Senshi-Sailor-Mars Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 What is the 180-rule? My husband told me last night he wanted out of our marriage. But added basically down the line if I get my **** together and keep it together maybe he'd give me a second chance, but I think that was just to give false hope. A marriage counselor finally called back this morning, and my husband answered. He scheduled an appointment for us on Wednesday, but only to "learn to communicate and co-parent effectively so we can go to all of our daughters events and not have it cause problem". Would it work for us, even though he has already asked for a divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Would it work for us, even though he has already asked for a divorce? The 180 is pinned at the top of this very forum, linked here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce It doesn't work for "us", it works for you as you move forward to the next part of your life, whether separation/divorce or reconciliation. The list helps you find the person you need to be - fit, happy, active and centered - as you deal with the sometimes erratic behavior of a wavering spouse. And it empowers you by encouraging you to take control of your life at a time it feels as though someone else has made every major decision with little input from you. It's designed to restore confidence and self-esteem, attractive to either your spouse or a future partner. Not much downside ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
happyonislands Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Hang in there! There is always hope for your marriage. Marriage is a full time job that takes a lot patience and attention. With any marriage, communication is key as well as understanding each other. I understand that you and your husband have an appointment with a marriage counselor, but hopefully you will be able to talk more restoring the marriage. Also, have you considered speaking with a pastor or another marriage counselor that specialization will restoration of the marriage? I wish you the very best. I am cheering you on that you will have a long, lasting, and happy marriage 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I'm sorry to burst your bubble OP but I know a man who did something similar to his wife. He asked for a divorce and then backtracked it to a separation when she didn't want a divorce. He tells me he's never going back to her and still plans to file. It's been a year so who knows what will happen in his case but if he asked for a divorce that probably wasn't easy but it may be where his head is at. He may just be trying to let you down easy (or in his mind make it easier on you). Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 What are the issues? See link Mr Lucky posted. It is the best written explanation on the web. Link to post Share on other sites
bpdftl Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 I'm sorry to burst your bubble OP but I know a man who did something similar to his wife. He asked for a divorce and then backtracked it to a separation when she didn't want a divorce. He tells me he's never going back to her and still plans to file. It's been a year so who knows what will happen in his case but if he asked for a divorce that probably wasn't easy but it may be where his head is at. He may just be trying to let you down easy (or in his mind make it easier on you). This is probably not as simple as you're making it out to be. What I learned, and many people learn, when doing the "180" is that what we thought was worth saving was probably either not worth, or not savable. That the expectations you were looking for, when it really did hit the fan, didn't match the reality. And that when you got to know the real person behind the act, you decided you did in fact want to end it. So your friend might have been willing to reconcile, but the effort to change was not sufficient and showed issues were greater once viewed at a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 This is probably not as simple as you're making it out to be. What I learned, and many people learn, when doing the "180" is that what we thought was worth saving was probably either not worth, or not savable. That the expectations you were looking for, when it really did hit the fan, didn't match the reality. And that when you got to know the real person behind the act, you decided you did in fact want to end it. So your friend might have been willing to reconcile, but the effort to change was not sufficient and showed issues were greater once viewed at a distance. My friend actually wanted a divorce but their spouse wanted to separate instead. But my friend also keeps realizing there's nothing to save at this point and wants to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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