Author Brittybritt92 Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 I guessed it was something like this... you have a toxic relationship with your sister. So when you get someone new she'll want that too? Actually she made my last boyfriend incredibly uncomfortable by judging him and telling my family he shouldn't be invited over for holidays, parties, etc. because he was 'rude'. It was a huge part of my fights with my last bf and I had to end things with him. I went to a paint and wine night with a friend and she assumed it was a date, and called me a slut to my face and on the phone with a friend in the other room so I could hear it... The problem isn't with my ex, it's my sister. Sometimes I think she might be bipolar or have some sort of mental issue. She's also a medical nurse... scary Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 You have strong circumstantial evidence. Your sister says they are not friends anymore on Facebook. You checked and it seemed good but you had a friend check from their account and they were. In other words she is specifically blocking you from seeing that she and him are friends. It doesn't mean she is cheating, but more times than not what do you think it is? This is an awful thing to do to a family. Someday you and your sister will have children and you will be the BLOOD aunts of those kids. Your children will be first cousins. Don't let a former loser ex get in the way of that sort of thing, and this is something your sister should know. It is your sister, and your ex, and yes it does matter if they date and no you are not obsessed with him if you don't want him with your sister. That is your past and you don't want your future kids to call a bad part of your past "Uncle". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittybritt92 Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 Thank you for saying exactly how I've felt. I would never even begin to think I'm 'obsessed'. If I was always upset over anyone my ex dated, that would be a crazy obsession. The issue here and the hurt here comes from my SISTER, who has gone out of her way to create a lot of this. And my ex, who is notorious for being a chronic cheater, and overall scumbag. My sister has a lot of problems with feeling good enough, so I chalk all this up to that. I don't think I'll have to ever call my ex my brother in law... but even if she has been emotionally/romantically talking to him... it would be enough to realize she doesn't love or care about me--and feels she has something to prove. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 2 family members? he's a player - with no standards I can see into the distance (am old) he will hurt more women than you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittybritt92 Posted February 9, 2017 Author Share Posted February 9, 2017 He's a chronic cheater. Throughout our relationship girls would send him nasty messages, apparently one of them keyed his car, and another actually burned his childhood teddy bear and posted it on YouTube. His mom told me "well my son is just very good looking and girls don't like it when he's not interested"... hardly. Women don't like to get into relationships with cheating men that will disappear instead of acting like an adult. I chose not to take the low road, I let him send me a breakup email and (although it took some time) I healed. He'll try to send me angry messages to get my attention... but now this? I'm not mad at my ex, every time he does something lower than before, I let it go and laugh it off. When MY SISTER jumps in though, I feel like I have egg on my face. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 It's really laughable that you call this a 'hissy fit over anyone my ex dates'... I have more than one ex, and their dating lives mean nothing to me. If you don't live under a rock, dating your family's ex is a no no. I'm definitely not advocating for your sister. I agree that it's not the right thing for her to be doing. But the point is that you don't have any good options if she's determined to hook up with him behind your back. You could raise a stink but it wouldn't give you a good outcome. I don't have the answer. I'm sorry, I know it's genuinely upsetting and I agree that she's in the wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 You absolutely have a right to feel that way. If your sister has taken up with your ex, she is really betraying you. Plus she's stupid because she knows he wasn't great. And now they're probably talking about you, which is a big betrayal on her part. If it were me, I'd start going out a lot and looking like I was having the time of my life. And I'd do it not only to make myself look like the total winner of the situation but also because having fun is the best way to get through hard times. If she's done this, or even talking to him really, she has crossed the line. But trouble is you lose if you raise heck about it because then he thinks you're jealous, which is no doubt what he was hoping, to get under your skin. So the only way to win here is to act like you don't care, but not confide anything to her anymore, and then start living an enviable life and not be seen stewing about this. It's a bad situation with no great solution, but living well and keeping up appearances like that is best all around. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittybritt92 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 You absolutely have a right to feel that way. If your sister has taken up with your ex, she is really betraying you. Plus she's stupid because she knows he wasn't great. And now they're probably talking about you, which is a big betrayal on her part. If it were me, I'd start going out a lot and looking like I was having the time of my life. And I'd do it not only to make myself look like the total winner of the situation but also because having fun is the best way to get through hard times. If she's done this, or even talking to him really, she has crossed the line. But trouble is you lose if you raise heck about it because then he thinks you're jealous, which is no doubt what he was hoping, to get under your skin. So the only way to win here is to act like you don't care, but not confide anything to her anymore, and then start living an enviable life and not be seen stewing about this. It's a bad situation with no great solution, but living well and keeping up appearances like that is best all around. Good luck. I agree with this, thank you. The other night I caught her taking videos of me on her phone and what looked like sending them to someone via text... it's incredibly toxic. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Every time you stress and stand there doing nothing while she continues with this, you are letting her win. Stop being a damn doormat, letting her wipe her feet on you. Confront her, stand you ground, and then cut her off. She doesn't deserve to be in the same room as you....and let her know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittybritt92 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 Every time you stress and stand there doing nothing while she continues with this, you are letting her win. Stop being a damn doormat, letting her wipe her feet on you. Confront her, stand you ground, and then cut her off. She doesn't deserve to be in the same room as you....and let her know that. As much as I agree with you, there's nothing I can do about it. I confronted her, to the point of exhaustion, and her and I never speak to each other.. she doesn't care. She doesn't care about having a relationship with me, this stems from years of her trying to one up me. I believe she may have a mental disorder in all seriousness, perhaps even a psychopath. You don't know what's happening, so don't jump to an idea that I'm acting like a doormat. The problem is, she doesn't care. She craves the anger from me, she wants the hatred and jealousy. I agree with one of the previous posters, I need to just enjoy my life and keep her away from me. That's the only way I will win, and she'll get exhausted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Your sister might be a psychopath. Move out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brittybritt92 Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 Your sister might be a psychopath. Move out. My father just passed away which is why we're all in the same house now, to try and sell it. By summer we will all be going our seperate ways (yay) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I'm sorry for your loss. I hope it sells quickly and until then, as you said, keep as much distance as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I agree with this, thank you. The other night I caught her taking videos of me on her phone and what looked like sending them to someone via text... it's incredibly toxic. Well, she is really asking for it. Now you'll have to often look like you're dressed up to go out on a date. But for sure, you should always have a smile on your face so she can't use them and say how mad you are. Once he's not getting anything out of this, no satisfaction of making you miserable and she realizes that's what he wants, then he'll be out of her life too, with any luck. Don't bring guys home. If your parents ask why, tell them. But go out a lot and don't share anything with her about what you're doing. But be seen dressing up and going out. And block her from your social media, him too. And get off both of theirs. I'm sorry. I know this is a bad situation. But don't feed into it by being miserable about it because she enjoys that and so does he. So the quicker they are convinced you don't give a rat's rear end, the faster they'll move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 If he's as ****ty as you say he is and you have no feelings towards him and your sister is as jealous, manipulative, and judgmental as you claim then why not let them have each other? Why even care? Hell I don't even talk to my sister and I blocked her on facebook for good measure. Let her do her and let you do you. And just try to keep your lives as separate as possible. Maybe it's harder for some people but I've never had a problem keeping people out of my business and love life when I want to. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 As much as I agree with you, there's nothing I can do about it. I confronted her, to the point of exhaustion, and her and I never speak to each other.. she doesn't care. She doesn't care about having a relationship with me, this stems from years of her trying to one up me. I believe she may have a mental disorder in all seriousness, perhaps even a psychopath. You don't know what's happening, so don't jump to an idea that I'm acting like a doormat. The problem is, she doesn't care. She craves the anger from me, she wants the hatred and jealousy. I agree with one of the previous posters, I need to just enjoy my life and keep her away from me. That's the only way I will win, and she'll get exhausted. I was raised by a mother that suffered from mental illness so I know what it's like. It was abusive, confusing, and frustrating. Back then no one knew what depression or bi-polar was. What I have learned is you have to cut them out of your life. It might take years before you will able have a somewhat normal relationship with her. My mom didn't get a grip on her illness until I was in my mid 30's. She still has spells, and she will go back into that blaming, manipulation behavior. When that happens I let her have it, stomp it out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I was raised by a mother that suffered from mental illness so I know what it's like. It was abusive, confusing, and frustrating. Back then no one knew what depression or bi-polar was. What I have learned is you have to cut them out of your life. It might take years before you will able have a somewhat normal relationship with her. My mom didn't get a grip on her illness until I was in my mid 30's. She still has spells, and she will go back into that blaming, manipulation behavior. When that happens I let her have it, stomp it out. Not to threadjack but same **** with my sister... Especially the blameshifting and manipulation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Your sister may be mentally ill, but even then, people can have ethics, unless they're narcissistic. I have a friend who is diagnosed narcissistic. She has to win everyone and be the center of attention, even if it means trying it with her friends' dates. But I have had a bipolar friend who would never have done what your sister did. The person who did it to me wasn't mentally ill at all. She was just jealous and covetous, which I didn't realize until it was too late. I had come home one day and she was trying on my shoes and clothes, but I'd known her too long for that to send up a red flag. Later, after I kicked her out, I discovered one of my vintage suits went missing. When I had finally confronted her to talk about it and kick her out, she admitted she was envious of me. She was literally trying to wear my shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
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