iminsane Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) I was engaged for 2 years and we broke up after many tough fights.. we lived together etc and he treated me like **** when we broke up. EVEN did COD when getting my belongings. it was bad. I got on my feet and started over. got my career back. 2.4 months later he came calling and begging me back. I didn't really date.. i was heartbroken. I found out that on facebook he was telling a woman (15 years younger than him) that he loved her.. and even said he wanted to "spank her" after seeing one his posts.... he said that he stopped commicating w her because she was proclaiming love for him and he only told her he "loved her as a person". he has blocked her now..... but i do not know WHAT TO BELIEVE? I am insane...possibly? Is he lying his ass off to me? He said that he never meant it sexually. (whatever). he said that he just was just teasing her..... i went back to our house and tried to spend the weekend and he told me that he never had another woman... not even kissed anyone. I found tampons in his bathroom. He said they were mine. they were NOT. Not my brand... he said maybe the housekeeper did it... and i also found condoms in his drawer... He maintains he never touched another woman..... and i am trying to let go and move on.... Could you do that? Could you move on? I am dying inside.... Edited February 7, 2017 by iminsane Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 The guy is lying to you. Do you want that? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronnys93 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Run. Don't look back! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) Is this a serious question... This guy is bad news. You have to know that, right? Do you want to be in an unhealthy relationship - always fighting and wondering if he is being faithful and truthful with you? In your own words, he treated you like ****. Why would you ever want to go back for more? To answer your question, NO - not in a million years would I EVER date a man that treated me so badly. Edited February 7, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 He's quite obviously full of crap. No, I wouldn't bother giving this another chance. You will get hurt again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Looks like she left him Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 No, no, no big NO! This guy is a player not for you and can't never trust or respect a word he says. Don't let him fool you into thinking he'll change. He's a cheater and he doesn't care or respect you enough. He'll be like this for the rest of his life. You on the other hand need to have NC = no contact and also do not ever even think about going back with him. If you tolerate his behavior this long you might thing the other women will vacate but in the end he'll keep on connecting with other women and leave you on the side-line. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Is this a serious question... This guy is bad news. You have to know that, right? Do you want to be in an unhealthy relationship - always fighting and wondering if he is being faithful and truthful with you? In your own words, he treated you like ****. Why would you ever want to go back for more? To answer your question, NO - not in a million years would I EVER date a man that treated me so badly. THIS a 1000%! Link to post Share on other sites
Author iminsane Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 The problem is ...i end up believing much of what he says. I think he does love me and I think he is avoiding telling me what he REALLY Did when we broke up... because he thinks I won't stay. I dated some... but I just avoided talking about it. He keeps asking who I slept with etc.. and I just avoid all topics about when we were broke up. The problem is he LIED to me and repeatedly lies to me about it. I understand his rationale... but it's pretty darn hard to say that his housekeeper left tampons in the drawer... after first telling me they were MINE. They were NOT even my brand! The other issue is he is living way above his means and he has a lot of great opportunities coming his way professionally, but they have not come to fruition and he is acting irresponsibly. When he left me with nothing HE said he had nothing .. I started working hard and I did not buy much other than essentials. When I went back -- I saw he spent thousands of dollars. He bought a bunch of new clothes.. a bracelet for himself... and pictures show he was partying HARD.. and in clubs every weekend. He also told me he flew somewhere for work -- but he lied. He actually only flew to NYC to visit his sister and party it up... there. I guess my problem is I still love him and want to give it hope. I know it probably sounds completely crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iminsane Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 He is begging me hard today... but also telling me that he is really worried because his family is very much against us being together. He has 2 teenage kids who live with their mother and he says they "hate me" too because they think that we will have more problems. He says he loves me more than anything...but we have "big mountains to climb" But if i reply with ....yes, it sounds like that is true... he will say "so are you saying we are done?" and he will panic... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I guess my problem is I still love him and want to give it hope. I know it probably sounds completely crazy. You love drama. You've been conditioned to be treated badly. Don't confuse love for co-dependence and your addiction to an unhealthy relationship. Someone needs to give you a good shake. It's pretty clear that he's toxic. Seems that you are too since you can't see through the fog and are clinging to a man that treats you badly. Don't you believe you deserve better? Is this the best you think you can do? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 He is begging me hard today... Of course he is begging you hard. He knows you're gullible and he's looking for a replacement. He's hoping he'll break you down and you'll blindly go back. Yes, someone who loves you more than anything = someone who treats you badly. