Author jah526 Posted August 16, 2017 Author Share Posted August 16, 2017 I'm doing so much better! This place was a lifesaver for me. There are times that I still miss him but for the most part I can't believe I ever got involved with this guy. He is really showing his character (or lack thereof) at work these days. I wouldn't be surprised if he got fired, and I'm not the only one who is noticing. In some ways I feel sorry for him. I wish I could've helped him somehow because deep down I think he's a very broken and lonely person. I could've been a good friend to him, and I wish he'd been able to see that. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted August 17, 2017 Share Posted August 17, 2017 I'm doing so much better! This place was a lifesaver for me. There are times that I still miss him but for the most part I can't believe I ever got involved with this guy. He is really showing his character (or lack thereof) at work these days. I wouldn't be surprised if he got fired, and I'm not the only one who is noticing. In some ways I feel sorry for him. I wish I could've helped him somehow because deep down I think he's a very broken and lonely person. I could've been a good friend to him, and I wish he'd been able to see that. that's good. Do NOT let your guard down. When he realizes you are "free" of him, he may try to "reel" you back in. He knows how to play on your emotions. As hard as it is right now, you have to admit you're still in a better place. Keep going! You're doing great. You will still have some bad days and set backs, but ride them out and focus on you and your growth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jah526 Posted September 3, 2017 Author Share Posted September 3, 2017 It feels like that sometimes. I know through the grapevine that MM is having a hard time. He's barely showing up to work and he isn't speaking to anyone or doing much real work when he is there. He tried to start a fight with someone the other day. I don't think any of this is directly related to me but indirectly maybe he needed my support and attention. I am really conflicted and I am starting to feel like I'm being cruel. I don't hate him, and while he did and said some hurtful things, I really don't believe he ever intended to hurt me. I know I should let him sort this out or let his wife help him, but I sometimes feel like I was the one person he could really be himself with. Part of me will always care for him, I think, and it hurts to see him hurting and knowing I might be part of the cause. Link to post Share on other sites
deadsoul Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 It feels like that sometimes. I know through the grapevine that MM is having a hard time. He's barely showing up to work and he isn't speaking to anyone or doing much real work when he is there. He tried to start a fight with someone the other day. I don't think any of this is directly related to me but indirectly maybe he needed my support and attention. I am really conflicted and I am starting to feel like I'm being cruel. I don't hate him, and while he did and said some hurtful things, I really don't believe he ever intended to hurt me. I know I should let him sort this out or let his wife help him, but I sometimes feel like I was the one person he could really be himself with. Part of me will always care for him, I think, and it hurts to see him hurting and knowing I might be part of the cause. Um no. You aren't being cruel. He was. He isn't your problem anymore. Your well-being is. If he's having a hard time, that's on him. Yes he did intend to hurt you. This like an abused person who keeps going back to the abuser because he didn't really intend to hurt her/him. The things he did and said were not okay. Don't undo the growth you've made. If he's feeling low, he's going to contact you soon and this is where you will need to be the strongest. Or mark my words, you will be back in that vicious cycle. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 3, 2017 Share Posted October 3, 2017 Um no. You aren't being cruel. He was. He isn't your problem anymore. Your well-being is. If he's having a hard time, that's on him. Yes he did intend to hurt you. This like an abused person who keeps going back to the abuser because he didn't really intend to hurt her/him. The things he did and said were not okay. Don't undo the growth you've made. If he's feeling low, he's going to contact you soon and this is where you will need to be the strongest. Or mark my words, you will be back in that vicious cycle. 100% dead on here... He is not your problem. He is a grown man. Please realize that and continue moving on with your life... Link to post Share on other sites
FoundMyStrength Posted October 5, 2017 Share Posted October 5, 2017 (edited) I am really conflicted and I am starting to feel like I'm being cruel. I don't hate him, and while he did and said some hurtful things, I really don't believe he ever intended to hurt me. I know I should let him sort this out or let his wife help him, but I sometimes feel like I was the one person he could really be himself with. Part of me will always care for him, I think, and it hurts to see him hurting and knowing I might be part of the cause. Jah, he's a grown man. Yes, he may be hurting, but that's neither your fault nor your responsibility. If he's hurting, he can look to his wife for support. Or talk to a friend. Or go to a counselor. What he can't do (or shouldn't) is go around looking for OW to fill that need, paying no attention to how much it hurts that woman. Think of how much he hurt you. Don't let him do that again. He chose his wife, let her deal with this mess of a human being. Edited October 5, 2017 by FoundMyStrength Link to post Share on other sites
Author jah526 Posted June 12, 2018 Author Share Posted June 12, 2018 He’s gone, more or less. Seems he’s taking a carpool or something. Hours are different and I rarely ever see him anymore. Part of me believes he’s stopped spending almost 2 hours of the workday at the gym now because his trainer quit a couple of months ago. The thought of this makes me feel irrationally jealous, and like I was right all along, that he really did have a thing for her and was at least trying to hook up with her. I remember he told me “she’s a friend”. I got played just like he played his wife. What a fool I was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jah526 Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 It's been 1 year today. My anxiety has decreased a lot but honestly, I still miss him. He's been as much of a ghost as I've been. I can feel him slipping away and I'm bracing for the day when he quits or gets fired. Part of me still wants to reach out. I don't want to get involved again. I just want to know that he is okay. I do believe he thought of me as a friend, and I think he was really hurt when I walked away. Maybe he never knew the depth of my pain. Maybe I never knew the depth of his. It still hurts, but not as much, not as intensely as it did. Some days I feel like if he'd just apologize, then maybe we could start fresh. On my more rational days, I know it's not possible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BourneWicked Posted June 24, 2018 Share Posted June 24, 2018 No good advice from me, just sympathy. The biggest regret being killing what could have been a great friendship with sex and romance that shouldn't have happened. I feel for you... I'm not total NC, as my situation requires a new job for that to happen, but did kill all forms of non-work related communication. It also has been much, much better. Being long distance, mostly I can see how very little it ever was. Like having a penpal that's hoping for sex any time the two of you happen to be in the same area. In some ways, I am still a friend to him, in that we communicate a little at work, and I am kind, and pleasant, but mostly detached. So this has made it easier in a way in that I don't feel like he's been abandoned to his feelings. One other thing - I noticed over time feelings or thoughts I thought he shared only with me come back through the lips of other people. This has really helped me realize that I wasn't that special, that he lets a lot of people feel like they have some level of intimacy with him. And this sucked, but really helped. So maybe something helpful there... those things he would tell you, know that it's quite possible he shares a lot of it with whoever else he might try to get close to who would tolerate being a MM's girl on the side. Maybe not, but it's a possibility. Yeah the friendship thing... the jealousy I have these days is more related to the ability others have to be his friend, which has been destroyed through his and my actions. Others can have innocent friendships (or pretend to even if they aren't) and enjoy his company, whereas my interactions are guarded because I know there is nothing innocent here. Who knows, maybe it was never possible... attraction for me is something that happens so rarely that it might not have mattered. It was just a choice between 'awkward inability to think, talk, or function in his presence' or 'bad decisions'. Wish I could go back in time to maintaining awkward... Anyway take care. Hope things continue to get better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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