wonder and wander Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Hello. A married woman (35 years) and myself (single) started an affair 3 months ago. She loves her husband and doesn't want to leave, and I'm o.k. with that. Actually I don't think we are compatible, but the sex is amazing and that is my main interest. They will be leaving the country in 5 months. She has not had sex in 3 years, so much passion between us. She has recently had a change of heart and does not want to be physical with me, but wants to remain friends. My question is this....what is the best way for me to have sex with her again? Say no to the friendship and disappear and have her miss me (as she said she will), or be the nice guy friend and see if she may weaken and let one thing lead to another? She has always had a hard time with the affair (guilt) and at the same time loves it when the fireworks are going off between us. She said she will miss me if I don't want to remain friends. Thanks for your feedback. I would love to hear a woman's point of view on the reality of her changing her mind to have sex again. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 You need to move on. This woman is married and she has told you that she doesn't want to have a sexual relationship with you anymore. Respect that! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonder and wander Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 I hear you, though she has "left" me before and then has a change of heart, contacting me and missing me. I guess that is what I am hoping for and am wondering if the change of heart has a better chance if I disappear, vs. if I be the friend which she seems to like, and says fallen in love with. My pride says leave with no friendship, my lust says do whatever it takes to connect for a few more months before she leaves. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Leave her alone and don't pressure her. She is making it clear that she feels guilty and wants to end the A. Friendship is NOT going to work, believe me and hundreds of others on LS. Do the decent thing and walk away. Stop trying to manipulate her for your own benefit. Poppy. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonder and wander Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 Hi Poppy, thanks. Why do the friendships not work? We actually went to a concert last week as friends only. Yes I wanted more, but did not initiate anything. I suppose deep down, my only rationale of staying friends is if she wants more sex. All along, everything has been her call. Link to post Share on other sites
Sampson Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 My question is this....what is the best way for me to have sex with her again? Say no to the friendship and disappear and have her miss me (as she said she will), or be the nice guy friend and see if she may weaken and let one thing lead to another? She has always had a hard time with the affair (guilt) and at the same time loves it when the fireworks are going off between us. She said she will miss me if I don't want to remain friends. Thanks for your feedback. I would love to hear a woman's point of view on the reality of her changing her mind to have sex again. She is married, what does this whole question you pose say about YOU as a person. What selfish behavior do you describe here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonder and wander Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 I agree...we are both selfish...getting something we are missing in our lives. My question was not one of ethics or morals...it is a question simply asking what is the best way to continue having sex with her until she moves out of the country....stay friends or NC...just from real world experiences you all have. I'm hoping this forum is less judgmental. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 It's not so much about judgement, ethics, or morals. It's about respect. She has asked you to leave her alone and you are not respecting her wishes. You are focused on continuing a sexual relationship with a woman who does not want you anymore. Dude, hear that. Find another woman for sex - this one has told you No. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sampson Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I was not trying to be judgmental just trying to inject some questions you may want to ask yourself that may lead you in a healthier direction in life. ...getting something we are missing in our lives. She used you, just as you used her. Now she is done. Not sure someone who is married and also cheating on their spouse is missing any sex, but I am sure it sounded like a great justification at the time. Do you sleep in the marital bed with them to be absolutely sure of this statement? Read here, many stories just like yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonder and wander Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 Hi Sampson, no worries...even though she's married she has not had sex in 3 years. Age difference and just no intimacy. Anyway, she still wants to be in my life but as friends...at least that is what she says. She has said that in the past and has ended up back in my arms a few times now. I guess that is what I am struggling with. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Dude she checked out Move on ! Your best chance is to go no contact ! Go away! That's your best bet Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonder and wander Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 Thanks Purepony...you are the only one that actually answered my question. NC for me! Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I agree..the best way is to have absolutely no contact with her...block her #, ignore her, etc. Then if she never comes back you'll know it wasn't meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Sampson Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Awesome! But I just wanted to make one last small point and be gone. Every time NC is broken even the slightest resets everyone to square one and just prolongs the pain and wastes precious time in your life. she has not had sex in 3 years. Age difference and just no intimacy. Again, she has shown that she can lie to her husband (yes having an affair is actively lying) what makes you the special snowflake that she wouldn't lie about not having sex or intimacy issues. There are thousands of posts here most have that same hook line I am paraphrasing here "My married partner doesn't have sex with me, you have saved me by servicing my body." All the while keeping up the facade of marriage by having and showing intimacy. Sure it might not be as much but remember she is diverting her attention and sexual effort to you her side piece and obviously you have run your course and now she wants to go. Let her. Learn, become better person and find your single honest loving woman to spend your energy on not wasting your young life on unavailable women. Nothing but the best wishes for you in your future. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 (edited) Hello. A married woman (35 years) and myself (single) started an affair 3 months ago. She loves her husband and doesn't want to leave, and I'm o.k. with that. Actually I don't think we are compatible, but the sex is amazing and that is my main interest. They will be leaving the country in 5 months. She has not had sex in 3 years, so much passion between us. She has recently had a change of heart and does not want to be physical with me, but wants to remain friends. My question is this....what is the best way for me to have sex with her again? Say no to the friendship and disappear and have her miss me (as she said she will), or be the nice guy friend and see if she may weaken and let one thing lead to another? She has always had a hard time with the affair (guilt) and at the same time loves it when the fireworks are going off between us. She said she will miss me if I don't want to remain friends. Thanks for your feedback. I would love to hear a woman's point of view on the reality of her changing her mind to have sex again. :sick: Oh, and let me mirror this back at you...how do I get my xMM to not act like a d-bag? Yeah, try that on. SMH. Edited February 8, 2017 by HadMeOverABarrel Link to post Share on other sites
Author wonder and wander Posted February 8, 2017 Author Share Posted February 8, 2017 what is SMH? sorry...new here and din't see it on the acronyms. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 smh = shaking my head Link to post Share on other sites
RegretfulOM Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 How do you get her back? The answer is you don't. I've had multiple affairs and the reality of it is they are fun for a while but eventually one person wants out and its a wrap. I've found that a lot of times the "I feel guilty" line simply means they have found someone else, or they are just tired of stepping out and want to return their focus to their family. You'd be surprised how many women have a very business like approach to this. Not everybody gets caught up. For many it has a shelf life. Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 She want to reconcile, leave her alone. You are asking what game to play so that she can have sex with you again... thats inconsiderate. Yes its not a legit relationship in the first place but it doesnt have to be callous. If you remain friends there is a posibility that you will end up sleeping. But doesnt it feel wrong?.. to have a hidden agenda all the while? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Hello. A married woman (35 years) and myself (single) started an affair 3 months ago. She loves her husband and doesn't want to leave, and I'm o.k. with that. Has she been married for 35 years or is she 35 years old? If it's the first she most definitely is not going to leave her husband for you. If it is the latter why is she still with a man she doesn't have sex with? Are there children involved? Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 You're single....I don't get it. Why can't you get laid by a single girl? Why do you insist on being with a married woman who is clearly damaged and damaging her further? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
What_Did_I_Do Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Surely there are websites out there that cater to NSA sex options for SINGLE people? Leave this married woman alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 Hate to give you any tips because you REALLY should just move on. She's disrespecting her husband by having an affair and then continuing that by "wanting to be friends with you." Do you really want to be friend-zoned, BTW? But if you lay a firm boundary and say you aren't interested in friendship with her and say goodbye, she will probably eventually come knocking at your door again...for sex. Be warned though. It would likely be only temporary and you are right back where you started...with a mess on your hands and no sex. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 also have you ever considered what her husband could do to you if he found out? find a single woman Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 I've had many fwb and eventually they want a relationship Here's how those situations typically go They want a relationship because someone gets attached I don't because I just want fwb They break it off I thank them andvwish them luck and hang up A few days later sometimes even hours I'll get a text asking if I'm home.. I'll reply no im out and about having a blast, they get upset and find a way to come over and mess around again but then after that usually around a few weeks later everyone gets bored Don't block her just go no contact and look cool and happy if possible flirt with people in the group and if she gets jealous or wants something she'll text you Link to post Share on other sites
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