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Could you do that? Could you move on? I am dying inside.... Yes, I could move on & so can you. First step, unfriend him on ALL social media. You have to fully cut ties. The fact that you have clue about what he might have been doing with other women is not letting go, it's not healing, it's pick at the wound & keeping it fresh. When you stop doing that you will start to feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 The old "housekeeper's tampons are in the trash" story, hunh? Well, I'll give him credit, he's a shameless liar. I wonder, given the fact that you two were already broken up, why he would think that he has to make excuses and lie to you? Was he supposed to be faithful to you, even after you were no longer engaged, no longer together? Is this something he's making up in his head, or is this a condition you've put on getting back together? That if he was with someone else, forget it? Because if it's a condition, you already know the answer, I hope. But if you can understand that this might have happened, I'd be more than a little wary because he's so willing to lie when there's no reason for it. Either way, I see him as a bad choice for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iminsane Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 It was not a condition of us getting back together...but i think it was for him. He was all over me ...asking me a million queistons about who i might have been with etc. I told him that I went on one date and talked to a couple guys...but never went further than that. I was truly heartbroken. He said that he went on one date... and talked to MANY women...but never even kissed anyone. He is lying I believe becuase he thinks I will run... I suppose. I never said I would... but when I found the tampons -- he said that I was "clearly looking for problems" and the ONLY reason I am trying to make up stories that are not true (denying it was anything more than the HOUSEKEEPER) ... is because I must feel guilty about something I HAVE DONE> He said I am acting very suspicious becuase I want to find something on him (which he says I can't).. to justify that fact that I was sleeping with random people. Which i did not! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 You really do love the drama. But here's a look to the future with this man before you make your decision... fighting, accusations and/or unfaithfulness, conflict with his family and his kids, sleepless nights, lots of tears... If that what you in your life, then get back together with this guy. There is nothing stopping you. That's the beautiful thing about this life, it just continues to present you with opportunities to make the same mistakes until you learn... Link to post Share on other sites
Author iminsane Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 He swears that he is faithful to me.. and my gut tells me that he will be when he is WITH me... but he cut out on me so fast. I had ended it several times over the years and he begged and pleaded and did not move one with another woman. This time -- he was gone -- and partying.. and obviously with a woman. It was a large tampon BOX in his bathroom... that means someone was there for more than just a one night stand. It makes me so crazy because I want to find out the real truth -- but i also realzie i probably can't handle the truth... He most likely had a woman staying there -- and we were broken up.. so i guess i shouldn't care about that. But why lie? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 He swears that he is faithful to me.. and my gut tells me that he will be when he is WITH me... but he cut out on me so fast. I had ended it several times over the years and he begged and pleaded and did not move one with another woman. This time -- he was gone -- and partying.. and obviously with a woman. It was a large tampon BOX in his bathroom... that means someone was there for more than just a one night stand. It makes me so crazy because I want to find out the real truth -- but i also realzie i probably can't handle the truth... He most likely had a woman staying there -- and we were broken up.. so i guess i shouldn't care about that. But why lie? He is allowed to be with any woman he wants to be with after ending with you. He's likely lying because he's afraid you'll decide not to be with him and he's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. But all this is irrelevant. What you need to focus on is the fact that he is unhealthy and this is not a relationship you should be in. "Love" is not enough to sustain. Read your first few lines in your opening post. If you want to go back to him, prepare for those same patterns. More break-ups and more tears. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 He swears that he is faithful to me.. and my gut tells me that he will be when he is WITH me... but he cut out on me so fast. I had ended it several times over the years and he begged and pleaded and did not move one with another woman. This time -- he was gone -- and partying.. and obviously with a woman. It was a large tampon BOX in his bathroom... that means someone was there for more than just a one night stand. It makes me so crazy because I want to find out the real truth -- but i also realzie i probably can't handle the truth... He most likely had a woman staying there -- and we were broken up.. so i guess i shouldn't care about that. But why lie? You know the truth. You really do. He doesn't have to say anything. Your gut is usually right and everyone on here sees the same thing. You already broke up a number of times meaning that you are not able to have a healthy relationship with him. Go back again and expect the same things to happen and rinse and repeat until you get so worn out and tired of it that something finally clicks in your head. If I saw any hope I would give it to you. Things can work out between two people, I just don't see it here. Not even close. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iminsane Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 I drove 2.5 hours to have dinner with him tonight and stay the night with him....and I even booked (payed) for his hotel for a weeeknd trip this weekend... he just spent 30 minutes yelling at me that our flight seats aren't next to each other and that i need to do a better job of planning... And he had me pay for our dinner tonight...says he is broke. Link to post Share on other sites
benpom Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I drove 2.5 hours to have dinner with him tonight and stay the night with him....and I even booked (payed) for his hotel for a weeeknd trip this weekend... he just spent 30 minutes yelling at me that our flight seats aren't next to each other and that i need to do a better job of planning... And he had me pay for our dinner tonight...says he is broke. I feel so sorry you are being treated so badly by him. He sounds like a irresponsible person. I don't think he is capable of loving anyone. He loves the convenience and money you can bring to his life, but he loves no one except himself. Take some time to get in touch with your feelings and who you are. He is immature and irresponsible. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I drove 2.5 hours to have dinner with him tonight and stay the night with him....and I even booked (payed) for his hotel for a weeeknd trip this weekend... he just spent 30 minutes yelling at me that our flight seats aren't next to each other and that i need to do a better job of planning... And he had me pay for our dinner tonight...says he is broke. People will treat you badly when you comply to being a doormat. You seem to be bending over backwards to appease him. You can't point the finger at him anymore because he's just being who he is. You on the other hand have a choice and whatever is happening to you at this moment is completely self-inflicted. Staying in a situation like this will continue to break you. It's never going to lift you up. The fear of being alone is so incredibly frightening to you that you'll tolerate deplorable behavior just to have a man in your life. Unfortunately, as most of us have said on your thread, prepare for more heartbreak. The choice is yours. He's not changing. It's time you do. Link to post Share on other sites
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