whydoicare Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I've been dating my ex for almost 4 years. Honestly the 1st 2 years of our relationship were great, but after he started med school last year things became rocky once he began making new friends. I always felt like our love was strong and he asked me to move in with him, which I did this past May. Things were great for the first 2 months; he even said living with me made him want to get married that much more. However, once the school year started back, things took a turn for the worse. I moved to a new town where I did not know anyone and it has been difficult to make friends. I began to feel very unappreciated and unloved as he would leave me home alone on the weekends to spend time with his friends excessively. I became depressed and co-dependent, which I am not proud of. Long story short, 3 weeks ago he ended things after getting into an argument after I found out he lied to me about who he had been hanging out with the night before. He said he hasn't been happy in a while. That night he moved into the 2nd bedroom and we didn't speak for 3 days (which was difficult because we live together). 3 days after the breakup he came into the master bedroom almost in tears - telling me he thought this is what he wanted but he could not stop thinking about me and was realizing all he did wrong. He said he did not want to close the door on our relationship, that he didn't want to break up but wanted to take a "break" instead and wanted to work on things. Basically, the following 2 weeks we tried to hang out a couple of times but things were extremely awkward and I did not feel like he was trying at all - he was still going out multiple nights per week, so I got upset and told him he did not seem to be working on things. We got into an argument and he said he was still trying to figure out if he has feelings for me. I moved out back into my parent's house a week ago - he texted me to tell me to drive safely home and that's the last I heard from him. This is the longest we have ever gone without talking. I have my good days and bad days but honestly, calling it a "break" has me in this weird limbo period. I'm really hoping that time apart will make him realize what I meant to him and that things can go back to how they were in the 1st two years of our relationship, but the realist in me feels like he is done.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 Breaks don't work. You both need to commit to working on the relationship. Without that, you are going to end up apart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whydoicare Posted February 6, 2017 Author Share Posted February 6, 2017 I agree. I didn't want this break so I feel like the ball is in his court to initiate contact because he made it clear he wants space to himself Link to post Share on other sites
Author whydoicare Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 Am I just to assume it's over for good after 1 week no contact? It's getting harder each day. I have a birthday coming up next week and the anxiety around if I will hear from him is killing me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Am I just to assume it's over for good after 1 week no contact? I would say yes – for the following reasons: He is trying to figure out if he has feelings for you? If you are deeply in love with someone, you know it – you don’t need time away from them to figure that out. He doesn’t make you a priority – goes out with friends and leaves you at home? Why? Sounds like he wants to live a single like, and not a married one. I do not know of one couple that “took a break” and then had a long lasting, healthy relationship. I do know some off and on couples who have constant drama – but no stable happy ones. If you two can’t communicate, can’t work out problems TOGETHER. Can’t settle arguments, make up, and sleep together every night – well then I do not think you two have the compatibility needed to weather the crap life will throw at you for the decades to come. Don't let him come crawling back. Don't stay with someone who acts like you do not matter. Bottom line - it doesn't have to be this hard, if he was really into you, it wouldn't be 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pam4him Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 So sorry you are struggling with this. Long relationships that seem to come undone can be hard to get over. If it's been a week, it may be more than a break. Allow yourself the grieving process at the loss of the relationship. Perhaps you could make birthday plans with friends. If he calls, it's a nice surprise. If not, maybe consider it his loss, not yours. Give yourself some time. If this door closed, another will open. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whydoicare Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 I caved yesterday and texted him that I missed talking to him and just wanted to let him know that. He responded 4 hours later and all he said was "thank you". I got upset and replied that I would let him know when I would be by to get the rest of my things from the apartment we used to share. He responded "we will talk about all of that in due time". I didn't respond. Backstory; he broke up with me almost a month ago, then 3 days later said he thought he made the wrong decision and wanted to take a "break". The night before I left about 2 weeks ago he hugged me goodbye and told me to stay the course we are on which I'm not even sure what that is (apparently is not communicating with each other). I keep overthinking his response. Is he keeping me on the back burner or does he just not want to be bothered by relationship talk until it's good for him? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Hey. No one knows what the course is so to speak. You need to know what your course is, not his, not both of yours. Worry about you! Taking a guess he just at the moment doesn't know what he wants, don't make the mistake I made and chase. Just get on with your life, if he decides he wants to be part of it then you can decide. Try not to overthink everything, make yourself busy so your not thinking about him. He wants a break so give him one, don't smother him (what I did) your push him further. But hopefully when he decides your be in a way better head space to what you want! That's the key.... Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I caved yesterday and texted him that I missed talking to him and just wanted to let him know that. He responded 4 hours later and all he said was "thank you". I got upset and replied that I would let him know when I would be by to get the rest of my things from the apartment we used to share. He responded "we will talk about all of that in due time". I didn't respond. Backstory; he broke up with me almost a month ago, then 3 days later said he thought he made the wrong decision and wanted to take a "break". The night before I left about 2 weeks ago he hugged me goodbye and told me to stay the course we are on which I'm not even sure what that is (apparently is not communicating with each other). I keep overthinking his response. Is he keeping me on the back burner or does he just not want to be bothered by relationship talk until it's good for him? Thanks. First of all I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It absolutely sucks. You have a right to feel confused as what he is saying is contradictory. The key is to look at his actions. Always focus on actions and not words. He is not communicating with you. He is being distant. You are broken up. Have a friend get your things and accept that it's over. Grieve. Surround yourself with people who will love and encourage you. If this guy does come back then judge by his actions if he is sincere or not. If he really wants to be with you he will make his intentions crystal clear! Right now he is stringing you along and leaving you as an option. You deserve so much better! Peace to you my friend. Hugs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author whydoicare Posted February 13, 2017 Author Share Posted February 13, 2017 Thank you for the kind words. He got tagged in a photo today with some girls I didn't like from his class. It broke me down but it honestly gave me the strength to block him from all of my social media. I deleted all of our pictures. It was difficult but liberating. I am letting him go and moving on. I deserve so much more. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 Thank you for the kind words. He got tagged in a photo today with some girls I didn't like from his class. It broke me down but it honestly gave me the strength to block him from all of my social media. I deleted all of our pictures. It was difficult but liberating. I am letting him go and moving on. I deserve so much more. Oh man, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Feels like a punch in the gut, doesn't it? But the one positive was that it gave you the strength to block him and that's a huge, really hard step to take. As for your question about if he's just putting you on the back burner, it sounds like that's exactly what he's doing especially now with him in photos with other women. If he doesn't know if he wants you RIGHT NOW then he doesn't deserve the option of having you later when he's exhausted all other avenues. Screw that crap. Like you said, you deserve so much more and I'm glad that you're letting him go and choosing to move on. You don't need someone who doesn't know what they want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whydoicare Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Well today is my birthday and so far I haven't heard a thing from my ex. I mean he's the one who said he didn't want to close the door on us forever and now not to even acknowledge my special day feels like a shot in the heart. trying to enjoy my day and not let him get to me. Link to post Share on other sites
newheart Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 First of all, Happy Birthday! I am sorry to hear this. I know how disappointing it is, as my breakup was literally prompted by my ex's lack of consideration related to my 40th birthday just last week. He canceled plans, texted me, didn't call, and then I didn't hear from him all weekend. I knew then that no matter what he came back with, it was over. The cold way he treated me was unacceptable. While I know how hurtful this is, you can think of it as evidence that you truly deserve better. A person who loves and cares for you would go out of their way to acknowledge your special day. And, he is an ex for a reason - as painful as it is, he doesn't owe you anything today. If he did reach out, in a way, it may make things more difficult for you, right? (((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well today is my birthday and so far I haven't heard a thing from my ex. I mean he's the one who said he didn't want to close the door on us forever and now not to even acknowledge my special day feels like a shot in the heart. trying to enjoy my day and not let him get to me. Sorry about that but it truly does tell you how he feels. He doesn't care about you any more. Everyone knows how hurtful that can be when someone you care about and thought really cared about you, doesn't at least wish you a happy birthday when they know what day it is. You just aren't that important to him. I would close this door and lock it if I was you, but I know that is still hard despite how bad he has treated you. "He responded 4 hours later and all he said was "thank you". I got upset and replied that I would let him know when I would be by to get the rest of my things from the apartment we used to share. He responded "we will talk about all of that in due time". I didn't respond." This is really really bad. He's trying to keep you on the line on his terms. You should not accept this behavior and take control. Is the stuff at his place really that important and not replaceable? If you can, do not contact or reply to him again. Forget the stuff at his place. These are the things you can control. You can't control what he does and how he feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Happy birthday He's obviously uncaring and stupid Move on Forget him Link to post Share on other sites
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