Should I forgive my friend for "insulting" me out of jealousy?

[February Girl]

So I have this male friend I have been flirting with and who flirts with me back.

 

One day a guy asked me out. I told that male friend of mine. He said he has known me for some time and I "can't resist a man".

 

I felt so insulted I stopped speaking to him. And I went out with that new guy. It's true I haven't been the best at resisting men who come my way, but I thought a friend shouldn't judge me for that.

 

When my male friend apologized to me, he said he acted that way because he was jealous.

 

Should I forgive him? I do have feelings for him too actually.

[basil67]

Forgive but don't forget. You need to see if he has a pattern of saying hurtful things when he's having trouble controlling his emotions. Besides, he may not ask you out anyway.

 

Meanwhile, keep dating the new guy if he interests you. If he doesn't do it for you, then stop seeing him.

[February Girl]

Forgive but don't forget. You need to see if he has a pattern of saying hurtful things when he's having trouble controlling his emotions. Besides, he may not ask you out anyway.

 

Meanwhile, keep dating the new guy if he interests you. If he doesn't do it for you, then stop seeing him.

 

Thank you... I feel consoled reading your reply. Kinda really hurt by his words. Maybe because...I'm in love with my friend.

[preraph]

First of all, if you have any romantic interest in someone, don't go gossiping with them about your love life like they are your best girlfriend.

 

Secondly, he does sound kind of insulting, but if you need to find out if there's anything there, go out with him. He's no doubt interested. But don't let him keep badgering you like you're a loose woman or something. Put a stop to that and tell him you run your own life and aren't ever going to let a man tell you what to do.

[February Girl]

First of all, if you have any romantic interest in someone, don't go gossiping with them about your love life like they are your best girlfriend.

 

Secondly, he does sound kind of insulting, but if you need to find out if there's anything there, go out with him. He's no doubt interested. But don't let him keep badgering you like you're a loose woman or something. Put a stop to that and tell him you run your own life and aren't ever going to let a man tell you what to do.

 

Hmm, for the first one, I did treat him like he was my best girlfriend because he was in a long-term relationship with someone, so I thought there was never going to be anything between us. We grew close because his then-girlfriend was far from him.

 

As for the second one, I'm kinda afraid I'd only be his rebound girl because they just broke up a couple of months ago. Plus, I imagine she'd come back in time for Valentine's and say she wanted him back.

 

Maybe that's why I have one foot out the door and am willing to date others. But at the same time, I'm worried that would only confirm his accusation that I "can't resist a man".

[basil67]

Word of advice - only treat your best girlfriend like your best girlfriend. Treating guys like this only leads to confusion and hurt when feelings get involved.

[preraph]

Hmm, for the first one, I did treat him like he was my best girlfriend because he was in a long-term relationship with someone, so I thought there was never going to be anything between us. We grew close because his then-girlfriend was far from him.

 

As for the second one, I'm kinda afraid I'd only be his rebound girl because they just broke up a couple of months ago. Plus, I imagine she'd come back in time for Valentine's and say she wanted him back.

 

Maybe that's why I have one foot out the door and am willing to date others. But at the same time, I'm worried that would only confirm his accusation that I "can't resist a man".

 

Hon, who gives a crap what he thinks?? Now you're making me think you ARE too easily influenced. You'd not date guys and just be with this potentially abusive and certainly unpleasant guy just so you can be right and win the argument. Stop caring what this tool thinks!!

 

Now I do think you'd be just better off away from him. He's going to block you seeing other guys and he's not worth it.

[February Girl]

I'm sorry, everyone who read my thread and gave me advice. I hid one important fact when I posted: I did go out on a date with this close friend/colleague and we kissed. The reason I didn't mention it is because I acted against everyone in this forum's advice (in another thread).

 

But I'm coming clean to, I guess, defend him for his remark out of his jealousy. In my opinion, he had the right to say that because we have started dating. And it was, I think, my fault for considering this other guy who is attractive to me...

 

Does this info change anything? I was afraid my guy friend was dating me on the rebound (as I mentioned in another thread); that's why I thought I should date others, in case it didn't work out with him. But clearly he's jealous that I even think about it.

 

God, it's complicated. Even though I don't always do as I'm advised, please still tell me what you think. I'm super-bothered by this, especially since I see this friend-turns-date at work too.

