Thought it could only be in the movies.......untill it happened to me.

[ICantStopLovinHim]

Where do i start? what do i say?

 

I was in a relationship with a man i loved for three years we have an 19 month old son. I loved him with all i had after getting out of a terrible relationship.

 

About 6 months or so ago we started having MAJOR problems things that couldn't be ignored. He started changing accusing me of infedelity, lying, deceiving. Things that i wasn't doing. He also started leaving early for work comming home later, being real distant to me and our son. I spoke with him about separating told him i couldnt live like this. He refused. I have three children so its not like it would be easy to just get up and leave. But that was the decision i had come to. I felt as though i had no choice i was VERY unhappy and needed to get away.

 

I have been looking for a place to stay for about two months now, when two days ago my 12 yr old daughter calls me at work to tell me my bf's cell had been continuously ringing with the same number for over an hour and he was asleep so of course i told her to give me the number.

 

Well i called the number. Know who was on the other end of that phone? Well wouldnt ya know it was his WIFE!!!!! yes ladies and gentlemen this man who is the unfortunate father of my son was STILL married and living a double life. When we met he told me he was divorced and never had children with her but did raise her two from a previous marriage as his own and was very attached. SO every now and then he would go visit them or take them out.

 

Little did i know those "visits" were when he was doing his family things with them. I found out the reason he never had any money was because #1 he was saving for a home with HER and #2 he was working only PART time but being gone full time hours. She thought he lived with his mother, she said when they separated it was only because they had lost their home and agreed to be together but live seprately untill they could get a new home.

 

His family knew, his friends knew.....i did not know. I feel stupid, nieve. I see signs now that meant nothing then and mean everything now. I dont even know why im posting this i havent cried since the day it happened. I am numb. Most of all i am sorry for bringing my beautifull son into this world without knowing the consequences. He has since moved from our apartment and hasnt seen his son in three days. I am stuck with an apt. i cant afford and bills i cant pay on my own. I didnt do anything to deserve this nor did my son. Or my other two children for that matter.

 

Just becarefull people know your significant other.......if you feel something isnt right thats because it probably isnt. I am afraid of what i might do when i see him again all i feel right now is anger. I have a court date next week to start custody and to give me an order of protection. I cant believe this is happening to me, just becarefull people because it could happen to you, and you probably wouldnt believe it untill it does.

[whichwayisup]

That's just AWFUL and I feel bad for what you're going through. What a complete A-HOLE!

 

Does she know about you and your son? If not, she SHOULD.

 

I'm sorry for your pain. Don't feel stupid!! You trusted this man and had no reason to think he was doing what he was doing! Him putting it and accusing you of doing thing was just a reflection of HIM! I'm so MAD at him for you! It's NOT your fault, please don't beat yourself up over this. He needs some serious help.

[Jolene]

It's hard for anyone to go through separation and divorce no matter what the circumstances.

 

Hire a lawyer and get what you deserve...alimony, child support for the child he conceived with you and child support for your other children while he acted in loco parentis.

 

You have to think of the big picture. You need to protect your family. It's hard, but you are entitled to more than just a broken heart and emotional injustices at the hands of yet another selfish prik in the world.

 

Go and get what you are entitled to and moooooooooove on!!!!

 

I can't believe how low some of these jerks can go. I am truly sorry for you.

 

One huge word of advice....the "victim" role gets real old real fast and people don't respect it or want to hear about it. I speak from past experience. Your life will get better....AS SOON AS YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE. And what he deserves! Give it to him right up the you know what, sweetie!!!! If you can't afford a lawyer, beg and borrow or go to your nearest social services office to see what it available to you. Keep strong, especially for your kids.

 

[don't take him to court, though, if you think he will be able to pull any rabbits out of his hat that could possibly alert child welfare...you don't want to tango with those dudes even if you think you have nothing to hide]

[Skeered]

Oh my goodness...all I can say is I am so sorry that you are going through this and that guy is a stupid rat fink and karma is a bitch...he'll get his...

 

No worries about your little boy...you guys will all be just fine and you can make him pay for that precious little baby he helped bring into the world...have no fear.

