Should I let him have his secret friend?

[HappySad]

Hi. This is maybe going to sound really strange. We have been in a relationship for 2 years now. He is a great guy, he loves me very much. Whenever we are together I feel like a queen, something that can just be wished for. While we are appart it is difficult but we manage. We talk daily, without exception. Sometimes just an hour or so, on weekends up to 7 hours. We do spend loads of time together, watching films playing games, just talking. So, pretty perfect isn't it? Yeah, but! He has been feeling lonely lately and not in a way he wants physical contact but he wants friends. All of his friends have partners or work and they socialize. He does not. He is self employed, I am far. So he has been talking to this group of people that he met in online game, including one girl that he tends to spend time 1 on 1 when she has time. That happens maybe once a week. Never in person, though. Only through games. But, he has a need to keep this a secret from me(Well, unfortunatelly I notice and find out things really fast). He would not cheat, but the fact that he has her "hidden" in a way is a bit bothersome. Maybe he likes the attention. Maybe he knows he wouldn't like me doing something similar or whatever the reason is. He needs friends, and I am not against female friends.He did have bad experience with jealous girlfriends and it scares him a lot. My question is, if nothing is really changing between us, should I push the matter? I feel like it could only make things bad. But then again... Maybe it's not a healthy thing. Oh, I forgot to menton that we're 27 years old both. And we do plan on living together in a year or so.

Thank you and sorry for the wall of text ^_^

[OutdoorGirl23]

Hidden=secret=something that he's ashamed of, or he wouldn't have to hide it.

 

Proceed with caution

[Lilyana76]

People that have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

 

If he's hiding something, its not going to go well. I wouldn't tolerate it.

[central]

It could be innocent, and he hasn't said anything because a) it never occurred to him that it would be necessary, or b) he thinks you'd disapprove even though it's innocent, and doesn't want to argue about it. Or yes, it could be more, and there is a problem - but if they never meet in person, how big a problem is it?

[Fair]

You say he had had "jealous girlfriends" in the past. Don't dismiss that lightly... past jealous girlfriends does not automatically mean, unreasonably, hysterically, psychotically jealous in the way men will often try to paint their ex girlfriends... DON"T FALL FOR THIS.. most jealousy is legitimate... more often than not they've been given a reason.

 

And if he's kept this girl "hidden in a way" as you say, he's already cheating. He's been indicating something is missing from the relationship by stating he's lonely... and now he's got this secret female friend. Dump him and run! I wish women would stop taking this kind of abuse and making excuses for it.

[justwhoiam]

My question is, if nothing is really changing between us, should I push the matter?

 

Maybe it's not a healthy thing.

 

You know what the problem is here? It's that it's not one of many things, it's the thing. It's his thing. And that is not good. THAT is your problem.

[coolheadal]

This always happen's in LDR well at least you know about it now then later on. But you shouldn't tolerate this and move on to someone who's really into 100%. This guy playing around behind your back. Really can't stop him he can do whatever he wants on his neck of the woods. You found out now leave or stick by his player games? Option is to leave before you get sucked into more stress by him.

[AlmostFamous]

If is a secret that all they do is talk online,it is just a matter of time before it becomes more of a secret because more will take place between them. You should nip it in the bud now before it becomes unmanageable. If he is lonely and needs a "friend" just online,be online for him. He is who you are with so be with him online as well instead of her.