[Tribble]

I'm sorry, everyone who read my thread and gave me advice. I hid one important fact when I posted: I did go out on a date with this close friend/colleague and we kissed. The reason I didn't mention it is because I acted against everyone in this forum's advice (in another thread).

 

But I'm coming clean to, I guess, defend him for his remark out of his jealousy. In my opinion, he had the right to say that because we have started dating. And it was, I think, my fault for considering this other guy who is attractive to me...

 

Does this info change anything? I was afraid my guy friend was dating me on the rebound (as I mentioned in another thread); that's why I thought I should date others, in case it didn't work out with him. But clearly he's jealous that I even think about it.

 

God, it's complicated. Even though I don't always do as I'm advised, please still tell me what you think. I'm super-bothered by this, especially since I see this friend-turns-date at work too.

 

So let me see....

 

This 'friend' is the co-worker from the other threat. You went on a date and kissed. You like him (it very quickly escalated to love here!). But you're worried about a rebound so you decide to go on another date and tell him about it. He makes a remark you don't like and you stop talking to him. Is that about right?

 

What did you want to get out of telling him you were dating someone else? Jealousy? You got it. Him to fight for you? Ask for exclusivity? I don't want to be mean here but you need to grow up a bit. You're trying to play this guy off someone else because you're afraid of being a rebound. You need to figure out what you want. In the last week or so you've made threads about 4 different guys and you're flip flopping between them all. Do you want any of them? Or are you just afraid of being alone? At best, your behaviour with this 'friend' is manipulative. You're showing him he is one of your many options and you're not bothered about going after someone else. Why would he want to stick around for that deal, rebound or no?

[ReformedPUA]

I'm sorry, everyone who read my thread and gave me advice. I hid one important fact when I posted: I did go out on a date with this close friend/colleague and we kissed. The reason I didn't mention it is because I acted against everyone in this forum's advice (in another thread).

 

But I'm coming clean to, I guess, defend him for his remark out of his jealousy. In my opinion, he had the right to say that because we have started dating. And it was, I think, my fault for considering this other guy who is attractive to me...

 

Does this info change anything? I was afraid my guy friend was dating me on the rebound (as I mentioned in another thread); that's why I thought I should date others, in case it didn't work out with him. But clearly he's jealous that I even think about it.

 

God, it's complicated. Even though I don't always do as I'm advised, please still tell me what you think. I'm super-bothered by this, especially since I see this friend-turns-date at work too.

 

I might sound mean for saying this, but I am being honest.

 

If I were friends w your "friend", I'd advise him not to take you too seriously. Why is that? You sound emotionally like you're 14 or something . You seem to be led around by your emotions like a hyperactive puppy dog. In your own words, you "just can't resist a man". The next guy who comes along and tells you what you want to hear, who knows what the hell you'll end up doing. Bad news!

 

It's not so much the going on a date w the other guy, that's fine. It's that you didn't even have the discretion to keep your mouth shut. And you sound desperate to be w someone, ANYONE. Women like that don't make good girlfriends...likely to cheat, "change their minds", ect...

 

Have you considered seeing a therapist?

Edited February 8, 2017 by ReformedPUA

[preraph]

You need to treat someone as you would want to be treated and walk away from anyone who isn't doing the same to you.

 

Right now you're creating chaos and being self-destructive, and maybe that is because you are too easily influenced or maybe not. But you can't expect to lie to them or us and be rewarded for it. You need to learn to be okay enough with yourself and have enough self-esteem that you don't need to try to always lie and manipulate people and situations.

 

You have made a mistake doing this at work.

[February Girl]

So let me see....

 

What did you want to get out of telling him you were dating someone else?

 

Oh no, no.. I need to clarify this.. I didn't tell my "friend" I was dating the other guy. I told him our mutual friend introduced me to that guy, who is her boyfriend's friend, because she thought she was doing me a favor AND she didn't know yet what was going on between me and this friend.

 

Out of insecurity, maybe, he made that remark. I don't blame him completely because he knows I've been a serial dater. But I was actually going to reject this other guy because I actually like my "friend". He is different from the other guys I've dated because of the way we started off - friends.

 

But in the end I changed my mind about rejecting that other guy out of my own insecurity. I can't say I regret it because I was kinda curious if we were compatible. But before things go further, I wanna do something for a change - choosing someone and sticking to him.

 

Either way, I've decided to spend my birthday and these weekends alone in another state while visiting my cousin and her boyfriend. Can't say the same for Valentine's Day though. I really do like this friend although he is not my usual type.