually secure with themselves don't run to another girl at the first sign of disagreement in an NEW relationship. Why should you feel bad about looking in his phone? People who tempt fate by inviting their new significant other to look through their phone at anytime are either very secure and have nothing to hide, or are total dumbasses who not only are not to be trusted, but too sloppy and stupid to clean their own message folder. Plus his lame excuse of simply projecting you would not "overcome" your trust issues is just that...lame. That is akin to "I thought you were going to break up with me anyway so I figured what was the use of waiting around so I decided to have sex with someone else." Usually it is the latter and not the former, because in general people usually are dumbasses. You simply found out this dumbass was indeed a dumbass fairly fast into the process. You called his bluff, well done. I wish more people would do that. It would minimize to some extent the heartache they deal with later when they discover all sorts of sordid crap from the dumbasses they fall in love with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted February 5, 2017 Share Posted February 5, 2017 You did the absolute 100% right thing Having dated a serial cheater/liar for 2.5 years.....I wouldve saved myself a lot of heartbreak if I had walked away at the first major red flag Dont bother listening to his excuses or justifcations. He'll full of s***. He blamed YOU for his wrong doing...something a typical lair/cheater will always do Hes shown you his true colors...time to walk away for good 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeanutMom Posted February 5, 2017 Author Share Posted February 5, 2017 Thank you both. Deep down I know it's the right thing but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It's just hard me to wrap my head around someone being like this. I guess in some ways it's good I don't really understand how a person could be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Yes, you definitely did the right thing. His excuse for going to talk to another woman is pathetic and I'm glad you didn't buy it. And anyway, any guy who runs off to find another woman at the first sign of trouble is not someone you can trust or build a future with. He is not the guy you hoped he was. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Be glad you found out before he moved in ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 You got rid of a problem.....him. You did the right thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeanutMom Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 He had told me he was released from probation early and when I talked to his ex fiancée she mentioned she had gotten a call from his probation officer last week.... Since it was really the only lie I could verify I decided to call the probation office and speak with her... yeah. He's still on probation. I am glad I know now that he was full of ****. I just feel stupid and it hurts to think I had such strong feelings for him and to him I probably meant nothing. I know I'll heal and get over it but damn... some people are really awful. Link to post Share on other sites
AlmostFamous Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I just need to vent and I don't know where else to go.... I met this guy the end of December. We started dating exclusively and things seemed to be going well for the more part and I started to develop feelings for him. He is 33 and I am 32. I found out yesterday that mid January after we had a fight and I told him I needed a few days to think and process everything that he had been using the time apart to message another girl. He told her he was attracted to her and wanted to kiss her and cuddle her... meanwhile he was telling me to trust him and I was the only person he wanted to be with. He asked me to do something on his phone last night and he had always told me that if I ever needed to look through it I was welcome to because he had nothing to hide. I have some trust issues that we had talked about and were working through together and I had always declined his offer telling him it was a me issue and that I wanted to overcome it. On a whim I pulled up his Facebook messages and saw that one.... I was too shocked to keep looking and see if there was more. I handed him his phone back and told him to please get this things and leave because he would not be coming back to my home. He did. We were talking through text messages and he said he did it because at the time he thought I wouldn't overcome my trust issues and our relationship might not be going anywhere. I feel so stupid. Part of me wishes I hadn't looked because we had talked and the trust thing was so much better. We had even begun to talk about the future and him moving in with me at some point. I ended up talking to his ex fiancé and she told me that he was a pathological liar and told me some things about him I didn't know. I have no way of knowing if they're true. He denies them. I don't even know why I am writing this. I guess I want to know if I did the right thing and that I should stay away. Even though it hurt part of me has feelings for him and wants to believe he is telling me the truth and it was a one time thing ? Yep you did the right thing. You saved yourself future heart ache and frustration. If was so fast to start texting someone else and telling her those things,you should be super happy you found out all that before you were even more committed. I say move on and find someone new. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dis Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 In the future it might be a good idea to avoid guys who were ever on probation Dont worry though...I've made my mistakes dating a guy with a record before Learn and move forward Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Probation...jail...prison... These are deal breakers for most people. At the very least, the chat about probation, being released from probation, or however he characterized his run-in with the law and subsequent oversight by law enforcement should have been a big red flag. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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