 

What did you say to his wife when you talked to her on the phone...how did you find out it was her...I'm sorry to ask that and don't answer if you don't feel you want to...I just can't believe this happened..like the title you see this in movies but my goodness...I am soooooooooooooooooooooo sorry you are goin through this...hold your chin high you will be fine...

[ICantStopLovinHim]

All i can say is a big THANK YOU TO EVERYONE. I said in my earlier post that i didnt know why i was saying this now i know. To hear such kind words from you makes me feel better. This happened this past tuesday pretty much THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. I was blaming my self and i do not now. I even went as far as writing an apology letter to my little boy maybe i should tell you that he was planned.....dont ask me WHY this jerk would do this to an innocent child.

Anyway i am going to give him what he deserves. No i cannot afford a lawyer and him and i were NEVER Married . I went to my local abused and battered womens center that very day and applied for an order of protection and was granted it immidiately but it is temporary untill our court date July 26th. That is the day god must grant me the strength not to kill this man.

 

In the mean time he has to stay away from OUR home right? Well i took the liberty of packing up EVERY single piece of electronic equipment this man owned. ( did i mention he is a profesional DJ)? And took it to the pawn shop down the street i didnt get much cash....but the satisfaction was well worth it. I know for a fact that he does not have receipts to prove he had any of this in my house.....No officer what cd player?????LMAO yes ppl revenge is sweet but I know it cannot put together the trust i took so long to build im afraid that is shattered......completely gone.

 

I always believed i was a strong person this is definitely my test. I see it as a blessing in disguise i would rather go through this now than years down the road of pain and suffering, only to have him leave me when they bought their home.

 

And yes his wife unfortunately i told her about our son she was understandably crushed my heart hurt for her. You see she cant have any more kids by the time she met him so they had none together. And although i knew everything about her, and her kids i just thought they were divorced. Where as she know NOTHING about me or my son. She was hurt and i knew it and i felt bad for her. This man has not only detroyed two womens trust self esteem and everything else but 5 kids are involved her two and my three....and this ppl just isnt fair.

[ICantStopLovinHim]

Every day will get easier untill i forget all about him...Just cant wait untill allhis things are out my house and i can finally move on and focus on raising my son

[SummerRae]

Hun, I feel your pain, trust me. I had a similar situation... was dating this Marine man for a period of time (too long to admit). Had NO freakin' clue said man was MARRIED. He supposedly lived on base in SD, I lived in another state, would see him almost every weekend. Turns out, he is married with not one child, but TWO. Talk about double life.

 

This guy was my first big love. And believe me, I felt betrayed, shattered, hurt, misled, crushed........ Couldn't eat/sleep/concentrate for ohh, maybe a week. And shed tears over it for longer than that. Anyways, it has been over a year now and I am completely over it. But for a long time I tried to figure out why/how/why/how this could happen to me and how the fu(k a person could do this to ANYONE.

 

A double life, yes, I thought that only happened in soap operas. Being the person I am, I tried to analyze what I personally did to attract this into my life (still haven't figured that one out) so that it wouldn't happen again. I think I analyzed it enough that I really hope it doesn't happen again but I know one thing: I will not let this betrayal ruin my ability to have faith and trust in another human being. I will just watch out for any suspicious signs.

 

Just wanted you to know that you're not the only one and if you need to vent, vent away. I know where u r coming from. You're doing much better than I did!!

[Jolene]

Now you're cookin' with fire, woman!!! Good onya

[ICantStopLovinHim]

Thank you i was sure im not the only one who has been through this or will go through this.....doesnt seem real untill you live it does it? Anyway i think i am doing ok so far because i realize in the long run its best i knew now when things werent so great between us and i was planning on leaving anyway rather than find out when i was head over heels in love with this man who i thought was my world at one point......

 

Its either that or it hasnt hit me yet and im gonna totally break down someday and not know why i am going through this????

[Jolene]

if you want to cry endlessly at some point, see your doctor.

 

Your kids will be in tune with all your emotions. He's not worth falling apart on your kids...remember that.

 

Be strong. You're halfway there! It's a long journey, but you will be on top of your world again some day...I promise.

[ICantStopLovinHim]

I know i will thank you sweetie....actually i havent cried about it since tuesday weird isnt it? that's why i said maybe it will come later?

[Jolene]

It could come a month from now or three months from now. When it does trigger, if it does, just know that for many people, the effects of the stress come after. Like right now you are in defense mode. Later, when you let your guard down, you will be in a safer place to deal with your inner self. You may be surprised how well you cope, but you are human so if you have to take anti-depressants for a few months, then do it, but try to cope without that if you can.

 

What you're going through is a crisis. Coupled with that are other stress factors such as single motherhood and moving residences and court cases. Some people have breakdowns and its only temporary. Get a lot of support from your family if you need a break from the kids. They will get through it better with other kids to play with and love from the family members that haven't left them abandoned.

 

See if you can read about the effects of separation on certain age groups for the children. It will help to understand them as you go through it.

 

Chin up, girly friend! You are the better person. It takes a certain kind of prik to do this to you. Survive it!

[whichwayisup]

And yes his wife unfortunately i told her about our son she was understandably crushed my heart hurt for her. You see she cant have any more kids by the time she met him so they had none together. And although i knew everything about her, and her kids i just thought they were divorced. Where as she know NOTHING about me or my son. She was hurt and i knew it and i felt bad for her. This man has not only detroyed two womens trust self esteem and everything else but 5 kids are involved her two and my three....and this ppl just isnt fair.

I'm glad she now knows. Poor woman, as well as you. I hope she kicks him out on his ass and he's alone. There are not enough words to describe this man. If you can call him a man. He isn't. Worse than scumcrap in the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Would you consider talking to someone professional? SO you can cope? As much as you hate him, all those feelings and emotions are there and can't be turned off right away. He lied to you! Again, please don't beat yourself up, you did nothing wrong here.

 

Feel better soon and my heart goes out to you and your children. It's sad.

[ICantStopLovinHim]

Thats the thing talking to someone so i can cope?? I dont feel much emotion about it now i cried the day it happened and thats it...Besides no apetite i feel NOTHING.....either i was completely out of love with this man ....OR boy ohhh boy its gonna get me good sooner or later Im not sure which it is.....Maybe once i see him on tuesday for our court seeing him will trigger everything lord knows i hope not.

 

BUT thanks for the support i do need it right now ) and so does my baby because he just lost his daddy (

[lynnspies1]

Too bad for society as a whole that this scum does not have to live with the work A** Hole stamped on his forehead for the rest of his life so that no more women and children would have to deal with his lack of maturity.

 

Do you have friends or family, your mom and dad, someone that can be there for you and your kids? It will make a difference if you have someone to lean on and sometimes you might find your self in need of a break even if it is for an hour or two. Go for a walk, take a nap, just take care of yourself.

 

Wish you the best at court, I sure hope his wife sees him for what he now also.

 

All the best, Lynn

[ICantStopLovinHim]

LOL thank you so much lynn....I absolutely love the a**h*** stamp on his head...thats got to be the first thing to make me laugh in a long time.

 

Actually i do have support i have two very close sisters, and a male best friend who has been there with me through my divorce and will be there for me through this I know in time i will be ok its just i feel bad for the baby his father will for ever be an a**h***, and i am the one who choose to have this child with him....i only hope i can make up for what he has done to my son. stupid stupid man.....I hope he cant look at himself in the mirror right now.

[New_Wife]

ICantStopLovinHim,

 

Two things: For your son - kids don't much care how they came into the world unless we make them. My daughter was the product of a rape & I'll never tell her that in a million years. Why? She is here, she is wonderful and I love her to pieces. Why would I chance hurting her self-esteem that way? She and her brother don't see their father - obviously, he's not a good guy, and he got some other folks pregnant while we were married - much like this guy did to you. I was just on the other end. It's a tough act, but learning to separate the child from the father will be a great thing for both of you.

 

Second: If you can't affor a lawyer, I suggest you look into women's legal resources, your local county prosecutor's office for parternity & child support, or even the division of child support in your area. A lot of these places do not charge you, and preserve your child's rights to be supported by both parents - whether one likes it or not.

 

What you are going through - well - it sucks. No other word that won't get censored for it. And while this guy certainly deserves a flame-thrower-enema for his behavior, you'd go to jail for delivering it, so that won't do.