Sunflower1 Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 This is my first entry here. I hope not to feel judged as I'm desperate for some type of guidance or advice. My ex and I split about 3 years ago after a 7 year relationship. The reason being was it was always his way or no way. He was never physically abusive, more mentally. I started a job where I met another man who seemed just like everything I had been looking for. He was what finally pushed me to leave my abusive relationship. He guided me with advice and care and I finally did it. I became more and more attracted to him as time went on not only because of physic attraction but he listened. He helped. He never pushed me away. So we got involved. This made my ex want to fulfill his dream of joining the army. So he did. We also have 1 child together. So me and this new guy continue on with our life together and we find out we're having twins. Not expected lol. Well, the ex and my current do not talk. They never have. It's been 3 years because my ex is just completley pissed off that I left. The last few months where he's away at training, he's done nothing but try to prove to me he's changed. He offers advice about my current guy, never to benefit himself, he sends money to help with our child. He takes a genuine interest in my twins. He texts me every morning and night to start and end my day. He seems like the military has really changed him. My current is aware of all of this. He reads texts, I don't delete anything, he never gets mad or jealous just asks that I tell him everything. Well, now because of seeing all these changes, I've been left wondering for a few weeks now... has he really changed? Could it ever work again? What would I do? What would I say? It's made me realize me and the current never had anything in common interest unlike me and the ex and it's made me miss him terribly. The current is also aware of this. He's torn obviously. I guess what I think about the most is what other people think. It's an awful trait I feel like. I think, "what will people think of me if we have a kid together and I have twins by someone else and now I go back to my ex?" He's completley willing to take them on as well as he's made that known. But then I'm also stuck feeling awful because I don't want to hurt my current by going so far away but to be with the ex I would have to. Can someone just tell me they've been in this situation before? How it turned out? What you think I should do? I just don't know and it's making home life very very difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 8, 2017 Share Posted February 8, 2017 There's a reason it didn't work the first time around and it's likely that it won't work the second time around. Being away might make it seem like he's changed, but who knows...he's probably lonely. It doesn't mean when he gets back he will have miraculously changed in person (texts are much easier). As for your current guy, did you only start feeling like you had nothing in common after the Ex started acting this way? If so ...red flag....There's a thing called 'rewriting history'....it's when you find flaws that werent there before to justify how you're feeling towards the other guy. If you don't want to be in your relationship with the current guy, then you need to figure that out...but you shouldn't end it FOR someone else....you should end it because it's the right thing for YOU. and you called your prior relationship "abusive"...I would say no to going back to anything labeled abusive at any point in time. people will think what they'll think..who cares Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts